By Pat McNeill, PWTorch columnist

You are looking LIVE at the McNeill Mancave, where we went to the Bound for Glory pregame show just as soon as (spoiler alert) the Steelers defeated the Ravens.

The pre-show tag team gauntlet match is underway. Daniels pins Chavo with a handful of tights. So here come Joseph Park & Eric Young.

This is just like Impact, except on Impact there aren't as many empty seats facing the hard camera.

Park and Young take the heat and we go to the world's longest skin care commercial. Park hits Daniels with the Samoan Drop and Young scores the pin. How about that? Bad Influence lay out Park and Young. Park has to be helped to the back.

The BroMans are the final team of the gauntlet. They come out to ring with Phil Heath. Who the hell is Phil Heath?

Taz explains that Phil Heath is the reigning Mr. Olympia, and a famous bodybuilder. That explains why nobody's heard of him.

I'm sorry, that was too negative. The reigning Mr. Olympia is a manager in TNA Wrestling! What a game changer!

The BroMans give Young a Hart attack and pin E.Y. And there you have it. It's James Storm & Gunner vs. Robbie E & Jesse Godderz later tonight! Wow, that sounds awf...I mean, swell!

Backstage, Eric Young sees where Joseph Park's blood has been smeared on a wall. This means Park received a dose of gamma radiation and will run in wearing a pair of Hulk Hands later in the show.

Let the games begin! It's time for the Ultimate X match. It's Austin Aries vs. Chris Sabin vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Manik vs. Samoa Joe. Velvet Sky is here for Chris Sabin at ringside. If you're a valet, you shouldn't be at ringside for an Ultimate X match unless your name rhymes with Amy Dumas.

Taz calls Samoa Joe "the Samoan minivan." Hey, I thought Taz was friends with Joe. No fair. Jeff Hardy, for this championship match, is dressed as the world's ugliest painter.

Hardy clears house and is about to climb the ladder for the win when Chris Sabin orders Velvet Sky into the ring to distract Hardy. Velvet doesn't want to do it, but she does. Guess what? It works!

Sabin takes advantage of the distraction, climbs the ladder, and pulls the belt away from Jeff Hardy to become the new TNA X Division champion. Wow, there's another finish I never, ever, ever, ever, ever would have come up with for this show.

Tonight, we'll get a series of A.J. Styles' greatest moments. Here's A.J. beating Jerry Lynn in June 2002 to become the first X Division Champion. And it's Styles using the Spiral Tap. Good memories.

Here comes Bad Influence to the ring. They want to be added to the tag team title match, on account of the fact that the match will suck without them. I'm paraphrasing.

Eric Young comes out to warn Bad Influence that there's a monster on the loose backstage. Those cocky teenagers don't listen. So here comes Abyss to beat up Daniels and Kazarian. See, everybody gets to appear on Bound For Glory!

Jeremy Borash interviews James Storm & Gunner backstage. They cut a promo. I'm not sure how I feel about Borash's haircut.

It's GunStorm vs. The BroMans. Taz tells Mike Tenay to quit watching the football game and focus on the match. Again, I'm paraphrasing.

Apparently Gunner's new nickname is "Josh Freeman."

Two people got that last joke. Hi, guys.

The BroMans go for a double team superplex on Storm. Gunner does not turn this into a stacked-up superplex. They use a different set of moves instead. Thank you, fellows.

I'm going to add a half-star to this match for Robbie Eckos's hairdo alone.

Jessie distracts the referee and runs in for a double team on Storm. The Hart attack finishes Storm off. Rob Eckos and Jesse Godderz are the new TNA World Tag Team Champions. In fairness, the crowd did get into this match by the end of the bout.

There's a video package on Kurt Angle's Hall of Fame dinner last night. It looks classy. We're back live and Sting is out to the ring to induct Kurt Angle.

As part of the TNA Hall of Fame, Kurt Angle will now receive the Rolex watch Dixie Carter purchased at Ric Flair's pawn shop.

Sting puts Angle over as a devoted family man with a lovely wife. The second wife. Not the former stripper who's the mother of Kurt's children. Sting may have skipped part of that explanation.

Sting tells Angle he's happy to induct him, because he didn't like being in the Hall of Fame all by himself. So, the TNA Hall of Fame is like the "Heisman House" on ESPN?

Angle turns down the TNA Hall of Fame, saying he's not ready yet. Wow.

A.J. Styles Moment #2: Styles beats Angle for the TNA Title in September 2009.

Dixie Carter has an announcement. There's going to be a blowout sale of Styles' merchandise on ShopTNA. Because this is his last night. Get it? She wishes her nephew, Ethan, luck in his match.

Time for the Knockouts Title match. It's O.D.B. vs. Brooke Tessmacher vs. Gail Kim. Tenay and Taz actually bother to call the moves and holds, so this is already a special night. Brooke has Gail beaten after a Randy Savage elbow, but can't follow up.

We get a ref bump, which means Lei'd Tapa is on her way to the ring. O.D.B charges Tapa in the aisle. Bad idea. Tapa takes out O.D.B. and Brooke and Gail covers Brooke. And...Lei'd Tapa's been working for Gail Kim all along. I never saw that coming. Just like I never saw the heels winning the first three matches on this show. It's all so...unexpected!

Speaking of unexpected, TNA's newest announcer is...Abraham Washington? No, really. I'm asking. Is that him? It's not?

Okay, whoever the announcer is took a protein shake from the BroMans. No, that's not an euphemism.

It's Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode. And they're using wrestling moves. The reaction to this match, combined with the director attempting to hide just how few fans there are in the arena, is enough to justify taking this show off the road.

This match is about Roode grabbing holds and working over Angle's neck. Tenay and Taz figure out that Angle is "rusty," but they finally pick up on Angle selling the neck. The slow build actually worked, as the crowd is up near the end of the bout.

You know, if I had legendary Olympic gold medalist Kurt Angle returning on a big show, I don't know if I'd have his opponent survive two minutes in the ankle lock.

I definitely wouldn't have him lose his return match. To anyone. But Bobby Roode is your winner. And Kurt Angle is doing a stretcher job. Yikes.

A.J. Styles Moment #3: Beating Sting at Bound For Glory 2009. Yeah, I suppose that happened.

It's Ethan Carter III in his TNA debut. And his opponent is...Norv Fernum. Must be a local guy. It's time for squash.

Fernum actually gets some offense in before Ethan finishes the kid off with the Ambrose Driver. EC3 is 1-0.

You want me to say something nice about TNA? Well, Magnus cut a nice promo there. Moreover, TNA was at least smart enough to never let Jesse Sorensen wrestle again. What the hell is Ring of Honor thinking? Who signed Sorensen's medical clearance, Doctor Ken? And is the prospect of a two-star classic between Sorensen and Tomasso Ciampa worth the millions of dollars the Sorensen family will (rightfully) sue Sinclair Broadcasting for if something happens during Jesse's return match.

Time for Sting vs. Magnus. Judging by the opening minutes, Sting and Magnus won't get as much ring time as Roode and Angle did. Magnus gets out of the scorpion deathlock twice, locks in the cloverleaf and Sting taps. Okay then.

After the match, Sting wants a handshake. Magnus brushes Sting off and leaves the ring. Have you figured out the pattern yet?

A.J. Styles Moment #4: Styles beats Magnus last month and wins the Bound For Glory Series.

It's time for Bully Ray's prematch promo. Bully Ray quotes us some Guns 'n Roses lyrics. No, not from "Chinese Democracy."

Time for our main event. Bully Ray defends the TNA Heavyweight Title against A.J. Styles.

The rogue outlaw challenger for the TNA Heavyweight Title comes to the ring with his dark, gloomy entrance. He's wearing tights with a pink ribbon supporting breast career awareness. I am NOT making this up.

The match starts with Bully taking shots at A.J. and ranting about how A.J. is afraid of him. Garret Bischoff comes to ringside, so the shenanigans are about to begin in earnest.

Bully breaks out a hammer. Neither wrestler is able to successfully use it. Knux runs in and chokeslams A.J. Styles kicks out. Bully accidentally clotheslines Knux. Bully takes over again.

A.J. gets control of the hammer. Mike Tenay screams for A.J. to use it. He doesn't. Instead A.J. tries to put Bully through the timekeeper's table, but Bully moves out of the way.

Taz hands Bully a box cutter, so Bully can hijack a plane back to New York. Or so Bully can cut open the ring apron and cut the padding away from the ring. The fans are so outraged by this that they give Bully an "E-C-W!" chant.

Bully calls to the back for his crew. Dixie Carter comes out instead. She hands Bully a chair. A.J. kicks the chair into Bully's face and hits a springboard 450 for the pin. But Dixie Carter won't let referee Earl Hebner make the count. Great.

Bully rallies, but can't finish off the challenger. Chair shot on Bully. Spiral tap. For some reason, Earl Hebner makes the count this time. A.J. Styles is once again the TNA Heavyweight Champion.

This wasn't a great show, but the right person won in the main event, and that'll do. Join James and Greg over at PWTorch.com at the bottom of the hour, and VIP members can download the Roundtable as soon as we're done recording it. Good night.

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