Mojo Mitchell's 5/31 WWE Raw Stream of The Host Isn't There, The G.M. Gets Shown Up By The Boss Who Exposes The Business, The Announcer Gets Body Blocked, Snuka Speaks, and Bourne Flies

This is a little different. Edge is kicking Evan Bourne's ass in a cold open. Apparently Edge was addressing the crowd before the show started (or maybe his watch is running fast). Bourne apparently challenged Edge for his spot in the Fatal Four-Way. What did Bourne put up for this opportunity? Clearly not his won-loss record, which stinks.

Bourne makes a comeback, but the comeback is cut short by a spear. Edge then cuts one of those heel promos where the heel tells mostly the truth, except Edge tells all the truth, and that's counter-productive for a heel. There should be a crucial part that is blatantly false that the heel can't admit.

Anyways, Randy Orton comes out. Speak of the Devil, the Silent Assassin, The Viper, and the Walking Wounded. Edge again truthfully points out that Orton is not 100 percent because of what Edge did to him at Over The Edge. (Okay, that's a lie.)

The Silent Assassin (I thought that was Ray Hernandez) RKOs Edge.

Celebrity host Ashton Kutcher (I liked him on That '70s Show, but not as much as Mark Madden did, and I assume all of his movies are no good) is being harassed on Twitter by that indy guy who's been showing up on Raw lately. This week, guest hosts have power again, so Kutcher puts out a hit on the indy guy, whatever that means. He also tells The Miz he has to face Daniel Bryan tonight, because he signed Bryan to a one-day contract (whatta guy). Miz points out that Bryan loses most of his matches, so clearly he has nothing to worry about.

For the first time in who knows when Raw has a celebrity host who doesn't have to pronounce the names of the Superstars phonetically.

R-Truth, the new U.S. champion, faces Chris Jericho. Jerry Lawler says guys like Jericho think Truth's U.S. Title is easy pickings, so that means Truth is going over Jericho. Looks like Truth has won the coveted Raw African-American semi-main event slot, at least through this week.

Truth wins a decent match cleanly, to the delight of the live Raw crowd.

Good show so far.

I see an R-Truth/Daniel Bryan team in our future.

It's the NXT Season Finale tomorrow night. I thought sports entertainment didn't have seasons.

The indy guy is backstage talking to Raw GM Bret Hart. How is that possible? Bret doesn't seem to know who he is. Why would he?

Bret tells the Hart Dynasty he signed the Uso Family to Raw even though they attacked them last week. He thinks the adversity will be good for them. Thanks, dad.

Santino Marella & Divas champion Eve Torres face Maryse & William Regal (the guys in Wiggan must be on the edge of their seats for this on). Vlad Kozlov is with Regal. For some reason, Marella wants Kozlov to be his tag partner. He says Eve will make love to Vlad if he teams up with him. (Vlad changes facial expressions on that one.)

No no no no...

Vlad choke-slams Regal behind the ref's back so Marella can pin him. That's twice, for those not counting at home, Regal and Kozlov have had the big break-up.

No truth to the rumor that next year's WWE's Best Pay Per View Matches DVD will only be one disc long...

WWE airs a nice Memorial Day video.

Raw G.M. Bret Hart has an announcement. He and Smackdown G.M. Teddy Long are bringing together the whole roster for a three-hour Raw next week. They can't think of anything to do, though, so he asks for ideas from someone, anyone, please.

Okay, here's one: put the damn Final Conflict match between Ricky Steamboat & Jay Youngblood and Sergeant Slaughter & Don Kernoodle on that Rick Steamboat DVD. Hell, two Hall of Famers/agents are on it.

Ted DiBiase wants to make Hart and Long an offer so he can be General Manager over the whole WWE roster for a night. Hart needs money, he says. Is Ashton Kutcher even in Austin tonight? What, is he in some sort of Twitter Bunker? He says let's make it a Viewer's Choice night and Bret goes for it. Too bad, Teddy.

Mr. McMahon, decked out in babyface beige, comes out to upstage Bret Hart again. Bret just smirks as McMahon makes his snide shots, making sure the fans know the chair shots and his tap-out to Hart at WrestleMania was fake. McMahon enjoys the hypocrisy of Hart staying in WWE about as much as the editor.

The indy guy is pestering Randy Orton backstage. Edge slams a door on Orton's shoulder. "That's not good," Lawler intones. Maybe the G.M. hero should do something.

Michael Cole suddenly turns heel for one match since The Miz is facing Daniel Bryan. Some of the fans in Austin apparently haven't been watching NXT. The Miz is kicking Bryan's ass while Cole lists all the reasons he's not a star. Why, he doesn't even have a TV!

Bryan makes a comeback and pins Miz with the same crucifix we saw on the UFC pay-per-view Saturday night.

Miz beats up Bryan again and, over at the announce table, demands he apologize to Cole, but Bryan reverses and throws Miz over the table into Cole.

The Usos are in the ring. How dare they not pay their dues for several years before they attack the tag champs? What if they get the big head?

Ms. Snuka must have gotten her promo ability from her mom.

Let's not get into why her dad just worked the corner at the first WrestleMania, though.

The Hart Dynasty attacks them to return the favor from last week, but the Usos kick their asses again to oohs from the Texas crowd.

The indy guy is in the ring. Kutcher has a "hit" on him. Jerry Lawler brings a chair in and sits down. The Great Khali comes down. Why does Lawler have to sit close for that?

Kutcher says it's not them or Goldust either.

Indy guy goes to the mat, then Alicia Fox scissor kicks him. Ouch.

Sheamus likes what Edge did to Orton. They don't trust each other, though.

Someone is reading Deadspin.com.

Hey, isn't that the Junkyard Dog in that A-Team movie?

Sheamus & Edge face John Cena & Randy Orton, if Orton is up for it. Maybe Steve Austin can stop by and take his place to plug that Expendables movie he's in. Maybe another McMahon guilt trip worked on Shawn Michaels.

Nope.

Cena gives his new partner Evan Bourne the big build-up. He must have missed Bourne getting his ass kicked by Edge earlier in the evening.

Is Russell Brand funny?

As expected, Bourne is taking a beating. Finally Cena gets the hot tag, cleans house, and Evan Bourne gets the pin with a beautiful Air Bourne.

This was a very good show, as the enthusiastic Texas crowd really helped the new acts hold their own. WWE knows what to do; they just don't always chose to do it.

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