By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Absurdity specialist




"Bragging bout the episode we just had
A shot of Hennessy didn't make me feel that bad
I'm usually a true firm believer of bad karma
Consequences from evil will make your past haunt ya"
-"The Art Of Peer Pressure" by Kendrick Lamar

Hey, with all of that money WWE...er...Linda's Foundation...er...Vince's Foundation...er...Vince McMahon gave Donald Trump, you figured Trump could have ran in at the end of Hell in a Cell.

But, no, we get the "Ref Brad Maddox" option.

Sure, the "Trump option" wouldn't have made a lick of sense, but neither does a Team Hell No match/skit.

What was it like during those creative meetings for this finish? I'm guessing it was a lot like that movie "Argo," where people are trying to come up with creative plans to answer this difficult situation. The pressure's unbearable. Time is short. And, whatever option you choose is fraught with peril. Somehow, in some way, the "evil ref" was apparently the best option available.

The big news out of the "Hell in the Cell" PPV is that the ol' cage was actually used again! Ryback delivered his "Shellshock" move to C.M. Punk on top of the cage. That was a cool visual. This cool visual was born out of WWE pleading with the PPV buyers not to hate them so much for the uncool finish.

You see, ref Brad Maddox, a guy who got a small role in this Punk-Heyman deal weeks ago (don't worry if you forgot it during the three-hour mess that is known as Raw), low-blowed Ryback and did a fast count. Punk retains.

So, A.J. loses her job because she has relationship with a wrestler... yet Vickie Guerrero won't fire this ref on the spot at Raw because (a) she's heel, (b) Heyman will work his magic with her, and (c) Maddox is actually legally blind and was looking for his car keys when he low-blowed Ryback.

And, apparently Brad Maddox, according to the internetz, is "hawttt OMG." And, Cena/A.J. is a thang! Who says wrestling has to be a male soap opera? Let's turn this place into a CW teen sitcom.




What sucks is that WWE couldn't land (or choose not to bring) a big name to come back for this finish. That would have gone smoother with us. This match isn't going on any "Hell in the Cell" DVD collection any time soon.

Now, one of the key points with any crap sandwich finish is if it's constroversial enough so that viewers will tune into Raw. Evil ref Brad Maddox? Meh. Looking forward to that more than another Team Hell No skit, which seems to be extremely determined to win a Slammy award for dumbest WWE thing this year.

TNA says, "I see your crap evil ref finish and I raise you Devon as the Aces & Eights Leader." There's very little buzz about WWE right now. You can feel it. Does that mean Ryback should have became WWE champion? You know all of the valid reasons why that idea was nixed tonight.

They will have to do some damage control on Raw, especially concerning Ryback. I'm looking forward to John Cena cutting this promo how much it hurt when a ref low-blowed Ryback. Ryback would respond, but he just keeps running into the ringposts and steel steps over and over.




This will all be forgiven if Ric Flair comes down that ramp and shows everyone how to do a low-blow. What can I say? WWE sure could use a big-name right now as a stop-gap before the Rumble.

In other news, Big Show became World champion. I don't understand all of this criticism that WWE isn't pushing new stars.




Randy Orton looks to be in the process of being re-pushed, Alberto Del Rio doesn't win PPV matches, and Wade Barrett could have been used on the PPV using the "Well, Justin Gabriel got PPV time" defense.

A lot of this PPV didn't feel "big-time," and it's quite hard recommending a PPV soley to see the Sheamus-Show match, good as it was. Let's just say I would buy a Fozzy CD before I would buy a replay of this PPV. Song title for the PPV was "Sandpaper," which was apt, because this was a PPV that was hard to cozy up to.

That's it for me. I felt joy and contentment catching the end of the Giants winning the World Series. By comparison, "Hell in the Cell" felt like watching Sloshball.

Absurd Hell In The Cell Verdict: Very Absurd

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

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