By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Absurdity specialist




After watching TNA Final Resolution, I'm left scratching my head. The PPV itself wasn't garbage, mind you.

But after the ho-hum main event of Jeff Hardy vs. Robert Roode, I can imagine many fans voting for this PPV to be included in the TNA PPVs that we don't see. What exactly are we paying money for? Besides hoping that Bully Ray and Brooke Hogan mash lips?

Where exactly are we at with TNA? Are we moving forward? Moving backward? Standing still at 1.0 ratings? Why do we have PPVs where largely nothing happens? If it wasn't for the inclusion of the Styles-Daniels match, this PPV would resemble an Impact episode.

Most memorable bit of the night was Styles losing to Daniels. It's a type of finish that works for both men: Daniels can hopefully fulfill his dreams of challenging for the TNA Heavyweight Championship (he's a entertaining bald mofo) and Styles can be even more depressed, grow out his hair, and binge on milk while listening to "The Downward Spiral." He just can't seem to pull it together.

Basically, Styles is Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo in January. Sorry.

Just remember that before Styles lost to Daniels, TNA showed:

(1) Hulk Hogan and Brooke Hogan Knows Best
(2) Aces & Eights still hanging around, incredously

And remember that before this angle, Styles was stuck in "Claire Lynch" hell.

So my confidence with what they'll do with Styles is, um, shaky. But if Styles starts showing up in the rafters in Sting make-up, wouldn't that be sweet? Styles is Sting Junior!

James Storm shouldn't really be in TNA's version of WWE's Pre-YouTube show. (The cold, "Why the hell not?" opener.) At least he should be advertised on the card. I understand things change. Hold on...I hear Vince just changed up his PPV main event...again.




The Hogan stuff I can understand, because, well, their last name is "Hogan" (some things as a wrestling fan it's best not to criticize and just accept), but why this Aces & Eights stuff is still going on I don't know. Taking them as hardcore bikers who thrashed TNA wrestlers was first a tough sell. Now you might as well have Devon and his crew dress up as Santa Claus and his reindeer, then sing Christmas Carols as they cripple Garrett Bischoff. *

You know, that would be pretty cool Christmas special: "Aces & Eights Destroying Gingerbread Houses Oh No They're So Horrible." Usually, bikers get into gang wars, do drugs, and get some hole. You know, cool stuff. Aces & Eights are determined to deflate your inflatable "Mr. Snowy" front lawn decoration. Muhahaha.




If we compare Aces & Eights to WWE's The Shield, the main difference is that The Shield doesn't have a old-ass Sgt. Devon. And WWE has their group state their full names over and over to make them stand out. Who's in Aces & Eights? What makes Aces & Eights stand out?

Some say it feels like RVD and Jeff Hardy are TNA champions mainly because they move merchadise and are mega-names. Pfftttt. It's all a conspiracy, man. They're champions because TNA's got a long-term plan for them, man.

TNA Final Resolution didn't feel like a PPV. It felt like a obligation on TNA's part. Like they were court ordered to produce...something...for Final Resolution. "Brah, are you going to buy the TNA Obligation?" "You mean PPV, right?" "No, that's what they're calling it now. TNA Obligation. I hope A.J. Styles loses in this one, too."




As noted above, not the worst PPV TNA has put on, but you really can't attach the following words to describe this show: "buzzworthy," "momentous," "stupendous," "flat-out awesome," "kick-ass," "strong," or even "great."

The ending to the Redskins-Ravens game had great drama, a fantasic conclusion, and a question mark regarding the health status of Redskins QB RGIII. TNA Final Resolution...eh, not so much. At times during the PPV I felt like I was serving community service hours for my crimes as a wrestling fan, fine included.

That's it for me. Check out next Impact for Aces & Eights smashing the kneecaps of elves and the release of a "Brooke Hogan-Bubba Ray" sex tape titled, "Hogan Does A Lot Of Bumpin!" Oh, brother.




Final Resolution Absurd Verdict: Very Absurd

*Unless Creative reveals that Garrett Bischoff is Wolverine and has unbreakable bones. Which, all things considered in TNA, I'm not ruling out.

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

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