PPV REPORTS WWE EXTREME RULES RESULTS: Keller's complete PPV report - Cena vs. Batista, Mysterio vs. Punk, Edge vs. Jericho
Apr 25, 2010 - 9:25:41 PM
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KELLER'S WWE EXTREME RULES REPORT
APRIL 25, 2010
BALTIMORE, MD. AT THE BALTIMORE ARENA
AIRED LIVE ON PAY-PER-VIEW
-Michael Cole, Matt Striker, and Jerry Lawler introduced the show. Cole asked, "Are you ready to get Extreme." Justin Roberts, who looked like he was wearing a giant circus suit, introduced Triple H. The music played, but he didn't come out. Cole wondered what was up. They went backstage where Sheamus was attacking Hunter in the hallway. Hunter came back and slammed Sheamus onto a table. Two referees, who's names shall remain a mystery, tried to pull them apart. Sheamus, though, struck Hunter with a vacuum cleaner attachment (or a lead pipe... hard to tell). Teddy Long and others ran up to check on Hunter, who didn't move afterward. Cole said, "We understand that was live in the locker room area." That was assumed.
-The Miz and The Big Show came out instead. Miz said this show didn't start off like they thought it would, but they're going to make it exciting. He introduced himself and Show as "ShowMiz." He told the fans to take Bret Hart's word for it that they are the best tag team in history. He said Bret made a deal with them that if he beat David Hart Smith, he would have to state the obvious, that ShowMiz is the greatest tag team in WWE history. He said the only problem is the lack of competition. He said he has a giant as a tag team partner who "makes Andre the Giant look like a little girl." G.M. Teddy Long's music played.
Long said he has his hands full with what just occurred in the back. How does that concern him? Hunter and Sheamus are Raw wrestlers. He said he's going to book them in a tag match and if the challengers beat them, they'll get a title shot. Miz said mockingly that he's shaking in his boots. He also took a dig at the Orioles and compared their incompetence to Long's. Miz said there is no team in his league, so he suggested he go to the back and figure out new ways to screw up the draft tomorrow. Long said now he'll have to beat two teams. Miz said who would have thought Bob Barker would be a better G.M. than him. He asked him who he thinks he is.
Miz kept talking, saying, "We are the reason people are here!" Long couldn't get a word in for a minute, but then expanded the list of challengers to three teams. What were all of those wrestlers doing backstage anyway without a scheduled match? Miz asked, "What are you going to do next? Make it four?" Show put his hand over Miz's mouth. Long said if he beats all three teams, then maybe they deserve to be called the greatest tag team. Long said if they lose, they'll defend the titles against that team on Raw tomorrow night. Cole channelled "Breakfast Club," saying Miz is like that kid in school who keeps talking and getting more detentions.
1a -- MIZ & BIG SHOW vs. R-TRUTH & JOHN MORRISON
This PPV began so TV-like in format that I kept waiting for a commercial break by now. Lawler said Miz talked himself into a hole. Truth sang his way to the ring. Morrison and Truth got in early offense against Miz. When Truth did the splits, Striker asked Lawler if he could do that. Lawler said he does it every morning when he gets out of the shower. There's an image to lock into your brain. Show and Morrison each hot-tagged in. Show absorbed an early flurry by Morrison and set up a chokeslam, but Morrison turned it into an armbar over the top rope. Miz attempted to interfere, but Truth cut him off and knocked him to the floor. Truth then dove onto Miz on the floor. The ref called for the bell. He DQ'd Morrison because he didn't break the hold while in the ropes.
WINNERS: Miz & Show via DQ in 3:00.
1b - MIZ & BIG SHOW vs. MVP & MARK HENRY
Show was recovering at ringside, leaving Miz to fend for himself in the opening minutes. Show eventually joined in, but when he charged at MVP, MVP dropped down and pulled the top rope. Show tumbled to the floor. MVP then hit Miz with the Playmaker. Show gave MVP a KO punch from ringside and Miz draped his arm over the top rope for the win.
WINNERS: Miz & Morrison in 2:00.
1c -- MIZ & BIG SHOW vs. THE HART DYNASTY (w/Bret Hart)
The Hart Dynasty immediately gave Miz the Hart Attack clothesline and DHS scored the pin.
WINNERS: Hart Dynasty in ten seconds to earn a Unified Tag Team Title shot on Raw on Monday.
-Backstage Todd Grisham said medics were evaluating whether Triple H could wrestle later. Sheamus said Triple H should man-up and face him or admit he's a coward.
2 -- C.M. PUNK (w/Luke Gallows, Serena) vs. REY MYSTERIO -- Punk's Hair At Stake
Cole said he's curious to know what Punk will look like bald. Striker said he'll be a cross between Dr. Evil and Hillbilly Jim. I don't know about that. "If Punk doesn't get his head shaved, he should at least get the oil changed in his hair. Punk dominated early. Striker said the Straight Edge lifestyle means they're better than everyone else. Lawler asked if he believes it. Ironically, Lawler is pretty much Straight Edge in real life and always has been - no drugs, not alcohol. Punk settled into a head scissors. Punk methodically worked over Rey with a variety of mat holds. Rey came back at 10:00 and scored a quick near fall with a bodyblock. Rey set up Punk for a 619, but Serena tripped him. The ref ordered her to the back. Gallows protested, so the ref sent him to the back, too. Rey slidekicked Punk as Punk complained. Then he flip dove onto him at ringside. "Oh, how the momentum has shifted," said Cole. This was so a time when they would cut to a commercial. Rey scored some near falls. Rey hit a flying seated senton. Punk dropkicked Rey as he flew at him a second later leading to a near fall.
They went into a series of dramatic reversals and countermoves and near falls. Rey head scissored Punk into the ropes and then hit the 619. The crowd was really into it at this point. Someone in a black hooded sweatshirt came out from under the ring and slammed Rey to the mat. It looked like Christopher Daniels. Or Daniel Chris as he'll probably be known. Makes sense with his recent departure from TNA and his long-time friendship with Punk and being a natural fit for this gimmick with the bald head and "Fallen Angel" gimmick. Punk then gave a limp-bodied Punk a Go To Sleep for the win. Cole said the developing story is who this stranger is who attacked Mysterio. Punk sat in the barber chair and smiled.
WINNER: Punk in 18:00.
STAR RATING: ***1/4 -- A slow build but the climax was really strong with great crowd heat. Good finish setting up a new member for SES.
-A commercial aired for the Raw draft. Then they aired footage of the Baltimore inner-harbor. Then they showed military personnel at ringside.
3 -- SHAD GASPAR vs. J.T.G.
Striker and Lawler argued over whether Memphis or New York was a more dangerous city to live in. Cole tried to get them on course talking about the match in the ring. Back and forth early, with Shad finally getting the sustained advantage after yanking J.T.G. into the ringpost. Shad dragged J.T.G to the corner turnbuckles and touched each of them. However, J.T.G. was doing the same thing right after him. J.T.G. then beat Shad to the fourth for the surprise win. Lawler and Striker said J.T.G. might be a "tad smarter than Shad."
WINNER: J.T.G. in 5:00.
STAR RATING: *1/4 -- It was fine for this level of a feud on this place on the card.
-They aired a KFC commercial, assuming pro wrestling fans are the most likely target market to want a sandwich that consists of two pieces of boneless chicken, two pieces of bacon, and two slices of cheese.
-Grisham said from backstage that Triple H has nerve damage and numbness and is not likely to be cleared to wrestle. The crowd gasped and booed briefly.
4 -- JACK SWAGGER vs. RANDY ORTON -- Extreme Rules World Hvt. Title Match
A video package on this feud aired before ring intros. Swagger walked out first. Swagger hit an early Dragon screw legwhip and then wrestled Orton on the mat, totally controlling him. Swagger beat on Orton for a few minutes, including at ringside. When Orton teased a comeback, Swagger bailed out to ringside. Orton pursued him, but Swagger suplexed him on the floor and then rammed Orton back-first into the ringside barrier. There were some satellite feed problems around 8:00. Swagger went for a corner splash, but Orton stood up and caught him in the gut with the World Title belt. That turned the match around. At ringside Orton bashed Swagger over the head with a trash can twice. Striker called it "brain pudding." Lawler said that's the hardest he's ever seen anyone hit with a garbage can. It was pretty hard, but at least they have a lot of give to them. He rammed Swagger head-first into the ringside table several times, then connected with an uppercut. Orton threw Swagger into the ringside steps then stomped on his head. Back in the ring at 12:00 he DDT'd Swagger and then punched the mat. He decided to set up a chair in mid-ring. Swagger reversed Orton into the chair, dropping his back over it. The chair seat bend down. Swagger then executed the gut-wrench powerbomb for the clean win. Cole said Swagger shut up a lot of naysayers tonight. Orton broke up Swagger's celebration with an RKO. Swagger's music stopped right on cue as the move landed. The crowd chanted, "Randy! Randy!" Lawler said Orton is just as dangerous as ever. Striker said also as vicious.
WINNER: Swagger in 14:00 to retain the World Hvt. Title.
STAR RATING: **1/2 -- Another good match, although a bit methodical. Cole called it one of the biggest wins of his career. For a full-fledged match, it was the biggest. That was a statement win for his character to beat Orton clean in a match with this stipulation.
-Swagger's music played and he walked past Orton on his way to the ring. Orton stared him down. Swagger gloated, saying that he promised it would be a mistake if Triple H showed up at Extreme Rules. He said if Triple H isn't man enough to come to the ring and fight him, then he wants the ref to raise his arm. They went backstage to Grisham who said all indications are Triple H won't be able to wrestle. Triple H barged out of his locker room looking like Urijah Faber last night after three rounds, limping to the ring and wincing in pain, but with that determined "I'm going to fight no matter what look."
5 -- TRIPLE H vs. SHEAMUS -- Street Fight
Triple H gave Sheamus a bulldog from behind at ringside in the opening minutes. He then threw Sheamus into the announce table. In the ring he hit a spinebuster and then went for a Pedigree, but his left arm couldn't hook Sheamus's arm. Sheamus took the opening and knocked Triple H down. Hunter rolled to the floor. Sheamus went on sustained control for several minutes in the ring, including applying a rear chinlock. At 7:00 Triple H back suplexed his way free, then he rolled to ringside again. At 10:00 Sheamus took control using the lead pipe as a weapon. Triple H slipped out of Sheamus's newly named "Pale Justice" finisher (the former "Celtic Cross") and then backdropped him to the floor. Triple H battled Sheamus with a kendo stick on the ramp. Triple H again tried a Pedigree, but Sheamus backdropped out of it. Cole said Triple H's neck landed awkwardly on the steel. Sheamus kicked Triple H in the face. Back in the ring Sheamus kicked Triple H in the face again at 12:00. The ref asked Triple H if he wanted to continue. He shoved the ref away with a pie-face and then crotch-chopped at Sheamus. Sheamus gave Triple H two more kicks to the skull and scored the pin.
WINNER: Sheamus in 16:00.
STAR RATING: **3/4 -- Good story in that match. They sold everything well. It gave Sheamus a big win, but in a heelish way based on the attack earlier.
-After highlights aired, they showed medics working on Triple H, trying to put him on a stretcher. He ripped off his neck collar and stumbled to the floor and tried to make it to the back on his own. The crowd cheered him as he made his way to the back with help from officials. Sheamus then reappeared on the stage and gave Hunter another boot to the face. "What's wrong with him?" asked Cole. All three announcers ripped on Sheamus. This time he didn't put up a fight as they put him on the stretcher.
-Josh Matthews interviewed Edge backstage. He asked him what his mindset was for his match. Edge said there are three ways to win a cage match - pinfall, submission, or escape the cage. Edge said he guarantees he won't let Jericho escape the cage. He said he won't even try to escape. He smiled and looked crazed.
6 -- MICHELLE MCCOOL (w/Layla, Vickie Guerrero) vs. "GLAMAZON" BETH PHOENIX - Extreme Makeover Match
They showed a table at ringside in front of the announcers covered in make-up and household cleaning accessories. The ironing board was brought into play again, just as it was on Smackdown. Lawler quipped, "You're not going to get bored with this match, I'll tell you that." Get it? At 4:00 Phoenix slammed McCool onto the table, tipping it over in the process. Phoenix threw a broom into the ring, then threw McCool into the ring. She brought a red plastic bucket and nailed McCool in the belly and then the back with it. She threw it at her face, then covered her for a two count. Plastic bucket shots should never lead to pinfalls. Striker, with intentional double-meaning, I assume, said: "Who would have thought an Extreme Makeover match could be so brutal."
Phoenix laid two ironing boards on the mat. When she tried to superplex McCool. Layla and Vickie swiped at Phoenix's legs with brooms. It was for comedy as the bristles were the only things hitting her feet. McCool shoved Phoenix to the mat and made the cover for a near fall. They countered each other's signature oves. Phoenix won the battle, giving McCool the Glam Slam for the pin.
WINNER: Phoenix in 7:00.
STAR RATING: * -- Pretty corny at times, but okay when they weren't worried about the apparatus at ringside. They actually let them wrestle for seven minutes. When's the last time that happened?
-A commercial hyped the release of the WrestleMania 26 DVD.
-Matthews interviewed Jericho backstage. He asked Jericho about his loss to an NXT Rookie on Tuesday and whether that affects his mindset going into the match tonight. Jericho said one loss doesn't offset the record accolades he's accrued in WWE. He said he lost to a no-name rookie. Matthews interjected, "His name is Heath Slater." Jericho said he is a big-name money player who does what he says he is going to do because he's an honest man. He guaranteed he'd end Edge's career forever tonight. He said the "Spear!" chants end tonight. A short crowd chant of "Spear!" started. It just never gets rolling despite so much trying.
7 -- EDGE vs. CHRIS JERICHO -- Cage Match
Edge got tired of Jericho's delaying entering the cage, so Edge slidekicked him at ringside, knocking a chair out of his hands. Edge beat up Jericho at ringside before the match officially began. He threw him in quickly, the door closed, and the ref signaled for the bell. Jericho immediately climbed the cage. Edge yanked him down by his tights, exposing his butt briefly, drawing laughter from the crowd because everyone is six years old at heart when it comes to full moons. Edge favored his injured leg early as he rammed Jericho into the side of the cage at 2:00. Edge choked Jericho against the middle rope. Edge went for a tackle against the ropes, but Jericho moved. Edge collided with the cage. Jericho springboard dropkicked Edge into the cage. Jericho bled from the forehead.
The announcers got excited when they heard a fan or two in the upper rafters chanting "Spear! Spear!" Finally! Nobody else joined in, though. Edge made a comeback at 5:00. Jericho made an escape attempt at 6:00, but Edge caught up to him and yanked him back to the top rope where they battled. Edge kicked at Jericho. Jericho caught his leg and yanked him to the mat. He then applied the Walls of Jericho. Edge used the ropes to leverage his way out of it. Edge went on offense and scored a two count.
At 8:00 Edge setup a spear, but Jericho avoided it by diving out of the door. When Edge stopped him from hitting the floor. Jericho slammed the door in his face. Jericho brought a chair into the ring and held it up, waiting for Edge to get up. He swung the chair at Edge, but Edge ducked and speared Jericho for a near fall that popped the crowd. Jericho surprised Edge with a Code Breaker for a near fall. Jericho climbed the cage and began to drop down when Edge grabbed onto his head and pulled him back into the cage. Jericho shoved Edge off balance and Edge straddled the top rope. Jericho climbed over the top and began a slow climb down, but Edge grabbed his arms through the top part of the cage and stopped him. Edge then joined him on top of the cage at 14:00. They worked their way back to the top rope where Edge yanked Jericho to the mat. They lost the crowd a bit during that two minute sequence. Jericho gave Edge a springboard Code Breaker. He was slow to make a cover, and when he did Edge kicked out.
Jericho called Edge a "stupid idiot" and told him to "stay down." Jericho picked up the chair again and swung it at Edge. Edge moved and then threw Jericho into three sides of the cage. Jericho tried to escape again. Edge caught up to him and again yanked him back down. Edge then got that look as he stood on the top rope. He stepped down to the mat and watched Jericho crawl toward the open door. Then he stopped him and beat him down and slammed the door on his ankle. Jericho sold it like it was a bear trap. Jericho begged for mercy as Edge worked over his leg.
At 18:00 they had lost the crowd a little as the pace was like many of these cage matches, a bit too methodical with the climbing of the cage and the ginger cooperation to get back to the mat. It doesn't help that Edge just hasn't caught on as a babyface yet, either. There were some "boring" shouts heard from the crowd as Edge again set up a spear. There were some "spear" chants, but again not nearly what they should be given the time invested in trying to get the fans to chant it. Edge hit the spear and scored the pin to a disappointing reaction.
WINNER: Edge in 20:00.
STAR RATING: **1/2 -- They lost the crowd and it just was paced too slowly. This type of match doesn't need 20 minutes, or it needs to be structured differently, with fewer of those long sequences of a heel slowly trying to climb over the top of the cage and the babyface pulling him gingerly back down. Edge has to figure out what's not clicking because his stock is dropping right now.
-After a "Don't Try This At Home" video message aired, the Cena-Batista feud video recap aired.
8 -- JOHN CENA vs. BATISTA - Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Title
Batista came out first, then Cena ran to the ring and ran the ropes. Cole said he's popular the world over, the face of WWE, doing photo shoots and gracing magazine covers all the time. Cole said he "is the man," and that's what bothers Batista so much. Batista got a lot of cheers because he's from D.C., a short drive from Baltimore. A lot of boos for Cena, including a "Cena sucks" chant at the start. After a few back-and-forth minutes, Batista took control. Cena surprised Batista with an early Attitude Adjustment attempt, but Batista slipped free and shoved Cena into the ringpost at 3:00. Batista worked over Cena's left leg for a few minutes. Striker said Cena's unconventional foot gear (sneakers) doesn't protect his ankles like traditional ring boost. Cena reversed Batista into the ringside steps at 7:00, then crawled back into the ring. Batista applied a figure-four mid-ring at 8:00. Cena powered out and then shortly thereafter went into his You Can't See Me routine.
Batista rolled out of the ring and grabbed a metal pipe that's used to tighten the ropes. Batista grabbed a chair, but Cena countered with an Attitude Adjustment onto the chair. The ref began to count to ten at Cena's request. Batista got up. Cena was on the top rope. Batista shoved the ref into the ropes, knocking Cena to the mat. Batista speared Cena. The count began. Cena got up. Batista speared him again. When Cena got up again, Batista poured out a box full of tools, but reached past them to slide a table into the ring. Batista set it up in the corner. Cena recovered during this time and used a drop toe hold to take Batista down. Batista powered out by kicking Cena into the table, breaking it in half. Striker said, "Count! Count! Count! Count! Count!" wanting the referee to start his count sooner on Cena than he had earlier in the match. Cena got up again, so Batista went to ringside and shoved Cena back-first into the ringpost.
Batista then whipped Cena into the ringside barrier near the bell ringing. The whole wall collapsed. Nice gimmick to weaken that wall to get over the power of Batista's whip. The ref counted to eight before Cena stood. Batista tore apart the announce tbale. He threw the monitors around, including one of them at Cole. Batista threw Cena's head into the ringpost. Cole said Batista wants to harm Cena en route to winning the WWE Title. Striker said he wants to be the face of WWE. Batista stood on the table and set up a Batista Bomb. Cena reversed Batista and gave him an Attitude Adjustment thorugh the table. The crowd popped. Cena returned to the ring to catch his breath. The ref began to count and the crowd counted along. Batista got up before ten. Cena yelled at the ref, "How is he up?!?!"
Cena slid a table into the ring as Batista struggled to get to his feet. Cena set up the table as Batista lay on the ringside steps and caught his breath. Cena retrieved Batista and threw him into the ring. Batista reversed Cena and dropped him through the table with a modified spinebuster. The ref began to count again as Batista struggled to get to his feet. After Cena stood, Batista gave Cena a Batista Bomb. The crowd began to count again at 21:00. Striker said he thinks Batista deserves the win. Cena popped up right before ten. Batista was so frustrated, he bailed out to ringside, kicked the steps, and then slid the base of the steps into the ring. Cena surprised Batista with an STF. Batista tapped. Some fans popped, but it can't end the match. Batista tapped again. Striker said Batista could pass out from the pain. Cena asked the ref to count. The ref got to nine, but Batista stood just before ten. Cena yanked Batista crotch-first into the ringpost. Then Cena duct taped Batista's ankles together. Batista wouldn't be able to stand. Striker said that is genius. Hopefully the fire alarm didn't go off at this moment. Cena wrapped him about a dozen times. This seemed like a cheap way to win, actually. Clever, but cheap. The ref counted to ten as Cena taunted him with a hand-wave in front of his face.
WINNER: Cena in 24:00 to retain the WWE Title.
STAR RATING: ***1/4 -- Good grueling match with a questionable choice of finish and more of those momentum-killing ten counts throughout the match.
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