By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Absurdity specialist

Triple H vs. Undertaker at WrestleMania. The last of the outlaws will slug it out in an No Holds Barred match. Will “The Streak” end? How will these guys hold the crowd’s interest? And when Triple H takes off his shirt, will the world find out about his surgery gone horribly wrong?

Maybe Trips doesn’t want to take off his shirt because he has really bad acne. Perhaps we’ll see the effects of Hunter's transfusion of tiger blood. Or maybe Triple H’s grand scheme is to have a scary clown face painted on his chest to scare Taker.

I write these absurd scenarios because despite Trips's constipated, guttural promos, I still wonder how the Trips-Taker match is going to be any different from their WrestleMania 17 gig. Ya know, an event that happened in the past that WWE doesn't acknowledge. Bah.




WWE is certainly pumping up the fact that Triple H is King Kickass. Shawn Michaels lost the match with Taker twice because “he was too emotional." Shawn went into the match looking not necessarily to win, but not to lose. "There’s a difference.” Indeed. It’s not like Shawn, with his career on the line, would be reserved and not go for broke: “Oh well. Live to fight another day...whoops. Guess it’s selling Total Gym for me now."

Nope, Shawn lost his match with Taker because he’s an emotional wet hanky, wrought and sopping with his own unmanly tears. The only time Triple H cried was when a towering meteorite crashed into him.




Thankfully, Triple H has an ace up his sleeve. You see, The Chaperone has a dark side. A sinister, evil, and morally corrupt side. Although it’s a bit odd to promote both good/bad Trips. A typical Raw or Smackdown goes like this:

The Chaperone Ad: “Triple H is a gentle giant in The Chaperone! Fun for the whole family! Hyuk Hyuk!”

(five minutes later)

Triple H: “I will sledgehammer your skull repeatedly! Urghhhh! Bowels...clenching...up!”

So, Mr. H is psychotic? Or has a manic-depressive disorder? Lord knows that if I came out of filming “The Chaperone,” I would be more than willing to dive into being a bad, bad man. Undertaker’s previous WrestleMania opponents also talked about their dark side too:




Plus, the match is No Holds Barred. Trips should pull out all the stops: sledgehammers, handcuffs, white chalk, bringing out his tank, a flashlight in an urn, The Chaperone co-stars, his children, a bazooka, white powder from pale Sheamus, and a Pedigree on top of the arena.

There's one final confrontation left Monday on Raw, so it will be interesting to see what they can do to pump up this match.

They have the match stipulation, the story, and the personal motivation. Hopefully they up the ante, because I can’t recall a storyline that spanned across three WrestleManias like this involving Taker, Michaels, and Hunter. I hope this match lives up to the bar raised by HBK and Taker. I fear that at Mania, Taker-Trips resembles a sluggish, clay animation clip.

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com.

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