By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Absurdity specialist

It's a Raw Twitter Stream edition of the Absurdity! Follow me right here - @Shanetexascedt or else be subject to Tensai dancing in lingerie. Wait, where was Tensai on Raw? Or, Dolph Ziggler? On with the stream...

49ers lost last night. Not the end of the world, but I was too bummed out to destroy a city bus and start fires in trashcans. Meanwhile, Bruno Sammartino in HOF. Next up: "Macho Man" Randy Savage. Some very, very long odds on that happening, but I think it will.

Kinda get the feeling they're pushing this WWE Active. I might be wrong. Do I need Matt Striker interviews during commericals? Not really. Imagine if Jericho wasn't voted in to face Punk. That would be a hit to his ego. "Returning Superstar? Nobody wants to see you." Be a dear and buy WWE Active. Uncle Jerry and Mr. Cole are so earnest. Resistence is futile.

Can we have Trish Stratus vs. Beyonce at WrestleMania? It's scary to think what the Divas match will be this year if they can't even make it on a three-hour show.

I wish they hype up more how deadly that anklelock is. Hairy Jack Swagger's very angry that he won't be main-eventing WrestleMania.

Alberto Del Rio should use that manly scarf of his to tie-up his opponent to the ropes. On the other side of the ring, The Mustache has arrived. It's even got its own damn t-shirt. Cody can never shave that thing off now. And, Cody Rhodes loses. His mustache is now planning to go out on his own and win gold. C'mon, WWE humor, get up on it. Alberto Del Rio: "I'm a good guy! I'm going to hug a horse! I'm a farmer! Here's a picture of a cute baby!"

"God made a wrestler. God called him The Rock. The rest are jabronis."

It's hard for Big Show to control his rage, but the couch he's sitting on is just too damn soft. I like Big Show better with hair. Big Show warns Al not to show up at the hotel he's staying out, and then gives him directions to hotel. Well, who doesn't like to see a Best Western room torn up?

Coming up, Miz calls Paul Heyman a stinky walrus and Paul sicks Rhino on him. Plus, Cena calls out The Shield. What about Ryback?

I don't have much of a reaction to Kane/Bryan dissolving, as long as Bryan gets a Mania match longer than 13 seconds this year.

Michael Cole is selling Mark Henry like Henry is ripping off and eating Mysterio's arms. I feel there should be a uplifting song that goes, "Here's Sin Cara to injure himself!" So...Mark Henry vs. Ray Lewis at WrestleMania? Nah, it's just a matter of time before they have you dancing in lingerie, Mark Henry. Just a matter of time.

Time for MizTV. Paul Heyman: "How dare you! How dare you! Walruses have feelings, too!" Oh, I'm sorry Miz, I was just hyping up the friggin' PPV. So Vickie Guerrero brought Brock Lesnar back. A new marriage for Vickie? Oh boy. Vickie: "After all, I have Raw Roulettes and have fans choose the matches for me. I needed a upper hand." Please, Brock, beat up Miz. UFC Killer vs. Asshat. Miz: "Don't worry, I've got my spiffy plaid blazer on. I can take Brock Lesnar down." Paul Heyman: "Stay! Stay! Bad dog! No no no no no! Hey! No!" Things have fallen apart in the Miz-Cole relationship. Tonight, Cole cared more about a couch getting damaged than Miz.

Eh? Speak up, Bo Dallas. We can't hear you. Bo's got "fire and desire" in him, but that sure didn't come out in his promo. They need to be careful with this Bo Dallas push or a good majority of people are going to reject him. That promo did not help.

Apparently Dolph Ziggler's going to go into Ziggy hibernation for the next two months 'til his Mania match with Jericho?

"And introducing Bruno to the HOF...Santino Marella! Bruno is uno!"

Ok, already see a Raw Miss: Too many damn video packages. Feels like I'm watching a recap show at times. Hey, WWE, why don't you show Rock's "Got Milk" ad from the Super Bowl?

Cena's angry at The Shield because they tweeted "Fruity Pebbles was a injustice to cereals everywhere #CenaNotFredFlintstone."

Oh yeah, let's get this Big Show-Del Rio hotel fight before the show's over. It's not like Raw needs to run over. It's three hours long. Some very, very poor acting by the hotel staff. Truly atrocious & pathetic. "Mom! It sounds like Big Show and Del Rio are fighting outside our hotel room!" "That's nice, honey." Followed by: "Hey, Del Rio, can you be quiet? We're trying to sleep here! You're the worst champion ever!"

Brad Maddox is out here because Vickie Guerrero gave him a contract, because she's filling out Raw with lingerie dancing Tensais. Pretty sure Brad Maddox is a robot. The script goes from his brain to his mouth and words splurt out. Wow, Raw really needs an over-run? Watching Maddox flounder in the last minutes of Raw ain't a good thang.

Can Dean Ambrose dress up as the Joker once? His speaking style reminds me of Health Ledger's joker a lot. And this would be the perfect time for the show to cut out and the rest can be seen only on WWE Active. Overall, this Shield beatdown is nice, but...nothing's really being solved here. We do get a nice big-match tease here.

So, sensible show, and would have been a solid two-hour show. Mark Henry came back and there was some generally good stuff.

Champs: Mark Henry, Alberto Del Rio, Daniel Bryan, Chris Jericho, Bruno Sammartino, C.M. Punk, Cole's "Watch The Couch!"

Chumps: WWE App, Video Package Mania, Bo Dallas, WWE's Confusing Power Structure, Jack Swagger, Cody Rhodes ("Well, my mustache is champ.").

We suggest these recent related articles...

ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - Raw: HBK To Crossbow Lesnar On Sunday, WWE Asks Paul Bearer's Ashes To Sell Mania, Punk & Triple H's Post-Mania Plans, Cash Cow Cena = Bieber?

ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - State of WM29 Card: Rock & Cena To Sing About Buffalo Nipples To Get Heat, What Heyman Should Have Stipulated To Hunter, Punk To Relieve Himself In Urn To Get Heat

ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - Raw & TNA: Using The Recently-Dead For Storylines, Bully Ray King Of Da World, Swagger To Be Sold To N. Korea Post-WM29, And Raw Gets A Flat