By Bruce Mitchell, Torch columnist

We start with a dedication to the men and women of the Armed Forces, who gave their lives for our freedom.

Michael Cole is joined by Jim Ross, since his usual broadcast partner, Jerry Lawler, is playing basketball in the main event.

The fake Stan Kroenke is in the ring. He looks like the fake (Billionaire) Ted Turner.

Fake David Stern, fake Jerry Buss, and fake Jack Nicholson are at ringside. For those of you who, like Vince McMahon, don't know who know those three are, the first is the commissioner of the National Basketball Association, the second owns the NBA Los Angeles Lakers, and the third used to be a major movie star. They're all regulars at NBA games, you know, the way that ZZ Top guy is at wrestling shows.

Fake Kroenke doesn't care that he screwed thousands of WWE fans. FK complains until the real Mr. McMahon power-struts down the aisle. He's announces the formation of a new basketball league, the XBA. It'll be a miserable failure, since he'll have Fake Kroenke and his fake staff run it. You know, as opposed what happened when McMahon and his staff ran the XFL.

He calls Fake Kroenke by his real first name, Enis. Like a third grader before he has a little talk with his teacher, McMahon makes fun of the name, but because WWE is now going after the kids' market he won't actually say the word "penis." Classy. He knocks Fake Kroenke on his butt.

So basically the big important billionaire Vince McMahon got his feelings hurt because Denver Nuggets owner Stan Kroenke didn't call him personally when WWE by contract had to move their show out of the Pepsi Arena.

The Miz runs down the hometown L.A. Lakers for some cheap heat, then claims he'll go 6-0 tonight on John Cena. For once Cena shows up when Miz is around, but before he can get to Miz he gets jumped by Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase. Batista makes the save, Big Show jumps him, and Jerry Lawler comes down in a ridiculous canary yellow singlet to throw a few punches, then BS head-butts him.

Cole claims Kelly Kelly has the biggest match of her career next, challenging Maryse for the Diva's Title. Who knows, maybe it's true.

An awful match ends when Maryse is DQED for pushing Kelly Kelly over the announce table. I wasn't aware pushing someone over an announce table was grounds for disqualification, particularly the past fifteen years.

Two of the dumber Divas are fawning over Fake Jack Nicholson. Goldust and Hornswoggle re-enact the scene, you know the one, from "A Few Good Men." Lowest common denominator stuff. I hope no one in WWE Creative has any ambitions towards doing anything else but working for WWE Creative.

Ric Flair is calling Randy Orton out even thought he, Batista, and everyone else knows Orton is going to kill him.

Liilian Garcia announces a three-way match for a title shot next week against U.S. Champion MVP. Matt Hardy, who lost his last match and has a broken hand, is first. William Regal, who lost his last match and loses all the time, is next. Kofi Kingston, who beat William Regal on Superstars last week, rounds out the field. Cole covers for the two losers by claiming they helped out Raw G.M. Vickie Guerrero recently.

MVP comes down the ramp just in time for the break. He wants to check out his competition. The sparse, yet still papered, crowd isn't much interested in the action. MVP doesn't add too much to the commentary.

Kingston pins Matt Hardy with the Trouble in Paradise finisher. That makes sense. Kingston and MVP are good sports who congratulate each other on the impending title match.

Ric Flair is mad that Randy Orton gave the most obvious sucker punch ever last week. Get out here, bring it, come on!

I think Ric Flair's arms are bigger than Randy Orton's.

Randy Orton comes to the ramp. He can't beat Flair up, because last week he lowered himself himself to even hit Flair in the first place. He tells Flair it's over for him, that Triple H felt sorry for him six years ago in Evolution, and everybody feels sorry for him now.

Flair slaps him, Orton beats Flair down easily, Batista comes down to stop the fight, Orton tells Batista that after their Extreme Rules cage match everyone will feel sorry for him too, then Mr. Kennedy, of all people, comes out to start one of those MVP two weeks with Randy Orton pushes. He says he's the final guy in the basketball game main event.

What, no Mr. McMahon in the match? I'm disappointed.

This show is really disjointed. You had Ric Flair, the WWE Champion Randy Orton, Batista, and the returning Mr. Kennedy in one segment and because of how it was all played it went nowhere and meant nothing.

Michael Cole says Michael Clarke Duncan is a great actor. He must not have seen Daredevil.

Lillian Garcia says the next match has something or other to do with Extreme Rules stipulations. Santino Morella teams with Mickie James versus Chavo Guerrero & Beth Phoenix. Mickie pins Beth.

Excuse me. Miss WrestleMania Raw G.M. Vickie Guerrero congratulates Santino on the win, but she'll have Chavo Guerrero in her corner. Santino picks a hog pen match for MWRGMVG and his twin sister at Extreme Rules, you know, because Vickie Guerrero is a big fat pig.

Big Show doesn't like The Miz.

Stan Kroenke and his Denver Nuggets are winning at halftime. I wonder if the management at the Pepsi Center are happier with a sell-out NBA play-off game rather than the ten thousand large WWE nation they would have gotten. On the other hand McMahon's shove earlier in the show made ESPN.com.

Brian Kendrick & Festus face Goldust & Hornswoggle with the Colons at ringside. Seriously.

You can see empty seats on TV.

Big Show, The Miz, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, and Randy Orton face John Cena, Jerry Lawler, Kobe Bryant, Mr. Kennedy, and Batista. Cena is wearing a gold headband. Hopefully one of the Nuggets will strangle him with it. The Lakers usual public address announcer intros the wrestlers like they were basketball players. The heels are wearing Nuggets jerseys and the faces are wearing Lakers shirts. This is that "we're about putting smiles on people's faces" stuff that sucks.

Is it even worth mentioning that's it's completely out of character for Legacy to be cooperating with Mr. McMahon on this?

I wonder what Vince McMahon would do if someone appropriated his company trademarks for a night the way he did with the Lakers and Nuggets for this main event?

Kobe pins Rhodes. Lakers win!

Then they had two dark cage matches that didn't draw fans to the Staples Center, either.

Score 2.0

Vince McMahon got his feelings hurt because a fellow multi-millionaire didn't call him personally on the phone. He cost his company a good bit of money and wasted at least one of his valuable TV shows because of it. There's nothing much beside McMahon's sensitivity to analyze. The rest of the show was just a disjointed mess, because McMahon and his creative staff didn't keep their mind on their business.

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