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Absurdity of it All
ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - Raw: Devon To Be Revealed As Team Ambrose Leader, Ryback Eats Another Table, Punk Wrestling Until 2018?, A.J./Cena Goes "Twilight"

Nov 21, 2012 - 11:47:01 AM
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By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Absurdity specialist

"They call it Thanksgiving
I call your holiday hell-day
Cause I'm from poverty
Neglected by the wealthy"

-"What Goes Around" by Nas

I first watched Monday Night Football and watched the 49ers gut the Bears while Raw was recording. Game started out hot, then got boring around the end. Raw was the complete opposite, as a good sizeable chunk of it was easily passable, then the newsworthy stuff happened at the end.

Big news out of the night was the reappearance of Rollins, Ambrose, and a guy I've started calling "Dippy Dips--t" replaying what they did at the PPV, in case you missed it (and chances are you did). Caveman Ryback went through another table. It was Ryback's fault. He didn't eat the table.

There were a lot of people Sunday night abuzzed about the appearance of the Three Stooges (bad haircuts and all). You see, these guys were from NXT, or FCW, or ROH, or WNBA, or MIA, or Chicken Fart Wrestling. The fact is that the majority of America don't know who the hell these guys in black are, so please understand that many people after the Survivor Series finish were less than excited about the next Raw.

In case you don't know who they are, I've included some videos:

Here's Rollins...



Here's Ambrose vs. the #8 best in the world...



And here's Reigns (a.k.a. Dippy Dips--t)



Hey, that's not a Reigns video. My bad. Did you catch a young Brad Maddox/Josh Matthews in there? Plus, the girl saying, "Rip his lungs out?" Whoa. That's too attiudinal!

As I see it, they'll slowly drag out this angle while introducing these guys into the limelight. The hint of that C.M. Punk is the mastermind behind these attacks will be in the background, until we learn out that it's been that damn Devon all along. Then, these faves people have been raving about will become the next 3MB. Probably by January, we'll get a better sense of what WWE's trying to accomplish here.

Remember when Brett DiBiase, brother of Ted DiBase, Jr., ran in and caused Cena to lose a match with Orton, then disappeared? Sometimes these angles just don't pan out.

I digged that Paul Heyman mocked some members of the WWE Universe for wanting the Attitude Era, but not wanting the controversy with it.

Although I must dock major points to both Punk and Heyman in stating that Punk's gonna beat Bruno Sammarito's record of like 3,000 days of being champion. I watch grown men fight in their underwear for a living, but that was not the least bit believable. I can't see Punk wrestling until 2018. He's one step away from accomplishing his dream of opening up a donut place in the heart of Chicago.

C.M. Punk will top John Cena as the longest reigning WWE champion. Remember back a year ago we were complaining that the WWE Title was changing hands too many times between Alberto Del Rio, Cena, and C.M. Punk?

I present several ways WWE can improve on this Cena-A.J. angle: Reveal that Cena is a 2,000-year-old vampire who's looking for his true love, and have him sparkle in the lights. Plus, Tamina as the crazed werewolf, Vickie as the head vampire, and A.J. is pregnant with Cena's demon baby. And, a appearance by the music group One Direction at the wedding. That's much better. They've already got the boring dialogue and the long exposition down pat.

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And, by the way, Cena-A.J. will get way more air time than Ambrose, Rollins, and Dippy times by, oh, about a million. Let that sink in.

Cena's ankle injury may be have been real or it may be a work. At this point, does it really matter if it's real or not? We get the same Cena tweet that's he's gonna be at the next show even if they have to prop up his body on a dolley.

I did get a kick out of Ziggler calling A.J. "trash." Ziggy was just a little miffed that WWE apparently got temporary amnesia about his big win over Orton at the PPV. Don't worry, Ziggy, we already forgot it, too. You got a hair perm at Survivor Series, that's right. If we keep it up, maybe it can become a urban legend like seeing Bigfoot or a leprechaun. Did you witness Ziggler winning over Orton? No you didn't. It was just your imagination.

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WWE did a questionaire recently on WWE.com about Jack Swagger returning back:

"Do you hope Jack Swagger returns to Raw or Smackdown soon?"

"Yes! I want to see his new look!"

"Do you see him winning a championship again?"

"No. I don't want him to win at all. I just want to see his new look, and then you can fire him."

Stay strong, Swag.

In other news...Ryback managed to pick up Tensai this time...Wade Barrett goes for the eyes to finish foes, which makes me think why other heels haven't done the same...A certain somebody will be excited about WWE appearing on E! The Soup (he's probably drinking a six-pack right now)...and my probability of Stone Cold vs. C.M. Punk at WrestleMania, against my better judgment, gets higher every day...

That's it for me. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Feel free to mail me over some drumsticks and some mashed potatoes. I leave you with this question. Who's the real mastermind behind the Ryback attacks?

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Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com


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