CONTACTABOUTFACEBOOKTWITTERPODCAST IPHONE APPANDROID APPAMAZON APPRSS
Pro Wrestling Torch
Pro Wrestling Torch Reaches The Most Wrestling Fans Every Week: #1 in iTunes • #1 on iPhone and iPad • #1 on Android • #1 on Kindle
GOT THE PWTORCH APP YET?
iPhone & iPad
Android
Amazon Kindle
Windows Phone
PWTorch Phone App
Absurdity of it All
ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - Raw: Survivor Series Changed (for now), Cena Pulls A Clinton, What's A Matta With Fandangoo?, I Got Your Next President Right Here

Nov 7, 2012 - 12:00:26 AM
PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO BOOKMARK US & VISIT US DAILY


GuerreroVickie_Wide_CG_3.png



By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Absurdity specialist

“Making choices and hoping that they’re all right
Hating waiting for something to make this worth the waiting
And what are you waiting for?
Any advice?”

-“Any Advice?” by Nonpoint

Tired of being a nobody? Want to be somebody? Want to earn more money, more recognition, and more prestige? Pull a Brad Maddox and low-blow your boss. No one will ever forget your name. Sure, you will never work in that chosen field again, but hey, you’ll get more Twitter followers.

Cranky Vince McMahon in his “Everything sucks, so I'mma change things up” mode put Brad in a match with Ryback next week. If Braddy wins next week, he’ll get a cool million bucks from Vinnie. Brad, remember the laser pointer tip I gave a while back in fighting Ryback.

I feel Bratty Braddy should have gotten two million dollars for ending that Hell in the Cell match early. C’mon, Vince, you’re just giving away money these days.

The big news out of Raw was that old-man Vince decided that no one cared about Team Foley vs. Team Punk and instead had Vickie book your standard triple threat match with...well, you already know. The pervert, the dummy, and the champ who can’t stop talking about a lowly ref. So, now it’s a triple threat for the Survivor Series main event... at least until next week. You never know...

I’m watching tonight’s Raw as I type this and you would think more would be put into this triple threat match. After all, they’ve only got one Raw left before Survivor Series. No worries, mate. They’ve got a three-hour show to hype up these facts:

-John Cena cares more about defending that he didn’t do the naked dance with A.J. than the WWE Title.

-Ryback cares more about eating the rest of the leftover Halloween candy than the WWE Title.

-C.M. Punk cares about the WWE Title. In fact, he made a overexaggerated display of how much he loved it. Then, he punched fans in the face.

-The WWE Title itself cares more about A.J. and Cena gettin’ horizontal than itself.

clinton.JPG



I’m frankly frightened to enter a Kmart. You see, Kmart’s new “Survivor Series Fan Special” is so extreme and so laden with potential violence that it makes my insides quiver. I think I’ll play it safe and visit the Gold Club in Atlanta instead.

What's this? A email defending the good honor of the Gold Club? I apologize, Starbutts and Boobie Bungalow.

So, WWE introduces a new character. Everybody goes, “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen on television.” WWE rejoices. This new character is called Brodus Clay. Welcome to the fold, Fandangoo. I can only surmise you’re on the first of many new WWE characters to be introduced: The Amazonia, Instabam, The Googler, Stubhubo, and Boobie Bungalow.

Car_Fox.JPG



I guess there are no other Italian names than “Santino." Here’s some other names for this dude: The Passion. The Lover. The Sex Factor. The Forbidden Groin. Mozzarella Pizza Pie. Whattsa Matta With U. I Dance 2. Instead we give a suave dancer a name that ends with “goo." Watch out, Fandangoo gonna goo all over you.

I get that the new character has to make a impression, but having a character named after a movie ticket company makes me think, “Hey, the guys who wrote ‘Here Comes The Boom’ are smarter than the WWE guys.” (By the way, go see that movie. Former MMA fighter and all around killer Bas Rutten delights and thrills) I'm kinding thinking Brad Maddox comes in as the Goo guy.

Wade Barrett gets some home lovin’. He’s going to be in that classic Survivor Series match. And, yes, you’re can feel free now to not care about that match. Whew. It’s all right now.

“Next week, Jerry Lawler returns after his heart attack. He will be joined alongside Colts’s head coach Chuck Pagano who has battled Leukemia. It’s the most uplifting segment anybody will ever see! Plus, John Cena may have gotten neked with A.J.!”

Well, people were clamoring for a revival of the WWE tag team division, and we’re getting spoonfuls of it now. You feel there’s more tag team matches on Raw to better pad out Raw’s three hours. Titus O’Neil barks in agreement.

Here’s hoping in the future Daniel Bryan gets involved in a serious feud. Mind you, his character is way over, and people are generally having a hoot. Team Hell No’s involvement in that Survivor Series match is it’s calling card...as long as they don’t overdo their act. They never do that.

WWE '13 commercial: Much like WCW/NWO Revenge, you know you will be playing the older stars a lot more than the younger ones.



WWE '15: The NWO Era. Gimmie gimmie gimmie. For years you can focus on different wrestling eras while releasing the same game! You own all the history!

Okay, for a guy who loves nothing but himself, C.M. Punk is talking a heck of a lot about Brad Maddox. Plus, we have C.M. Punk telling you that Surivor Series is screwing him and will screw you. Boring.

Let’s check in with former stars of WWE. Let’s check in with the star of “The Man With The Iron Fists” Batista…

batty.JPG



Oh. Sorry to disturb you. How about The Rock?

the-rock-the-hulk.jpg



Yikes. Think I’ll go back to my article now.

Main event time. Ziggy looks impressive, and he looks to be a thorn in Cena’s side and looking to make a big push to the big time. And, then we find out that A.J.’s been sleeping with the Zigmesiter. Vickie is crushed.

That’s it for me, Republicans/Democrats/Independents/don't care playing video games. Who’s going to become the next U.S. President? I’ve got the inside scoop.

foxpres.jpg



Uh huh. America’s coming back, baby. With The Forbidden Groin as Vice President.

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com


COMMENT ON THIS ARTICLE
comments powered by Disqus

We suggest these recent related articles...
ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - Raw: HBK To Crossbow Lesnar On Sunday, WWE Asks Paul Bearer's Ashes To Sell Mania, Punk & Triple H's Post-Mania Plans, Cash Cow Cena = Bieber?
ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - State of WM29 Card: Rock & Cena To Sing About Buffalo Nipples To Get Heat, What Heyman Should Have Stipulated To Hunter, Punk To Relieve Himself In Urn To Get Heat
ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - Raw & TNA: Using The Recently-Dead For Storylines, Bully Ray King Of Da World, Swagger To Be Sold To N. Korea Post-WM29, And Raw Gets A Flat
prowrestling.net
CLICK HERE FOR EVEN MORE PW.NET HEADLINES


CLICK TO EMAIL THIS ARTICLE
CLICK HERE TO RETURN TO MAIN LISTING

NEW! SIGN UP FOR FREE PWTORCH BREAKING NEWS EMAIL ALERTS
BECOME A PWTORCH VIP MEMBER
-FORMER MEMBERS LOGIN HERE TO RENEW
-NEW MEMBERS CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP
SELECT BY ARTICLES CATEGORY
SEARCH PWTORCH.COM



CLICK HERE FOR LIST OF UPCOMING PRO WRESTLING EVENTS
MORE HEADLINES AT AFFILIATE SITES
MMATorch
LATEST HEADLINES - CLICK TO READ CLICK HERE FOR MORE MMATORCH HEADLINES


PWTORCH POLL - VOTE NOW!

MCNEILL LIVECAST POLL: What was the biggest revelation from the leaked WWE Raw script?
A.J. Lee is "injured"
Del Rio was "injured" and wrestled two matches
C.M. Punk is "injured"
Cena's Photoshop bit was not part of the script
Sami Zayn is on the main roster
Steve O. from "Jackass" is on Creative
The announcers need permission to "breathe"
It took three writers to put together the promo Stephanie McMahon decided not to use
Other (email to pwtorchlivecast@gmail.com)
  


D-BRYAN POLL: Among active stars, who should Daniel Bryan's first title defense be against?
Triple H
Randy Orton
Batista
Kane
Bray Wyatt
John Cena
Cesaro
  


BRYAN POLL: Will Daniel Bryan actually headline even one PPV during his WWE World Title reign?
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Maybe, might be like C.M. Punk as WWE champ
(Team) Hell No!
  

VOTE IN OR SEE RESULTS OF PREVIOUS POLLS



LATEST HEADLINES - CLICK TO READ CLICK HERE FOR EVEN MORE INC HEADLINES

_
LATEST FREE AUDIO SHOWS - CLICK TO LISTEN VIEW MORE PWTORCH LIVECAST EPISODES
DOWNLOAD PWTORCH LIVECAST APP
SUBSCRIBE TO PWTORCH LIVECAST IN ITUNES


ABOUT US

THE TORCH REACHES MORE COMBAT ENTERTAINMENT FANS THAN ANY OTHER SOURCE

PWTorch editor Wade Keller has covered pro wrestling full time since 1987 starting with the Pro Wrestling Torch print newsletter. PWTorch.com launched in 1999 and the PWTorch Apps launched in 2008.

He has conducted "Torch Talk" insider interviews with Hulk Hogan, The Rock, Steve Austin, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Eric Bischoff, Jesse Ventura, Lou Thesz, Jerry Lawler, Mick Foley, Jim Ross, Paul Heyman, Bruno Sammartino, Goldberg, more.

He has interviewed big-name players in person incluiding Vince McMahon (at WWE Headquarters), Dana White (in Las Vegas), Eric Bischoff (at the first Nitro at Mall of America), Brock Lesnar (after his first UFC win).

He hosted the weekly Pro Wrestling Focus radio show on KFAN in the early 1990s and hosted the Ultimate Insiders DVD series distributed in retail stories internationally in the mid-2000s including interviews filmed in Los Angeles with Vince Russo & Ed Ferrara and Matt & Jeff Hardy. He currently hosts the most listened to pro wrestling audio show in the world, (the PWTorch Livecast, top ranked in iTunes)


REACHING 1 MILLION+ UNIQUE USERS PER MONTH
500 MILLION CLICKS & LISTENS PER YEAR
MILLIONS OF PWTORCH NEWSLETTERS SOLD
PWTORCH STAFF

EDITORS:
Wade Keller, editor
(kellerwade@gmail.com)

James Caldwell, assistant editor
(pwtorch@gmail.com)

STAFF COLUMNISTS:
Bruce Mitchell (since 1990)
Pat McNeill (since 2001)
Greg Parks (since 2007)
Sean Radican (since 2003)

We also have a great team of
TV Reporters
and Specialists and Artists.

PWTORCH VIP MEMBERSHIP

PWTorch offers a VIP membership for $10 a month (or less with an annual sub). It includes nearly 25 years worth of archives from our coverage of pro wrestling dating back to PWTorch Newsletters from the late-'80s filled with insider secrets from every era that are available to VIPers in digital PDF format and Keller's radio show from the early 1990s.

Also, new exclusive top-shelf content every day including a new VIP-exclusive weekly 16 page digital magazine-style (PC and iPad compatible) PDF newsletter packed with exclusive articles and news.

The following features come with a VIP membership which tens of thousands of fans worldwide have enjoyed for many years...

-New Digital PWTorch Newsletter every week
-3 New Digital PDF Back Issues from 5, 10, 20 years ago
-Over 60 new VIP Audio Shows each week
-Ad-free access to all PWTorch.com free articles
-VIP Forum access with daily interaction with PWTorch staff and well-informed fellow wrestling fans
-Tons of archived audio and text articles
-Decades of Torch Talk insider interviews in transcript and audio formats with big name stars.


**SIGN UP FOR VIP ACCESS HERE**

CONTACTABOUTFACEBOOKTWITTERPODCASTIPHONE APPANDROID APPAMAZON APPRSS
VIP SIGN-UP
VIP LOGIN
THE TORCH: #1 IN COMBAT ENTERTAINMENT COVERAGE | © 1999-2013 TDH Communications Inc. • All rights reserved -- PRIVACY POLICY