By Pat McNeill, PWTorch columnist

Wake the pets and call the neighbors. It's time for our monthly TNA Wrestling pay-per-view preview column!

DISCLAIMER: Projections are made by myself and for myself with absolutely no assistance from Vince Russo, Eric Bischoff, Brother Love or anybody else in Carter Country. No TNA bookers have been harmed in the writing of this column. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive a Lady Schick "Lasting Curls" hair setter. For a fast, moisturizing way to perfect hair. And if you get within one hundred dollars of the actual retail price of your showcase without going over, you win both showcases. This is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. Also remember that my projections are based on what I would do if I had control over Total Nonstop Action.

It's time for one of TNA's "Big Four" pay-per-views. The buzz going into to Sunday's TNA Genesis is...well, there's not really any buzz at all. But the promotion feels different. We're going to have a major TNA pay-per-view without Hulk Hogan, Jeff Jarrett, Karen Jarrett, A.J. Styles, Eric Young or Christopher Daniels. That's a significant changing of the guard.

Before we talk about the matches, let's go on to this week's Wrestling History Lesson. Twenty years ago, on January 21, 1992, World Championship Wrestling held Clash of the Champions XVIII in Topeka, Kansas. It was Ron Simmons, Dustin Rhodes & Barry Windham taking on Arn Anderson, Bobby Eaton & Larry Zbyzsko, who have Paul E. Dangerously in their corner. For the call of the action, let's go to Jim Ross and Tony Schiavone.





Also, as a special bonus, here's the main event of this week's episode of TNA Xplosion. If you've been wondering what happened with the Maximum Impact tournament, here are the finals. It's Samoa Joe taking on Christopher Daniels.



Five years ago, at Final Resolution 2007, we had a Last Man Standing match between former TNA World Champions A.J. Styles and Rhino.


Rhino vs Aj Styles (Last Man Standing Match)...

On with the projections!

Rob Van Dam vs. Gunner: It's a rematch from Thursday's epic edition of TNA Impact. Ric Flair will not be in Gunner's corner. Projection? If Rob Van Dam had a pocket full of craps, he still wouldn't give a crap about this match. Gunner wins with that move where he drops his opponent on his face. The name of that move will come to me eventually.

Abyss vs. Bully Ray (Monster's Ball Match): Wow. Abyss and Bully Ray in a hardcore match. Who knew it would come to this? Projection? Bully Ray makes a very convincing cowardly heel. Let's say that Abyss goes to put Bully Ray through a thumbtack-covered table, Bully taps out, and then Abyss puts Bully through the table anyway.

Gail Kim vs. Mickey James (TNA Knockouts Title): After Thursday's episode of Impact, I believe that all future matches in the Knockouts tag division should take place in motel swimming pools. And I'd get the ball rolling on this idea before WWE steals it. Projection? I'm guessing this is the show where Melina Perez shows up and costs Mickey the title, after Madison Rayne distracts referee Earl Hebner for the 331st straight week.

Brother Devon vs. D'Angelo Dinero: Why don't I care about this contest? Oh, right. It's the horrible buildup. I forgot. Projection? Dinero tries to use Devon's kids as human shields, but Devon wins with the piledriver.

Austin Aries vs. Jesse Sorensen vs. Kid Kash vs. Zema Ion (TNA X Division Title Match): The bad news is, it's a four-way match. The good news is, TNA has now made the X Division title a bigger prize than the television title. Projection? Aries pins Sorensen with a brainbuster. Thank you and please drive through.

Matt Morgan & Crimson vs. Samoa Joe & Magnus (TNA World Tag Team Titles): Morgan and Crimson are your immovable objects, and Samoa Joe and Magnus know how to cut promos. And they're an irresistible force. Projection? Sure, it won't happen in real life, but let's have Joe pins Morgan after a low blow. We need new TNA Tag Team champions.

James Storm vs. Kurt Angle: Another Storm versus Angle match. I see this feud going like the infamous Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero feud of the 2005. And you know what that means. Projection? Kurt has Storm in trouble, starts going for the anklelock, and Storm surprises Angle by pushing him off and hitting the superkick for the win.

Bobby Roode vs. Jeff Hardy (TNA World Title): This is a pivotal moment in the title reign of Robert Roode, as he'll need to shine against one of the most famous wrestlers in the business. Projection? The challenger has Roode in trouble and climbs to the top rope for the swanton bomb, but has difficulty getting a rolling paper out of his carpenter pants, allowing Roode to crotch Hardy on the top rope and then submit Jeff with the crossface. (Oh, come on. You laughed.)

Aftermath: Next month is Against All Odds 2012. Let's go with James Storm vs. Kurt Angle in a street fight, A.J. Styles vs. Frankie Kazarian, and John Morrison (now called Johnny Xplosion) challenging Bobby Roode for the TNA Title.

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Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. He'd take Houston, New Orleans, New York and Pittsburgh this weekend, if gambling were legal. Drop him a line at patmcneill@live.com

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