PWTorch reader Josh Macala is filling in for Shane McKinley in the Absurdity of it All chair this week reviewing Raw.

By Josh Macala, Guest Absurdist

Occasionally the world of professional wrestling becomes too absurd for any one person to handle. After all, we are all only human and there is only so much we can take at one time. I humbly do this in homage to Shane McKinley.

“She said some words to readjust my nerves to thrust her curves
Told my girl, “It just occurs”
Man, it’s hard to break that habit
- Fat Tony, “Bad Habits”

Raw started on a good note, with Daniel Bryan taking Kane out of the WWE Title picture. You can only hope that between now and the next pay-per-view, Kane doesn’t somehow get himself added in (which I’m not a betting man, but I’d bet on it). I just wish Kane would leave this feud and take A.J. with him.

Hey, Vickie Guerrero is running Raw and Smackdown this week and we all know that can only mean one thing… Fat jokes from The King!

Remember all of those times when WWE kept hyping the debut of Brodus Clay “next week” on Raw? It seems like ol’ Brodus is going to take about as many storyline write-offs as he did teased debuts. Big Show seemingly put him out with a knee injury, but I expect to see him back sooner than later, re-inventing his character. Maybe there’s a tag team in there with him and Tensai. They could be the Re-Inventors: Constantly changing so you can never beat them. It’s no Tekno Team 2000, but it could work.

If you haven’t enjoyed Raw so far, just know that next week will be much better because BROCK LESNAR will answer Triple H. That’s right - BROCK LESNAR. But, he might be via satellite. Or, he might be channeled through Paul Heyman. Or, he might really show up in person. Tune in to find out!

A former World Champion just defeated a former IC champion in a match where the title meant nothing. Confused? So am I. Santino now has 30 more days to rip off other men’s clothes and not defend his title.

Whose gym bag did Jack Swagger take a dump in anyway? I remember when this guy was compared to Kurt Angle. Now he’s slowly becoming Chris “Skip” Candido in a feud with Santino “Barry Horowitz” Marella.

I liked the little skit with John Cena throwing the “People Power” t-shirt in the trash, not because Zack Ryder was involved, but rather because it reminded me of Madusa throwing the WWE Women’s Title in the trash on WCW Monday Nitro. Hey, a Divas battle royal is coming up!

Chris Jericho made his triumphant return to Raw after ... ummm ... touring with his band Fozzy. Apparently, Fozzy is nowhere near as good as Randy Orton’s band because that dude is still on tour.

John Cena promised to make this huge announcement on Raw, and, boy, did he deliver. John Cena will ... compete in a match type he has never competed in before. Wow. This is like, Mick Foley winning the WWE Title for the first time big. I don’t know how they’re going to top this on the 1,000th episode. There’s no way they can do anything for the rest of the year to top this... Unless... Nah, they wouldn’t change the Money in the Bank participants from six down to four, would they?

I’m not necessarily saying that the idea of John Cena, who is constantly in the WWE Title picture anyway, being involved in the Money in the Bank match is a bad idea. I’m also not going to say it’s bad for them to have only former champions in the match that has been used to create new champions. But, I would liked to have seen John Cena - just for once - feel like the odds were stacked against him and, you know, maybe not be so pleased with Vickie’s decision. Nope. Cena just stone faced says, “I’m going to win this." He’s basically giving you the spoilers that WWE always feels hurts Smackdown.

Poor Heath Slater. First he got killed by Vader. Then, Roddy Piper and Cyndi Lauper. And, now he’s destroyed by Psycho Sid. I just hope this leads to something bigger for Slater. Maybe instead of being The Legend Killer a la Randy Orton, the former Wendy’s mascot can be Killed by Legends. I’m sure there have been worse gimmicks, and, hey, at least Heath Slater is on television, right? Right, Tyler Reks?

Am I the only one hoping that all of these WWE Superstars of the past are returning week by week only to have a battle royal on the 1,000th episode? In some ways, fans seem more interested in who’s going to come out next as a blast from the past than, say, what kryptonite flavored obstacle is going to be thrown in the way of John Cena. If Duke “The Dumpster” Droese picked up a win over Heath Slater, I wouldn’t complain.

And, the first celebrity announced for the 1,000th episode of Raw is ... Charlie Sheen. As much as the world seems to love this whole “winning” gimmick Charlie Sheen has (or at least they did last year), I’m not feeling it. I do think it’s a good representation of Raw, though, to have Charlie Sheen as a “guest ambassador." Here is a once-great actor (Major League was the shizzle) who is past his prime, so he creates controversy when he gets kicked off his own television show. Sounds like a page right out of WWE Raw history. And, for those wondering, Charlie Sheen only agreed to do this because he is under the impression that the “guest ambassador” title comes with diplomatic immunity.

Meanwhile, Alberto Del Rio and Dolph Ziggler fought in a World Title contract on a pole match which ended in a ... No Contest. And, why you ask? Because Guest GM Sheamus came out and said, “Hey, you guys, you don’t need to be fighting each other yet. We’re having a triple threat on Smackdown." If Vickie Guerrero ultimately somehow booked the three of them in a triple threat match, then why did she book this on-a-pole match to begin with? My brain hurts.

Does anyone else think it would have been a much better idea to have Dolph Ziggler vs. Jack Swagger with Vickie Guerrero on a pole last week?

The closing segment was a nice way to remind us who will be in the Money in the Bank match at the pay-per-view of the same name. John Cena, who picked up a win via DQ, Chris Jericho, who picked up a loss via DQ, and Big Show, who caused the DQ. But, wait. Isn’t there a fourth man in the match? Ahhh, who cares. He wasn’t going to win anyway.

If you think Jericho will actually win Money in the Bank, then you obviously have not been watching Raw long enough. I sure hope this DQ loss to John Cena makes him think twice before deciding to kick a flag again. Unless it’s a flag on a pole match, of course. Then you kick that flag ... you kick it good!!

Raw set up some basics for the Money in the Bank pay-per-view, which was fine, and it didn’t end with the deus ex machine known as TNA's Cop-Out Claire (ode to Shane McKinley), so it couldn’t be that bad, but it did still leave a bit to be desired.

Verdict: Very Absurd

[Torch art credit Grant Gould (c) PWTorch.com]

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