By Pat McNeill, PWTorch columnist

Wake the pets and call the neighbors, it's time for our exclusive WWE pay-per-view projections!

DISCLAIMER: Projections are based on what the columnist would do if he were booking this event, instead of Paul "Dude!" Levesque, "Best Supporting Actress" Stephanie McMahon Levesque and WWE President Bats--- Crazy Vince McMahon. Projections are not predictions, because this is the column where everything's made up and the points don't matter. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive a supply of Minwax Wood Finish Stain. With twenty-two colors, Minwax makes and keeps wood beautiful. This is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. And the player who bids within $100 of his or her Showcase without going over wins both Showcases. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. These predictions are based on what the columnist would do if he had creative control over WWE, except for the part where he brings back Jim Ross and lays off people who say "sports entertainment" when they mean "pro wrestling."

Welcome to WWE's, um, 12th most important pay-per-view of the year. If the promotion needs to do three pay-per-views in six weeks, that's the McMahon family's call. But if WWE expects the middle show in this sandwich to do as well as the other two, they're kidding themselves. Plus, it means that Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton will finish off four consecutive pay-per-views in a row, and that's too many. I blame myself for suggesting another round of Orton vs. Bryan in my "Night of Champions" preview. The company probably would have been better off NOT doing Bryan vs. Orton this weekend, and building the show around Punk vs. Ryback, the RVD-Del Rio hardcore match, and the Rhodes boys vs. The Shield. We know we're getting Orton vs. Bryan again at Hell in a Cell, so why not build directly to Orton vs. Bryan on the 27th?

While performing research for this piece, I was reminded that ten years ago at this time, we had a lot of McMahon action on our television. You see, Stephanie McMahon was the general manager of Smackdown, and that entire show was built around Stephanie's big feud with WWE owner Vince McMahon. This led to a pay-per-view match where (I am not making this up) Stephanie fought Vince in an "I Quit" match. The WWE Universe was so enamored of this rivalry that Stephanie vs. Vince drew the lowest WWE buyrate in almost six years.

Fast forward to today, where we've had months of McMahons clogging up both Raw and Smackdown. Can WWE break its all-time low, set in 2005 for the infamous "ECW December to Dismember" show? Will anyone draw the proper correlation between increased McMahonage and lower ratings and buyrates? We'll find out. Yes, we will.

By the way, if you're looking for a REAL second screen experience for tomorrow night, you need to subscribe to the PWTorch public list on Twitter. It's here at http://twitter.com/pwtorch/torch-staff That's the place to be online when a major pro wrestling show is going down.

Before we get down to business, let's get to this month's edition of the Wrestling History Lesson, because that's why many of you clicked here in the first place. Twenty-five years ago, on October 25, 1988, WWF taped Saturday Night's Main Event in Baltimore, Maryland. First, we have the show opening, and then the main event. It's Hulk Hogan (w/ Miss Elizabeth) against King Haku (w/ Bobby Heenan). Your announcers are Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura.





Have you seen Los Matadores in action yet? No? Don't sweat it. From Monday's episode of WWE Raw, here are Fernando, Diego & El Torito in all their glory, as Los Matadores battle Heath Slater & Jinder Mahal of 3MB. Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler & John B. Layfield had the call.



What was happening in World Wrestling Entertainment ten years ago? I'm glad you asked! On October 19, 2003, the World Wrestling Federation returned to Baltimore, Maryland for a Smackdown-branded pay-per-view, "WWE No Mercy 2003." The show opened with WWE Cruiserweight Champion Tajiri defending his championship against Rey Mysterio. Then there were seven other matches. Michael Cole & Tazz had the call.



Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and John B. Layfield will probably be announcing this Sunday. Hopefully, they can make it back to the hotel in time to catch Sunday's extra-late NFL macthup. On with the program!

Dolph Ziggler vs. Damien Sandow: This is your preshow match on WWE.com and various other sites. It's the former World Heavyweight Champion against the top contender for the World Heavyweight Title. What could possibly go wrong? Projection? Ziggler wins with the Zig Zag. The over/under on commercial breaks during this match is 1.7.

Kofi Kingston vs. Bray Wyatt: I might be remembering this incorrectly, but wasn't it less than two months ago that Bray Wyatt beat Kane in Kane's signature match? Yeah. I thought so. Projection? No offense to Kingston fans, but I suspect Kofi puts up a fight before succumbing to Sister Abigail. Bray Wyatt maintains his perfect record.

Curtis Axel vs. R-Truth (WWE Intercontinental Title): This is one of those situations where WWE realized they needed an Intercontinental Title match for the pay-per-view, then said "Our top contender for the Intercontinental Title is WHO?" R-Truth got the better of Cool Curtis on Monday night, but C.M. Punk won't be distracting the champion this time around. Projection? Despite the best efforts of Little Jimmy, Axel hits the hangman's facebuster and retains the championship.

Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns vs. Cody Rhodes & Goldust (Non-Title Match): Dean Ambrose & Dusty Rhodes will be in the corners of their respective team, if you wheeeel. After Dusty's failure to follow the script in his previous live promos, don't expect WWE to put Dusty anywhere near of microphone. (However, if it DOES happen, I request Dusty refer to Ms. McMahon-Levesque as a "jezebel." You know, for old time's sake. Projection? Dean's interference backfires and Cody pins Seth Rollins with the Cross Rhodes. The Rhodes boys get their jobs back, but not the tag team titles. But we might see a return bout for the WWE Tag Team Titles at "Hell In A Cell" on the 27th.

A.J. Lee vs. Brie Bella (WWE Divas Title): A.J. Lee's long run as Divas title is up against the fiancee of World Wrestling Entertainment's new hero. Projection? A.J. is sneaky, but A.J. has no friends. Brie has her sister Nikki and all of the Total Divas on her side. A.J. can't escape the ring and falls victim to a Bella Buster. We have a new WWE Divas Champion. Hooray!

C.M. Punk vs. Ryback (w/ Paul Heyman): Punk comes off a loss in a handicap match and finds himself in the ring with wrestling's second biggest bully, Ryback. Projection? Yes, Ryback really needed to beat Punk last year at this time. The irony isn't lost on me. But how about Ryback, say, crunches Punk through a table and then through a barricade, and takes the countout victory? We get one non-finish per show, and if WWE sets it up right, the rematch will be more intriguing. Why not?

Alberto Del Rio vs. Rob Van Dam (Smackdown World Title - Hardcore Rules): RVD is taking time off after this match, and I'm willing to wager that Alberto Del Rio will not be taking time off for the next few weeks. Projection? Ricardo Rodriguez finally turns on Rob Van Dam, hitting the stoner goof with the spit bucket. Del Rio keeps the title. Double R explains after the match that Del Rio bought his services back for a fistful of dollars, and all is forgiven in Team El Patron.

Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan (WWE Heavyweight Title): So, how's this latest McMahon Family storyline working out for you? Yeah, that's what I thought. Here's the thing. Nobody wants to see the evil authority figure storyline on a wrestling show in 2013. The problem is that the McMahons have completely forgotten how to do television storylines without one. Projection? Daniel Bryan beats Randy Orton clean with the running knee. Monday night on Raw, Triple H and Stephanie start to overturn the decision when Mr. McMahon returns and tells them not to bother, because Orton doesn't deserve to be champion. The "best for business" campaign disappears, for now. Randy Orton can win the title back from Bryan in January, so WWE gets that Orton vs. Cena main event at WrestleMania 30. Or maybe not. We'll see.

Aftermath: Hey, did you know we have another pay-per-view in three weeks? That's right, it's "Hell In A Cell" on October 27th. I wonder who we can put in that Hell In A Cell match? Yeah, I'm guessing we get one final round of Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton in the cell. I know, you're shocked.

***
Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a PWTorch Columnist since 2001. Pat would take Houston and the points against San Francisco on Sunday Night Football. You know, if gambling were legal.

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