By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Absurdity specialist

Raw Stream of Thoughts! Fresh from the Twitter page. Follow me here - @Shanetexascedt.

I like how 2013 is the year WWE is fully committed to driving the anti-John Cena people insane. It's incredible. I also like how Cody Rhodes realizes he can't win against Cena. People like quitters who are facing successful people.

Smelling a Mania triple threat with Cena-Rock-Punk to help spice things up with Cena-Rock II. After all, Cena had a crappy year, but still main-evented every PPV despite not being WWE champion. But, I like the story he's telling. Jericho back for Mania season...Lesnar signed to a new contract...A good Cena promo...I'm a pretty happy camper.

Hey, WWE App, I check my other websites and do other stuff since Raw is three friggin hours long.

Random Thought: Why can't Vickie afford a 100 percent complete shirt?

A Lingerie pillow fight with Tensai and Brodus Clay will make me swear off WWE forever. Tensai must be a glutton for punishment. All my troubles wash away when I see what WWE is doing to him. That's XXL lingerie Tensai is wearing. You must feel pretty silly if you're tweeting #TensaiLingerie. What's more painful: Piercing your junk or dancing in lingerie on live TV? Inside Tensai's mind right now: "Just keep thinking about the money. The money. Who cares. Whatever. Money."

Oh, Alberto Del Rio. What part of "my butler duct-taped my rivals's legs in a Last Man Standing Match to win" is noble? WWE: Tensai dances in lingerie; the next segment is Big Show tortures Ricardo and makes Del Rio watch. It's a bit... weird. Nice credibility act for Big Show there, but it taking place right after WWE hokey comedy is... weird.

Okay, what's up next, borderline-psychotic Raw?

Of course, a Las Vegas Showgirls lumberjills match. Kaitlyn's facing off against T-1000 Tamina. Well, that Divas match sure was colorful. One word to describe the spirit of Raw tonight? Psychotic.

I'm liking Rock's personality shown. Last year he felt like a movie star, now he seems like a swell guy. But, I think Rock's greatest fear is him waking up one day and he's fat. C.M. Punk: "No, Rock, nobody's getting pie tonight." BOOOOOOOOOOO. C.M. Punk promos on Raw often make it worth sitting through Lingerie-dancing Tensai bits. Punk: "I'm gonna stand on the stage like a Punk-ass b---- cuz it's cool to swear." Did Punk just own Rock on the promo? Oh wait, Rock's getting the last word.

What's the main event for this Raw? I have no clue what it is. Oh, and it's cute how JBL thinks there's still Raw vs. Smackdown feud.

Good matches with Orton-Cesaro and Sheamus-Sandow. Some good, some bad. Ratings will probably be around...3.5? If you want to avoid WWE hokey comedy, you need to steer clear of Q2, Q5, and Q9.

Oh, the main event is Vince McMahon talking with Paul Heyman. Guessing "ECW" chants, Shield, and Rock comes back out. Retrospective Tweet: Two out of three ain't bad.

WWE Jokes: Do something pathetic, then punch somebody. Fan: "I'm watching Raw because Rock's WWE champ but that sing-off segment sure did suck. OOOOH CHRIS JERICHO." I swear, Big E. Langston hitched up his outfit for giggles. He seems like a goofy type of cat. Of course, just like Cena, Jericho focuses on the pec area. I think Jericho can always find employment in WWE from January-April.

Smackdown: Booker T announcement on the World Heavyweight Championship. "It's now mine, sucka! Bwahahaha."

Paul Heyman to McMahon: "I have lied every stinking day of my life because I am a promoter." So many great quotes from this Raw. Great stuff from Heyman. This stuff is kinda out from left field, but I'm enjoying it. THE SECRET IS REVEALED. "C'mon, Vince, did you really want Ryback to be WWE champion?" Paul Heyman says he's being set-up. By whom? That was not Paul Heyman, Vinnie!

Brock Lesnar is back, baby! Quick, Vince, fire Paul Heyman! Brock Lesnar is a rabid dog. And Vince McMahon just broke his ass. It wouldn't be WrestleMania season if Vince didn't try to injure himself.

"Hello. My name is Triple H. You killed my father (or at least broke his ass). Prepare to die."




Okay, folks. Rock. Jericho. Brock Lesnar. And, Rock's WWE Champ. I'm interested to see how the ratings did. Pretty good show as well.

Champs of the Night: C.M. Punk, Paul Heyman, Chris Jericho, John Cena, Bo Dallas, Antonio Cesaro, and Big Show.

Chumps of the Night: Tensai, Ryback, WWE Comedy, and Fred Flintstone.

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