By Pat McNeill, PWTorch columnist

Wake the pets and call the neighbors, it's time for our exclusive WWE pay-per-view projections!

DISCLAIMER: Projections are based on what the columnist would do if he were booking this event, instead of Paul "The Game" Levesque, Vice President in Charge of Televised Bullying Stephanie McMahon Levesque and WWE President Bat S--- Crazy Vince McMahon. Projections are not predictions, because this is the column where everything's made up and the points don't matter. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive the complete 22 volume World Book Encyclopedia for 2014. World Book Encyclopedia, the number-one selling print encyclopedia in the world, a division of Berkshire Hathaway. Remember, this is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. These predictions are based on what the columnist would do if he had creative control over WWE, leaving out the part where he gimmicks the price of WWE stock.

So, does this pay-per-view seem familiar to anyone else? The two main matches on "Payback" are rematches from the "Extreme Rules" show from four weeks ago. It makes me want to reuse the same article I wrote for "Extreme Rules."

So, why did "NXT Takeover" feel like a bigger deal than Payback? I don't know. You'll have to ask Triple H.

Speaking of "NXT Takeover," Jim Valley and I covered that show and other topics Friday on the PWTorch Livecast. You can check that episode out here.

Before we get down to business, let's get to this month's edition of the Wrestling History Lesson, because that's why many of you clicked here in the first place. Twenty years ago, on June 19th, 1994, the World Wrestling Federation presented the King of the Ring pay-per-view from Baltimore, Maryland. If you don't remember the lineup, don't sweat it. Our man Todd Pettingill will break it down for you on the official King of the Ring pre-show.



After that, check out the opening match between Razor Ramon and Bam Bam Bigelow. (If you can. This is not the best quality footage.) Gorilla Monsoon and Randy Savage had the call, joined by Pro Football Hall of Famer Art "How much does that guy weigh?" Donovan.


KOTR 94 Quarterfinal Match Razor Ramon vs Bam... by dwalk316

What was happening in World Wrestling Entertainment fifteen years ago? I'm glad you asked! WWF brought us Raw is War on May 31, 1999 (pretaped) from Moline, Illinois. The beginning of the program featured controversial footage from Owen Hart's funeral, then we settled into our usual show, kicking off with The Big Show against Billy Gunn. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler had the call.


WWF Raw - 05-31-1999 Part 1 by WWF1996-1999

Did you see the main event of Raw this week? No? Watch it now. Here's WWE United States Champion Sheamus against Alberto Del Rio in a non-title bout. Michael Cole, John Layfield & Jerry Lawler have the call. (If you want to see it, hurry, because WWE will have it down in about fifteen minutes. Or less.)



Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and John B. Layfield will probably be announcing tomorrow, unless they are "replaced" by Luke Harper & Erick Rowan. On with the program!

El Torito vs. Hornswoggle (Hair vs. Mask Match): I'm sure you saw Raw, where Hornswoggle ripped off El Torito, spawning numerous protests from PETA. (Or not.) Projection? I'm expecting some more comedy spots involving Los Matadores and 3MB. We may also get the return of Micro Cole, Jerry Smaller and JBElf, but don't hold me to that. Torito wins with a bulldog. Lawler and Layfield take turns thumbing through "1001 Tasteless (Proportionate Dwarf) Jokes - Volume II.*"

Big E. Langston vs. Alexander Rusev (w/ Ludmilla Drago): Any chance of Big E. reprising the Apollo Creed ring entrance from "Rocky IV?" No? Think about it. We have to liven this deal up somehow. Projection? Big E. actually gets some offense in before the powerlifter gets the victory with the Bulgarian suplex.

Paige Knight vs. Alicia Fox (WWE Divas Title): For those of wondering why Paige was so entertaining on NXT, and not so much in WWE, it's probably due to the shorter matches she's wrestling. Also, she hasn't worked with Natalya. Projection? Paige Turner, and the champ retains. Alicia Fox has a postmatch freakout which ends with her trying to ride Justin Roberts like a mechanical bull.

Sheamus vs. Antonio Cesaro (WWE United States Title): Yes, I'd love to see C.M. Punk return tonight and kick off a long feud with the King of Swing. Yes, C.M. Punk is in Chicago. No, it's not going to happen. Sorry. Projection? Heyman distracts Sheamus at a critical juncture in the match. Cesaro wins with the Neutralizer and becomes United States champion again. The crowd cheers for Heyman and Cesaro. Sheamus uses this as the impetus for his heel turn. (Of course, Sheamus can't turn heel until Daniel Bryan returns and WWE has enough babyfaces to fill out a house show lineup.)

Daniel Bryan Surrenders The Title: This, like most wrestling storylines, should be kept simple. Daniel Bryan is about to hand the WWE Title over to Stephanie McMahon when Brie Bella comes out and stops him. Brie tells Stephanie she'd rather be fired than let Bryan give up the championship. Stephanie is about to fire Brie when Nikki Bella comes out, saying if Stephanie fires Brie, she'll have to fire them both. Then Kofi Kingston, The Usos, Adam Rose, Dolph Ziggler, Zack Ryder, R-Truth, Big Show and most of the other good guys come out and put their careers on the line to stand with Daniel and Brie. Stephanie McMahon backs down, but tells Bryan if he can't defend the championship at "Money In The Bank" on the 29th, he will be stripped of the WWE Championship.

Bad News Barrett vs. Rob Van Dam (WWE Intercontinental Title): Wade Barrett is exactly what WWE is looking for in an Intercontinental Champion. Namely, someone who is tough enough to handle accidentally getting kicked by Rob Van Dam. Projection? Barrett gets his knees up to block Rolling Thunder, then finishes the match with a bull hammer.

John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt (Last Man Standing Match): At this point, Bray Wyatt has done all the creepy tricks in his trick bag. What's left to pull on John Cena? Projection? Another wild brawl, with Bray Wyatt breaking his rocking chair over Cena's back. Harper and Rowan keep pulling Bray up before the ten count, until the Usos come in and run them off. Cena smashes the lantern over Wyatt's head for the knockout victory. Sorry, but if Bray wins, the feud must continue, and it's time to move on.

The Shield (Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns & Seth Rollins) vs. Evolution (Randy Orton, Dave Batista & Triple H) in an Elimination Match: Once WWE announced this was an elimination match, there's only one way for this to end. Projection? Rollins eats an RKO to get eliminated first. Triple H hits Ambrose with the sledge hammer to give Evolution the three-on-one advantage. Reigns knocks out Orton with a superman punch to make it two-on-one. A spear by Reigns and Dave Batista gets pinned. Reigns blocks the Pedigree and hits Triple H with the Checkmate for the amazing comeback victory. I don't know when Dean Ambrose turns heel and sides with Triple H, but WWE should hold off until it looks like The Shield is losing its edge.

Aftermath: We go into Money In the Bank with Daniel Bryan against Kane (because there's no avoiding that matchup at this point) and Cena, Bray Wyatt, Randy Orton, Roman Reigns, Rob Van Dam and Dolph Ziggler in the "Money In The Bank" ladder match.

*Q: How do you upset a (proportionate dwarf)? A: Give him a yo-yo.

***
Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a PWTorch Columnist since 2001. He hopes everyone is enjoying the NCAA baseball playoffs.

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