Earlier this afternoon, a press conference was held by Dixie Carter, Hulk Hogan, and Eric Bichoff, stating that they had recently come to terms with one of the "most talked about celebrities in the world today."
Local news media and assorted national press were on hand as Hogan revealed to the world that Total Nonstop Action had in fact signed Charlie Sheen to a long term deal. Hogan confessed to the media that Sheen's recent behavior was......[CONTINUE READING]
Because the present is starting to feel like ancient history, we're giving you a sneak peek into the future. Let's find out what the wrestling world will look like 10 years from now in March of 2021...
March 2: Eric Bischoff introduces his 23rd new wrestling promotion. The Three Ring Circus, or 3RC, is the first promotion to feature 3 full-size wrestling rings in every match. The squared circles are suspended thirty feet in the air and connected by tightropes... [CONTINUE READING]
The night after WWE's Royal Rumble PPV, Kofi Kingston was unable to sleep. There was something bugging him. “I just couldn't get that image out of my head,†he told The Potato in an exclusive interview. “He was standing right there, up near the WrestleMania sign!â€
Reviewing the Royal Rumble footage, Kofi does at one point seem to be entranced by something up near the WrestleMania sign: a sign that shines boldly wherever WWE take their live shows. Kofi stares up to the roof meaningfully, and then points in the sign's general direction.
“I was pointing right at him! It was Sting! Sting was up in those rafters, near the Mania sign!â€...... [CONTINUE READING]
Upon learning that former WWE Cryme Tyme member Shad “Who is JTG?†Gaspard was arrested recently, other former WWE members have decided to follow suit in order to get their names back into headlines.
Former WWE talent Nick “Eugene†Dinsmore recently posted on his Facebook page (Yes, everyone is on Facebook) that he would be training for the next Special Olympics. The post is as follows:[CONTINUE READING]
Fans wait for it, fans crave it, and fans are promised it very often - the most amazing thing to hit wresting in the current year. Sometimes, especially when a year is particularly mediocre, the best thing in wrestling is merely acceptable, while other years, it is nothing short of fantastic. Although we can't really guarantee that pro wrestling this year is going to be consistently wonderful, we at the Potato can tell you with absolute assurance that the most incredible thing to happen in wrestling has indeed occurred.
Although this is the most incredible thing to happen in wrestling this year, some fans have reacted negatively to the news... [CONTINUE READING]
In what can only be called an absolutely brilliant move on the part of WWE Chairman, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, all 3,311 fans of TNA Wrestling have pre-ordered the WrestleMania XXVII pay per view.
Mr. McMahon gloated as he discussed how his plan had played out. “Well, clearly, the first step was to take all of the focus off the championships at WrestleMania. We did not want people to pay any attention at all to the fact that the titles were even on the lines, particularly the one on the Raw show.†Mr. McMahon winked. “See, I won’t even call it by its name. That would be focusing on it. I want people to forget it’s even there. Hell, I.......[CONTINUE READING]
Insider rumblings from TNA reveal that the wrestling promotion is soon to reveal a new title belt, which will be pushed heavily on TNA programming. The title, to be dubbed the “I Built This Company†Title, is expected to become the premier accolade in the promotion, eclipsing both the TNA Heavyweight and X-Division titles.
The key difference with this title is that it will not be defended in traditional wrestling matches. According to sources close to Dixie Carter, this new belt will be awarded to whichever on-air character best makes their case for being the man who “built TNAâ€. This fresh take on title competition is expected to provide a strong boost to TNA's largely static television ratings...[CONTINUE READING]
Stamford, CT – WWE officials were surprised to learn late Tuesday night that their planned Wrestlemania match between Undertaker and Triple H had been called off. It was not nagging injuries plaguing both men that cancelled the match, but instead it was Undertaker calling WWE Headquarters and informing them that he no longer had a problem with Triple H. According to the Undertaker, the two said they could not wait until the Pay Per View, and decided to settle their feud over Xbox Live... [CONTINUE READING]
As the war of words continues between The Rock and John Cena, secret sources from inside WWE have leaked the script of John Cena’s next Raw promo. Mr. Cena has been the subject of criticism as of late due to what some perceive as an “anti-gay†slant to his recent promos. But this leaked script indicates that Mr. Cena is planning to not only continue on the same course, but up the ante. A full transcript follows... [CONTINUE READING]
On the heels of a Monday Night Raw promo in which he buried the rest of the roster, The Game upped the ante even further in an exclusive interview earlier today. Reached by sonar in the deep shadows beneath his own grotesque forehead, Triple H revealed that his match against the Undertaker at Wrestlemania 27 has been changed to a sixty-minute Iron Man stipulation, and that the Undertaker will not be participating. "It's for the best," Helmsley said, blowing out a big cloud of spittle and Aquafina.
"I had thought 'Taker might be the one person who could provide a tolerable showcase for my excellence, but upon further review, he's really not worth my time either," Triple H said. "Nobody in the WWE locker room is any good at all. If you see them on TV, change the channel"...[CONTINUE READING]
Shockwaves were felt throughout the wrestling biz today when a joint ruling handed down by US and overseas media regulators found Randy Orton's blazing, intense use of eye contact to be "so provocative and intimidating" that it is unsuitable for children under 13.
Fans of the third-generation superstar are used to feeling the hair stand up on the backs of their necks when the camera cuts to the blistering, psychotic gaze of the Viper, but in the words of Pyush Butonn, India's Network Practices Deputy Minister, "there are many sensitive children who watch this programming. That Randy man is excessively wild in his visual glances"...[CONTINUE READING]
Although Jeff Hardy's past drug use has been heavily documented to the point wher he's has pending criminal charges pendingt because of it, the addiction has never quite been a source of humor. The likes of Rob Van Dam, Sabu, and Brian Kendrick have had their drug use ridiculed, laughed at, and spit upon, but somehow, The Charismatic Enigma has simply been called foolish and at times, pitied. While one would hope that Hardy has learned his lesson, this is not entirely the case.
After hearing interviews with a certain actor that used to work for the man that also produces The Big Bang Theory, Hardy decided that a drug that was mentioned was too awesome not to try. According to the man giving the interview, the drug would cause one's face to melt, along with some other very graphic side effects... [CONTINUE READING]
Even though the main draw of the new WWE All-Stars video game is the chance to pit wrestling legends against today's superstars, another ground-breaking innovation will make its debut when THQ releases the title this month.
Gamers are accustomed to downloading additional characters to play as in wrestling video games, but for the first time ever, they'll actually be able to get rid of characters too.
THQ announced today that due to overwhelming concerns with the quality of the WWE All-Stars roster, the game will introduce "unloadable" characters. Based on fan requests and corporate directives, certain wrestlers will be labeled as unloadable and can be removed permanently if so desired... [CONTINUE READING]
Hollywood, Calif. –Triple H was tricked by fellow WWE wrestlers into believing he won an Academy Award for best actor on Sunday night, thinking he had won for his performance in “The Chaperone.†This marks the second time in the past seven years he thought he had won an Oscar, after being informed he won a statue for his role in “Blade Trinity.â€
“I can’t believe he fell for it,†pro wrestler C.M. Punk said. “I mean, I didn’t even disguise my voice when I called him. I heard Regal pulled this one on him a few years ago, but I thought no way would he take the bait again"... [CONTINUE READING]
Apparently, The Shore was just the beginning. In an effort to follow up on the, um, "success" of their Jersey Shore tribute, TNA is now developing a new character based on the hit MTV series Teen Mom.
In the near future, TNA will introduce Tiffany, a high school junior who is eight months pregnant with a son (to be named Eric Jeffrey, as dictated in her Knockout contract). The move is shocking, but according to powerless figurehead Dixie Carter, Tiffany fits with the corporate mission of TNA... [CONTINUE READING]
The upper echelons of Connecticut society are buzzing at eccentric billionaire Vincent K. McMahon's constant companion, a towering, dreadlocked bodybuilder that McMahon seems determined to introduce into society everywhere he goes.
"We were at a exclusive golf luncheon last summer," one neighbor said, "and Vince showed up with this freakish, charisma-devoid behemoth whom he introduced as Tyler. Vince seemed really excited about the young man, and wouldn't stop trying to push him on everyone. He said something about Tyler being an extreme windsurfer... it didn't even make sense. We thought it was a one-time thing, but Vince has brought this unsavory and basically uninteresting gentleman with him to some new social function every few months or so. He can't seem to take the hint"... [CONTINUE READING]
In a show punctuated by three dozen re-airings of the pink-bandanna Madison Square Garden Press Conference, TNA's February 24th "Impact" broadcast concluded with living legend Hulk Hogan returning to air and debuting TNA's new, never-before-seen two-sided wrestling ring.
"It's showtime now! We're gonna skyrocket this business, brother!" Hogan assured an uneasy, confused, or simply numb Impact Zone crowd. "That weird four-sided ring is associated with bad memories and bad business, like that feud between the Motor City Machine Guns and Beer Money. That should'a been Nasty Boys vs. the Band, and everyone knows it!"... [CONTINUE READING]
Orlando, Fla. – Today was a day twelve years in the making, when Eric Bischoff and Vince Russo were finally informed that it is no longer the year 1999. Sources within TNA are saying the realization came late this afternoon during a creative meeting with management.
During the meeting, Russo reportedly pitched an idea for Eric Young to be paranoid over the Y2K bug he thought would be happening at the end of this year. Bischoff told him it was brilliant and gave him a high five. After mild laughter between others in the room, concern grew as they realized the two weren’t joking.
“He just looked so serious,†TNA announcer Taz said. “I mean, I always heard those two asking if they’d seen any new movies like 'The Sixth Sense' and 'Star Wars Episode 1,' but I didn’t realize they actually believed it was still the '90sâ€......[CONTINUE READING]
Sources are reporting that former World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger has lost a special non-televised "Buried Alive" match against Smackdown head booker Michael "P.S." Hayes, resulting in the young Oklahoman's horrifyingly deep, deep submersion.
Reached via ouija board in the depths of Gehenna, Jack Swagger remained optimistic. "So I lost. What else is new? Regardless, 2011 is the year of the Sthwagger," the former champ said. "I'm hearing there's big things planned for me... maybe a face turn like they did for Luke Gallows, maybe a comedy angle with JTG in a new WWE.com exclusive online show called 'America's Next Top Chavo.'"[CONTINUE READING]
Special thanks to Vince Russo, Vince McMahon, The Shockmaster, Dan Quayle, The Hardys, Poopy Jokes, and Big Egos and Blowhards Everywhere.
WANNA BE A POTATO CONTRIBUTOR?
Do your friends say you're funny? Or do you at least think you're funny? Can you write well? Do you know a lot about pro wrestling and follow it closely? You might have what it takes to become a contributor to PWPotato. Email us at pwpotato@gmail.com if interested (and include a writing sample). We welcome Reporters, Columnists, Top Ten List Writers, Cartoonists, and any other satire / parody formats.
DEFINITION: "POTATO"
(verb) In pro wrestling, to "potato" someone is to strike them for real, usually unintentionally, most often done by a green, careless, tired, or chemically impaired wrestler; sometimes done on purpose to settle a score or send a message (or because you're a bully.)
