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KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
AUGUST 6, 2009
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

WHAT HAPPENED

[Q1]

-The show opened with highlights of last week's show and the title: "Powers Unite." Then they went to footage of Kurt Angle getting out of his limo and Eric Young, with a newly shaved head, stepping out. He put his arm around Angle said, "This will be good for all of us."

-As usual, the Main Event Mafia walked to the ring to introduce the show. Booker T seems like he's very amused with himself, as usual. Angle talked about Mick Foley "allegedly" winning the Legends Title last week from Kevin Nash. He said two things went wrong in that match. One, Sting was up in the crowd causing a distraction and Bobby Lashley caused damage. He said he talked to the TNA Board of Directors and they agree the decision was a sham. They said the only way they'd let the decision stand is if Nash got a rematch at Hard Justice. He said he has been forced to strike a deal because everyone is ganging up on them. He pointed to the entrance set and out walked the World Elite faction.

Young told Angle that it is his honor and privilege to be taking over TNA side-by-side with Angle. He said his men are 100 percent dedicated to the cause and willing to do whatever it takes. He said if the American fans treated them as stars, this could have all been avoided. He said it's now about more than Lashley and Foley and Sting, it's about an entire "disgusting nation that should be held personally responsible." He said the nation should feel deep terrible guilt for what they're about to do to their heros. "Boys, let the cleansing begin," he closed.

-Jeremy Borash told Foley backstage that he never thought he'd see Young and Angle together. Foley said no one is bigger than the business. He said TNA is bigger than any one wrestler. He said is going to war. Sting and Lashley walked into the room. Sting said, "It's showtime." Lashley said, "Let's do it." [c]

[Q2]

-Lauren interviewed Christopher Daniels backstage. Daniels expressed outrage at Young's actions the last two weeks. He said he's taken notice. He wondered if Young didn't have enough attention as a kid. Lauren said pointed out he's got Kiyoshi and Bashir at his side. Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin walked into the picture to even the score. Sabin and Shelly goofed off, trying to figure out what a TV camera is. He said they forgot what a TV camera was because they haven't been on TV in a month. Daniels shoved them and said they haven't been on TV because they haven't been doing anything to get notice. He said the World Elite have been doing what it takes to get noticed, not carrying signs around and smarting off. Daniels said, "Let's go out there and fight this fight." Shelley said, "Maybe we could try it."

(1) Eric Young (w/Sheik Abdul Bashir, Kiyoshi) defeated Christopher Daniels (w/Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin) in 6:00. When Young bailed out to ringside early, Daniels leaped through the ropes and clotheslined both Young and Kiyoshi at once. Bashir went after Daniels as Shelley and Sabin were shown distracted by reading a video game manual. West said Young is out to prove something and he's doing a heck of a job so far. Daniels made a comeback at 5:00, but Young avoided a BME. Daniels set up Angel's Wings, but as Bashir distracted the ref, Kiyoshi sprayed mist in Daniels' eyes. Shelley and Sabin continued to stand with theirs back to the ring looking through a magazine. Young then gave Daniels a piledriver. Tenay said, "Eric Young broke that code again," referencing an unwritten locker room rule that you don't use a piledriver. (*) [c]

-West and Tenay hyped the rest of the Impact line-up.

-Lauren interviewed Team 3D and Beer Money Inc. Roode said he and Young started out in Team Canada together. He said Young forgets how he got his start, and the break Jeff Jarrett gave both of them. He said he won't let Young dictate his future. He yelled at the top of his lungs, channeling a Shane Douglas promo. Brother Ray said nobody has more reason to be upset than he and his brother Devon. He said he and Devon had the match won last week and Young hit Devon with the IWGP Tag Title belt and "flipped the pile" He said he's "triple-pissed" and Devon is so pissed he might not even say "Testify!" He called British Invasion, "Crumpet eating, tea sipping fairies." Has Doug Williams ever been called a fairy before?

[Q3]

-Ring intros took place for the eight-man tag match. [c]

(2) Scott Steiner & Booker T & Rob Terry & Doug Williams (w/Brutus Magnus) defeated Team 3D & Beer Money Inc. when Terry pinned Roode in 10:00. Believe it or not, Terry's first move was a clothesline. His second move, like every green indy wrestler I've ever seen working at a bar show, was a body slam. I was waiting for a full nelson, but instead I got another clothesline. Then a bodyslam attempt. Roode escaped and chopped Terry, who sold it effectively. Roode gave him a neckbreaker and Steiner and Williams broke up the pin attempt. An eight-way brawl broke out. Ray ended up raking Williams's eyes and set him up for the flying top rope headbutt to the crotch. Then came the "Get the tables!" yell by Ray. Young, Bashir, and Kiyoshi walked to ringside. West said, "They're just here for moral support. That's what being part of a family is all about." Shelley, Sabin, and Daniels came out to even the score. Tenay said Shelley and Sabin were fired up from the post-match attack. Chaos broke out at ringside.

[Q4]

Nash then walked out and joined the fray. Foley walked out and began punching Nash, knocking him down. Angle ran out. Ray picked him up and drove him back-first into the ringpost. Sting then walked out followed by Samoa Joe and then Lashley. Lashley and Joe frawled, Sting and Angle brawled. Meanwhile, back in the ring Terry gave Rode a chokeslam and scored a three count. Everyone then broke into another brawl as they cut to a break. (*1/4) [c]

-Back from the break, the brawl was still going on as the bell rang over and over. They cut to a storage area outside where Foley, Nash, Sting, and Angle brawled. Security and referees tried to break up the fight. The camera ran around the soundstage area and caught up with others who were brawling. Back in the ring, Daniels and the Guns beat up Kiyoshi. Daniels gave him a BME. Joe and Lashley were being separated in the locker room. Ray began bashing a table behind which Booker T was hiding. West said, "I've got a mindset to take my headset off and go get me some." Tenay said it's a war. Ray choked Steiner with a table. They continued to cut to the ring, the locker room, and various areas outside of the Impact Zone for several minutes. Police showed up with night sticks and began to try to restore order as they cut to a break. [c]

HOUR TWO

[Q5]

-Tenay and West recapped the brawl briefly.

(3) Taylor Wilde & Sarita beat Alissa Flash & Traci Brooks when Sarita pinned Flash in 5:00. Sarita leaped off the top rope onto her opponents on the floor. West overreacted a bit, as if no one had ever done that before. He called "poetry in motion." Traci tagged in at 3:00 and worked over Wilde. Taylor crawled over to make a tag, but Traci was late grabbing her to stop her, so WIlde just stopped in her tracks short of the tag waiting for Traci to grab her. That didn't look good. Wilde made a comeback and collided mid-ring with a bodyblock on Traci, who adjusted her top as her boob began falling out. Sarita then hot-tagged in and worked over both heels. Sarita rolled up Flash for the win seconds later. Afterward, the heel duo attacked Sarita and Wilde from behind and left them lying in the ring. (*)

Lauren interviewed the Beautiful People backstage. Angelina Love talked about being grossed out last week by Cody Deaner kissing her and now needing a tetanus shot.

They showed Kip James cleaning up the mess from the brawl earlier. Hernandez showed up with his luggage and asked what was going on. [c]

[Q6]

Lauren interviewed A.J. Styles. Styles said he's been in TNA for seven years and he's never seen a brawl like that. He said a meteor could hit the Earth right now and it wouldn't take his focus off of Matt Morgan. He said he's one win away from what he wants, which is the main event at Hard Justice.

Tenay and West hyped the line-up for Hard Justice. West hyped upcoming TNA live events. Then they threw to a video package on Hernandez, whom Tenay called Super Max all the time now.

A sitdown interview aired with Hernandez. He said he was attacked from behind from the British Invasion, and as a result he had to have part of his neck fused and surgically repaired with a cadaver disc. Tenay said he used to be known as "the soft spoken giant." Hernandez talked about his father serving three tours in Vietnam. He said he played two years in the Arena Football League and is "lucky enough to be in wrestling now." Tenay asked Hernandez about the ramifications of the incident where Konnan attempted to burn the U.S. flag a few years ago. Hernandez said his father, who served two tours in Vietnam (that's one less tour than he said 30 seconds earlier), refused to watch TNA after that. He said his father, who had been retired since 1985, wanted to reenlist after Sept. 11, 2001. He said it's affected his father's acceptance of him ever since, but they're starting to make progress. Hernandez talked about his time with LAX. He said he had to side with his father over his friends. He said Homicide will always be his brother, no matter what he thinks. He said they just have different goals right now. He vowed to be the TNA World Hvt. Champion some day.

Lauren asked Homicide for his reaction to what Hernandez said. Homicide said nobody talking about his partner, they're talking about his feud with Samoa Joe. He told Taz that the 187 is much stronger than the 13. He told Joe to polish his boots "or whatever you do in Samoa." [c]

[Q7]

(4) Matt Morgan pinned A.J. Styles in 5:00. West said Morgan considers himself the thinking-man's wrestler, and he told him he watched the last Styles match over 100 times and picked out every little detail to get better and fix his mistakes. The crowd rotated between chants of "Let's go A.J." and "Let's go Morgan." Morgan threw a series of reverse elbows in the corner at Styles at 1:00 to take control of the match. At 3:00 Styles made a comeback with a Pele kick followed by a two count. Styles missed a springboard splash, but Morgan avoided it and then dropped Styles over the top rope with force followed by the Hellivator. A Cliff's Note style match, too short given the how both wrestlers are pushed as equals and what's at stake in the match. Good while it lasted. (*1/2) [c]

Jeremy Borash caught up Angle, who said things got too crazy and outrageous. He said the MEM have families so they're leaving to sleep it off. Borash turned to Abyss who was hiding out under the rafters. Abyss asked Borash if he was going to collect the bounty. Borash said they're friends, but $50,000 is a lot of money. He asked Borash what he had behind his back. Borash showed it was a hammer, adding that you never know when you'll need one. Consquences Creed and Black Machismo attacked him. Abyss fought both of them off pretty easily (they're just "little X Division guys" after all).

[Q8] [c]

(5) Sting defeated Brutus Magnus via tapout in 6:00. The ref ordered Doug Williams and Rob Terry to the back before the match. Magnus took early control. They cut to a break at 2:00. [c] Back from the break, Magns was still in control. Sting made a comeback and went for a Stinger Splash. Magnus lifted his leg and caught Sting. However, Sting caught Morgan mid-air seconds later and quickly applied the Scorpion Deathlock, forcing a tapout five seconds later. Another match way shorter than it should have been or needed to be. (*)

Magnus tried to attack Sting after the match, but Sting caught him with an elbow and punched away at him in the corner. The World Elite ran out. Sting fended them off one at a time, but eventually they outnumbered and overwhelmed him. Bobby Lashley and Mick Foley made the save and cleared the ring. Tenay touted Lashley again as a former World Wrestling Champion and undefeated MMA fighter. Angle, Steiner, and Joe charged to the ring and turned the tables once again. Hernandez came out swinging a giant chain to clear the ring of everyone except Sting, Lashley, and Foley.

THOUGHTS, OBSERVATIONS, NITPICKS

MEGA-BRAWL: I liked the mega-brawl a lot. It's one of those memorable all-out angles that would have tremendous impact if TNA pulled back in general so this seemed like a completely breakdown of what is normally a situation with some law and order. Still, the execution was very good, with brawling in various settings and chaotic camera work and director cuts to various scenes. I'm surprised they weren't tempted into doing a four-screen split with video of all four main brawling areas at once. They need to follow up on it by making sure viewers perceive it as a big deal and something that will be remembered for years, not "just another wild week at the Impact Zone." One critique is just with the timing of the segment. Had they scheduled it so it was at it's climax at the start of the second hour, it could have made a difference in the ratings. Instead, the second hour began with Tenay and West talking about what happened as clips aired. Not bad, but not ideal...

OTHER THOUGHTS: Samoa Joe's loss last week to the returning Hernandez wasn't for nothing, as they started the show by reminding viewers of Hernandez's win. You might think a wrestler wouldn't want the promotion to remind viewers of a loss, but it should be treated as a big deal and count for something otherwise the loss was just a loss. In this case, by reminding viewers of it, it made it seem like beating Joe was a big deal and it made the match something more than a pointless time-filler that left a lingering feeling that Joe isn't all that good anymore. Instead, it was Joe having an off night and Hernandez making a statement as he tries to become a legit singles contender... My first thought when seeing Young and Angle arm-in-arm is that TNA's booking remains so impatience and frenetic that they couldn't even let the new faction establish itself without instantly aligning with the other main faction. If Vince Russo ever participated in planting seeds in class to see plants grow, did he show up the next day in glass and throw the pot out because there was no sprouting yet?... Eric Young's haircut gives him a needed fresh look. It's amazing when Young and Angle stand next to each other because they're nearly identical in size (Young may be a hair taller). I bet if you asked TNA fans who was taller, 90 percent would guess Angle by at least two inches. Young was pushed as a "little X Division wrestler" yet he's the same size as perennial main eventer from WWE and TNA, Angle. It shows so much of a wrestler's perception is created by their push and their associations... West called Sarita a female X Division wrestler. You know, an opening match jobber type who does some ineffective but flashy moves that the kids like but who don't draw any money...

The whole deal where Tenay talks about the "unwritten code" not to use a piledriver is really lame. Wrestlers should be trying to win at all legal costs, so either the move should be banned and made officially illegal or wrestlers should use it. This reference to the "unwritten code" is another Russo trait or referencing behind the scenes stuff that doesn't fit any on-air world that promoters and bookers create. It's a small thing, but it's counter-productive because it makes viewers start to wonder what else wrestlers do to "protect each other" even in the midst of a heated blood feud, and if that's the case, what does it say about the nature of heated blood feuds (that they're all for show, and nobody's really trying to hurt each other)... Lauren, as usual, looked like the meaning of life was being explained to her as she overreacted facially to every syllable uttered by Roode. Nobody listens more intently and overreacted to the basic of statements than Lauren. It really takes away from Roode's promo... Rob Terry. Seriously, Dixie? You let him flex on the air? Does he have some impotent excuse, too? He continues to do nothing for TNA other than make everyone else look relatively small. He might be the nicest guy in the world, but he has zero business being within 10 feet of a wrestling ring without a front row ticket in 2009. If he lost 100 pounds of muscle and learned to really work, then in four years he should be given consideration. Going through Team 3D's training center should not be his ticket to the front of the line for a spot on national TV, no matter how paltry his TNA pay is...

A TNA Crossing the Line ad aired with more nonsense statement about "creating a new kind of wrestling" and being a "revolution." This is a promotion built around a Main Event Mafia consisting of wrestlers working the same style they did in their primes ten years ago, but a step slower, while the X Division is buried. They have the right idea with the soundbite, but their booking and roster choices don't match the marketing at all... I think it's hilarious that Love called Tara's spider "a reptile with eighteen legs." She said it with just the right tone, too, not overselling it like she was looking for a laugh... Homicide's promo came off heelish start to finish, including blowing off Hernandez's comments and saying nobody is talking about him at the start. Since he's feuding with Joe, and Joe is in the Mafia with Taz apparently as heels, it seems odd that his promo would be scripted that way... The Abyss bounty angle is cheesy. Borash holding a hammer behind his back was kinda funny, but is "ha ha" humor what you should be going for when doing a bounty angle? Having Abyss beat up both Machismo and Creed like that also further cemented what management/creative thinks of those "little X Division guys" who open most of their PPVs... The biggest plus of the show is that Hernandez is getting a series singles push. He seems ready for it given the options TNA has. He could be a solid top tier singles player for them for years to come...

QUOTEBOOK

Angelina Love: "Her hillbilly Joe Bob boyfriend molested me. I've been drinking mouth wash all week. I think I need a tetanus shot. I don't know what's grosser. Cody Deaner or that reptile with eight-teen legs that Tara's been running around with."

Angelina Love: "Hey girls, let's keep fighting our good fight and keep taking the ugly out of TNA."

Homicide: "Latinos, we don't die, we multiply to live and die, 187."

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