By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S TNA DESTINATION X REPORT
MARCH 15, 2009
ORLANDO, FLA. AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS
LIVE ON PAY-PER-VEW

The show opened with depressing video about the bad economy. It led to a black and white shot of Abyss sitting with his back to the camera alone, then other freeze-frames of wrestlers in emotional moments in wrestling matches. They threw up bloviating empty cliches such as "We can emerge stronger" and "We share a common dream.and seek a common goal." They even threw in a "Yes we can... or can we" as they showed Kurt Angle and Sting shaking hands. The tone is just too serious and it basically adds up to nonsense disguised as deep thoughts that only someone totally high would think was totally mind-blowing.

1 -- ROXXI & TAYLOR WILDE & THE GOVERNOR vs. THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (Velvet Sky & Angelina Love & Madison Rain)

Mike Tenay smarmily asked Don West how his flu bug is affecting him tonight. He asked him if he might be able to "fit us into your schedule" and make it through all three hours tonight. The sound quality was terrible at this point. You'd think TNA, in their home arena, wouldn't have these problems. It's not excusible in new buildings, but it's much worse in their home venue. Sky opened against Taylor, but Sky demanded The Gov tag in. She did, and Sky kicked her in the gut immediately.At 4:00 The Gov leaped off the back of Taylor onto the heels at ringside. Taylor then finished Rain with a German suplex for the win.

WINNERS: Wilde & Roxxi & The Gov in 4:00.

STAR RATING: 3/4*

-Lauren interviewed "TNA Founder" Jeff Jarrett and Mick Foley backstage. She said some days the Main Event Mafia will be stronger no matter who wins between Angle and Sting because the belt will remain with the group. Jarrett said this will test where Sting really stands. She asked if he'll be impartial. Jarrett said, "I'll call it right down the middle, the best man will win and remain the TNA World Heavyweight Champion." Lauren asked if he heard what he just said. She turned to Foley who said for Jarrett to do his job, he'll have to do his job and keep the MEM away from ringside. Foley said it seemed hot in there, but maybe that's because Angle gave him the fever. A Brutus Magnus graphic appeared on the screen for no reason. Then Foley thanked Angle for the feeling and said he'd see him at ringside.

2 -- BRUTUS MAGNUS vs. ERIC YOUNG

Magnus entered the ring and issued an open challenge. Then a guest ring announcer was introduced, Naval officer Jesse Neal. They didn't give him a graphic so we're not sure on the spelling. Dave Penzer got a rare on-camera appearance as ring announcer for this. He then introduced Magnus's opponent, Eric Young, but not before milking the moment for a minute. Tenay said Magnus was a star of the UK version of "American Gladiators." Magnus hit a powerbomb and then went for a top rope splash, but Young moved. Young hit a Death Valley Driver for a two count at 3:00. Young followed by going to the top rope. Magnus met him there, but Young shoved him to the mat and then hit a top rope elbowdrop for a near fall. Magnus then went for a bridge pin attempt. Young escaped and hit a backslide. Magnus then went for a pin with his feet on the top rope for leverage. Young climbed to the top rope, but Magnus knocked him off balance. He then set up a top rope turning Samoan drop, his Tormentum finisher.

WINNER: Magnus in 5:00.

STAR RATING: * -- By Young nearly pinning him, and Magnus resorting to cheating to try to get a win, it defined Magnus down to only slightly above Young's level by the time he scored the win. Magnus should either be plowing through jobbers or involved in a match where a victory would mean something because it'd be treated as a big test for him with hype and a bit of trash-talking ahead of time.

-Mike Tenay and Don West ran down the rest of the PPV line-up. Then Sheik Abdul Bashir walked out. He complained about not being on the PPV card. He blamed it on racism and a conspiracy. "When men like me have a message to be heard, we send that message by making an example out of the innocent. Last Thursday on Impact I sent a message loud and clear to TNA. I'm tired of being a victim." He said President Obama talks about change and hope in America, but he asked what hope there is for him who people see as a terrorist when they look at him. "I am a prisoner of the concentration camp known as the United States. I am a victim of a prejudice American holocaust. I have done nothing wrong to anybody." He began to break down.

Jim Cornette walked out. He said since he's asking so many questions, he's going to give him answers. He said he's a great wrestler, a former X Division wrestler, he's wrestled all over the world for every major promotion. He said the reason he's not on the PPV is real simple - "I don't like you!" He said he doesn't, the wrestlers don't, and the fans don't like him. He said it's because of what he has between his nose and neck - his big fat mouth. He said he's constantly whining and complaining. He said nobody cares about his race or country of origin or creed; they don't like him because he's a big, obnoxious jerk. The crowd chanted, "Cornette, Cornette." He said now that he has the answer to his question, they have action coming up, so it's time for him to "get the hell out of my building." He called Officer Neal into the ring to help give him a nice, grand exit so nobody can say they're discriminating against him. Cornette said Officer Neal is going to sing a song and he wants the fans to join in. He then began singing "God Bless America." He couldn't hit a note, but he sang it anyway. The crowd joined in. Bashir left with his head hanging. Tenay said, "Feel free to stand up anytime, D.W."

-Backstage Jeremy Borash held the mic as Kurt Angle yelled at his fellow Mafia members for not seeing the conspiracy against him. Booker said he's got to concentrate on A.J. Styles. He said Angle's problem is between him and Sting. Scott Steiner then stood up and said he's got a problem with a sword-wielding Samoa Joe. He told him to take care of Sting on his own. Angle turned to Kevin Nash. Nash said Sting is not in bed with Mick Foley and Jeff Jarrett. He said his predicament is not anyone's fault but his own. He told him he started it so he should make it right. Nash said he will do it. Angle said that by the end of the night, he'll see what side Sting is really on. Too much yelling at the top of their lungs by everyone except, thankfully, Nash.

-A video package aired on the Matt Morgan-Abyss feud.

3 -- MATT MORGAN vs. ABYSS

During Morgan's ring intro, West said Cornette went over the line. He said he doesn't agree with everything he said, but he has a right to say it. Tenay's voice geekily cracked, with a "What?!?!" He said they couldn't let Bashir take over the PPV. The West-Tenay bickering has really quickly grown to be annoying because it brings out the worst in Tenay's overacting and diminishes West's effective role as the enthusiastic voice of TNA. Morgan jumped Abyss before the bell, but Abyss quickly took control and crotched Morgan into the ringpost. Then he brought a tray of thumbtacks to ringside. Morgan recovered during that time and too control again at 2:00. Morgan climbed a post and pulled down one of the bags that contains more tacks. Morgan poured them onto the mat and tried to shove Abyss's face into them. Abyss resisted and fought back and then grabbed a bag of tacks from another post. West pointed out the absurdity of everything since there were already trays of tacks at ringside and tacks poured on the mat. Tenay tried to make sense of the nonsense by saying Abyss wasn't satisfied and wanted more. During that time, Morgan recovered and gave Abyss a big boot. Morgan wedged a chair into the corner, but Abyss reversed Morgan into the corner. Abyss poured more tacks onto the mat in the same pile. He set up a powerbomb. Abyss grabbed another bag, and then poured it out. It was shards of glass. As Morgan strolled up the ramp, Abyss chased him down. They fought near the stage. Abyss set up a chokeslam. Morgan kicked him between the legs. Morgan charged at Abyss and kicked Abyss off the ramp onto trays of tacks on a table below. Abyss shook in pain as the camera zoomed in on the tacks stuck to his arms. The ref called for the bell. West said Morgan beat Abyss at his own game.

WINNER: Morgan in 9:00.

STAR RATING: 1/4* -- Just a terrible gimmick match in so many ways. Almost nothing good about it.

-Booker and Sharmell complained to Jim Cornette about being forced to put the Legend's Title on the line against A.J. Styles tonight. Cornette said the contract Booker signed is legal and binding. Sharmell asked if Cornette coerced him to sign it and he was under duress. Booker said yes. Cornette said he can call a lawyer tomorrow, but he has to wrestle tonight.

-A video aired on the Night with ODB storyline. They showed clips of fans who sent in video pleas for a date with her. Shark Boy, one of the applicants, said, "Have you ever been eaten by a shark?"

-Jeremy Borash stood mid-ring and said it was time to bring out the Lady of the Evening, Miss ODB. ODB came out dressed in a nice blue dress, but nearly falling out of it. She had a flask and grabbed her crotch. Borash said tapes have come in from gentleman all over the world. ODB said, "And ladies." Borash admitted a few ladies did apply. Borash said it was down to three finalists. Cody Deaner walked out with a mullet. Shark Boy was second. Third was a man from New Mexico, a mortgage broker named Bernie Weber. West said this shows all types of people are attracted to ODB. Tenay asked if Shark Boy really said that line about eating a shark. ODB asked why Deaner deserves a hot and steamy night with her. He said he doesn't need a whole night, just sixty minutes. Shark Boy said what Mr. Deaner can do in 60 minutes he can do two or three times in 20 minutes or so. The broker said he has money to show to show her a real good time.

ODB asked her second question. She said she wants to see each of them dance. Borash asked if she wants to see a dance-off. Webber did a corny dance, then he said he has more moves than Octamom has babies. The crowd booed. Shark Boy then danced and even did a little breakdancing. Then he broke into a Stone Cold imitation and said she just got shelled. Time for Deaner, the guy with a mullet. He sounded like Jamie Noble as he said he wanted to dedicate the dance to the late, great Dale Ernhardt. He then danced and said, "ODB, this hair is not the longest part on my body." ODB got wide-eyed and impressed and patted her boobs. Borash almost fainted at the thought. Borash asked the crowd what they thought. Shark got the most cheers, although the crowd participating in the voting was tepid. ODB then gave them all a once-over. She checked them out closely, including their butts. She whispered her choice to Borash. Borash called Weber and Shark to step forward, American Idol style. Borash said neither of them were winners. Deaner danced as corny game show music from the '70s played. Shark Boy protested and asked for a second chance, but ODB brushed him off. That was a candidate for most embarrassing skit on a wrestling show this decade.

-They went to Lauren who interviewed Beer Money Inc. backstage. James Storm they don't get respect and it might be because they don't brown-nose management. He said they don't give a damn about management and the Team 3D fans. He said he doesn't care which of the two glory hogs go home tonight, but they will write their place in history as the greatest tag team in TNA history. He closed with, "Sorry about your damn luck."

-A video package aired on Sojourner Bolt.

4 -- AWESOME KONG (w/Raesha Saeed) vs. SOUJOURNER BOLT -- TNA Knockouts Title match

Tenay gave Bolt credit for stepping up to not just be a member of the Kongtourage, but try to become a champion herself. She was in the Kongtourage for all of a month or two, so her split from Kong meant almost nothing. Kong overpowered Bolt right away. Bolt messed up badly early with an attempted springboard dive off the second rope. It was really, really clumsy and lousy and she ended up barely hitting Kong by the time she got her feet planted enough to push off the ropes. Kong choked her against the middle rope and then applied a sleeper mid-ring. She swung her around and released her. Bolt kicked Saeed at ringside. Bolt went for a huracanrana, but Kong caught her and Awesome Bombed her to the mat for the win.

WINNER: Kong in 4:00 to retain the TNA Knockout's Title.

STAR RATING: DUD -- That's generous. Really lousy. Did I mention how much TNA misses Gail Kim.

-They showed Tenay and West at ringside commenting on upcoming matches.

5 -- SAMOA JOE vs. SCOTT STEINER

Steiner came out first to his siren music. Joe then came out with his new look. He had new pants, a shaved head, and eye make-up. He was aggressive at the start, attacking Steiner before the bell. Steiner bled from the forehead at the start. The ref tried to step in and stop Joe from his relentless beating of Steiner in the ropes. When Joe used a Steiner's pipe as a weapon, the ref stepped in. Joe threw him out of the ring and then punched him. The bell rang. Joe followed Steiner into the crowd and continued to beat on him. He dragged him into the crowd. West said he's never seen a guy snap like that.

WINNER: Samoa Joe in 2:00.

STAR RATING: 1/4* -- We'll see where this goes, but Joe just might be ruined. The new look is not good at first glance. At least we have ROH tapes from 2005 to enjoy.

-Lauren interviewed A.J. Styles backstage. He cut his usual promo.

6 -- A.J. STYLES vs. BOOKER T

It began with some center-ring holds. The first real highspots was Styles diving at Booker at ringside with a flying forearm at 3:00. Styles gave Booker a backbreaker in the ring. When he went for a suplex, Booker blocked it and elbowed out of it. Booker settled into a chinlock and an armbar. Styles came back at 6:00 and took control. Styles blocked a Book End attempt, but Booker fired right back with a superkick to his chin for a two count. Styles ducked a Booker clothesline and applied a full nelson center-ring. He back suplexed into a bridge for a near fall. When Styles springboard dove at Booker, Booker caught him with an awkward wheel kick. Both crashed to the mat. Styles got up and surprised Booker with his Pele kick. Then he gave Booker his Styles Clash finisher for the clean win. "New champ! New champ!" declared Tenay. When did the belt Booker just made up become an officially recognized championship? As if TNA needed another belt, but if they were going to, why recognize a belt Booker just showed up with one day. It's just stupid. Styles celebrated like he won something prestigious and meaningful, which in this case just waters down belts that should mean something and have a chance to mean something.

WINNER: Styles in 9:00.

STAR RATING: ** -- Okay match, but nothing special at all.

-Lauren caught up with Joe in the back area. She asked what happened to Scott. He said the world was introduced to his Nation of Violence. He had a knife in his hand as he said next time she sees Steiner, she'll see the scars he inflicted. Lauren acted very scared and whimpered as Joe grabbed her and told her pass word to the MEM that "one by one, Joe is going to kill them." As Joe walked away, Lauren again asked, "Where is Scott? What have you done to him!" This is shaping up as one my least favorite wrestling events of all-time. Just about everything about it is just as bad as it gets, and I fear there's nobody in this promotion with both the power and wrestling smarts to make the necessary adjustments in either staff or process or style.

7 -- TEAM 3D vs. BEER MONEY INC.

Standard stuff for the first five minutes. Devon hot-tagged Brother Ray at 5:00. He tossed Storm around the ring. Storm came back with a huracanrana off the second rope. Roode followed with a big splash for a two count. Team 3D came back and set up a 3D, but Storm hit Ray with a chair from behind. The ref called for the bell. Cornette stepped out and said this match was their idea and they're not going to get away with this. He said these fans paid to see a winner and a loser, so he re-started the match as a no-DQ match. The crowd cheered as Beer Money protested. Team 3D brawled with them at ringside briefly and then threw Storm back into the ring. They gave Storm a 3D and went for the pin. Just as the ref was about to hit the mat a third time, Roode yanked the ref out of the ring. Storm and the ref yelled at each other. Roode carried Storm away. West handed Roode their tag titles as they walked away, but West claimed they grabbed them and he was trying to take them back.

WINNER: Team 3D via countout in 20:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2

-Afterward, Team 3D got in West's face and said what he did was wrong. Tenay was having a fit over West handing Beer Money the tag title belts. What's the big deal about doing that? I mean, Tenay literally couldn't have expressed a higher level of anger if West had set a puppy on fire. They're just so tone deaf. Everything is turned up to maximum and it just makes you numb, and it's worse when everyone is freaking out over something that's not even a minor big deal like what West did.

-Promos aired by Chris Sabin, Alex Shelley, Consequences Creed, and Black Machismo, talking about the Ultimate X match. It ran long and got boring. Then it went into a video package with more soundbites from the same guys.

8 -- ULTIMATE X: ALEX SHELLEY, CHRIS SABIN, SUICIDE, CONSEQUENCES CREED, BLACK MACHISMO

After the others made their ring intro, Suicide glided to the ring on a rope. Once he got into the ring, Shelley and Sabin jumped him as Creed and Machismo climbed the scaffolding. West said this is his favorite match in TNA since they've seen it since its inception. The crowd chanted "Fallen Angel" at Suicide. At 4:00 Sabin saw an opening and spring-boarded off the ropes onto the cables above and almost got to the X Title belt. Creed stopped him. At 5:00 Suicide went for a dive through the ropes, but Shelley kicked him in the head before he made it through the ropes. A minute later Suicide lifted Creed onto his shoulders and flip dove onto everyone else at ringside. That got a pop from the crowd. Suicide leaped to the cable and made his way toward the belt, but Lethal dropkicked him down. Creed went for the belt, but Shelley and Sabin intervened. Lethal gave Suicide the Lethal Combination at 7:00. Lethal then gave his parter Creed a boost to get to the belt, but Sabin speared Creed down to the mat. Nice sequence. The crowd chanted, "That was awesome!" A four-way Tower of Doom took place with Letahl dropping Sabin and Creed, but Suicide at the top held onto the top cable. He made his way toward the belt on the top cable. Lethal climbed to the top rope and powerbombed him to the mat. Shelley gave Creed a Sliced Bread off the top rope as Sabin had Creed on his shoulders and powerbombed him. Shelley and Suicide fought on one of the trusses. Suicide got his legs caught up as Creed suplexed Shelley to the mat. Lethal then went for the belt. Sabin met him in the middle of the cables. Creed made it three. They swung and kicked at eac other. Suicide dove off the top of the truss and landed on the cross of the cables where the belt was hanging, in the process knocking all three other wrestlers to the mat. He then grabbed the belt and fell to the mat to win. "My god, that was spectacular!" declared Tenay. Certainly a top notch innovative finishing spot. The only drawback is the preview video at the start of the show actually showed Christopher Daniels doing that exact same spot in a previous Ultimate X match. That's bad for two reasons.

WINNER: Suicide in 16:00 to capture the X Division Title.

STAR RATING: *** -- A solid match of it's type. It devolved into a bunch of big spots at times, and it hurt that it felt like two tag teams and a masked singles wrestler competing instead of five individuals. It had some really strong moments, but it lacked any personal stories that really hooked you into the drama of potential finishes.

-Borash interviewed Sting, who asked Angle to bring his A-game. Regarding Jarrett and Foley, Sting said they'll make sure it's a fair match.

9 -- STING vs. KURT ANGLE -- TNA Wolrd Hvt. TItle match

Jeff Jarrett was introduced first. He brought a guitar to the ring. That seemed a bit inappropriate for a referee to do. Mick Foley came out next. He wore black sweat pants, a black Destination X t-shirt, and red flannel. Then Kurt Angle made his full ring intro, with a brief video profile airing between his walk out of his locker room and his trip down the ramp to the ring. Same with Sting. Jeremy Borash then did the formal ring intros. Jarrett wore a sleeveless ref shirt and showed off the TNA World Title belt to the crowd before the bell rang to officially start the match. Sting caught a charging Angle with a big boot at 1:00. At 3:00 they fought to ringside and into the crowd briefly before returning to the ring. Foley scooted them toward the ring. Sting mounted Angle in the corner and punched him ten times. Angle used an eye rake to make an immediately comeback, then hit a quick suplex. In a nice touch, he didn't pop up and continue on offense, but sold the ten punches to his skull for a few seconds before getting up and kicking at Sting. Angle settled into a chinlock for a minute. Sting made a comeback at 8:00 and hit a clothesline and a Stinger splash. He scored a two count. Angle countered a Scorpion Deathlock attempt with an ankle lock attempt. Sting blocked it, so Angle went into a suplex series. Angle hit an Angle Slam at 10:00 for a two count. Angle then hit a moonsault for another near fall. Sting surprised Angle with a Scorpion Deathdrop for a near fall. Angle went for a clothesline, but Sting ducked and Jarrett took it instead. Sting took Angle down and applied the Scorpion Deathlock as Foley entered the ring and checked on Jarrett. Angle tapped out, but a frustrated Sting let go. Sting went to check on Jarrett. Angle hit Sting from behind and gave him an Angle Slam. Angle told Foley to count. Foley counted to two and then Sting lifted a shoulder (the opposite shoulder, which Foley couldn't have seen, but he stopped the count at two anyway). Angle then gave Foley a low-blow and then brought a chair into the ring. Foley yanked the chair out of Angle's hands and then swung it toward Angle. Angle ducked and the chair hit Sting. Angle then gave Foley an Angle Slam. Jarrett came to and counted a near fall, but his count was slow, so Sting kicked out before three. West complained about the slow count; Tenay defended Jarrett because he had just been knocked out. Angle yelled at Jarett and then spit on him. Sting popped up, Jarrett punched Angle, Sting gave Angle the Scorpion Deathdrop, and Jarett counted to three. Afterward, Angle yelled at Jarrett as Jarrett returned to the back, asking him why he couldn't mind his own business.

WINNER: Sting in 14:00.

STAR RATING: **1/2 -- The best of the regular one-on-one wrestling matches of the show, which isn't saying much. Basic stuff with the not-so-shocking controversies coming out of it involving Foley and Jarrett and Angle.

We suggest these recent related articles...

KELLER’S WWE MSG SPECIAL REPORT 10/3: Lesnar vs. Big Show, Cena vs. Seth in a cage, Jericho vs. Owens in an IC Title match, Dudleys vs. New Day for tag titles

McNEILL's Late Night Deadblog - WWE Night of Champions: Bucklebombs, Light-up Jackets, Poachers, IcoPro, Eddie, more!

KELLER’S WWE NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS PPV REPORT 9/20: Ongoing “virtual time” coverage of event including Sting vs. Seth, Cena vs. Seth, Ryback vs. Owens, mystery partner with Reigns & Ambrose, Divas Title, Tag Title, more