MITCHELL'S TAKE MITCHELL: Scott Steiner and The Main Event Mafia: The Comeback Promo
Nov 14, 2008 - 1:09:44 PM
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By Bruce Mitchell, PWTorch columnist
Scott Steiner cut a hell of a promo Thursday night on TNA Impact. It had just about everything a great promo should: great focus, intense delivery, and you could just tell Big Poppa Pump believed every word he said. He even teared up over his love of the business there for a second. Scott Steiner, along with Ken Patera and Ole Anderson, does one of the three greatest believable intimidating bully interviews I've ever seen.
The only problem is, he so completely buried his opponents, the lame "The TNA Originals," that no viewer could possibly take them seriously ever again against the big stars in the Main Event Mafia. After all, the Mafia main-evented in Madison Square Garden while A.J. Styles could walk down Main Street in his hometown and nobody would know who he was, and Samoa Joe is just a fat-ass. Steiner never knew who any of them were until he came to TNA. He then makes them sound like little boys, what with their comic books and video games they play with in the back.
It didn't help when Joe's response was a lame list of forgettable Total Non-Stop Action shows and gimmicks, since he apparently thought they were two Hollywood producers comparing grosses and reviews, instead of, you know, professional wrestlers.
With that the feud, and any chance to get over Samoa Joe, A.J. Styles, The Motor City Machine Guns, Consequences Creed, and the rest effectively ended, even before the Main Event Mafia won all their matches at the Turning Point pay-per-view the next night. (Jeff Jarrett and a disinterested Mick Foley coming to the rescue will just bury them further.)
What the Whatchamacallits need is the same chance on Impact to talk that the TNA creative team gave Scott Steiner...
Maybe something like this:
A.J. Styles, Samoa Joe, and several of the rest are on the ramp. The Main Event Mafia is in the ring. It's pretty much the same set up as last week, except this time we'll give the mic to A.J., since Joe kind of botched it last week. A.J.'s transcript:
* * *
A.J. Styles [photo by Wade Keller]
Yeah, I heard everything you said, Scotty. (The MEM all smirkingly congratulate Steiner.) You're right, all we have in the back is video games and comic books. That's nothing compared to the hard drugs you all had in your day.
But what I really liked hearing about was all the great places you worked, and the great crowds you worked in front of in your career, while we're all here in TNA making peanuts because we have no other options.
You know why we have no other options? I'm a student of the business and I know why. (Step aside, Kurt. This isn't about you, and you're too dumb to know this.) We have no other options because, unlike the greats in the history of the sport, people like Bruno Sammartino, Jerry Lawler, Verne Gagne, and Ric Flair, your generation fucked things up so badly we don't have the opportunities you had to make big money in front of big crowds, even though we work harder every day of our lives than you ever did, and have more talent than you ever did.
Remember WCW? You so-called stars in that ring, you personally are the reason wrestlers have to bow down or leave the business. Remember all the unprofessional crap you pulled, the dates you missed, the half-assed performances you put on - that's why my generation had no place to earn a living now. You got paid, you selfish asshole, but unlike the professionals who sacrificed to build a business you had contempt for—even as you raped it—you ruined it for everyone who came after you.
And if you're such a big star, Scotty, how come no one will pay to see your pumped-up ass?
Hell, look at that clown back there looking uncomfortable in his make-up and big-boy suit. Sting got the best contracts in the business and did he ever really deliver? He doesn't even know he didn't. Or Booker T, back there? What is this, the Mid-Card Mafia? How the hell did he get all those so-called world titles without ever actually making it to a main event? How much money did WCW waste on him and his brother, anyway?
And there's Kevin Nash, the self-proclaimed "smartest man in the business" whose shit-stirring did more to put WCW out of the business than even your rages and eye-pulling, Scotty. Nice hair, old man.
But you know what: You're right. You're more famous than we are, selfish, lazy failures that you are, and you have more money than we have, even though, if there was any justice, you'd have to give it all back to Turner Broadcasting. Too bad none of that means a damn thing compared to what I'm about to tell you.
You've had it easy, just like always, but after you shot your mouth off last week, you're finally going to get what's coming to you.
Here's the deal, you old leeches: You're out. This company, and more importantly, our careers, are going nowhere until you're gone, so you're going to pay for all the damage you caused everyone associated with the sport. We can do it, too, because the one thing everyone of us on this stage has on everyone of you in that ring (except, like I said, Kurt, step aside - we have a place for you) is that we can kick the shit out of any of you part-time, over-paid old dilettantes anytime we feel like it.
Don't believe me, Mr. Michigan All-American? Too bad that was thirty fucking years ago. I'm going to run your ass in that ring until that enlarged large heart of yours bursts, and if it doesn't, while you're standing there sucking in air, I'm going to leap up and stomp that cracked-up chest with both feet until it breaks completely.
Sting, you're finally off scholarship. Go home or we're going to hurt you real bad.
And, hey yo, Silver Fox, how many of Joe's stiff kicks to those busted knees do you think it will take before they wheel your wobbly ass out of here? (Joe grins.)
And how much good is that stupid accent and that same old ring routine going to do you, Book, when Awesome Kong kicks your ass out the door? You know she'd love it. Tell the truth, you retired three years ago.
How's that for respect, assholes?
Bruce Mitchell of Greensboro, N.C. has been a PWTorch columnist since 1990. He is widely regarded as the top columnist in the industry with a library of historically significant, influential feature-length columns from the PWTorch Newsletter. His library is available to PWTorch VIP member and much of his writings on a weekly basis are only available at the PWTorch VIP website.
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