By Pat McNeill, PWTorch columnist

PWTorch Columnist Pat McNeill will be liveblogging the WWE Night of Champions and its preshow this evening.

Okay, maybe not the preshow. We'll see.

So you missed me. Great. I missed me too.

You know what's fun about the WWE Network? I can use it like a DVR. Which means, I don't have to turn in exactly at kickoff time to breeze the pregame. Here, let me demonstrate.

There's a Spanish feed. Is this preshow as boring in Spanish?

We are LIVE from the McNeill Media Center. I am joined by my All-Star panel of, um, nobody.

"What's a panel without Alex Riley?" Um, less wooden?

This Just In: Roman Reigns is still injured.

Video Package #1 of the evening: Brock Lesnar kicking some ass.

"Big Show, what's going through John Cena's mind tonight?" I'm going to go with "Brock Lesnar's fist", Renee.

Did You Know? The WWE Social Media Lounge is still a thing.

Last week on Raw, Mark Henry recited the Pledge of Allegiance, ran off Rusev, and left in a giant red, white & blue bus.

Booker T thinks Rusev is undefeated. So he's stopped watching Smackdown.

Video Package #2: Randy Orton hates Chris Jericho. Yeah, lots of fast forwarding.

A bunch more about the undercard, and Booker T snuck off the set while no one was looking. He's got the right idea.

No, wait. Booker's interviewing Goldust and Stardust. Stardust thinks the tag team titles are the "Cosmic Key." I'm so glad there was a payoff to those dumb skits.

Video Package #3: Paige has no respect for Nikki Bella. Okay then.

AJ Lee joins the panel. It's not like she can make the pregame show any less interesting.

Look, can we ditch some those of these exciting "shows" on WWE Network and just air an hour of Paul Heyman ranting about the business every week? It's bound to be better than Legends House.

More talk about Reigns' injury. Alex Riley explains that his hernia left him with an "indescribable pain." Much like recapping a WWE pay-per-view preshow.

Video Package #4: John Cena got whupped last month at SummerSlam. For many of you, that alone was worth $9.99.

Time for Christian to interview Chris Jericho. Christian says his lines, but he doesn't ask WWE Champion Brock Lesnar for "one more match." I wonder why?

Video Package #2, second airing. Yeah, I can see why we didn't want to ruin this preshow by putting any wrestling matches on it.

Christian refers to Randy Orton as Triple H's hamster. (No, he actually did.) Randy is upset, and promises to give Chris Jericho a sex change operation tonight. (Well, YOU explain that promo.) It's time for the main show.

+++++++

Reasonably good opening video. Kind of a WCW Saturday Night vibe there.

I'm only eight minutes behind the live feed now, and the soft drink commercials will make up the difference in no time.

We kick things off with the Tag Team Title match. Cole asks JBL how important it is to be WWE Tag Team Champions. JBL diplomatically answers that it is important to the Usos, and that's what matters. Jey Uso says his injured knee is now super-duper.

Cole and JBL break down the two teams, their strengths, weaknesses & tendencies. Just kidding. They actually read the wrestlers' tweets.

Both teams brawl out to the floor. JBL says the Rhodes Brothers would be the weirdest tag team champions in WWE history. Except they already won the tag titles. Last year.

WWE now forces its wrestlers to drink the sponsor's beverage while they're being interviewed. Tune in later for the chugging contest.

Sheamus vs. Cesaro is next. Cole wants to talk about all the great wrestlers who have held the United States Title. Like Steve McMichael. And David Flair. And...I should stop now.

The two men trade big moves. Oh, crap. Cesaro has messed up Sheamus's beard. It's on now! Cesaro tries to Kobashi our red-headed warrior. The ref forces a break, and Sheamus surprises Cesaro with the Brogue kick for the victory.

Remember, kids, it's okay to have an average match as long as you stick the finish. That stuck.


"Cesaro's wondering where he is right now." I'm told that happens to a number of wrestlers when they work in Nashville.

I don't know when Sting's making his WWE debut, but I'm down. As long as he enters through the orchestra.

Big Show gives Mark Henry a pep talk. And a scarf.

Making their way to the ring, Florida Georgia Line. I was wondering who was going to face Los Matadores tonight.

Tribute to the Troops in December. You know, if WWE does bring Kurt Angle in for a guest appearance, that's the show I'd choose.

Michael Cole explains which one is The Miz and which one is Damien Sandow. It's a good thing he's there tonight.

Cole completely no-sold that awful concrete joke from Jerry Lawler. I couldn't be prouder.

It turns out Florida Georgia Line is there to provide celebrity commentary for the Ziggler vs. Miz match. Because Roy Clark had a better gig.

If you don't know who Roy Clark is, you know who to ask. Bruce Mitchell, that's who.

Sandow has to sell for the country singers before R-Truth runs him off. Miz still wins with a handful of tights. Two title changes in our first three matches.

Roman Reigns is still injured. Stay tuned to the WWE Network for more replays of that announcement.

And with that, it's time for some Seth Rollins. He tells the fans that he snuck into Reigns' hospital room and stole all the pudding cups. That's just wrong.

Rollins is holding the Money In The Bank briefcase, which he plans to cash in about, oh, twelve seconds after Brock Lesnar drops the title.

Seth issues an open challenge. Well, that was a mistake. Here's Dean Ambrose.

The Authority tries to get someone to capture Ambrose, to no avail. The last time I saw a security force that inept, they were wearing red shirts and wandering around with Captain Kirk.

For commentary, we go back to the panel. a group of guys who know nothing and speak in platitudes. There's Booker T, and Alex Riley and...Hey, how'd Troy Aikman get in there?

Mark Henry is in the ring and ready to fight those dirty Russians. Wolverines! "Theme To A Really Bad Circus" plays and Rusev is on his way.

The bell rings and...this isn't exactly Rocky Balboa vs. Ivan Drago. Anyone have the score of the Steelers game? In fairness, the crowd is into this. The simple storylines work best, nine times out of ten. And Mark Henry is giving it all he has.

Rusev finally gets the submission, and is re-awarded his Russian Federation medal from Lana. In Russian Federation, Network watches you.

Cole tells us that next month, we're getting at least one Hell in A Cell match in Dallas. It's Brie and Nikki, isn't it?

Next is Jericho vs. Orton. Someone needs to explain to me why Mark Henry was out there wearing black, when he could have borrowed the red and blue Lite Brite jacket Y2J is sporting? As for Orton, you get the sense that one of these weeks, he's going to walk to the ring completely naked. Unless Kurt Angle beats him to it.

So, we have Chris Jericho and Randy Orton, two of the top wrestlers in North America over the past decade, in the semi main event of this pay-per-view. Obviously, that's the perfect time for Jerry Lawler to check Twitter.

They're ratcheting it up. This is going to be one of those three and a half star matches that makes Wade Keller complain about Randy Orton. I just realized how much time we still have to go on this show.

Jericho suckers Orton into a codebreaker, but Orton kicks out. Orton suckers Jericho into an RKO, and Jericho can't kick out. That's your story. Orton wins.

Two more matches to go. Let's replay that Paige video package again. In other words, fast forward.

Byron Saxton chats up Brie Bella. She's not rooting for her sister. I know, you're shocked.

It's Paige vs. AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella. The announcers tell those watching on pay-per-view to stop spending so much money on WWE and subscribe to the network. That's not exactly how Keynesian economics works. Or any economics, for that matter.

Actually, the follow-up should have Lawler explaining that $9.99 is too much, and fans should watch the show at a bar.

The live crowd is either rooting for CM Punk or a wardrobe malfunction. I'll let them fight it out.

AJ wins clean with the Black Widow. See? That wasn't so bad. A decent event so far, but the entire show will rise or fall depending on what happens in the main event.

Back to the panel. Alex Riley thinks Cena needs to turn evil. Yeah, that ain't happening.

Time for the main event. Excuse me for 15-20 minutes.

And there it is. Lesnar has the advantage early. Check. Cena fights back, but the comeback starts too soon, and it's too much offense. German suplex. And knees. And the kimura, which I don't think the WWE Universe buys into as a real finishing hold. Cena stays with it. Cena fights back, and gets the STF. Brock brushes it aside, as he should until Cena learns how to make it look better.

Cena stays on him, and on him and on him, and has the STF, with Lesnar not going anywhere...

...and there's Seth Rollins hitting Cena with the briefcase for the disqualification. Come on, son!

Rollins wants to cash in on Lesnar, but he's too nervous. Curbstomp. He cashes in the briefcase, but the ref never rings the bell to start the match, because Rollins is too busy getting beaten up by Cena...and Rollins runs away and...

Yeah, it's too much. Cena wins by DQ, and Brock gets his shots in on Cena before leaving, and that's the end. Good thing I only payed $9.99.

Look, I liked most of the show. Really. But we had something special in this whole Cena and Lesnar feud, and they turned it into just another wrestling storyline. And that's a little disappointing.

Anyhoo, that's a wrap. We're off to do the vIP Roundtable. The rest of you can go to PWTorchLivecast and talk it out with James and Greg at the bottom of the hour. Good night!

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