PPV REPORTS KELLER'S TNA LOCKDOWN PPV 4/15: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of live event
Apr 15, 2007 - 9:54:00 PM
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TNA LOCKDOWN PPV
APRIL 15, 2007
ST. LOUIS, MO.
-On the pregame show, Jeremy Borash interviewed Jeff Jarrett and Kurt Angle as they arrived at the arena in a stretch Jeep limo. Jarrett stepped out wearing one of the worst shirts he's ever worn. It had pink stripes and brown flowers or insects or something crawling up them. It looked like '60s wallpaper in your great aunts bathroom. Borash asked where the rest of his team was. Angle told him not to worry about anything; his team is unified. Borash told Angle that Jim Cornette wants to see him. Borash didn't try to ask Jarrett anything.
-B.G. & Kip James (w/Lance Hoyt) defeated Seratonin (w/Raven, Christy Hemme). Afterward, Lance Hoyt got in Christy Hemme's face over her surprise team losing. Leticia interviewed Sting, Rhino, and Samoa Joe. She said fans seem disappointed with the lack of unity among Team Angle. Joe was in a rage over Angle not telling them who the fifth partner was with more notice.
-They went back to the ring where Kaz stepped between Raven, his came, and Christy's back. Christy fled the cage. Kaz then took the whipping instead.
-Cornette told Angle that he reversed the decision of the main event on Impact that gave his team the man advantage because Team Cage was threatening to not show up tonight. Cornette said they were upset with Jarrett's actions, so he had no choice but to reverse the decision because he'd lose the main event otherwise.
Tenay and West introduced the show as pryo blasted. They went backstage to Leticia interviewing "Black Machismo" Jay Lethal.
1 -- CHRIS SABIN vs. ALEX SHELLEY vs. JAY LETHAL vs. SONJAY DUTT vs. SHARK BOY
Dutt should change his name to Sonjaya Dutt and wear a hairpiece and smile a lot. Of course, that would require that someone in TNA management has heard of the show American Idol or reads pop culture magazines. It's still amazing that they had the X Division champ Sabin job on Thursday's show in four minutes. Sabin and Dutt nailed Lethal with a series of kicks that popped the crowd. Dutt got caught in Sabin's Cradle Shock finisher to be eliminated in 13:00. Dutt hit a top rope elbow on Shelley for a pin. It came down to Sabin and Lethal. They climbed to the top of the cage. They both climbed down the outside. Sabin jumped to the floor to win as Lethal tried to wrestle his leg out of the cage wall.
WINNER: Sabin in 15:00 to retain the X Division Title.
STAR RATING: **3/4 -- Good athleticism. They gave them enough time for a lot of spots. Solid opener. Nothing that would blow you away, though.
-Borash interviewed Christian and his team backstage. They were already celebrating. He said his team is a unit and a machine. Tomko and Abyss, though, went face-to-face. Mitchell ordered Abyss to walk away. Christian noted that Team Angle arrived in separate cars. Christian predicted he'd get the win for his team, so nobody else is going to earn a title shot. Christian walked away. Tomko and Steiner then argued. Styles yapped in the background. Mitchell told Styles, "If you get a title shot, his mother goes to prison."
2 -- PETEY WILLIAMS vs. ROBERT ROODE (w/Ms. Brooks, Eric Young)
Young handed Petey a stick. Just as the announcers said it was a legal in the match, ref Earl Hebner yanked it away. Petey went for the Canadian Destroyer, but Roode countered with a fisherman's suplex into a bridge for the win. Roode grabbed Young and threw him to the ground afterward for handing Petey the stick.
WINNER: Roode in 11:00.
STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Okay. Nothing you'll remember by the end of the show.
-Angle approached Rhino backstage and told him he's switching the order of entrances. Rhino told him to go tell Joe. Angle looked concerned about having to tell Joe.
3 -- MISS JACKIE vs. GAIL KIM
As they brawled at ringside, Jackie poured a water bottle over Kim. West growled, "That's just wrong!" They entered the cage and fought for a while. As they struggled to escape the cage door, Kim shoved the door into Jackie's face. Rather than escape to win, she closed the door and climbed to the top of the cage. She dove off and overshot Jackie, grazing her head, but then scored the pin. She clutched her right ribcage afterward and seemed to be in serious pain.
WINNER: Kim in 7:00.
STAR RATING: *3/4 -- Good intensity throughout.
-Borash interviewed Bob Backlund backstage. He pointed at the camera and said he has an effervescent bond with the plebians in the audience. Backlund came across as more genuinely nuts than ever. Tenay wondered what they'd see if they did a brain scan of Backlund.
4 -- AUSTIN STARR vs. SENSHI
They came out and began the match in third gear with hard chops by Senshi and his corkscrew elbow for a two count early. Starr took control for a few minutes. Senshi reached the bottom rope while in a half Boston crab. Backlund ordered him to break the hold. Senshi came back with his series of kicks. Starr came back and attempted to pin Senshi with his feet on the second rope. Backlund caught it and stopped the count. Starr got in his face. Senshi made a comeback with a running dropkick. He got knocked off balance when Backlund mistakenly got in his way on his double foot stomp attempt off the top rope. Starr then hit his signature 450 flip splash for a very near fall. Starr and Backlund argued again. Backlund shoved Starr into Senshi, who bridged backward into a pin.
WINNER: Senshi in 10:00.
STAR RATING: **3/4 -- Best action of the night. State of the art. The cartoonish Backlund aspect worked against it being fully appreciated.
-Borash interviewed Joe. Joe yelled that he's not a hard man to find. "For all the integrity you've got, you have no intelligence," he said about Angle. He then said he and Jarrett will never get along. He begged Jarrett to cross the line. "I will break you, I will maim you, I will kill you," he yelled at the top of his lungs breathlessly. Tenay said it's evident to him "there's a little bit of friction within Team Angle." Gee, ya' think.
5 -- "WILDCAT" CHRIS HARRIS vs. JAMES STORM
Storm grabbed ref Rudy Charles by mistake in the opening minute. They felt their way around the ring. The crowd grew impatience and chanted "We want action!" (I think). They booed after the first lock-up between the two. They crawled around the ring more. The easier fans got into cheering for Harris whenever he pointed toward Storm. When Storm got ahold of Harris, he swung at him, but Harris ducked. When Harris punched Storm, he knocked his hood off. The ref put the hood back off of him. Fans loudly chanted, "Boring! Boring!" Tenay and West ignored the fan chants and did their best to make it seem interesting. Storm's hood came off again. The ref threatened to DQ him unless he put it back on. He did, but it still wasn't tied on. It was embarrassingly bad at this point. There just comes a point where you have to throw in the towel and go home early. Harris tackled Storm off the ropes. Both of their hoods came off again. Just a fiasco. "Someone stop this!" was the next chant. Amen. Every move they executed, the hoods came off. You can't picture how bad this is without seeing it. It's almost worth ordering the show just to see how bad this is. Almost. Storm superkicked Harris with his mask off and then put it back on.
WINNER: Storm in 9:00.
STAR RATING: neg. **** - If that's not the worst match of the year, God help us.
-Sting confronted Angle backstage about choosing Jarrett to be their fifth man. Angle explained that he believes Jarrett is a changed man. He told Sting to remember that they're all on the same side once the match begins. Sting brought up Bound for Glory and said Angle noticed that something happened to him that night. Sting said he noticed, too. He said he doesn't know what happened to him, but he knows he was a different man after that night, so he's going to give him the benefit of the doubt. He said if Jarrett violates his trust, it will be bad for him, too.
6 -- JERRY LYNN vs. CHRISTOPHER DANIELS
This is a weird place for a match, this late on the show since they gave almost no TV time to it in recent weeks. Good back and forth action. Paced sensibly and believably, but it never was particularly exciting. After exchanging near falls after big spots, Daniels finished Lynn with the Last Rites.
WINNER: Daniels in 12:00.
STAR RATING: **1/4
-Borash interviewed Team 3D. Brother Ray said he's tired of the sound of his own voice after getting screwed over time after time for the tag titles. They had the various tag title belts they've held in WCW, WWE, and ECW before. Ray said the voltage in the cage is there to keep LAX inside the cage. He said tonight they complete their legacy and become 20 time tag team champions. That makes tag title reigns seem really cheap if you can have that many. They sure don't have any bragging rights to many long title reigns. Ray ended with "Funk you!" aimed at LAX. Brother Devon closed with his "oh brother testify" signature line.
-A video aired hyping the electrified cage. Then Leticia interviewed LAX backstage. Konnan said Team 3D's legacy ends tonight. Konnan: "I don't know what's worse - watching one of your matches or listening to a Christy Hemme promo." He said if they're knocked unconscious, he's going to recreate a Discovery Channel scene of when the lions surround the fattest wildebeest and have a feast. Homicide and Hernandez each got in a one-liner to close the promo, including Homicide rolling his tongue representing machine gun fire.
7 -- LAX (Homicide & Hernandez w/Konnan) vs. TEAM 3D - NWA World Tag Team Title match in an Electrified Cage
They lit the ring strangely with a blue color. After some early high-impact moves and brawling, they settled into trying to shove each other's hands or faces into the electrified cage. A member of Latino Nation KO'd the ref and took the keys to the cage. Hector Guerrero made the save and yanked a chair out of Konnan's hand. Hector then shoved Konnan into his wheelchair. Hector unlocked the chain attached to the cage door and didn't get zapped. When Hector was about to hand Brother Ray the chair, Brother Ray told him to forget it and get him the "f---ing table." LAX recovered as they brought the table into the ring. Hector slammed the cage door on Hernandez's head. Brother Ray caught a charging Homicide with a full nelson bomb. At 12:00 Hernandez threw Brother Devon into the cage with the Border Toss and then the cage made a big zapping noise. That prompted a "Fire Russo" chant. Devon came off with a top rope Doomsday Clothesline on Homicide. Hernandez made the save, then set up a table mid-ring. Hernandez put on insulated gloves to protect himself from the electricity. Once he got to the top of the cage, he leaped off with a splash toward Devon. Devon moved and Hernandez crashed through the table. Devon was bleeding heavily. Homicide ducked a D-Von clothesline, then Devon threw Homicide into the cage. It made a big cartoonish zapping noise and flashes. They intended to hit the 3D off the electrified spot, but mistimed it. They just went right into a traditional 3D for the win. They cut away from the ring before there was any time to soak up Team 3D capturing the belts. In fact, they cut to the back before there was time to hand them the belts.
WINNERS: Team 3D in 14:00 to capture the NWA Tag Team Titles.
STAR RATING: ** -- Just too much cartoony gimmickry to take the stronger moments of brawling seriously.
-Borash interviewed Angle backstage. Borash said the rumor is Angle went with Jarrett because he couldn't find anyone else. Angle said his job as captain was to assemble the best five wrestlers he could. He said he wouldn't have called Jarrett if he doubted he could be trusted. Angle said they don't understand that if Jarrett screws Team Angle, he screwed Kurt Angle, and that would be bad for Jeff Jarrett.
8 -- TEAM ANGLE vs. TEAM CAGE
They opened with Angle vs. Styles for five minutes. Angle wore a St. Louis Cardinals baseball jersey to play to the hometown crowd. Angle applied a headlock early. Styles applied a chinlock a little later. Okay action in the opening five minutes, but it felt like they were filling time, not fighting to win. Abyss joined the match next, with Jim Mitchell coming out to ringside. They beat up Angle for two minutes, then Rhino joined the match to even the odds. Tomko joined the match two minutes later. Just lots of kicks and stomps. If felt like the dead parts of a Royal Rumble or bad battle royal more than a big payoff climax to a storyline. The next out was Samoa Joe. Joe attacked Styles, Tomko, and Abyss. Angle gave Tomko a series of unreleased back suplexes. Scott Steiner arrived to give the heels the advantage again. Steiner gave Rhino a Frankensteiner off the ropes. "That's a Frankensteiner, my god!" said an elated and surprised Tenay. Steiner belly-to-bellied Angle. Tenay and West marvelled at how long it's been since they've seen a Frankensteiner. Sting came out next to make it four-on-four again. Styles climbed the side of the cage. That led to a super-tower of doom drop with everyone except Angle and Steiner. Styles bled from the bridge of his nose. Christian then joined the match, the final heel entrant. Sting no-sold Christian's early chops. Sting applied the Scorpion. Then out came Jeff Jarrett. When Jarrett's music stopped, the arena was dead silent as Jarrett threw dropkickis. The roof was then lowered onto the top of the cage as pryo shot off. Jarrett grabbed a bat and tossed it to Sting. Then he gave Rhino a garbage can and tossed a night stick to Samoa Joe. He nailed Abyss with a trash can lid. Again, no pop at all for Jarrett. He got only a tiny pop for hitting Steiner with ten trash can lid shots. Styles stopped Jarrett with a baseball bat shot, then avoided an Angle suplex with a mule kick. Styles climbed to the top of the cage and slipped through a gap to get to the top of the cage, showing that the roof didn't actually keep everyone inside the cage, which was the primary purpose. This promotion is unspoofable. Angle followed Styles to the roof. Meanwhile, Harley Race popped Mitchell at ringside. Joe leaped off the top rope and kicked Tomko. Rhino then gave Tomko a Gore, knocking him out of the cage to the floor, breaking open the locked door. Another spot that crushes the mirage that the cage keeps everyone inside. Joe ran through the ropes with a tackle on Tomko on the floor. Steiner fought Rhino at ringside. Abyss poured tacks into a pile in mid-ring. Abyss then set up Jarrett and Sting for a double chokeslam onto the tacks. They escaped his grab and then slammed Christian onto the tacks. Christian sold it like Shane McMahon getting his testicles zapped by Kane. Abyss then gave Jarrett a Black Hole Slam near the tacks. Angle and Styles continued to punch each other on the roof. Angle knocked Styles off the roof. Styles flipped in mid-air and was caught by a bunch of wrestlers on the floor. What a coincidence they were all right there. The camera angle for the "move of the night" wasn't even planned well. The crowd chanted "This is awesome." Abyss loaded a guitar with thumb tacks. Sting had his back turned to Jarrett, but Jarrett told Sting to move to he could nail Abyss. Jarrett then told Sting to cover Abyss for the win and earn a title shot. Sting hesitated, but then made the cover and scored the three count. After the match, Sting shook Jarrett's hand, as did Joe. Angle, though, seemed upset, but why? Jarrett proved him right - he was trustworthy and a team-player.
WINNERS: Team Angle when Sting pinned Abyss in 25:00.
STAR RATING: *** -- It was really slow until everyone was inside the ring. The big spots at the end were too much, but saved it from being a total letdown for fans who want those big spots.
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