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The following Mitchell's Take was originally published on PWTorch.com two years ago, Feb. 19, 2001...

"Love, look at the two of us,
Strangers in many ways..."

- The Carpenters

It's that time of the year. The frost is thawing, a fresh new breeze is blowing, the sap is rising, the birds are returning from their winter sojourn, the bears are waking up from hibernation, the Tarheels are choking...

and Spring has come back early.

You know what means. Winter's deep depression turns into the hope of life's renewal. A nod leads into a wink which leads into that certain look.

Romance is back. The art of flirtation means, to quote out of context Mr. Spock in the greatest and most romantic of all the Star Trek movies, "There are always possibilities."

Even in pro wrestling.

What, you thought the world of bad asses and ass kickers and turning it sideways and sticking it up your candy ass was too stone cold for a little romance?

That only Mr. McMahon was Mahonly enough to rub up against a little now and then, that the pro wrestling heart didn't skip a beat when that certain someone looked their way?

You couldn't be more wrong, you Wrestling Philistine, you. (That Mahonly pun was bad enough, but now I seem to be channeling the spirit of Paul Lynde...)

I submit for your approval the nascent romance bubbling up on the internet between the King of Extreme Paul Heyman (I said KING of Extreme, you wags. Stick Girl is the Queen of Extreme, still, last I looked. She didn't sign with anybody beside Bennigans yet, did she? What a cheap joke...) and that down home slice of Okie hype, Jim Ross.

Paul has the sweet Kool Aid but good ol' J.R. has the tangy barbecue sauce that's hot to the taste.

And they're both slinging it as fast as they can.

Ahh, the cute little nothings they whisper in each other's (and our) ears could make a boy blush. J.R. wants you to know he'd welcome Paul Heyman on the creative team.

Heyman is sorely tempted by the offer, but he has a true heart and he must see if there is anything he can do for his first love because if there's one thing about Paul, he knows how to keep a vow. and look, here comes another deal now, and it's a good thing he waited because it's even better than the last one...

Good ol' J.R., in the meantime, wants everyone to know he's not the one standing in the way of a love match, and begs Paulie to just pick up the phone (and he wouldn't be the first.)

Just like fans impatiently want Will and Grace to finally get together (or Niles and Frazier) wrestling fans stamp their little feet in frustration at the time it's taking these two to realize what the rest of us already know:

They're made for each other.

But the course of love, like that of a mighty river, never runs smooth. Look for these two to continue to shamelessly mug and flirt and vogue, all for the other's attention.

And ours.

***

I came to the realization this weekend that I'm now officially the Internet's Most Popular Personality With Clothes On, beating out Mr. Jeeves in a close race. You know what means, it's time to merchandize.

Introducing the First in a Whole Line of Products from TDH Connunications Inc. (The Torch's parent company)! The Bruce Mitchell Ice Cream Bar! Six Ounces of Solid Vanilla Ice Cream on a Stick! Yum-Yum!

The Bruce Mitchell Ice Cream Bar.

Go Ahead. Lick it.


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