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--A backstage crisis came to a swift end Monday night when an unsteady preshow buffet table was quickly righted, using the WWE Tag Team Championship Belt. "We just needed something to raise that leg up a bit," Intercontinental champion Chris Jericho said, "and somebody suggested a belt. I didn't want to use mine, since I had to carry it around on TV tonight, so I figured one of the tag belts would work." The search was slightly delayed when none of the lunch crowd could recall who currently held the belts. After a half-hour search, one of the titles was found in the suitcase of Cody Rhodes, and the lunch table was righted. WWE Champion Randy Orton offered his assistance, but was rebuffed when no one wanted to let him near their bags. [Reid Kerr]

--Dave Batista's popularity backstage has now reached such a low he has found himself victim of a vicious early April fools joke by the rest of the WWE locker room. One WWE superstar has selotaped a post-it note to the very centre of Batista's back, which due to his size, he is unable to reach. Attempts to remove it himelf have seen Mr Batista spinning around in circles, and other WWE Superstars refuse to remove it for him. It was in place at Raw last night, hidden by his suit and it remains to be seen if it will still be in place during the Smackdown tapings tonight. [Daniel Fookes]

--Eliot Spitzer, the former Governor of New York who resigned on March 12, 2008 due to ties with an illegal prostitution ring, revealed his crucial ties to professional wrestling. Under federal investigation, Spitzer admitted to meeting with a Charles "Godfather" Wright, who arranged for all of Spitzer's rendezvous.  The heavily-tatooed "Godfather" has a giant stable of ladies that comprise the "Ho-Train."  When asked about the current difficulties of Spitzer, Wright replied, "Pimpin' Ain't Easy." [N.F.]

--Vince McMahon worried many colleagues and family members when he no-showed WrestleMania. The Torch has learned that shotly before WrestleMania McMahon was discovered by Brian Gewirtz in his hotel bathroom standing in front of the mirror posing, doing squats, and oiling up his body. When Gewirtz found McMahon, he grunted, smiled, and said, "Hi Brian! I've done 1,000 squats today. I've done 2,000 push-ups. My arms are bigger than Hulk Hogan's ever were. I don't look a day over the age of 35, do I? Do I?!" Gewirtz told McMahon that WrestleMania was about to begin, but McMahon just went back to doing squats with a crazed look in his eye, then pulled out his cell phone and began taking pictures of his bare ass with his camera phone. Gewirtz slinked out of the hotel room and confided what happened only to Shane McMahon. Shane said, "Oh yeah, that's what we figured he was doing. It's for the better, really. Let's get back to the show."

--In the aftermath of WrestleMania 24, a WWE insider has revealed that Lindsay Lohan and Star Jones are among those celebrities currently under consideration to be part of Wrestlemania 25. "Lindsay's in the news a lot, so there's the buzz factor, and she's known to be fairly athletic when not strung out," reported the confidential source. "Also, with her reputation as a lesbian experimenter and drug abuser, it is felt she would make a good heel foil to next year's intended Playboy centerfold, Michelle McCool." Lohan's estranged father, ex-con Michael Lohan, is said to be a major player in the deal. "It is perceived in the McMahon inner circle that he has gotten a raw deal from the government," the source continued. "Vince in particular feels that Michael is a potent symbol of the government's interference with the business practices of private citizens. They played golf together in Stamford at least twice last summer." With bad-girl Lindsay contemplated to wrestle good-girl McCool, there is speculation that Michael Lohan might also wrestle on Raw, perhaps scoring a pinfall victory over Brian Kendrick in a one-minute match next February. The focus on Lohan makes it unlikely that WWE will pursue a deal with Ashlee Simpson to lip-sync the national anthem, as was originally proposed. Jones is being considered as a possible corner person for Big Daddy V. [Matt Posner]

--PWTorch has learned astonishing news today that Hulk Hogan initially deferred upon learning he would be winning the then-WWF world title from the Iron Sheik. The Sheik, if you'll remember, had just wrested the belt from long-time champion and fan favorite Bob Backlund. "Well ya know somethin' ... I respected Backlund too much, brother," Hogan reminisced. "I didn't feel like it should go down that way. Backlund deserved the return match. I'm not for any of this political backstage crap, anyway. I'm all about the match and the sanctity of the strap. "Sheik tried to encourage me, saying he would be right behind me all the way. "Then partways through the match, when I fell victim to that camel clutch of the Sheik, I started feeling humbled. Although I admit I was curious, brother, I decided that I should be champion, with no reservations on my part." [Bryant Farley]

--Duane Johnson rebutts reports from the Hall of Fame that he was aloof and a jerk. "I strongly deny these reports," Johnson told the AP on Tuesday. "I had plenty of time to talk to Chris Jericho, for instance, about my movies and being a presenter at the Oscars. In fact, I even made time to make eye contract with Colin Delaney and... Excuse me, that's my cell phone. Yes, yes. If the President wants me there, I can be there.... I'm sorry, that was a call from my agent saying the President wanted me to consult with him on a matter of national security. Where was I? Oh yes, I had plenty of time to talk down to all of my former colleagues while I was waiting for my limo to pull up to the front door." Johnson insisted that he didn't know he ran long at the ceremony. "But even if I did, really, wasn't I damn entertaining? I mean, if there's one thing I wanted to do, it was to give back. And I think I showed John Cena and Triple H what it's like to be entertaining on the mic. I was actually surprised they weren't taking notes, but hopefully they can rewatch it on tape later. Who are you again?" Johnson asked the AP reporter. "Oh, you're national? Okay, then go on. I thought you were some local paper or, worse, a wrestling groupie or something." When asked why he couldn't make time in his busy schedule to sit in the audience and watch Ric Flair's induction since he had time to talk way over his alotted time during what amounted to a stand-up routine, Johnson cut off the question and said, "It doesn't matter what you think!" He patted the AP reporter on the head, smiled and winked, and asked if he got what he needed or if he had any other follow up questions. When the AP reporter began to speak, Johnson said, "It doesn't matter what your follow up question is!" He then walked away with a self-satisfied grin, got in his limo, and drove off. [Kris Beck]

ALSO IN THE 4/1 NEWS [By Reid Kerr]

--Jeff Hardy Watches Wrestlemania, Professes Love of "Chee-tohs"

--Triple H Promised Four Horseman Appearance At His Retirement Ceremony, Too

--"Stone Cold" Steve Austin Vows To Drink Beer, Kick Ass, Have Prostate Examined

--WWE T-Shirt Irony Goes Unnoticed By Wearer

--Kevin Nash Tears Bicep Changing Shirts

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