PPV REPORTS CALDWELL'S TNA FINAL RESOLUTION PPV REPORT 12/7: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of live PPV
Dec 7, 2008 - 9:48:16 PM
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By James Caldwell, PWTorch columnist
TNA Final Resolution PPV Report
December 7, 2008
By James Caldwell, Torch columnist
FBI copyright law has "distribution" misspelled. For whatever it's worth. The opening video package tried to equate wrestling matches to war and bombings and Rhino vowing to fight or die. Just really, really poor choice whenever sports is equated to real lives actually being on the line in real war. Paging Kellen Winslow.
Impact Zone: Mike Tenay and Don West explained the happenings tonight, then cue up the Feast or Fired deal with the four briefcases containing a World Title, X Division Title, and tag team title opportunity, as well as a pink slip for someone getting fired.
The generic TNA music hit and Kip James came out first. So Cal Val then led out Sonjay Dutt. Music continued as Jimmy Rave came out firing his guitar as a weapon. Lance Rock out next. Shelley, then B.G. James, then Jay Lethal, then Chris Sabin, then Curry Man came out. We have LAX of Hernandez and Homicide. Consequences Creed is in. Shark Boy is back. Tenay gave us the catch that only one of the contents of the briefcase will be revealed tonight. The other three will be made known on Impact. There's always a catch.
1 -- FEAST OR FIRED match
We got a whole lot of Sonjay Dutt's rear end in the opening minutes when he was pantsed in center ring during the hecticness of the action. Dutt then recovered and wanted a case at 3:00, but former rival Lethal knocked him down. Craziness ensued, then Hernandez and his 'stache gave Rave a big Border Toss clear over the top rope onto everyone on the floor. Huge pop for Hernandez. Hernandez needs to be a TNA Hvt. champion contender. I've been saying that for months. He then grabbed a briefcase, so he owns one.
The action picked up with former tag partners B.G. and Kip battling in the ring. Shark then intervened and gave both men some weak Stunners. More wild action, then Curry Man ended up grabbing case number three. Only problem is that he had to find his way to the floor with the case while avoiding several wrestlers itching for the case. So he jumped clear off the top rope to the floor to end up on the ground with possession of the case.
Homicide was next with possession of a case and he made his way to the floor. So, now Homicide and Hernandez have two cases with a possible pink slip involved. At 10:00, Kip and B.G. slowly threw themselves to the floor before Dutt hit a random splash for no apparent reason. Shelley and Rave then battled until Sabin set up Rave for Shelley to nail a sick top rope Sliced Bread. Dutt took advantage and started climbing, but Shelley and Sabin set him up for a missile dropkick off the shoulders to flip Lethal to the mat.
Shelley wanted the case again and this time Sabin held everyone off. Shelley smashed everyone with the case, though, instead of dropping to the floor with the case. Shelley and Sabin then celebrated, but Lethal grabbed the case and ran to the floor with the case. S and S were stunned in disbelief that they lost the case. Meanwhile, Lethal celebrated on the floor with the other three winners.
WINNERS: Dutt, Homicide, Hernandez, and Curry Man in 13:00. Okay opener with some highspots, but the usual forgettable spots and guys just going through the motions. (**)
Post-match: Shelley and Sabin remained in the ring stunned while Jeremy Borash entered the ring to talk to the four case winners. Shelley kept trying to interrupt Borash, who then talked to the four winners that any one of them could walk away from the case right now and forfeit the case. Curry Man (Chris Daniels, who was fired last year) surveyed the audience, but decided to keep his. Borash said they have randomly picked a number and that number will be opened right here tonight. Number selected is two. That's Jay Lethal.
Lethal entered the ring with possession of his case while Shelley and Sabin continued to politic for possession of that case. The case was then unchained while Borash set the stage that it could be Lethal's final night. Shelley and Sabin continued to complain in the ring, then Borash tried to rebuild the heat for the revealing of the case. And the case was opened to reveal...Tag Team Title shot. Lethal's job is safe. Shelley and Sabin were stunned. Didn't they have a tag title shot before? Borash then tried to recap everything, but Shelley and Sabin continued to complain. Borash flew off the handle and straight cut a promo while his voice cracked and cracked. He said he's tired of their bitching and whining and complaining. It's Total Nonstop Action and not Total Nonstop A-hole, he claimed. Borash nearly broke down into tears and screamed that of the 250 employees of this company, Shelley is officially the biggest pain in the ass he's ever worked with. Borash then dropped the mic and stormed off.
Backstage: Lauren brought in Sharmell and the Beautiful People for a pre-match interview. Kip was fully recovered from his strenuous opening match. Sharmell addressed ODB and said she might look and smell like a lady, but underneath her beauty, she's about as ghetto as ghetto can be. Angelina Love and Velvet Sky proceeded to talk celluloid in the women's locker room. This promo dragged for-e-ver, then Angelina had a phone call from the "governor." Angelina and Velvet screamed like girls, then Angelina said they would put her on the list. Kip just shook his head in disbelief. 33 minutes into this PPV and we've just had this opening throw-it-at-the-wall match.
Impact Zone: Entrances for the six-woman tag match including Kip trying to imitate Angelina and Velvet's rope-burn entrances on the ring apron. Babyfaces came out, then there was pre-match bickering between ODB and the heels trying to get Sharmell in the ring to start things.
2 -- ROXXI & TAYLOR WILDE & ODB vs. SHARMELL & BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (ANGELINA LOVE & VELVET SKY w/Cute Kip)
Finally, the second match started 39 minutes into the PPV. Sharmell wanted no part of ODB, claiming she's crazy. A few minutes in, Kip slipped into the ring, then ODB did her lewd gestures toward Kip before the ref got Kip out of the ring and the Beautiful Peeps attacked ODB from behind. Finally, at 6:00, Sharmell found herself in the ring with ODB for the showdown they were building toward. Kip then slipped into the ring allowing Sharmell to run out of the ring and through the entrance ramp to the tunnel. Kip pursued, while back in the ring, Angelina and Taylor battled. Angelina came off the top with a splash, but Taylor slowly rolled through into a pin on Angelina for the win. Unfortunately, Kip was too late running back into the ring to make the save. And they don't get Booker's plush locker room pad.
WINNERS: Team Taylor in 7:00. Just-there match building toward the ODB vs. Sharmell confrontation ... that never happened in the ring after much teasing. One of those matches with no real sense of rules with Kip running in the ring at will. (*)
Backstage: Borash was fine and not pissed off anymore, so he interviewed Eric Young. Young addressed ref Shane that he's got this one against Sheik Bashir tonight for the X Division Title. He said he's not the shell of his former self he was a few months ago and he's pursuing his own dream now. Shelley and Sabin then interrupted and told Young he needs to talk to Borash. Young cut him off and told him to stop acting like this and get right on their team. Shelley said they are on the same team, but they don't trust all the players. He told Young to get lost for his title match. Shelley then threw Borash against a locker and said he must not have been thinking out there. He said they would be on their way if he just tells them where Mick Foley is. Borash mumbled that he's over in Jarrett's office. Shelley thanked him, then re-adjusted his tie and walked off with Sabin.
3 -- X Division champion SHEIK ABDUL BASHIR vs. ERIC YOUNG -- X Division Title match
Ref Shane is the ref for this one. He has two strikes against him, though. One more and he's done. Bashir came to the ring and stared down Shane, who tried not to react. Good action to start off with, including some close nearfalls from Young before Sheik dumped Young to the floor. Bashir wanted to follow on the floor, but ref Shane reprimanded him. They had another discussion, then Bashir shoved Shane. Suddenly, Shane started to Hulk Up in the corner. He tried not to do anything, then Bashir walked over to Young. Young tried a sunset flip into the ring, but Bashir held on to the ropes. Shane then walked over to Bashir and kicked his hands off the ropes, allowing Young to pin him for the win. West, the voice of reason, said he doesn't know how to feel about this.
WINNER: Young in 8:00 to capture the X Division Title. Good match. Another tainted victory for Young, though. The belt doesn't mean anything anyways since TNA hasn't presented the title seriously in two years and they've recently booked Ref Shane > X Division. (**1/4)
Post-match: Bashir jumped Young from behind and beat him down while teasing and tormenting Shane. He slapped him across the face, then Shane comically Hulked Up before grabbing Bashir and lighting him up with some stiff left hand chops to the chest. That got a huge pop. Shane gave him a back body drop, then he shook the ropes and wanted another piece of Bashir, but Bashir smashed him with the X Division Title belt. Young tried to attack Bashir, but Bashir dumped him to the floor. Shane then came up bleeding like crazy and Bashir smashed him several more times to open up more blood flow.
Sheik grabbed his turban and choked Shane while biting into the cut on Shane's forehead. Bashir then posed over Shane's lifeless body. First time a ref has gotten juice in the third match of a PPV card? Good luck to the wrestlers on the rest of the card trying to get heat. Afterward, ref Hebner checked on Shane, then Jim Cornette stepped out on stage and met Bashir, who had possession of the title belt. Cornette ripped the belt away from Bashir while security held Bashir back.
Impact Zone: Awesome Kong came out first to defend the Knockouts Title. Leslie Mansur, a U.S. serviceman, then came out to introduce Christy Hemme as the challenger. Don West said Styles's training or Hemme channeling Lou Thesz probably couldn't help Hemme in the ring here against Kong.
4 -- Knockouts champion AWESOME KONG (w/Raisha Saeed and Rhaka Khan) vs. CHRISTY HEMME -- Knockouts Title match
Hemme tried some offense early, but Kong cut her off on the floor and started dominating this one. Kong then put her up on her shoulders and did the Suzanne Somers thighmaster squeeze, bending Hemme's feet toward her head. Sick. Kong missed with a corner splash, then Hemme hopped on her back only to be squashed into the corner turnbuckles. Hemme came back with the firecrotch leg drop from the top, but Raisha yanked Hemme to the outside. They had an awkward exchange on the floor while the ref was apparently distracted by something shiny in the ring. Nope, he was just booked as a standard incompetent TNA referee.
Hemme then entered the ring after fighting off Raisha and Khan, but Raisha ran into the ring attacked Hemme in the ring. Ref finally called for a DQ to this one. Hemme tried to fight the heels, then security stormed the ring to break things up. Hemme and Kong continued to battle among the refs while the fans chanted to let them fight. Hemme was pulled to the floor, then Kong followed out and they started to trade blows among security members.
WINNER: Hemme via DQ in 6:00; Kong retains Knockouts Title. Good post-match to make up for the non-finish. Match was just fine for what it was worth. (*1/4)
Backstage: Borash was sitting down with Kurt Angle, who was sitting on a stool looking very focused as Borash talked about this potentially being Angle's final night with TNA or his chance to beat Rhino and get Jeff Jarrett in the ring next month. Angle said it's pure ecstasy right now. He said he can almost taste it. But, the kill isn't enough. Gotta gut the animal. Tear the fur and eat what's left of the meat. He's completely lost it simply because he's on a hunt for Jeff Jarrett.
Going on a bear hunt. ... We're gonna catch a big one! ... I'm not afraid ... Are you? ... Not me! ... In any event, Angle said it's ironic there's a Rhino standing in front of him. He said he's obsessed with Jeff Jarrett. He can't stop thinking about him. He wants him. He wants his girls. Oh wait, they're in his way and ruining his life. Angle reminded us he's lost it and he's going after Jarrett. Borash asked about Foley as special enforcer tonight. Angle said he's already been taken care of.
Impact Zone: Matt Morgan came out first for the tag title match. The Big Drunk Janitor Abyss then came to the ring separately stroking his hair. And ripping it out of his head. He shook hands with Morgan before Jacqueline led Roode and Storm to the ring. Abyss jumped to the floor early on to chase down Beer Money while Morgan stood in the ring trying to make sense of it. Abyss managed to chase them back to the ringside area and Morgan came off the top rope with a splash onto the champs. Opening bell hasn't sounded yet, then Beer Money did the heel thing of taking the tag belts and trying to leave the ring. Ref Rudy Charles then told Penzer he was sounding the bell and Beer Money had until ten to get back in the ring or forfeit the tag belts.
5 -- TNA tag team champions BEER MONEY (ROBERT ROODE & JAMES STORM w/Miss Jacqueline) vs. MATT MORGAN & ABYSS -- TNA Tag Title match
Bell sounded, then ref started his count. Roode wanted a time-out, but Rudy kept counting. They reached then, then Roode and Storm into the ring and slipped right back out after re-setting the count. Roode demanded that Abyss and Morgan be held back so they could enter the ring. Charles finally got them back, but Abyss wanted a piece of them and Morgan tried to intervene. Mike Tenay gave us a word that the X Division Title belt has been held up once again and Young stripped of the belt. An announcement from Jim Cornette will be announced on Impact. Actually, this could work where there is a specific commissioner over each division. Cornette over the X Division. Traci Brooks over the Knockouts. Mick Foley over the TNA World Title. Someone else over the tag division.
They kept teasing Abyss entering the ring, then he finally got his hands on Roode after Storm bailed from the ring. Meanwhile, Storm grabbed a beer bottle from ringside and started drinking away his problems as Abyss and Morgan doubled up on Roode. Storm finally was able to enter and take out Morgan's big ol' tree-trunk legs to begin working on Morgan. Roode and Storm tagged in and out to keep grounding Morgan, then Abyss finally got his hot tag at 8:00. Storm tried right hands on Abyss, but Abyss no-sold and slammed Storm with revenge on his mind. Abyss then gave Roode a double hop chokeslam before putting Storm up for the Shock Treatment. Cover for a two count that should have been three since Roode was late breaking up the pin.
Storm tried to introduce a beer bottle into the action, but Abyss grabbed the bottle. Jacqueline then intervened and Abyss stopped short. Fans wanted Abyss to nail Jacqueline, but we're not sure what happened since the camera went to a shot of Storm putting brass knucks on his fist. In any event, Jacqueline disappeared, then Storm waited for Abyss to turn around and he hit him with a brass knucks shot. Abyss dropped like a stone, then Storm made the cover for the win.
WINNERS: Storm & Roode in 11:00 to retain TNA Tag Titles. The same finish we've seen over and over. Just take the TNA tag team formula template and insert Morgan & Abyss as the opposition. Cut and paste. Cut and paste. Slice and dice. Insert here and there. Switch a few things around. Throw in the brass knucks. Boom, there's your match. (**)
Backstage: Lauren brought in Mick Foley for a word on Rhino vs. Angle tonight. His job is to keep Main Event Mafia out of the ring tonight. What about Angle bringing someone ringside? Foley couldn't answer, then Shelley and Sabin interrupted and sarcastically clapped to him. Shelley said they just have some differences they can agree with. He's good-looking, suave, relevant, and girls like him. Shelley asked Foley about the opening match. He said Foley should humble himself and over-turn the Lethal briefcase decision. Foley said there's a generational gap here so he's not sure if Shelley is asking or telling him. Shelley thought it over, then said he's telling him. Foley said he's taking it under advisement. Shelley and Sabin walked away, then Foley said he's going to have what's coming to him on his time. That time being Thursday.
Impact Zone: Tenay and West were trying to talk about Angle vs. Rhino, but Shelley and Sabin walked to the ring without music. Shelley said tonight is very special for two reasons: the second time the Guns have been on the PPV broadcast and you, Joe Viewer, will be lucky if your PPV provider doesn't charge you double, and Mick Foley will reverse a decision in the Feast or Fired deal. Sabin went to the floor and grabbed two chairs with "excellent lower lumbar support" and Shelley said they are sitting down until Foley shows up.
Jim Cornette decided to emerge on stage instead of Foley. He said Foley has more important things to do than wet nurse a coupla crybabies. Cornette told them what they better do is get their butts out of those chairs and get out of the ring and get out of the building right now. Shelley smirked and asked, "Or what, Jim?" Shelley asked if he looks like a cross-eyed Ricky Morton who Cornette is going to beat up with a racket. Cornette had enough and said he would get some of TNA's best security guards. He disappeared, then the lights went down and out. Some random hard rock music hit, then Suicide emerged from a zipline into the ring. He ducked chair shots, then cleared Shelley and Sabin from the ring while his rock music continued to play. Suicide debuts in a silly outfit. Yeah.
Backstage: Rhino was staring down Lauren, who tried to ask a question. Lauren figured out what was up and gave Rhino the mic. Rhino then slowly turned to the camera and slowly addressed Kurt Angle about the sick words he's been speaking. Lauren was sick standing off camera watching Rhino. Rhino said he can't believe the words Angle has said about Jarrett's girls. He said he's fighting for Jarrett's three little girls tonight. Rhino continued to whisper that he's a violent man living in a violent world. Rhino unblinkingly handed the mic back to Lauren without losing focus on the camera.
Video package: They focused on Rhino trying to get revenge on the Mafia for taking out Christian, setting up Rhino vs. Angle tonight.
6 -- KURT ANGLE vs. RHINO -- Mick Foley as special ringside enforcer
Crowd was hot when the bell sounded and the chants for a Gore. Angle quickly started to dominate, then he chucked Rhino to the floor and whipped him hard into the guardrail, causing the rail to recoil backward. Foley then leaned over and shouted a word or two toward Rhino before Angle threw Rhino back into the ring to ground him on the mat. Rhino made a comeback, then he wanted the Gore at 10:00, but Angle slipped away easily and rolled into the anklelock in center ring. Foley came close to the ropes and encouraged Rhino to get the ropes, but then he suddenly looked away. Rhino eventually escaped before slingshotting Angle head-first into the top turnbuckle out of the powerbomb position. Rhino then wanted the Gore, but Angle moved and ref Slick Johnson ate the move.
After the ref bump, Angle went to the floor and retrieved a steel chair, but Foley entered the ring and told Angle to put the chair down. Now. Angle finally threw the chair down, then Rhino snuck up behind Angle and almost scored a three count on a roll-up. Angle then went up top, but Rhino caught him and superplexed him to center ring. Foley made the count and Angle just rolled a shoulder up. Suddenly, Al Snow showed up ringside. Foley leaned over to talk to Snow, who simply slapped him in the face. Foley walked to the floor to confront Snow, allowing Angle to use the chair on Rhino and smash him in the face. Angle made the cover after nailing the Olympic Slam, then Foley slipped back into the ring and counted one...two...pause...three.
Post-match: Mike Tenay said he's putting it all together that Foley always made fun of Snow in "that book" and Snow has gotten his revenge. Angle took the mic and said he gets Jeff Jarrett next month. Angle vowed to cripple that s.o.b. Jeff Jarrett and after he's done with Jeff, Foley is next. He said he's going to beat the s--- out of him. That wasn't bleeped. Angle then walked out of the ring and winked at Al Snow. They recapped the ending and West said Angle made so much money on Al Snow that he appeared to get his on Foley.
WINNER: Angle in 14:00. Fine match. Angle couldn't get a four-star match out of Rhino like he did Abyss last month, but it was fine. Heavy on storyline and another re-appearance by a former Attitude era wrestler fit the classic TNA over-booked semi-main event match. Snow, though, is a guy who could be useful for TNA and not just another big-money Attitude era star who's going to suck money out of the company and get sucked into the TNA black hole of relativism. (***)
Backstage: Sting was sporting a crazy purple jacket while Lauren interviewed him. Nash, Steiner, and Booker stood by Sting's side while Sting said he feels very confident about this tonight. He said they've all been victims of the Frontline's disrespect, but he's surrounded by experience tonight. Combined, they've survived it all and they're still standing tonight. Sting finished, then Booker, Steiner, and Sharmell walked off with Sting. Nash lingered, then walked off a different side of the locker room.
Backstage: After a video package aired on the Frontline vs. Mafia battle, Borash was with Styles, Joe, and Team 3D in the Frontline locker room. Borash asked Styles if he can trust Team 3D. Ray interrupted and became very defensive about this line of questioning. Styles finally told Ray he's got this one. "Who's everyone? Who's everyone, J.B.?!" Styles asked. He said Team 3D was in the same place ten years ago and he trusts them to do the right thing tonight because they're like brothers. Styles walked off, then Joe followed without saying anything. Ray didn't appear to be ready to wrestle. He then snuggled up with Devon and smirked about being like brothers. He asked Devon if he has this one. Devon said he was ready.
Impact Zone: Mafia out first, led by the TNA champion Sting. Styles then led out the Frontline. Jeremy Borash handled the formal ring intros for all eight men, starting with Kevin Nash. Legends champ Booker T was next, then Scott Steiner, followed by TNA champ Sting. Team 3D was introduced first for the Frontline, followed by Joe to a mixed reaction and a loud "Joe, Joe" chant. Finally, A.J. Styles to the only solid babyface reception.
7 -- FRONTLINE -- A.J. STYLES & SAMOA JOE & BROTHER RAY & BROTHER DEVON vs. MAIN EVENT MAFIA -- TNA World champ STING & Legends champion BOOKER T & KEVIN NASH & SCOTT STEINER -- Sting's TNA World Title on the line for Styles to win only
Styles wins the World Title if the Frontline scores the pin. Styles and Booker started this one off. Styles ended that sequence with a beautiful standing dropkick off the drop down and leap frog set. Joe then worked on Steiner with a corner clothesline and big enziguiri kick square on the head. Joe then wanted Nash, but Nash refused and let Sting come in to get absolutely torn up with kicks and slaps. Joe stalked Sting then jabbed him and landed a headbutt. Sting went to the eye-rake, though, and went on his attack. You could see where this was going. Nash then took his tag once Joe was weakened by Sting. Nash took a picture, but Joe fired out of the corner and rammed him into the Frontline corner. Time for 3D to get their licks in on Nash.
The match eventually settled into Devon taking a beating until he escaped at 10:00 and tagged in Ray, who worked on Nash, who also took a tag. Ray landed a splash in the corner, then he rolled into a side suplex for a two count when Booker broke up the count. Joe walked in and ref Hebner allowed the tag for Joe to work on Nash. Chaos ensued and Steiner yanked Joe down and crotched him into the ringpost. Nash then took Joe by the hand and helped him down to the mat with a clothesline for a two count. Mafia took turns tagging in to work on Joe, who accepted offense until firing back on Joe with a series of chops to the chest. Joe then came off the ropes, but ate a leap kick from Booker.
At 15:00, Mafia picked up their attack on Joe after the teased comeback. They continued to work on Joe until Styles finally got the hot tag and cleaned house. Joe then blind-tagged himself back into the ring and suplexed Sting for a two count. The whole deal completely broke down at 20:00 and Hebner watched as men fell to the floor. Booker and Devon were left in the ring, then Ray snuck into the picture and they dropped Booker with the 3D. Nash then snuck in and hit Ray with a chokeslam. Styles then nailed Nash with a springboard forearm smash. Sting tried the Scorpion Deathlock on Styles, but Joe superkicked Sting. Joe then set up Sting for the Musclebuster, but Nash low-blowed Joe from behind. Sting then dropped Joe with the Scorpion deathdrop and made the cover for the win.
Post-match: Sting took his TNA Title and left the ring. Nash wasn't sure what to make of his attitude. Sting looked back over his shoulder a few times, then the camera zoomed in on him nearly dropping the belt on the tunnel on his way out. Sting shook his head, then left while Nash and Sharmell weren't sure what to make of Sting's attitude. End PPV.
WINNERS: Main Event Mafia in 22:00. From last month, they continued the Joe-Nash program of Nash only being able to find himself on a winning side with the dirty tactics on Joe. Match was good. Not memorable, but serviceable in the main event slot heavy on star power. Joe and Styles carried this athletically, then the end of the story was Sting apparently questioning himself for using an "any means to an ends" approach of retaining the title. Pick it up on Impact. (***1/2)
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