By Pat McNeill, PWTorch columnist

You are looking LIVE at barside here in the wild, wild West End of Richmond, as we prepare for our WWE "Night of Champions" coverage.

 I am once again reviewing this show via text, part of my plan to prepare Wade Keller for the day I send him my columns via Twitter.

 Our little corner of the bar and "grille" is in a shambles, as someone just wrapped up a Dallas Cowboys themed birthday party.  #hateDallas

 Hopefully, someone will remember us low-rent wrasslin' fans.  We have a big show tonight with six title matches, and then the main event.

 And here comes the smiling face on Scott Stanford on the mega-screen.  There's a video package with lots of Kevin Nash in it.  Lucky us.

 We finally have a patron here wearing wrestling merchandise.  It's a fat guy in a Nexus shirt.  And by "fat", I mean fatter than me.

 Even Ponytail Guy is decked out in a Tapout shirt.  Oh, these silly newbies with no notion of Blast Area etiquette.  Night of Champions now

 "To be a true champion, you must...[drowned out by sound of NFL fans in other part of the bar.]  Well, that was inspiring.

 Oh, good .  Somebody finally got around to cleaning my table.  What's that noise?  It sounds like...pyro?  That other noise?  Michael Cole.

 Tag title match is first.  R-Truth and Miz have a "You suck" entrance rap that is indescribably awesome.  Air Boom is out next.

 Remember, fans, you can follow "Night of Champions" on Twitter.  Or you could follow "Night of Champions" by, um, WATCHING THE SHOW.

 "Check this out right here."  You mean, check out the SAP feature on my remote?  Sorry.  I'm at a sports bar with other cheapskates.

 Time for Bourne to take the heat.  Also, time for dinner!  Nope.  They forgot the silverware.  Again.  Try eating a dinner salad by hand.

 I hope Jim Ross is at the hotel bar in Cleveland, sipping twelve year old scotch and watching the Eagles game while spending his per diem.

 By the way, Miz decks the ref for poor officiating and gets his team disqualified.  I see Vince brought his A-game tonight.

 Remember, there's no place for bullying in WWE, except at the gorilla position.  And here's another movie commercial on pay-per-view.

 It's time for the Intercontinental Title match.  Cody Rhodes vs. Ted DiBiase.  We have some Rhodes fans here at the bar.  Ted has no fans.

 Ted and Cody are having a nice little match that the Buffalo crowd isn't responding to in the least.  Lawler is trying to stand up to Cole.

 Hey, shouldn't the Intercontinental title shot go to someone who's won a match since 2009?  Just asking.  DiBiase has Rhodes's mask.

 Cody pins Ted with a handful of tights in the same finish they did Friday night at the house show.  Followed by a toy commercial.

 Christian comes to the ring, having just raided the lone Kohl's in the Buffalo area.  Christian wants the winner of Orton versus Henry.

 Here's the part where security should drag Christian from the ring.  But Sheamus comes to the ring instead.  What's up with that vest?

 The crowd is actually with Christian, because we're  in Bizarro World.  Christian and Sheamus cut a deal.

 Then Sheamus double crosses Christian and knocks him out with a brouge kick.  Remember, kids, bullying is wrong.  Another damn commercial.

 It's time for the four-way match for the US Title.  WWE.com reportedly asked Riley if he was ready to win the US Title, as if he'd say "no.

 There's a 25% chance of Ziggler keeping the US title.  There's a 100% chance that Cole's character is a tool.

 Dolph and Swagger are arguing, giving Riley an opening.  Vickie has to pull Ziggler to the ropes to save the title.  No crowd heat here.

 Good crowd here in the wrasslin' swction of the bar.  Morrison suplexs Riley out of the Tree of Woe, our Spot of the Night so far.

 Morrison blows the Starship Pain (not a euphemism), Riley almost wins.  Swagger hits a Swagger Bomb on Morrison, but Dolph steals the pin.

 Backstage, Josh Mathews tries to interview Mark Henry.  Henry says he doesn't want to be interviewed until after his victory.

 Backstage, Vickie Guerrero nominates herself to be the new COO after Hunter loses to Punk.  Actually, I'd like to see a candidate debate.

 Orton versus Henry is next.  Remember, you can follow the WWE conversation on Twitter by using the hashtag #55bucksforHDPPVistoodamnhigh

 So far, it's been an okay show, except for half the titles in WWE not being over with the target audience.  There's the bell for RKO-Henry.

 You know, I have the sneaking suspicion this title match won't go to a sixty minute draw.  Not if I have anything to say about it.

 If JR was calling this match, he'd be letting us know about now that this ain't ballet.  747 splash by Henry, and Randy kicks out.

 Sorry.  I got distracted from this match by the Mr. Bill commercial airing during the football game.  Orton keeps kicking out.

 Hanging DDT by Orton, but Henry makes the ropes.  Ponytail's girlfriend tries to convince him to join her in the smoking area for a cig.

 No sale.  Mark Henry hits the front slam for the clean win and the World Title.  The crowd can't believe it.

 Congrats to Kevin Dunn for capturing the fan reaction, including the girl who made a face like she just smelled a particularly nasty fart.

 Josh interviews Mark Henry.  I was waiting for them to rip off the Mayweather-Merchant confrontation from last night's boxing show.

 John Laurinaitis and C.M. Punk cross paths backstage.  After Punk leaves, John texts someone.  Hmmm...  Divas title match is up next.

 Beth receives a huge hometown pop from the Buffalo crowd.  Which, in WWE, means...Dead Phoenix walking.

 Beth is trying, but she couldn't get heel heat tonight with a soldering iron.  Eve attacks Natalya on the floor, but Beth crushes Eve.

 Beth counters the K2 and goes for a top rope superplex.  And hits it.  And Kelly gets a shoulder up.  Long Divas match.

 Sure enough, Kelly pins Beth with a sunset flip.  Cole calls Beth a choke artist.  Rey and Cena tell us not to try this at home.

 We then get an impressive video package to set up the Del Rio-Cena match, which is interrupted by Michael Vick throwing an interception.

 Cena steals Del Rio's sports car and uses it for his own entrance.  Alberto is pissed, and makes Ricardo re-introduce him in Spanish.

 Cena takes the mic and does his own ring introduction, handing it off to Justin Roberts for the big finish.

 Referee Charles Robinson sees Ricardo interfering in the match and banishes Rodriguez from ringside.  There goes that DQ finish.

 In the Buffalo straw poll, "Let's go, Cena" is beating "Cena sucks" by a 59%-41% margin.  Stay tuned.

 It's time for the big Cena comeback.  Nope.  Alberto takes over again.  Cena dodges the Boss Man splash and Del Rio goes through the ropes.

 One of the louder fans behind me is calling for the disqualification finish.  Look, if you want to be a "smart" fan, at least act smart.

 They tease the German suplex double pin finish.  Then Al hits a tope rope senton for a near fall.  Cena powers out of the flying armbar.

 Cena locks on the STF and Del Rio taps.  John Cena is the WWE Champion for what seems like the 4000th time.  I need another Diet Coke.

 They have a little time to kill, so Cena shakes hands with the announcers, the timekeeper, the front row fans, the vendors, the key grip...

 Ponytail's girlfriend steps out for another smoke.  Ponytail declines to accompany her on the 10 foot walk to the smoking section.

 CM Punk is out for the main event, sporting a WWE Ice Cream Bar T-Shirt.  Cole is losing his voice.  Lawler and Book couldn't be happier.

 Triple H and his water bottle make their way to the ring.  And Punk attacks before the bell!  Hunter barely got a chance to spit his water.

 Hunter tries to throw Punk over the announce table into Cole, but Cole wasn't sticking around for that.  Cole's voice is done.

 Lawler and Booker are calling the main event alone.  You'd think Vince would've called Jack Korpela out of the bullpen by now.

 This has been a brawl around ringside so far, which favors The Game-uh.  Punk hits Hunter with a...rubber trash can?

 And they're brawling toward the entranceway, but they're not going to destroy the massive Lite Brite Tron.

 Back to the ring.  Chair to the back and crotch chop by Punk.  Spinebuster by Hunter.  And back to the floor we go.  Chop block by Hunter

 The Game works Punk's knee over, but Punk counters and shoots Trips into the steps.  This match is really good.  Oh my goodness...

 Punk just did the Shane-O-Mac flying elbowdrop from the top turnbuckle through the Spanish Announce table onto Hunter.  And here comes...

 ...Miz and R-Truth down to the ring, where they beat down both Punk and Hunter.  They throw Punk onto Hunter, but Hunter gets a shoulder up

 Referee Scott Armstrong tries to stop Miz and Truth, but they beat Scott up too.  Oh, here comes John Laurinaitis to the ring to keep order

 Ace sends in a second referee ro count Punk's pin on Hunter, but R-Truth saves Hunter for some reason.  And here comes Nash...

 ...Nash arrives through the crowd and beats up Hunter and Punk.  Hunter makes the save with his sledgehammer.  Pedigree on Punk.  Game wins

 To cap thinks off, a guy in our section informs everyone that the show ran long, because pay-per-views usually end at a quarter 'til.

 Goodnight, everybody!  Don't forget to join us for the VIP Roundtable, and the Big Wednesday Livecast.

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