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Paul Heyman, Wrestling's Hottest Free Agent (TM) must really be enjoying the Torch website this week. The site has made him seem like Wrestling's Most Influential Person (TM), instead of a guy who took a company millions of dollars into debt and needs a job. Some of the speculation surrounding him is so, uh, imaginative, it belongs on some fantasy wrestling site (I guess, I'll never know since "fantasy wrestling" is so dorky I'd rather read one of Jason Powell's Rotisserie Football takes.) Here's a few reminders for those of you who are a little too excited by the whole Will He or Won't He dance going on:

-Paul Heyman is not going to be the booker for the World Wrestling Federation. That is, has been, and will always be Vince McMahon. The job he is being offered is that of staff writer. As such the best possible position of influence he could attain would be fourth from the top, behind all three McMahons. And that is neither guaranteed, nor does it factor in the influence of Triple H, Steve Austin, Rock, or Undertaker.

-Subsequently, when Heyman takes the job it doesn't mean any real shift in power towards ex-ECW acts. One of the sillier internet "issues" of recent memory was the Free Tazz petition, with its assumption that Tazz was a bigger star as ECW champion. The guy is making a lot more money than he did in ECW working a lot fewer dates than most WWF wrestlers while getting a substantial amount of airtime. His new role may lengthen his career by many years. The guy should be thrilled. This is, after all, a business.

-Because of that, the romantic notion that Paul Heyman and ECW should keep fighting on as the lights fade is foolish. ECW is done and has been for some time. Heyman knows it better than anyone. All that's going on is a battle for leverage, with Heyman trying to cut the best deal he possibly can before inevitably joining the WWF writing staff. Because of the constriction in the industry the WWF job is his only real option if he wants to remain a player in the wrestling business. WCW is not, for too many reasons to go into here. That's why Heyman ought to be grateful for the exaggerations on sites like this, because if the WWF overreacts, it strengthens his bargaining power.

-I needed a hanky after reading Gabe Sapolsky's no doubt sincere "This Is Your Life Paul Heyman" tribute on the site today. Hair-splitting about employee pay aside, a correction needs to be made. Wade Keller has, in fact, been present for one of those patented inspirational speeches of Heyman's. I know. I was the one who had to carry the overwrought Keller to his car after he collapsed with emotion.

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Speaking of inspiring, a tip of the Torch hat to the World's Most Babyface Heel, Triple H, who doesn't even back down to the Texas Rattlesnake.

You gotta love a guy who volunteers to work for free on the next ECW PPV show, a show he knows will never take place. Even if it did, the WWF has a scheduled double shot that day and he's the company's lead. If Helmsley does work that show, I'll match him. I, too, will work for free and face Tommy Dreamer and Stick Girl in that long awaited handicap match. What's next, Ron Jeremy and Stevie Richards host the ECW Telethon?

Oh well. It's the thought that counts

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On another subject, even I was shocked at the awful WCW ratings this week with Nitro at a 2.0 and Thunder at a 1.5. The booking may be somewhat more logical, but why don't the babyface wrestlers act like their jobs are on the line and that they're frustrated at how all of their friends and allies got screwed out of work? Why aren't they and the babyface announcers pleading for help from somebody, somewhere, to build fan anticipation for the return of the Has Beens, uh, Brand Names? The fans won't care if those guys don't.

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Wade Keller can make all the excuses he wants for it, but the Kevin Nash "funeral" Monday night was tasteless, and a dumb move besides. I'm not a NASCAR fan, and what happened to Dale Earnhardt and too many others is one of the reasons, but he had an emotional bond with millions of people whose immense grief is all too real. WCW didn't gain any fans with that nonsense. I wonder how many they lost.

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