By Pat McNeill, PWTorch Columnist

Wake the pets and call the neighbors. It's time for our first TNA Wrestling pay-per-view preview column of 2015!

DISCLAIMER: Projections are made by myself and for myself with absolutely no assistance from "Big" John Gaburick, Dave "I Want Wrestling" Lagana, Billy "Doomsday Clock" Corgan or anybody else in Carter Country. Projections are not predictions, because this is the column where everything's made up and the points don't matter. No TNA employees have been harmed in the writing of this column. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive a year's supply of La Choy brand beef chow mein. La Choy makes Chinese food swing American. Any rebroadcast or other use of this column without the express written consent of Pro Wrestling Torch, Wade Keller or Major League Baseball is strictly prohibited. This is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. Also remember that my projections are based on what I would do if I had control over what remains of Total Nonstop Action Wrestling.

I actually feel sad for TNA Wrestling. Look, the shows have been decent over the past year, and Impact has drawn well, given how difficult it is to find Dsetination America. Whatever Dixie Carter said about TNA, it was wrong for Discovery to screw up TNA's taping schedule. TNA needs a television contract to exist, which is why this month's pay-per-view got flushed down the crapper for the sake of drawing a rating next Wednesday.

Just for fun (and because we can), let's talk the positive things happening for Total Nonstop Action wrestling. First, TNA has some sort of a deal brewing with Jeff Jarrett and his Global Force Wrestling promotion. This is a good idea. It doesn't make any sense to have both TNA and Global Force competing with each other for a network deal on American television, especially when there are so few channels that will even consider adding a wrestling program. This was a good idea.

The other good news for TNA is, with their bizarre taping schedule, combined with the company's penchant for bringing back former talent, it is difficult to keep track of which wrestlers have actually left (or are leaving) the promotion. TNA already has its entire month of July in the can, but it's hard to be spoiled when the results from these tapings make so little sense.

What, you're not encouraged yet?

More on Slammiversary later. Let's go on to this week's Wrestling History Lesson, because that's why many of you clicked here in the first place. Twenty years ago, on June 18, 1995, World Championship Wrestling presented "WCW's Great American Bash 1995" on pay-per-view from the Hara Arena in Dayton, Ohio. That show can be found on WWE Network. Your main event? Randy "Macho Man" Savage locking up with "Nature Boy" Ric Flair. Tony Schiavone & Bobby Heenan have the call.


Savage vs. Flair by Zeppelin

Here's the main event of this week's episode of TNA Xplosion. We take you to Orlando, where Crimson took on Samuel Shaw. Shaw's the one testing out his Bobby Fish Junior Facial Hair Kit. Jeremy Borash and Rockstar Spud are on commentary.



What was happening in TNA ten years ago? I'm so glad you asked! Let's revisit those thrilling days of yesteryear as we go back to the Impact Zone in Orlando. On June 19, 2005, it was Slammiversary 3, and your main event was Monty Brown vs. Abyss vs. AJ Styles vs. Sean Waltman vs. Raven in a King of the Mountain Match for the TNA Heavyweight Championship. No, really! Mike Tenay & Don West had the call.



On with the show!

If we need a bonus match, I hear Crimson and Sam Shaw are available to reprise their match from Xplosion.

Robbie E. vs. Jessie Godderz: The Bromans explode on pay-per-view! Robbie demands satisfaction after his thrashing at the hands of Godderz last month on Impact. Projection? Robbie surprises Jessie with the FTD to end this battle of Foes Before Bros.

Awesome Kong & Brooke Tessmacher vs. The Dollhouse (Jade & Marti Belle, with Taryn Terrell performing on the main stage...What do you mean "wrong Dollhouse?"): Brooke is chasing Taryn for the Knockouts title, and if you're fighting an entire heel stable, Awesome Kong is the person you want by your side. As heel champions go, Terrell isn't quite the performer Nikki Bella is, but the Dollhouse gimmick is fun. Projection? Brooke hits the Tess-Shocker on Marti Belle, giving her momentum as she prepares for her title match.)

Matt Morgan vs. Bram: The good news for Matt Morgan is, he gets a pay-per-view payoff. The bad news? With Jeff Jarrett back, it greatly reduces Morgan's chance of making the TNA Hall of Fame in 2015. Projection? Bram wins with his finishing move, the "Bram, Eggs, Sausage & Bram." (Okay, so I don't remember what he calls his finishing move, but I know it's a Monty Python reference of some sort.)

Davey Richards vs. Austin Aries: I'm told the winner of this match gets to pick the stipulation for Wednesday's tag team title match. I wonder what type of match they'll choose? Projection? Richards hits the Alarm Clock, followed by the Eric Bischoff Spinning Round Kick for the win. Richards chooses a Coal Miner's Glove match for the fifth and deciding bout. (Okay, maybe not.)

Nick Magnus vs. James Storm (You Pushed My Wife In Front of a Train, Fortunately She Got Better Match): Spoiler Alert! This might not be the final bout between these two men. You have been warned. Projection? The British guy wins with the Spineshaker, then gets a beatdown from Storm's Children of the Corn Revolution stable.

TNA Hall of Fame Announcement: We'll have an announcement that Jeff Jarrett is being inducted into the TNA Hall of Fame at Bound For Glory. Or at the GFW tapings in Vegas. Whichever.

Bobby Lashley & Ken Anderson vs. Ethan Carter III & Tyrus B. Clay, Esq.: Tag team competition is heating up here in Total Nonstop Action, Bobby Heenan, as both these teams are looking for a shot at the prestigious TNA World Tag Team Titles. No, that's not it. Here's what IS happening. Lashley and Anderson both want a piece of Ethan Carter III. If I were booking TNA, there's no way in hell I'd mess with Carter's "undefeated" gimmick before he wrestles Kurt Angle. Projection? EC3 pins Anderson with the One Percenter, which I am going to rename the Withering Scalia Dissent. (If you don't get the reference, ask the nearest hippie. Besides, that "One Percenter" reference is so 2013.)

Bobby Roode vs. Drew Galloway vs. Eric Young vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Matt Hardy (King of the Mountain Match for the TNA King of the Mountain Title): Well, this is a tough match to book. Projection? Look, the belt they're fighting for is actually called the "King of the Mountain" title. Harry Hamlin is not making the trip, and Edvard Grieg is already booked elsewhere, so my money's on Jeff Jarrett.

Aftermath: I hear there's a big episode of Impact on Wednesday. You might want to check it out. If so, try to avoid spoilers between now and then.
***
Pat McNeill of Greenville, South Carolina has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. You can e-mail him at patmcneill@live.com. He'd take the St. Louis Cardinals over the Chicago Cubs on Sunday Night Baseball. You know, if gambling were legal.

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