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Absurdity of it All
ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - Raw: WWE Misses Out On A.J. As Ladder Prize, Miz's Bumpy Face Turn, Why Isn't Santino On "Walking Dead?"

Dec 4, 2012 - 11:54:09 AM
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By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Absurdity specialist

“Well, I travel around the country on my merry way
I’ve been to crowds and felt I was alone
But when I feel like braggin’ I just up and say
I’m a native son of San Antone”

-“My Home In San Antone” by Willie Nelson

Let's give a round of applause for that last Raw. Whoowee was it good.

I mean, who doesn’t love when the fans get to book the PPVs based on their reactions? Saturday Night Live lets people choose their guests now, so I dug it that I could put Ziggler’s MITB briefcase on the line just by Vince looking at me and going, "Would ya like that?" Sure, Vince! Who says I’m not supposed to have the feelings of “empathy” for Ziggler?

We all know why Vince, er, Vickie put Ziggler’s MITB briefcase on the line. To give the Cena-Ziggler ladder match a little juice. And, since A.J. can't be hung above the ring like mistletoe ("Who's gonna kiss her first, Cole?"), let's throw Ziggler's quaint MITB briefcase up there.

But, even little kids in their new Cena 10th Anniversary gear know that Mr. Cena is always Mr. Money In The Bank. He’s carrying a invisible blue briefcase 24/7. He just needs to show up.

I’m not sure why Vince has Vickie employed as GM if he routinely changes up her PPV ideas. Maybe he has dementia. I would recommend Ziggler sue WWE. Or, clock Sheamus with a tire iron before the PPV happens.

You also gotta dig Creative and their continuity. On Raw, they had Ziggler complain that he had to defend his MITB briefcase against Jericho, a fact that many fans totally forgot. Why, thanks for reminding us that this cheap ploy was already used.

I’m thinking the reason why Ziggler has been losing pretty cleanly to Cena lately is that he’ll pick up a tainted win at the PPV so that Ziggler gets to brag while they try to keep Cena strong.

The whole Cena-Ziggler feud hasn’t been the smoothest of rides, and right now we can’t say with certainity of what they’re trying to accomplish. I’ll go with Ziggler retaining. This is not Mr. Anderson losing to Edge, folks.

We know Cena vs. Rock at WrestleMania is looming, and probability says that match-up will be for the WWE Title. WWE could cook up anything for Cena to be put into that position. Say if Ziggler loses at the PPV, but comes right back in winning the Rumble…I think the better situation is for Ziggler to retain at the PPV. I figure A.J. will make her presence known in the match.

What’s nice is that this match has so much political b.s. that The Shield should step in and triple powerbomb Cena. It's the right thing to do.

What’s also nice is that A.J.’s “crazy” character makes it plausible for her to screw...er...cost Cena the match. Storyline reason for abrupt change in personality? She’s crazy!

I think a A.J. heel turn will go down smoother than this Miz face turn. They portray him as a babyface, but I’m pretty sure he’s still a heel. It seems like Mizzy doesn’t want to give up facets of his persona that the crowd reacts to, but I find no reason to cheer for that man.

I’m not a stickler for when WWE rigs tweeting polls or re-writes their own history. It’s their product and they can do what they want. But, I don’t think this “Wildcat” thang for Kofi Kingston is gonna catch on like people catching a cold. Please drop.

Meanwhile, Ryback is a powerful Cacodemon who just devours people. It’s simple, it’s stupid, and it’s gratifying to have this meathead destroy twerps. Guys who don’t even bench 600 pounds and eat ten large meals a day like the rest of us. Geesh.

So, Brad Maddox is basically the heel version of Zack Ryder. Got it.

Switching gears, during the start of the U.S. Title four-way match, fans were treated to WWE’s game of “Who’s The Booker?” Vickie and Booker really don’t want those GM jobs that much it seems.

Let’s say that Rock does win the WWE Title at the Rumble...we won't see him in action until WrestleMania. You know, the opposite of "Rock tweeting" and "Rock touting" and "Rock promo'ing about tweeting" and "Rock live from outer space on the set of a new flick." The whole wrestling thang.

It’s kinda of a bummer that it appears that all of Brock Lesnar’s dates are gonna be eaten up by a returning Triple H. We know that return match will make a lot of moolah, but after their largely disappointing Summerslam match, the fire is lacking here.

Of course, all of these predictions are up in the air at this point.

On the last Raw, I thought they did some nice work with The Shield. The Shield is WWE-ready and it feels like they belong. You could put these goons as toys right now. And I wouldn’t mind seeing a PPV re-match of that fatal-four way match. Mostly because it doesn’t involve Santino, who...whew...oh boy, buy him some eggnog to help ease the pain of his dead character. It’s like watching “The Walking Dead” out there. Here comes Santino, a zombie who power-walks. Maybe he should just start dressing up as the local town's mascot to get more of a comic reaction.

I find myself caring more about WWE’s Main Event show than watching Smackdown. Maybe it’s because I know WWE’s Main Event show is built on one particular match that was hyped up usually a week before. And not just Cena feeling like working on a Tuesday. (I kid. John Cena does not require the human need for sleep/rest.)

The end of the show featured Punk throwing out some vocal jabs to Miz (which was good) and getting put through a table by our big boy with a severe eating problem (super good). Next week? Paul Heyman prepares for Hanukkah (nice) and how to sue Santa Claus (super nice).

That’s it for me. Free eggnog to all of my readers! 1965 means it's a vintage year.

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com


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