WWE Unforgiven PPV review
September 16, 2007
Live from Memphis, Tenn.

Welcome to the second edition of "Schwimmer's Take" on pay-per-views. Today we were treated to an overall underwhelming WWE show, Unforgiven. I write most of this by memory, as I watched it at a friend's house (thank God my money didn't go towards it). This will be a little different than last time as this will be more of a review than a re-cap. I'll also try to keep it a little shorter. Send any feedback to Xenorye@cox.net .

(1) ECW World Heavyweight Championship: Elijah Burke vs. C.M. Punk (c). We start things off with a bang. I came into the show looking forward to two matches only, this one and Cena/Orton. Good technical wrestling throughout the match. The two traded different holds early, with a couple rope breaks and reversals. Punk hit a very nice, Jeff Hardy-esque reversal, flipping around as Burke had his hands locked from the back, with a nice drop kick. There was about a minute-long spell of botches with Irish whips into the corner, but not enough to take away from the match. Burke hit a very nice looking uppercut to Punk and got a two count out of it. He also put on what looked like a reverse Texas Clover Leaf submission, but Punk refused to quit. Seemingly out of nowhere, Punk rolls up Burke for the pin.

MATCH WINNER: C.M. Punk, who retains the ECW World Heavyweight Championship.

MATCH ANALYSIS: A good technical match and a decent way to start the show, while I would have picked the World Tag Title match instead. This had potential to be just as good as the title match between Punk and John Morrison, but we didn't get it.

We get a recap of the seemingly year-long feud between MVP and Matt Hardy, culminating with them winning the World Tag Title straps. I was interested to see whether we'd see MVP in the power rangers suit, since they decided to go ahead and let him wrestle Friday with no shirt, showing us all the Malcolm X tattoo, but it didn't happen.

(2) WWE Tag Team Championship: Deuce & Domino (w/Cherry) vs. MVP & Matt Hardy (c). MVP comes out wearing a new MVP shirt, which I believe said that he was "straight up ballin'" on the back. I still think Michael Buffer saying that was one of the funniest moments in recent memory. I don't understand when the champions come out first, but that's what happened here. I'm guessing it has to do with MVP's moonwalk he has to burst through at the beginning. Anyways, the match. Plenty of "odd couple" moments between MVP & Hardy. MVP starts the match and gets a couple of slams on one of the D's. He tags Hardy in saying "That's two!" Hardy comes in and knocks his opponent over a few times and tags MVP in saying "That's one, two, AND three!" I thought it might turn into a Legolas/Gimli tally, but it stopped. Ultimately a pretty boring match. D&D isolated Hardy for a while, as usual. Hardy started a comeback with a flash back, and for a while MVP hinted that he was going to leave Matt out to dry. He doesn't. Matt ends up using MVP as a weapon and hitting a twist of fate on one of the D's for the pin, and takes both tag title belts as well as the U.S. championship and holds them for a while at the end.

MATCH WINNERS: MVP & Matt Hardy, who retain the WWE Tag Team Championships.

MATCH ANALYSIS: Typical match with some decently funny odd couple moments.

Maria interviews Batista in the back. He flirts with her in a very awkward moment (where's Santino when you need him?) and I stop paying attention.

Lillian Garcia announces that up next is the match where Carlito can do anything he wants and not get disqualified.

(3) Carlito vs. Triple H. Trips takes way too long to get into the ring, as per usual. Carlito comes out next and looks like his hair has been cut a little more. A trash can was brought into the ring fairly early on in the match. Triple H has a lot of moments throughout the match where he wants to use a weapon but doesn't. Carlito uses the trash can a few times, and when the fight spilled outside of the ring, he also got the cables from one of the TV monitors and chokes Trips for a while. Carlito goes out and chews up the apple a bit, but gets rocked by Trips and spits the apple all over the place. Trips ends up almost using a chair, but gets blocked by the ref. As the ref is tossing out the chair, Trips hits a low blow on Carlito, who's holding a trash can, hits the Pedigree and we get a three count.

MATCH WINNER: Triple H.

MATCH ANALYSIS: It was there, as we all thought it would be. Nothing spectacular here and of course Trips doesn't put Carlito over. I am surprised, however, that Trips let this match be third on the card. Very interesting.

We get a recap of Beth Phoenix demolishing people over the past few weeks. They're playing up her dominance way too much for her to actually win tonight, of course. Because why would they take the Women's Title off of Candice Michelle (who can't wrestle), and put it on Beth Phoenix (who can wrestle)? Ah, logic. That's right. The bookers lack logic. I keep forgetting, even though I'm reminded countless times throughout the week.

(4) WWE Women's Championship: Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle (c). Beth shows her strength early, tossing Candice around. Beth is very impressive. After applying a wristlock, she picks Candice up over her head with one hand. How in the world will Candice ever survive?!? I'm so concerned… Beth also applied an interesting submission that basically was the Widow's Peak, but she hopped up and down to make it hurt more I guess. She also military presses her and drops her to the mat for a 2-count. Beth eventually went for what looked like was going to be a fall away slam, but Candice reversed it and rolled her up for the win.

MATCH WINNER: Candice Michelle, who retains the WWE Women's Championship.

MATCH ANALYSIS: Beth looked very impressive, but it's nothing we haven't seen yet, other than the fact that she didn't win. But who expected her to? The WWE could have used this as an opportunity to bring some much-needed life into the Women's Division, but farted away the opportunity like normal.

We now get a promo in the back with the Great Khali spouting off something in a language none of us can understand. His translator puts a Rey Mysterio mask on a cantaloupe and Khali squeezes it to death. Then Khali squishes a watermelon to death with his translator saying it was Batista. A decent promo, highlighted by the translator almost laughing because it was fairly funny. This is followed by a video package of the Great Khali squishing peoples' heads. Very interesting that this match is coming up so early.

(5) WWE World Heavyweight Championship: Batista vs. Rey Mysterio vs. The Great Khali (c). This match was exactly as boring as you'd think it would be. Batista and Rey double team Khali for a while. Then Khali puts the claw on Batista. He got out of it somehow, but I was too busy not caring to see exactly what happened. Eventually, Khali gets locked up in the ropes, and as Batista goes for a Batista Bomb, Rey counters and head-scissors him into the ropes. 619 on Batista, then on Khali. West coast pop to a sitting Khali. Batista recovers and bombs Rey onto Khali, then delivers a spinebuster to the champ for the win.

MATCH WINNER: Batista, new WWE World Heavyweight Champion.

MATCH ANALYSIS: Very slow-paced boring match. Exactly what I expected. Noticing a theme? Batista celebrates for a long time, Rey gives him the thumbs-up as he leaves. More pyro for The Animal as he leaves.

We get a moment in the back between Trips and Batista, with a handshake and Trips telling him that "You know as well as I do, that winning it is one thing, but keeping it is another." They aren't teasing Trips to Smackdown, are they? No…

(6) WWE World Tag Team Championships: London & Kendrick vs. Cade & Murdoch (c). I was hoping this would be a good match. L&K's costumes are very bright and awful, featuring lime green and bright purple. A little distracting. The match features a lot of double teaming, some good high-flying moves from L&K, and decent action. At one point there was some awkwardness between L&K before hitting tandem suicide dives, but it wasn't anything too terrible. Paul London almost had the match won when he hit a Senshi-like Warrior's Way onto Cade, who was bent over. I thought London might have hurt himself, but C&M end up winning with a Cade spinebuster.

MATCH WINNERS: Cade & Murdoch, who retain the WWE World Tag Team Championships.

MATCH ANALYSIS: Decent action, but again no surprises. A little worse than what I expected, but maybe it's because I was expecting a title change here.

Two matches left, so obviously we have Undertaker vs. Mark Henry, right? Wrong. We get a video re-cap of the Cena/Orton feud, and also we see that Cena Sr. is sitting ringside. Why in the world is a non-title, non-gimmick match featuring two old, slow big men headlining this show? The ring better be getting destroyed…

(7) WWE Championship: Randy Orton vs. John Cena (c). I expect a lot of flurries of punches from Cena in this match to show how ENRAGED he is. And I get it. I had a bad feeling that this match was going to end in a DQ because Cena got carried away. Orton only got basically one offensive move in the entire match, and it was a nice looking DDT with Cena's feet on the second rope. Oh, there was also a headlock, but that's not surprising. The fans were behind Orton the entire match, but WWE puts on the earmuffs and Cena gets DQ'ed because he's so ENRAGED and can't stop punching poor Randall. After the match, Randy guillotines Cena on the ropes, then pulls his dad over the barrier. Just as he's about to kick Cena Sr. again, Jr. runs out and takes him down, applying the STFU. Cena tells his dad to kick him, and he does.

MATCH WINNER: Randy Orton by DQ. John Cena retains WWE Championship.

MATCH ANALYSIS: These two are capable of a much better match. It was exactly how I expected it to be, though. The twist at the end with Sr. kicking Randy was a nice touch.

We get Coach in the back yelling at Cena Sr. telling him that because he was there and distracted Randy Orton, Randy's getting a rematch. And that it'll be a Last Man Standing match. Cena loves his dog tags and shoves them in Coach's face and pushes him over. What a bully.

(8) The Moment None of Us Were Actually Waiting For: Undertaker vs. Mark Henry. Taker's entrance takes about four hours, and when he finally is ready to wrestle, he bores me to death. I really thought about leaving my friend's house and coming home, but I stuck it out like the soldier John Cena inspires me to be. Granted, Henry had a lot more offense than I thought he would. Taker wins with a Last Ride when Henry was mounting him on the ropes for a 10-punch combo.

MATCH WINNER: Undertaker.

MATCH ANALYSIS: Underwhelming. Taker stands in the ring for a while and does the tongue sticking out and eyes rolling back thing he does. Then he motions that he's after a championship. Great. Batista vs. Undertaker. Again. That makes me tired.

PAY-PER-VIEW SCORE (4.0): A total waste of money, and it wasn't even my money. We did get to see a title change, and that was nice, but I have to ask this: Where was Jeff Hardy, our Intercontinental Champion? Where was Hornswoggle, the Cruiserweight Champion (and Vince's son)? Where were the surprises. Everything was exactly how I expected it to be and I want my three hours back. But alas, I'll never have them back. I really question the match placement on the card. Why did we start with a World Championship match, even though it was ECW? Why did the World Heavyweight Championship match come before a tag title and Women's title match? Why was the main event a non-gimmick, non-title match? The themes for this pay per view are: No surprises, and "WHY?"

Again, I hope you enjoyed this review and please send any and all feedback to Xenorye@cox.net. See you in three weeks for No Mercy.

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