By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Absurdity specialist

It's an Absurd Raw stream live from @shanetexascedt. Follow me!

WWE's second screen experience + checking out email and other sites + tweeting + watching WWE Raw. A bit too much multitasking on Monday nights. I kind of miss those ol' two-hour wrestling shows where you could just sit and watch with a beer. Now you gotta be tweeting.

On the last Smackdown, the Mexican Mitt Romney fought for his butler and won the gold. Did you know Batman fought for his butler, too?

Lil' Booker lays the booking smackdown to Eve. Who knows what the Divas division will look like with Eve gone, who just slapped a grandpa.

Bryan: Favorite part about Kane? He's tall, can set things on fire, and quite a good dancer. Kane on Bryan: Very agile, very great beard, and likes to wear women's clothing. That Shelby segment was amusing. Previous examples of WWE comedy were Sheamus singing "Danny Boy" and Mae Young giving birth, so...yeah. Next week, a wrestler goes to Dr. Shelby to talk about being diagnosed with CTE.

If Mick Foley were still in TNA, would he still be wrestling co-main events on PPV like Sting?

Foley to Shield backstage: "How about you guys kick my ass! Use chairs! Hammers! Barbwire!" And Ambrose is denied his chance to punch Foley. Sad. I see Orton and Sheamus blowing up in this upcoming Shield vs. Team Ryback match and starting their own feud soon.

Reason why WWE had such outrageous gimmicks? Looking for something to stick with fans. Goldust was one gimmick that paid off well. Minotaur was probably the worst.

Katty with a Goldberg like spear. Your new Divas champ is Kaitlyn, and say buh-bye to Eve. Closest thing you'll get to a Bra and Panties match in PG era. #Raw20. Eve Tores on WWE Active: "I don't need WWE! I quit!" Huh. Whatever. Rock Concert is near! A song about crappy tattoos and fat walruses!

Brodus Clay: I'M SO MAD I HATE DANCING BUT I WAS BORN TO DO IT HATE THIS SO MUCH FFFFFFFUUUUUU---------. As for C.M. Punk, how can he piss off the 18-31 male wrestling fans and get them to boo him? Stop being so damn cool and kickass. Punk: "Quick, Paul, get me some Pureal." I'm pretty sure Rock's winning the WWE championship at some point. Punk's streak is kinda a moot point by now. What's sad is that once Punk's reign ends, we probably won't see something like it for a long time.

Ric Flair introducing Mick Foley into HOF would define the word "awkward." Ah, Cena spray painting "JBL is poopy" on a limo. And, every time WWE replays Vince's limo blowing up, I think of Chris Benoit. Enough. Foley: "For old times sake, Rock, how about you bash my head in with a chair 21 times while my children watch?" But, see, Rock's a changed man. He's gonna sing about how fat Vickie is later, not now.

Man, this 3MB thing needs to die. I can't take anymore of these assclowns.

Josh Matthews to Cena: "It's a cage match, but since you're pretty much Tom Brady in facing Dolph Ziggler, no sweat, right?" I'm guessing Cena in his promo first did something silly, then he got all serious. Maybe for a change be serious first and then be silly?

Good gawd, Miz might be the one of the worst babyfaces ever. He's a insufferable jackass. This is the point of the show where you tweet, "Flair's coming up!" and then WWE tries to keep you from leaving the third hour. Ten minutes later, is there a purpose to this Miz TV segment? Hell, it has Ric Flair. Whatever. "So, we'll just throw out a recap video package while Ric Flair counts his WWE money in the ring." Flair: "I've got four ex-wives, I need a job, brother."

Meanwhile, C.M. Punk is bitching that Miz isn't putting on the figure-four correctly. You see, in wrestling, It's a honor to have your jacket elbow-dropped by Ric Flair.

If Ric Flair were still in TNA, would he be fighting Mike Knox in a co-main event of a PPV?

(Guy who never watched WWE at all): Hey, WWE had Mike Tyson way back in 1997. That was ... 15 years ago. Still a huge moment. They'll have that Tyson segment on the 25th, 50th, and 100th anniversaries of Raw.

Time for another video. Kane tombstones a priest, Raw doesn't need to be three hours, and Big E. Langston is bored as hell. Big E.: (Sigh...I'm so, so bored.) A.J.: "All of those were great." (Not really.)

This realistic steel cage match will end with just enough time for the Rock Concert, despite not having a time limit. And, why not, Jim Ross is gonna call a match. Four-man booth here? Of course, WWE can just cut away to Rock singing while the steel cage match is still going on. It's been five minutes since I've seen a recap of a old WWE segment. I don't know what to do. I'm lost. Suddenly, A.J. is nuts, she's climbing the cage, and Cena wins again. So...Cena-Ziggler feud? Um....yeah. A.J. hates Cena because...uh...well....uh...she's crazy! That's all the storyline reason you need.

Somewhere, during the Rock Concert, The Shield are thinking, "Maybe we should attack, since a movie star has the last segment of the show." Shield: "And he's just singing some silly Adam Sandler-like song here. This won't stand. Let's attack!"

Rock: "It's not about the past tonight." Dude, all I've seen tonight are recaps of old WWE segments. "Well, Rock knows all the Divas...well, the ones that are left..." Rock's favorite curve on a woman: Her smile. D'awwwwww. Your mouth looks like it could use... a strudel! THE ROCK'S STRUDEL! Hey, Vickie is the General Manager of the Raw and could just cut the power to Rock's mic right now...but nah.

I'm actually liking this Eric Clapton song. Gonna YouTube some Eric Clapton songs. "No, Biatch, you look horrible tonight!" is a great song by Eric Clapton. Yes sir, we're having fun calling out ugly biatches and fat slobs!

"The Rock wants to call out another fat slob who hasn't seen his penis in years...Mick Foley!" Oh, we're in serious mode now? Paul Heyman: (Zip) "I too can see my penis, see?" Rock: "Paul Heyman's tits are filled with a gooey cream!" Twinkie Tits? Rock's always hungry, it seems.

Hey, Finlay is here to break up Rock and Punk. So, let me get this straight, Rock's gonna beat God for the WWE Title come Royal Rumble? #Raw20.

We suggest these recent related articles...

ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - Raw: HBK To Crossbow Lesnar On Sunday, WWE Asks Paul Bearer's Ashes To Sell Mania, Punk & Triple H's Post-Mania Plans, Cash Cow Cena = Bieber?

ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - State of WM29 Card: Rock & Cena To Sing About Buffalo Nipples To Get Heat, What Heyman Should Have Stipulated To Hunter, Punk To Relieve Himself In Urn To Get Heat

ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - Raw & TNA: Using The Recently-Dead For Storylines, Bully Ray King Of Da World, Swagger To Be Sold To N. Korea Post-WM29, And Raw Gets A Flat