By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Specialist

Trips was playing with a Vickie action doll? What grown man plays with action toys?

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"Aren't you miserable bastards happy? We're playing Finlay's and Khali's music! It's uplifting! Makes you want to dance! Dance, you trained monkeys! Dance!" I think people are just relieved that they don't have to see boring heel Khali anymore. WWE bought into Khali as face even though Khali's still got the same ugly offense, but now he's got some "face sprinkles" of dancing in the forest with Hornswoggle and eating gumdrops. It's all fun and games until somebody gets eaten. At least Hornswoggle is around so that Jim Ross can call him "Horny" and get away with it in PG-WWE land.

"There you go thinking again, Eve." Michelle McCool is letting the whole WWE galactic-universe know that she is turning heel. Ugh. Snails move at a faster pace. Hey, come to think of it, maybe you can just show a snail race instead of this Michelle feud. Think of the drama! (credit to subhub.com for pic)

I thought that Big Show would be into looking at nudie pics of Vickie. From what I heard.

Kendrick/Zeke tag team champs? Maybe in 2009 WWE will focus more on the tag team division, because right now it's those jackasses JoMizzy and that's pretty much it. Not that I really enjoy WWE's tag team matches. "Oh no he didn't make the hot tag. Gee. Guess I'll just have to wait till...yay he made the hot tag! He's a house on fire! Look out! Clotheslines! Clotheslines! Clotheslines!"

It's official: Kozlov is the new Khali. Fans know every dull move by heart. You're checking to see if there are wires under his skin. If the evil mad scientist Dr. Vince created him in his basement. Congrats. Now go do some more time-consuming arm bars on your opponents (credit to obsessedwithwrestling.com for pic).

You kind of figured that Shelton Benjamin wasn't just going to do a promo at the top of the hour without the appearance of somebody. "How could you forget me? I'm going to WrestleMania. I'm going to do a crazy spot. And then I'm coming back to Smackdown, still U.S. Champion, to be in a feud with MVP, who has been on a seven-month losing streak."

More Michelle, and she's beating up on Eve. Oh no. This feud is kind of missing some minor details like caring about the people involved, or caring what the hell is happening. This is one of those feuds where you just sit there in a stunned silence and just hope that the whole thing just ends. Kind of like Kennedy movie plugs. MVP's losing streak. Kozlov matches. And so forth.

Speaking about Michelle, this reminds me of Jamie Noble. Last year Noble was feuding with Chuck Palumbo over the honor of Michelle on Smackdown. He moved to Raw and squared in a pretty short feud with William Regal over Layla. And now? Um..."backstage random guy?"

Shouldn't Trips be smiling after Vickie announces he will star in the "Triple Jeopardy" next week? I'm going to take a wild guess and say that he is not going to lose all three matches cleanly. Logic would state that Vickie should just order the mic to be cut off whenever Trips opens his piehole, but Vickie is apparently not in charge of the show.

MVP says this before his match: "Let's get this over with." That's the spirit, champ! Kind of sad (but a bit heartwarming) to hear an "MVP" chant. A meatball like Kizarny? Ugh. Kinda has that whole Al Snow-Boogeyman-Droz-Doink vibe going. But the finish. Oooh. A "float-over-kinda-sorta-cradle-DDT." I think I saw kids crying in the front row after MVP lost. I'm going to take a guess and say that MVP will win a match before February, because this stuff is brutal to watch (credit to i48.photobucket.com for pic).

And Mr. Kennedy comes out to plug his movie again. You know, in advertising there is such a thing as "saturation." I understand that I'm not part of the "target audience," but they could have at least done something different every time. I watched this show feeling like I was in a foggy daze. Pretty much all of it was forgettable.

Show went back to look at some more nude Vickie pics, leaving Edge stranded to be picked off by the Hardyz (credit to geocities.com for pic)

It's time to let the WWE champ Jeff do his thing, regardless if it is Matt who attacked him in the stairwell and WWE feels the need to pump up the "brother relationship" between the both of them. I smell...facing against his old buddy Umaga.

Maybe I have been brainwashed by the great recap show TNA put out Thursday night, but this entire show was forgettable. Throw in some counter-productive stuff meant only to serve as filler till the Rumble, and you've got a pretty bad show.

POSITIVES

-- Uh....umm...Ebay got a free plug
-- Vickie on mic
-- Edge's "Blame Me" promo
-- One less day remaining until Kennedy's movie comes out! Then hopefully the absurdity will end!

NEGATIVES

-- Dull tag team matches (Khali/Finlay, Kendrick/Zeke)
-- The Michelle McCool saga
-- Kozlov
-- MVP vs. Kizarny
-- Kennedy movie plug uh-gain
-- Main Event was pretty much "watch Matt get beat up uh-gain, Show leaves to look at nudie pics"

SMACKDOWN'S FINAL VERDICT: It's So Absurd It Makes Me Want To Cry

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com.

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