By Pat McNeill, PWTorch columnist

PWTorch Columnist Pat McNeill is here to share his thoughts and observations on tonight's TNA Slammiversary pay-per-view. Let's all join in:

Timeless battles will be waged tonight. I know this, because the guy on the barker channel says so.

Kenny King wants to know why MVP couldn't just book him and Lashley in a handicap match against Eric Young. Excellent question. Maybe Kenny King should be in the writer's room.

Yes, I know there's a "TNA Board of Directors," but they're the same people who left Dixie Carter in charge for eleven years. How smart can they be?

Time for the X Division ladder match. Do you know why Manik is my pick to win this? Because he's actually under contract.

Crazy Steve has a crazy idea. Since we're in a ladder match, why not try to set up a ladder?

The Wolves start throwing guys around, starting with poor Tigre Uno. Yeah, that looked painful. Crazy Steve, who has been watching his old Terry Funk tapes, put the ladder over his head and does the ladder spin. It's nice of the other wrestlers to run right into Steve's ladder instead of, y'know, waiting until Steve gets dizzy.

Sanada decides to moonsault onto Steve onto a ladder. Yes, that was a bad idea.

The Wolves do a doomsday codebreaker on Tigre, and then climb the ladder and trade punches on the top. I'd be completely okay with Eddie Edwards winning this title, and then beating Eric Young later tonight to hold all the belts.

Manik powerbombs Davey off the ladder onto another ladder. Davey sticks the landing. This gives Sanada time to climb the ladder and retain the title. It looks like everyone survived the experience, so that's good.

By the way, you can watch the next "One Night Only" pay-per-view in July and see how Sanada won the title in the first place. Mark your calendars.

Mike Tenay and Taz introduce the show and tell us that tonight, Kurt Angle introduces the next member of the TNA Hall of Fame. Gee, do you promise?

Since we've already seen MVP, let's bring him out for a promo. MVP goes over the change to the main event, the one that Tenay and Taz just got done explaining.

Give MVP credit. He got the crowd to chant for Samoa Joe. Just in time, too, because Samoa Joe vs. Bobby Lashley happens now.

There's a crowd in Arlington. Not a huge crowd, mind you, but I'll bet they broke 1,000.

Lashley works over Joe, then Joe works over Lashley. Good plan. Keep it simple.

The director goes to the wide show of the arena, and boy was that a bad idea. The next time we get a wider shot, it's from a different angle that doesn't expose the empty side of the arena.

Samoa Joe tries to avoid running over referee Earl Hebner, giving Lashley the opening to spear Joe and win the match. There's a fan with a sign for the Bullet Club. Spoiler Alert: The Bullet Club isn't showing up tonight.

We cut to Jeremy Borash, who's in the Carter Family Luxury Box. The Carters are standing around in small clusters drinking and not watching the show. No, I am NOT making this up. Dixie gloats about MVP's injury and thinks EC3 will beat Bully Ray later.

Your next match is Willow vs. Magnus. If you're wondering why Willow's entrance involves spinning an umbrella, that's because umbrellas are cheaper than pyro. Abyss and Bram are your cornermen.

According to Twitter, there's some sort of basketball game tonight. I'll let you know if I hear any details.

If I'm following this storyline, now that Magnus has won and lost the TNA title, his friend Bram showed up to teach Magnus how to work a match.

Bram tries to interfere and Abyss beats up Bram. Isn't this the same Abyss that turned heel to help Magnus keep the title back in March? I'm just curious. Willow dives onto Magnus outside the ring, so Abyss and Bram head into the ring to brawl.

Abyss chases Bram up the ramp. Magnus goes low, then hits his new finisher for the win. So Jeff Hardy transformed into Willow to get revenge on Magnus for costing him the TNA Title, and Magnus beat Jeff anyway. Decent match, though.

We've had a perfectly good first hour, and the people at the arena are into the show. That's the best TNA can hope for out of tonight.

Kurt Angle introduces the next TNA Hall of Fame inductee. Actually, it's inductees. Bully Ray and Devon of Team 3-D will be inducted at Slammiversary. They had limited options, so this makes sense.

Bully Ray and Devon hug. So, Devon turns on Bully Ray tonight? Just a hunch. Bully and Devon give speeches and get a great reaction. This is going very well.

Borash interviews Ethan Carter III. Carter promises to win tonight's Texas Death Match for the entire Carter family. Eh.

Aries vs. King is next.

Nice back and forth match here. Aries kicks out of the blockbuster. Kenny escapes the Last Chancery. Aries wins with the top rope brainbuster. Well, then. Halfway through the show with no unnecessary stupidity.

And now, it's time for a visit from Marshall, Ross and Kevin Von Erich. To the surprise of no one, they'll be taking on Jessie and Zema Ion of the Bromans.

The Bromans hate Texas. Who knew?

Marshall uses the Iron Claw. Ross can dropkick, sort of. The Von Erichs run roughshod over the Bromans, until Jessie uses a chair to get his team disqualified. Kevin gets to put DJZ in the Claw. That was the weakest match of the night, but the crowd didn't care.

Backstage, Jeremy Borash gets on Velvet Sky for interfering in Angelina's matches. Velvet points out that they're the Beautiful People, not the Beautiful Person.

Angelina Love vs. Gail Kim for the Knockouts Title. Velvet Sky comes to the ring with Love, but she's sent packing. Earl Hebner gets bumped. Referee Brian Stifler comes out, but doesn't make a count until Angelina has Gail rolled up. Angelina wins. Yes, Stifler's a dirty referee. Taz is shocked-ish.

Backstage, Devon can't come to ringside so he's heading back to the hotel. That's okay with Bully, because he plans to kill EC3. What could possibly go wrong?

Texas Death Match time. Bully Ray has a bullrope, and he starts using it on young Ethan. Bully goes for the tables. Sadly, he has to get the tables himself, which gives Carter time to rally.

Bully fights off EC3, so it must be time to get a third table and set it up. This again gives EC3 time to come back, and he gets the chair.

But that's okay. Bully has a cheese grater.

But that's okay. Ethan punches Bully in the doodads.

Bully superplexes Ethan, but that's not the win. So Bully gets a Dallas Cowboys trash can. And a box cutter. And he takes apart the ring to slam EC3 onto the devastating boards. Spud makes the save with a kendo stick.

EC3 hits Bully with The Stroke on the boards. Yes, that's Jeff Jarrett's old finisher. Why do you ask? EC3 turns over the trash can to reveal shards of glass. So Bully hits the Bubba Cutter on Ethan, who lands on the glass.

Is THAT the finish? Of course not.

Dixie Carter comes out to make the save for her nephew. And it works. Bully gives "chase" even though Dixie can't run. Dixie collides with Ethan and they're both down.

Bully goes to put Dixie through a table, but Spud makes the save again. EC3 canes Bully, who goes through the table. The crowd chants "Bulls---." Yes, EC3 is your winner.

Wow. The Carters took the crowd completely out of the show.

"Who would've thunk it?" asks Taz. You mean, other than anyone who's followed this company for more than two weeks?

Next up is Ken Anderson vs. James Storm. I'll give TNA credit for putting together a video package that almost made sense of this feud.

Taz still can't believe EC3 beat Bully. Because EC3 doesn't normally win with screwy finishes.

James Storm hits the ring and makes fun of the Dallas Cowboy football players in the crowd. Storm should have sang "Hail To The Redskins." That would have put the segment over the top.

Anderson charges the ring. I'm guessing someone clued these two in on the fact that they're running over, because we go straight to Storm applying the figure-four.

The match goes to the floor. Storm spits beer on one of the Cowboy player, causing a mini-riot. Storm gets back into the ring and walks into a Mic Check. Anderson wins. Taz thinks that finish is going to wind up on SportsCenter. Don't hold your breath, big guy.

Borash interviews your TNA Champion, Eric Young. EY can't even start the interview before Austin Aries runs in to interrupt him. Young explains that he's not sane. He's a crazy person in Dallas, Texas. I'm not sure I like where that was headed.

Oh, good. The cage is ready. Eric Young vs. Austin Aries vs. Bobby Lashley is your main event.

The announcers make a point that the match can't be won by escaping the cage. That's a good thing. Lashley dominates until Young and Aries decide to work together. Then it's an even match.

Aries wears down Lashley and tries for the brainbuster. Yeah, that isn't happening.

Young manages to get Aries and Lashley up for the double death valley driver spot. Of course, that's not the finish.

Aries hits Lashley with a rana. Young goes up to the top of the cage and hits the Randy Savage elbow on Lashley. And no, that's not the finish either.

Lashley tries to spear Young. Eric moves, and Lashley plows through the cage and out to the floor, knocking himself out. We're down to Young and Aries. Young blocks the brainbuster and hits the piledriver. Eric Young is still your TNA champion.

That was a good TNA show. I'm not kidding. Was it worth paying full price for a pay-per-view, if I had to pay myself instead of putting it on the expense account? I'll have to think about that. And I don't have long, because the VIP Roundtable starts soon. Good night!

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