KELLER'S WWE EXTREME RULES PPV BLOG
MAY 1, 2011
LIVE FROM TAMPA, FLA.

(This is a running commentary on the show with notes on the matches and finishes. For a more traditional detailed match report, check out James Caldwell's report on the Main Listing.)

-Good to hear Josh Mathews introducing the show and doing play-by-play instead of Michael Cole. Jerry Lawler and Booker T are with him on commentary. Lawler and Cole are both participating in a match later, so Cole's not missing because he's working a match later or else Lawler would be missing, too.

1 - RANDY ORTON vs. C.M. PUNK - Last Man Standing

Would this match be first - featuring the new Top Star of Smackdown, Orton - if there weren't reports of Punk perhaps leaving the WWE Family when his current deal expires? Mathews read a statement from the anonymous Raw G.M. - whose jurisdiction apparently applies here - banning the rest of Nexus from ringside.

Booker T Cliche Watch: "Let me tell you something right now.. Tonight is going to be about heart, about will, about intestinal fortitude. Which one of these men is willing to leave it all in the middle of that ring tonight." (I think that's, like, six cliches in one breath. Oh boy.)

Punk took control with a cane shot a few minutes in. Orton got it back and swung away at Punk.

Booker T Cliche Watch: "Payback is a motha!"

Punk came back with a GTS attempt. Orton slipped out and threw Punk into a chair wedged in the corner.

Booker T: "Did you see that?!"

Booker T Cliche Watch: "Tonight, Randy Orton is strictly business."

Booker T is obsessed with looking into the eyes of Orton, although I assume that's a Vince McMahon headset "suggestion."

Booker T Cliche Watch: "Randy Orton is simply taking out the trash."

Booker T Cliche Watch: "Turnabout is fair play. Anything goes."

The action spills to ringside where Orton snap powerslams Punk for a near ten count. When Punk stands, Orton decides the announce table is less. In WWE "anything goes" other than slamming your opponent on those monitors. It's the only rule in WWE everyone follows. Always remove the monitors before throwing your opponent on the table because while you want to hurt them, you don't want to hurt them too badly.

Punk avoids an RKO in the ring. Punk then KO's Orton with the RKO. We know it's not the finish because Lawler declared it over, and announcers never call actual finishes ahead of time.

Booker T: "C.M. Punk is laying it all on the line."

Orton stood. Punk set a chair in the ring. Orton surprised him with an RKO, though. Punk stood just before ten, then fell through the ropes to the floor. Orton charged him at ringside and clotheslined him into the bell ringer's area. Orton set up a DDT on Punk off the edge of the barrier, but Punk countered by shoving Orton into the ringpost back-first.

Booker T Cliche Watch: "C.M. Punk is showing me a whole lot tonight as far as getting right down into the middle of the trenches and getting the job done."

Booker has no idea, obviously, how horrible these cliches are - one after another. I'm not making this up. It's 80 percent of what he says. He's been better on Smackdown, but live here on PPV it's back to as bad as he was the first two weeks on Smackdown. You could replace Booker with a computer program with a bunch of cliches pre-programmed in and just hit the button with appropriate. Lawler used on cliche so far, but it was totally fitting and presented as an "old saying," so it worked ("Revenge is best served cold.")

Orton went for a Punt at ringside at 16:00, but Punk countered and dropped Orton over the ringside steps.

Booker T Cliche Watch: "You're talking about fast, you're talking about furious. That's what I'm talking about. This is Extreme Rules at its best."

After a top rope RKO, Orton got up at nine while Punk stayed down, so C-Rob raised Orton's arm.

Booker T Cliche Watch: "You gotta love it, man. Randy Orton making a statement here tonight. That wasn't a match, that was a war."

WINNER: Orton in 20:00. Good opener. (**3/4)

-A commercial aired hyping The Rock's birthday bash on Raw tomorrow night

-Lawler walked to the back to prepare for his match later, which will be a Country Whippin' Match.

-Matthews and Booker talked about Rey Mysterio, Kofi Kingston, Big Show, and Alberto Del Rio debuting on Raw tomorrow night. I can't wait to see what it's like having Del Rio on Raw. That will feel so strange the first time he walks out onto that Raw stage. Same for Big Show! Booker went back to praising Sheamus for attacking Kofi Kingston before their scheduled match on Smackdown, which was just ridiculous. It kills the heel heat to a have a babyface announcer praising a heel for his blindside attack.

-Teddy Long informed Sheamus that he must defend his U.S. Title against Kofi Kingston in a bonus match later. Tables! Sheamus demanded to see Kofi's birth certificate. This confirms it is racist to ask to see someone's birth certificate.

-They showed John Morrison warming up with Parkour backstage. I can't wait for someone to prepare for their matches with a Rolfing session backstage.

2 -- SHEAMUS vs. KOFI KINGSTON - U.S. Title Tables Match

-Booker said Kofi learned a valuable lesson last Friday - to watch his back. When Kofi walked out, he did look behind him as he walked out. Booker said Kofi should learn from Mark Henry that smiling won't help him get anywhere. He said he needs a mean streak.


-Booker T Cliche Watch: "Kofi better keep his eye on the prize."

-Booker T said Kofi came out all-business with a good attitude, no payin', no dancin', no jivin'. "I want to see Kofi Kingston do work for once in his life." That's pretty heavy. Mr. Spinarooni is lecturing Kofi on keeping his mind focused on the match and not trying to please the fans all the time.

-Booker T Cliche Watch: "Sheamus has all the tools."

-Booker T Cliche Watch: "That's what I'm talking about... The no-quit attitude. Never say die."

-Booker T Cliche Watch: "Adding insult to injury right there."

-Booker T Cliche Watch: "Kofi Kingston is in a bad way."

-Booker T Cliche Watch: "It could come back and bite him."

-Sheamus set a table in the corner, lifted Kofi, and went for a powerslam into the corner in the corner. Kofi flipped out first and threw Sheamus into the table. Sheamus avoided a Kofi dive in the corner. Sheamus then set up his Cross finisher. Kofi escaped and tried to superplex Sheamus through a table on the floor. Sheamus slipped free and knocked Kofi off the ring apron. Kofi flew over the table.

-This is a first. My PPV broadcast was interrupted by a Child Abduction Emergency. No complaints here. A nine year old girl is St. Paul is missing, last seen with a man they described in great detail. I hope they find her (and him!). The screen remained blacked out from the PPV for several minutes, though, which was excessive, long after the verbal description was read.

-I missed the finish, but Kofi won the U.S. Title.

-The whole storyline of Booker imploring Kofi to be more aggressive is just clunky. Booker's commentary is just forced. Kofi will do something totally innocuous, and in order to force feed something into this storyline, Booker will criticize it. It just feels made up and disconnected from what's actually happening. Wherever they end up going, the path to get there was just a disaster.

WINNER: Kingston in 9:00. Decent match, but Booker's commentary really detracted from it. (*3/4)

-Todd Grisham interviewed R-Truth who said he smelled a conspiracy against him. He said conspiracies are as bad as John Morrison's breath. He tried to spell conspiracy, but got tripped up after C-O-N, an homage to the "Homey the Clown" character on "In Living Color" who did the same thing (thanks VIP member "shawnmack"). He said if there's one thing he can't stand, it's a thief.

3 -- MICHAEL COLE & JACK SWAGGER vs. JIM ROSS & JERRY LAWLER - Country Whippin' Match

-Cole came out wearing bubble wrap around his body to protect himself from whipping.

-Booker T said the love handles on Cole are "ridiculous." What will he say about Jim Ross, then?

-Cole bragged about covering Waco and spending nine months in Yugoslavia. He said he has seen things that would cause fans to shake in their boots. He said he therefore is not scared of facing Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. He said when he and Swagger beat Ross and Lawler, they can stay right there in Florida because "like the rest of you, they're old, useless, incontinent retirees."

-Mathews noted that Ross broke his hand last week on Raw punching Cole in the face, thus his right hand is taped.

-Ross whipped Swagger from behind at the start. Lawler, the legal man in the ring, whipped Swagger a few more times. Swagger quickly tagged in Cole, who stepped into the ring cocky because he was protected by bubble wrap. Lawler whipped Cole. Cole no-sold it. Cole taunted Lawler, who punched Cole in the face and ripped off the bubble wrap.

-Cole tagged out to Swagger. When Lawler had Swagger in the corner, Cole interfered from behind. When Lawler turned, Swagger clipped his legs from behind and applied the anklelock.

-Ross whipped Swagger from behind. Swagger got irked and released the anklelock. Lawler then drove Swagger face-first into the mat. Ross then tagged in! He whipped Swagger and began to get the hang of it. Ross then applied an anlkelock. It was as ugly as bowling shoes. Swagger broke free and bumped into Cole, which counted as a tag. Cole hesitated to enter. Ross yanked Cole into the ring and threw him into the corner.

-When Swagger entered, Ross gave him a low blow. Ross, who was breathing heavily, whipped Swagger. Cole schoolboyed Ross out of nowhere for the pin, then fled the ring. He celebrated on the ramp going 2-0 against Ross. Booker T said: "Tell me that did not just happen."

-Ross threw a fit inside the ring, clearly frustrated by going 0-2 against Cole.

-That match was exactly what everyone should have expected in terms of quality and duration.

WINNERS: Cole & Swagger in 7:00.

-A corny "Over the Limit" PPV commercial aired. It mocked a pharmaceutical company commercial, talking about a condition called L.O.E. (Lack of Entertainment). It showed a family bored in front of the TV until WWE came on. Then they freaked out and threw their popcorn into the air.

-Todd Grisham interviewed John Cena. Cena said the last time he held the WWE Championship was June 20. He said he's been through a lot - the old Nexus, the new Nexus, The Miz, and The Rock. He said he's done almost everything other than become WWE Champion. He said he'll be locked in a cage tonight with Miz and John Morrison, so all excuses will be over with after tonight because "The Champ is Here."

-Mathews thanked Rev Theory for the Extreme Rules theme, "Justice."

4 -- REY MYSTERIO vs. CODY RHODES - Falls Count Anywhere

-Rey Mysterio ran off the stage and dove at Cody and then scored a two count.

-Booker T Cliche Watch: "Rey Mysterio is totally ready to get the job done."

-Cody came back by crotching Rey on the ring barrier and then clotheslining him followed by a two count.

-They brawled into the concession area. Cody leaped off an abandoned food counter and then kicked Rey. The crowd, apparently traveling to the show in a time machine from 1998, chanted "Holy sh*t! Holy sh*t!" They followed with "This is Awesome!" Next they're going to start the wave!

-Eventually Rey and Cody brawled back into the arena bowl. Booker wasn't sure where they were, even though it was obvious because the stage and the ring were both in view in the background.

-Back at ringside, Cody continued the beating. Several minutes later, Rey made a comeback. He sprayed Cody with mist, then hit his finishing sequence for the three count in the ring.

-I thought Cody, as one of the de facto top heels now on Smackdown, would get the win here, with the excuse for Rey being the beating he took from Mark Henry and Cody on Smackdown on Friday. Instead, they gave Rey the win, but gave Cody the excuse by incorporating mist into the finish.

WINNER: Mysterio in 12:00. (**1/2)

-Layla told all of the other Divas backstage it could be her last night, so she apologized to them for anything she might have done in the last. Beth Phoenix agreed they don't like her, but Kelly said they like McCool less. They wished her luck. Something fishy is going on.

-Cole returned to his Cole Mine and gloated about his win. He said he's like a super hero.

5 -- LAYLA vs. MICHELLE MCCOOL -- No DQ Loser Leaves WWE Match

-McCool attacked Layla before the bell. It was exactly what Sheamus did to Kofi on Smackdown on Friday, which Booker praised Sheamus for. Booker, tonight, was disgusted with McCool, calling her a wicked witch. Why doesn't Josh question him on that? It's a pretty obviously contradiction to ask Booker to explain.

-Booker T Cliche Watch: "This is getting ugly." (For anyone who thinks the "Booker T Cliche Watch" is tiring, imagine watching this PPV and having to listen to these cliches, one after another. No other announcer in history has sunk to such laziness as to describe everything with so many worn out, trite descriptions like Booker does, a substitution for being original and describing what he sees with actual sentences constructed from thoughts in his head, not a grab-bag of common tired phrases in a bucket.)

-Near the end, McCool hit a Styles Clash on Layla and went for the cover, but Layla reversed the pin attempt and scored a leverage three count.

-Layla fought back tears as she looked over at McCool.

WINNER: Layla in 5:00 so McCool must leave WWE. (*1/2)

-McCool stayed in the ring and cried as the crowd sang "Na na na, good bye!" Then out walked Kharma, not looking all that different from her Awesome Kong gimmick (which is good, because now I don't have to commission an updated drawing of her). She got the "Andre shot" where the camera aimed up at her from the ground to make her look bigger. Cole said the crowd is in shock at what just walked down the aisle. "Look at the size of this woman!"

-Cole said McCool should get to leave with some dignity. So Cole goes from the obnoxious heel to the man calling for dignity and reason. McCool looked on in fear as Kong gave her a double underhook faceplant. Kong then laughed uproariously, then shifted into a mean look. Then back to laughs. Then back to mean. "What is wrong with her?" asked Cole. They cut to the Divas in the locker room watching in horror. Cole said that's their future.

-A commercial for "Tough Enough" aired.

6 -- ALBERTO DEL RIO vs. CHRISTIAN - Ladder Match for the Vacant World Title

-Cole said Mil Mascaras is one of his all-time favorites.

-Deep into the match, which believe it or not was filled with familiar ladder spots, Del Rio's ring announcer handed Del Rio a chair. Christian, though, avoided it and rammed Del Rio into the ringpost.

-Christian gave Del Rio a spear as a tribute to his retired best friend Edge.

-A Hornswoggle-sized ladder got involved.

-Christian was about to grab the title when Brodus Clay walked out and pulled the ladder out from under him. Clay yanked Christian down. Clay caught him, but Christian slipped free and then shoved Clay into the big ladder in the corner. He followed up with a stiff unprotected ladder shot to the head with the smaller ladder. Del Rio recovered and went after Christian with the Cross Armbreaker while Christian's arm was in the step ladder. Christian tapped, but it didn't matter. He also bled from the forehead and rolled to ringside.

-Del Rio walked over to the big ladder in the corner and set it under the belt. As he climbed to the top of the ladder, Edge drove up in a Jeep. That distracted Del Rio long enough for Christian to tip over the ladder and knocked Del Rio onto Clay and Rodrigues at ringside. Cole protested Edge's presence, as Edge walked to the ring to watch Christian grab the World Title belt. Edge shed some legit tears as CHristian held up the belt while standing on the ladder. That moment means a lot to Edge. Christian hugged the belt up against his face, then held it in the air and lifted it high. Edge entered the ring and applauded, then attacked Christian and said his neck injury was a hoax. Okay, just kidding. Edge walked up to Christian and hugged him.

-Cole said Christian would have never done it without Edge's help. Neither Josh nor Booker replied with the obvious comeback - which is earlier Christian had the belt in his grip when Clay interfered. Why does Josh just wilt and never say the obvious thing someone should say to counter Cole?

****PRESIDENT OBAMA TO MAKE MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT AT 10:30 ET.****

If you're watching the PPV, please be aware something serious and major is about to be announced regarding a national security development. I'm stepping away for a few minutes, but Caldwell and McNeill have you covered!

*****************************************************************************

Okay, I'm back. That was nerve-wracking for a while there as it wasn't at all clear this was good news that was about to be announced by the President.

7 -- BIG SHOW & KANE vs. WADE BARRETT & EZEKIEL JACKSON -- Lumberjack Match for WWE Tag Team Titles

-Big Show chokeslams Barrett to win the match.

-It seemed to me that Barrett & Jackson were the best bet WWE had to create a meaningful tag team title feud in coming months, but this sent the message that Barrett and Jackson aren't anything close to an even match for Show & Kane. So who is? Does Vince McMahon even care?

8 -- THE MIZ vs. JOHN CENA vs. JOHN MORRISON -- Three-Way Cage Match for WWE Title

-There was a good tease of Morrison scoring an upset, but R-Truth stopped him from crawling out of the cage by giving him a running knee.

-Miz climbed the cage and was about to escape when Cena caught up to him and yanked him down. He gave him an Attitude Adjustment off the top rope for the win.

-The show ends with Cena celebrating. The third singles title change caps off a hugely eventful seven days in WWE from Draft Monday and Tuesday to Extreme Rules tonight.

WINNER: Cena to regain the WWE Title. Good cage match. Since my attention was divided by a major world news event, I won't give a star rating until rewatching the match with my full attention.

(This is a running commentary on the show with notes on the matches and finishes. For a more traditional detailed match report, check out James Caldwell's report on the Main Listing.)

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