By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Absurdity specialist

"Cena shouldn't have won Sunday night. Now WWE has Loser Lesnar." Debatable.

"They pulled the trigger on Cena-Lesnar too quickly." Also debatable.

"Cena should have won his Mania match with Rock." Ditto.

Yes, these are all things we can see-saw back and forth on, but I think every human on the planet is in agreement that the announcement of John Cena vs. John Laurinaitis at Over The Limit PPV is truly awful.




Now, what usually happens is that we moan and complain about such a stinker of a match, and in the end, it doesn't turn out that bad. Laurinaitis and Cena could fight in space with lasers. Go ahead and amuse yourselves. What I have a beef with is that Cena went from the top of the mountain and just effin' cratered. Cena just went through a grueling battle with Brock Lesnar and looked so legitimate, but faster than I could snap my fingers, he's right back doing the Hulk Hogan schlock. Watcha gonna do, brother? I was curious if WWE was going to keep Cena out for at least a while, but a black hole will open and destroy all human life if Cena even misses one Raw. So what we have is ... this. I guess I should be just glad Cena had a sling on.

So, you know what I do to answer this? Cope with the knowledge that John Laurinaitis > Dolph Ziggler? And, to back up Johnny, they have Lord Tensai? What kind of hell have we stumbled on to? Nah, know what? I'm rejecting all of this. I'll go with my storyline and pretend John Cena's arm has fallen off. Over the next three weeks, I'll pretend I'm hallucinating when I see Cena on my TV screen. He's not there. It's all a mirage. Brock Lesnar damned near killed him. He's not trading words and blows with Johnny. It is not happening.

John Laurinaitis is fine for what he is, but, c'mon, a PPV match with Cena? This might become Cena's goofiest suckfest match ever. Not Khali. Not K-Fed. No, fighting Laurinaitis and Lord Tensai, as of right now. ... I feel part of me died when I watched that announcement. Kayfabe Board of Directors: a management personality headlining with Cena? That's just absurd, ain't it? Ask yourselves: who in their right minds would pay to see that? Maybe we'll get lucky and it will be on the free YouTube pre-PPV show.

Apparently, Brock Lesnar will be fired/suspended six times before next year's WrestleMania to keep him off television. I'm rather glad Brock broke Triple H's arm. That man wanted to take away "Monday Night Raw Starring Brock Lesnar" away. Never.




- Meanwhile, three weeks is so little time to pump up Bryan-Punk. I wonder if Jericho gets involved in all of this, but it's most likely too late now. Hey, do you think Bryan-Punk will end the PPV? Nah. I know what's going to end the PPV.

Hopefully Randy Orton is done with Kane. It's time for the man to get a little respect.




- Everyone has a WrestleMania opponent for Brock to face, but I'm on Team Undertaker.

Put on your thinking caps and come up with a way to keep Brock fans watching when there's no Brock. How about ruining Bryan-Punk? That's one date. What about for next week's Raw? Just video packages? Perhaps several random run-ins to keep the fans guessing if Brock is going to show up. Now WWE had done and gone pissed him off, so he's crippling everybodah. Hide yo kids, hide yo wife. Fear the mini, adorable Brock Lesnar action figure.




Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

We suggest these recent related articles...

ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - Raw: HBK To Crossbow Lesnar On Sunday, WWE Asks Paul Bearer's Ashes To Sell Mania, Punk & Triple H's Post-Mania Plans, Cash Cow Cena = Bieber?

ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - State of WM29 Card: Rock & Cena To Sing About Buffalo Nipples To Get Heat, What Heyman Should Have Stipulated To Hunter, Punk To Relieve Himself In Urn To Get Heat

ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - Raw & TNA: Using The Recently-Dead For Storylines, Bully Ray King Of Da World, Swagger To Be Sold To N. Korea Post-WM29, And Raw Gets A Flat