By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Absurdity specialist

It's a New Year's Eve Twitter Stream of Absurdity. Follow me @shanetexascedt.

Start of Raw. Where's the Smackdown tumbler? Did I ever think I would see Miz and Cena on the same team? Uh, yeah! And, WWE really, really loves RGIII.

Lawler's got a sheetnote of old jokes he's determined to bust out during the broadcast.

The Shield were absent from last week's shows, where Santa got run over and Smackdown drove even more viewers away with a tumbler. You could defend WWE's shows last week: it's the holidays, burned-out Creative staff, the fact that you didn't watch a second of it. But, I still can't believe Cena and Miz are teaming up! They must have picked those names out of that magical tumbler.

Lord knows we needed to hear it's gonna be the year of Otunga. Hey, It's Dolph "Cougar Bait" Ziggler, who wasn't invited to this high school party. Hey, I think somebody even brought balloons. And, Mae Young's inner thoughts: "I could beat all you dumb broads."

Profound Absurd Tweet: Thing with Raw's three hours and limited roster: It feels like you seen every match, and you rarely care who wins or loses.

Raw 20th Anniversary? Hey, Jim, bring out the old stars we got locked up in the truck in the back. Remember, 2013 is the year of The Otunga. I'm sure it's on the Chinese calendar.

Sure, Sgt. Slaughter deserves a title shot. Big Bird and Psy deserve one, too. WWE's on a hot streak of unappetizing championship matches. You can't stop them! They're like Adrian Peterson! All day baby!

I have no idea why this Raw is a "Champions's Choices" match. The champions find somebody in the back and go, "Hey, I'll defend against you!" I swear Kane's promos are Creative's way to speak to us. "This sucks! Who are we gonna fight?" We'll fight...3MB? Guys who do air humping?" Hard-earned Tag Titles right? There's zero motivation to believe 3MB would become ... Tag Team Champions. Ugh. It feels like lazy booking. Congrats, Team Hell No, you beat a bunch of chumps. The Shield should start attacking now. Any day now...nope.

Introducing the WWE champion: the creepy guy you see every morning on the subway. It's odd when watching C.M. Punk's promos. It's like watching... a real person after getting a barrage of cartoon characters. The funny thing is that it's believable they would pull Heyman vs. Ryback for WWE Title. See: Ricardo vs. Big Show later tonight.

I like Ricardo for what he is, but if this Ricardo vs. Big Show angle doesn't help Alberto Del Rio in some way...it's a waste of time. And Alberto Del Rio suddenly gives a crap about his loser manservant Alberto. "I love you, Ricardo. You have always shown me honor."

Has WWE mentioned their backstage Christmas party more than the fact that titles are up for grabs tonight? Must be an important party. Will Mae Young, much like Santa Claus last week, pull through? You know, only in the Old Testament is where a 89-year-old can be pregnant with child.

This Kofi-Wade match is missing a "wildcat" reference. Ah, there's the wildcat reference by Cole. My night is complete. Hooray, Wade Barrett is a two time, two time champion. At least we had one respectable championship match + title change, so the whole "Champions's Choice" concept wasn't viewed as a complete joke.

Ah, remember last week, kids? We ran over Santa Claus and pretended he was dead. You may have gone to bed early. Wow. This Santa Claus recap video is like WWE's big "EFF YOU" to their viewers. Message received. I don't mind stupid comedy, but don't go overboard with it. Oh, nevermind. Here's Santa Claus kicking Alberto's ass. You see why they kept Shield off last week's shows?

Ahhh. Mae Young gives birth to the 2013 baby. Sadly enough, other than the IC Title changing hands, that was the only eventful thing.

Time for Ziggler and A.J. to end 2012. Hey Ziggler, instead of talking about Cena so much, what did you do at last year's WrestleMania? Were you on Team Johnny? Ziggler could go for the kill here by saying John Cena is overrated worse than Jets QB Mark Sanchez. Sanchez would disagree. Remember People Power? It's when half of you decided to stop watching WWE. "Okay, Ziggler, you're going to do a promo, but with lots and lots of Cena video packages." This is a boring ass recap, Ziggy.

And now Cena: 10-time world champion. Ziggler: Formely cougar bait to Vickie Guerrero. Somewhere there's a commerical break coming up. Cena's announcement for 2013: Dolph Ziggler still sucks, baby! I mean, What the hell is John Cena rambling about? Really. I don't get what he's saying. Your resolve hasn't changed your wardrobe? Uh, sure. Not let the showering of poop commence on Ziggy & A.J. I know complaining about Cena is useless, but ... what was that? What the hell was that? Good grief.

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