Guest Host Johnny Damon of the hated world champion New York Yankees gets real music - John Fogerty's ballpark chestnut "Centertfield." Somehow I doubt he chose that himself. He says some Secret Santas will be giving WWE Superstars one wish.

Some blonde chases a girl in a tiger costume around with a golf club, a week after the expiration date. I realize we're way past calling Vince McMahon a hypocrite, but that was ridiculous.

Melina & Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim face Maryse & Alicia Fox & Jillian Hall. Kelly pins Hall. Did I mention they were all in Santa suits?

DX is lookimg under the ring for Hornswoggle. Triple H calls HBK a lazy-eyed Mr. Magoo. (Mr. Magoo was a cartoon character from when I was a kid, voiced by Jim Backus – Mr. Howell on Gilligan's Island. The whole gag with him was he had big, thick glasses and he couldn't see. It was a long time ago.)

To make a long, slightly amusing skit short (that's right, I said short) DX falls down a rabbit hole into "The Little People's Court." Hornswoggle is the prosecutor, speaking gibberish, and the judge and jury are all little people. It took Creative weeks to put this together.

Weeks!

To be continued…

Randy Orton & Cody Rhodes, & Ted DiBiase face Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne & Mark Henry. The junior Legacy members bounce off Mark Henry for awhile. Kofi tags in. Big "Kofi" chant. Kofi pins DiBiase right in the middle of the ring. This is what should have happened last week.

Carlito wants to kiss Eve under the mistletoe but almost kisses Chris Masters instead so Secret Santa Slaughter makes a match between, then tries to kiss Johnny Damon - you know, don't ask, don't tell.

Somewhere in a Long Island basement Vince Russo is yelling. "See! See!"

He's really doing it after seeing another pre-recorded segment of DX in "The Little People's Court." It ends up with the jury chasing DX back up the rabbit hole.

The live fans must be thrilled.

John Cena faces the Used-To-Be-Up-And-Coming Jack Swagger. Michael Cole believes strongly that Cena would trade in his Superstar of the Year Slammy for the WWE Title. He also reminds us of Cena's vow not to lose until WrestleMania. (He plans to lose at WrestleMania?) This may be the most important match of Jack Swagger's career so far.

Cena misses a leg drop from the top by about three feet, but immediately recovers to slap on the the STF for the win. I don't think Swagger helped himself one way or the other with his effort here.

Secret Dusty Santa makes a match for MVP.

Carlito faces Chris Masters (w/Eve). Masters wins with the Masterlock and gets a kiss from Eve. Awww.

Tiger's backstage, getting hooked up. The Miz tells I.R.S Santa that he wants a tour bus with his face on it.

Mae Young makes out with Johnny Damon. That never gets old.

WWE champion Sheamus faces MVP. He kicks his ass with the old Razor's Edge. That makes sense. Cena hits the ring. Sheamus shows him the spinner belt. Cena points out Sheamus owes him a rematch for the title. Sheamus says he'd just punch the referee, like DX did last week. Cena shrugs his shoulders, defeated, and leaves.

Vince McMahon tells Johnny Damon he has fish breath from kissing Mae Young. That never gets old either. Damon asks about Bret Hart hosting Raw, but McMahon blows him off.

Miz skull-crushes Santa Morella, then kicks in his Santa bag. "Merry Christmas," Miz yells.

Big Show wants Santa to give him his wish or he'll knock Santa out. Santa comes down with the Bella Twins and sits on Show's knee. Big Show wants Chris Jericho back on Raw.

This, by the way, is your main event.

Santa gives Show his wish. Hmmm.

Hornswoggle is in the ring. He pulls Santa's beard off. Santa is Chris Jericho. No, really?

So I guess no one got their Santa wish granted. I know I didn't.

Hornswoggle's little people attack Jerishow. Show slams one. Hornswoggle gets caught in the ring. DX! DX! Show is about to slam 'Swoggle and DX makes the save.

Triple H: "You know what I want for Christmas? I want to squash him."

Two hours and seven minutes in, a funny line. I mean Raw, not the Mojo.

Triple H makes Hornswoggle, the child-surrogate, the official DX mascot.

===

Bruce Mitchell has been a PWTorch columnist since September 1990. He is widely considered pro wrestling's best columnist over the past two decades. His feature columns and weekly Memos appear in the Pro Wrestling Torch Newsletter and VIP website exclusively. He loosens his tie once a week for his stream-of-consciousness Mojo Mitchell Raw Stream. He also joins host Wade Keller every week for the "Bruce Mitchell Audio Show" for about two hours every weekend at the PWTorch VIP Audio Show section.

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