By Pat McNeill, PWTorch Columnist

Torch columnist Pat McNeill is in the house for TNA Slammiversary. No, he's literally in his house. The wife made fruit salad. Check back with him at about 8:00 PM EDT for the live blog of tonight's show.

It's the three T's. Todd, Taz & Tenay. And it wouldn't be the anniversary of TNA Wrestling if the X Division Title wasn't contested in the opening match! Kenny King vs. Suicide vs. Chris Sabin in an Ultimate X match.

Did You Know? Some dong who got banned from the Torch VIP message board is providing the French commentary for this show.

This bout reminds me of...every Ultimate X match. Ever.

Todd Keneley begs for a Tower of Doom spot. And there it is. Taz tells us "You get the sense that SOMETHING's going to happen." I agree with him.

Sabin out-wrestles King on the ropes for possession of the belt. Sabin is the new X Division champion. Keneley calls this a "feel good" moment. Hey, thanks for reading the preview, Todd.

Hulk Hogan comes out to tell Sabin he gets a World Title match at Destination X. That's great. Now, who gets to tell Hogan that they cancelled Destination X four months ago?

Ken Anderson and the Aces & Eights C-team comes out to confront Hogan. Hulk calls them "pussies." The tough guys stand there and take it.

Time for Hardy/Joe/Magnus against Anderson/Wes/Garret in a six-man tag team match. Hey, if Taz still has his hammer from Lockdown, could he please use it to shut up Mike Tenay? Thanks.

Samoa Joe pleases the crowd by stomping a mudhole in Garret. Taz tells us Garret looks like a movie star. That's true. Garret looks like "Frightened Inmate #2."

Okay. Do you want to hear something positive? This show, and this match, have a pretty good pace going. And, at long last, here's the hot tag to Jeff Hardy. Hardy goes nuts, and ends it with the Swanton on Briscoe for the win. Pretty good. The crowd seems to be into it. More importantly, there's a crowd.

TNA is showing the highlights of Sting's career throughout the show. Not the actual highlights, just the stuff TNA has the rights to show.

In an amazing backstage segment, Jeremy Borash reminds us that the Joseph Park storyline has lasted for over a year. Why would you brag about that?

Jay Bradley vs. Sam Shaw in the Gut Check finals. Bradley's wearing trunks that say "Win Ugly." I think Jay's going to get his wish here. Yep. He did.

After a good promo for Aries & Roode, we go to our television title match. Earlier tonight, Devon & Knux beat up Joseph Park, and Park was bleeding.

I just figured out that TNA gave Joseph Park the video and entrance from the 80's TV show "L.A. Law." Mad props, you guys.

Devon beats Joseph Park by forfeit when Park is unable to make his way to the ring. Then Devon starts talking smack about Abyss. Well, you saw this coming.

Devon vs. Abyss for the television title. Yes, Devon talked himself into this one. The match may have gone a little longer than it should have, after that setup, but it was the right finish. Abyss hits his finisher, and wins the title.

Dixie Carter comes out to her own theme song. Believe it or not, the song is called "The Men"...I mean, "The Man Inside Me."

And the newest member of the TNA Hall of Fame is...Jumbo Tsuruta...I mean...Kurt Angle! Wait a minute. That was actually a good idea! I'm confused! Dixie did a really good job here. And the fans are happy.

Jeremy Borash interviews Bad Influence. Now that we've interviewed both heel teams, I'm sure Borash will interview Chavo & Hernandez any minute now.

The entire TNA tag team division is on its way to the ring. Really. All eight of them. Time for the four-way bout.

Several minutes in, we've established that Shawn Hernandez is really strong. I think we've also established that Hernandez shouldn't be the guy taking the heat in this match.

Daniels gets DQ'd for hitting Chavo with the title belt. And then, Aries pins the knocked-out Chavo. And Taz gets to use the word "aereola" in a sentence. Everybody wins.

Gunner kicks out of the 450 splash, then puts Aries in the torture rack for the submission. And your new TNA World Tag Team Champions...BEER GUNNY!

Up next, Taryn vs. Gail Kim in a Last Woman Standing match. And, believe it or not, this match was awesome. More specifically, Gail Kim was awesome. Taryn also did surprisingly well, winning with a bulldog off the ramp. Dang, yo.

After that, it's time for Kurt Angle vs. A.J. Styles. Styles got Drew McIntyre's old entrance music and video, I guess. For God's sake, just call Montgomery Gentry and buy the rights to "Hillbilly Shoes" for A.J.

This is a decent match, but the crowd is confused. By the way, if anyone understands what AJ Styles's new character is, could you please text him an explanation? I'm sure he'd appreciate that.

Angle wins a long and good match with a double leg takedown. Yeah, I have no jokes for this.

Bully Ray cuts a promo promising to beat Sting with a piledriver, injuring his neck and ending his career. That seems...oddly specific.

Time for the championship match. Bully Ray vs. Sting and it's No Holds Barred. Both guys are fully clothed, with shirts on. That's smart, for many reasons. Bully throws Sting around the ring. The crowd is so concerned for Sting's well-being that they chant "We want tables."

And here comes Brooke Hogan-Ray down the ramp. I thought they were telegraphing the finish, until Sting managed to send Brooke back through the curtain. Bully hits the piledriver. Sting kicks out.

Taz hands Bully Ray a knife. I am NOT making this up. Bully uses the knife to tear up the canvas, ripping up the foam padding and exposing the boards in the ring. A piledriver on the boards. The crowd buys this as a big spot. Sting kicks out.

Sting hits the Death Drop, but Garret, Wes & Knux make the save. Sting beats all three of them by himself. Sting hits Bully with a chain, but Devon pulls ref Earl Hebner out of the ring. Anderson gives Bully a hammer. And Bully hammered in the morning. He hammered in the evening. All over Sting's head. Bully Ray wins and Sting's had his last title shot.

That's it for me. James and Greg MIGHT be doing a postgame show over at BlogTalkRadio. Then you VIP's can join us for the Roundtable, in about an hour.

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