By Bruce Mitchell, Torch columnist

Randy Orton gives yet another of those "you people" speeches. "You people" are worn down, "you people" just take it, "you people" are cowards, "you people" just sit back like last week when you watched me take out the last of the McMahons…

I don't know about "you people," but if he means me, he's right.

He says Raw GM Vickie Guerrero has made one of those "no-touch" rulings, so I guess we won't get Randy Orton vs. Batista as tonight's main event. He calls out Batista anyway.

He offers Batista a spot - not a liver spot - in Legacy, even though his father wasn't a WWE Legend or anything.

Legacy would be bigger than the Four Horseman, bigger than DX, even bigger than the Evolution.

What about the Main Event Mafia?

Orton: "You won't be champion, but at least you'll be on the winning team. Arn Anderson was Ric Flair's Enforcer, and he is a surefire Hall of Famer. (You wish, Batista.) I want you to be my Enforcer."

Batista: "There's just one problem. I don't like you. I detest you. I loathe you. I'll never be your back-up. I'm not here to help you, I'm here to hurt you."

Orton: "You just made the biggest mistake of your life. If there wasn't a no-touch rule I'd drop you right now."

Batista doesn't think Vickie Guerrero will call off the match at Judgment Day, so there's nothing stopping Batista from destroying Orton tonight.

Vickie is on the ramp to waive the rule. The title match will take place this Sunday. She makes Batista vs. DiBiase & Rhodes, and if the boys win, it's three on one on Batista. I guess last week's big Raw rating called for a re-run this week. If Batista wins, we get a free pay-per-view main event again.

Batista faces Cody Rhodes & Ted Dibiase. Cody tricks dumb ol' Batista by bringing in a chair and making sure he gets caught for the DQ. This didn't work at all.

Maryse says if she wasn't Maryse she'd want to be. Or something. You can see why she's a "management favorite."

Maryse & Jillian Hall face Kelly Kelly & Mickie James. Seriously, they can't think of anything to do with these women? Mickie James pins Divas champ Maryse for the second week in a row, which ought to rocket her up those all important Diva rankings.

Randy Orton is being interviewed when Ted DiBiase tells him "Cody's gone." Orton takes him to the side. "Maybe you could phrase that better."

"Uh, I can't find him?"

"See!"

Chavo praises Aunt Vickie for how she handled Batista and Orton. He suggests she make John Cena compete in an "exhibition match" tonight because the doctor won't let Cena "wrestle" because of the "injuries" he incurred when Big Show "threw him through the searchlight." That way Vickie can see for herself whether Cena is ready to wrestle. Cena "exhibits" against Miz.

Cody's okay, it's Ted who got bonked backstage by Batista.

Mr. Kennedy is coming back so, thankfully, they'll go back to writing out what he says beforehand.

Carlito faces The Brian Kendrick. TBK rolls up Carlito. Now Kendrick is going to find a partner and become one half of "Thee" tag team champions. That's called foreshadowing.

John Cena faces The Miz in a Special Exhibition Match. The match ends when Vickie is satisfied that Cena isn't faking his fake injuries. The joke is, of course, they're all Special Exhibition Matches. Big Show is at ringside. Miz picks on Cena about his bomb movies and CDs. He then beats on Cena's ribs early. Cena makes a comeback and is about to win, so Vickie on the big screen says she's seen enough. It's obvious Cena has no chance against the Big Show. Miz takes advantage of the stoppage by hitting Cena with a DDT and walking out in triumph. I understand putting the hero in jeopardy but making him look dumb and weak, like this? I don't know. It doesn't help that everything tonight just seems contrived, instead of designed to roll out naturally.

Randy tells Cody to find Batista and take him out. Whatta chicken.

Santina Morella is back. Chavo ain't buying it. He gets Aunt Vickie to order Rosa Mendez to kiss Santina. who goes crazy with lust from a disgusted peck on the cheek

"Ha, I knew it!" Chavo cries in triumph. Santina reverse-covers (I guess) by claiming she's a lesbian, only she doesn't like swine, looking directly at Vickie. She rudely grunts like a pig. WWE lets us know she isn't an asshole by having both Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler laugh like hyenas in delight at Santina.

Cody walks down the hall with a steel pole, hunting rabbits. He hears something, but it's just Hornswoggle. Batista hits Cody from behind, takes away his pole, and locks him in the closet. No, really.

Santini Morella faces Beth Phoenix. Big "Santini" chant to start the match. Even for comedy, this is a bad match. Santini wins again with the cheap roll-up, then swishes around in triumph while her frustrated girlfriend seethes in frustration at ringside,

I'm trying to think of a way to say this. This show is too camp.

John Cena says that everyone is facing tough times, not just him, but they've learned to adapt. He's going to Judgment Day to face Big Show and win. That helped a little.

MVP is feeling the love on the VIP Lounge. He invites William Regal to come to the Lounge "because it's Ladies Night." Great, more camp. HD isn't kind to Regal. After some uninspired back and forth, Matt Hardy is out. He's mad he has to wrestle with a hand broken in three places. He wants his loss to Kofi Kingston to be stricken from the record books. Kofi Kingston jumps Hardy because Hardy cracked him in the head with his cast after the match.

Chavo, on orders from Aunt Vickie, has the ring cleared so everybody can wrestle. Why not?

MVP & Kofi Kingston face William Regal & Matt Hardy. Kofi kicks Matt in the broken hand so Matt understandably leaves. Some babyface move. Regal flips Kingston out. MVP beats up Regal and pins him.

Randy Orton offers to call off his match with Batista, seeing as it's not for the title. Batista attacks Orton with a chair, then picks up the steel ring steps to break Orton's leg. Cole praises this gutless strategy, seeing as Raw GM Vickie said the title match would go on no matter what and it would be easy for Batista to win.

Cody and Ted try to save Randy, but Batista beats them off.

Score 3.0: WWE Creative needs to get their act together. When the better workers aren't around their effort needs to be tighter, not just more manic. Everything that happened tonight was too contrived to flow like a story; it just seemed like excuses to get jerk the characters around to the places they wanted them before Judgment Day.

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