By Bruce Mitchell, PWTorch columnist

Smackdown GM Vickie Guerrero introduces the new (Raw) World Heavyweight champion, Edge.

He says the fans are big fat failure turtles who would have crawled into their pity shells if they had lost like he did when he lost his other World Title in the first Elimination Chamber match last night. (You know, when you think about it for two seconds - a guy loses one world heavyweight title and a couple of hours later wins a completely different one - it's kind of ridiculous).

They do close one big loophole - Steph went to the hospital with Stunt Bump Shane so Vickie was the highest ranking official left in the buildig when Edge crushed Kofi Kingston with a steel chair, so she decided to put Edge in his place and the Board ratified his world title win.

Well, maybe it's still open a little. Mr. and Mrs. Edge do that fake kissing thing.

John Cena comes out and says he could sue and shut the company down (what's that really about, anyway), but he congratulates Edge for his win. He wants a rematch.

He doesn't deserve one. Edge pinned him fair and square last night.

Edge objects, though, because he had to work two EC matches last night. He's going back to Smackdown with the belt.

Edge reminds Cena that he once slapped his daddy and he stole his bely with the Money In The Bank, too. "The Champ" Edge sneers, "is here!"

Wrestling's Toughest Man challenges Randy Orton to an unsanctioned match tonight to settle things. Run, Randy, run!

C.M. Punk & Cryme Tyme face William Regal (We know now why he's the best three minute wrestler in the business - his heart), Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase.

Stephanie objects to gutsy Shane challenging Randy Orton when he's just out of the hospital. What guts - I mean mine for watching Shane faking his way through two matches in 24 hours instead of one every three years.

Chris Jericho does the same running down of the fans that Edge did, except he says fans are like the old legends instead of fans are like turtles. Usually Creative waits until ECW to repeat themselves.

Roddy Piper comes out. Uh oh, he's going to "shoot." He says he watched Jericho his whole career (no he didn't, he doesn't watch wrestling) and said he respected him for telling the truth and backing it up in the ring. Piper is the most cogent and focused he's been in years.

Piper gives an amazing heartfelt speech about "The Wrestler," saying he lives to perform, and he'll crawl to the ring to give the fans one more memorable moment.

So Jericho flattens him and tells him if he wants respect, he can crawl for it.

Not only was this Roddy Piper's best performance in years, it ranks among his very best in the company.

Randy Orton foolishly accepts Shane's challenge.

Jamie Noble isn't going to blow it at WrestleMania, but he blows it against Kane tonight in about 15 seconds. I thought he was on ECW.

JBL, with a mouse over his left eye where he took Shawn Michaels Superkick, comes to the ring. Michaels was paid in full last night and is now financially stable. You take a bucket of water out of the ocean and what do you have left? (Great line) He was going to return to his home state of Texas at WrestleMania the conquering hero.

Now he thinks that goal is too small. He had an epiphany. He wants to end The Streak, 16-0 of the Undertaker at WrestleMania.

Shawn Michaels appears. Since he's financially set for life he immediately announces his retirement. "Enough's enough", he declares.

Nah, he's no longer the Employee of the Month. He's the Shop Stoppa, Mr. WrestleMania, he has his life back.

He wants Undertaker himself. JBL looks sick.

"If anyone should face the Undertaker at WrestleMania, you're looking at him." The people are happy to have "HBK" back.

In case you've forgotten, you can't tell me what to do anymore. He challenges JBL to a match next week to get Taker at 'Mania. He pokes JBL in the chest the way JBL did to him two weeks ago. "Don't you hate when people do that?"

What the hell? After the big-star reception Rey Mysterio got in his world championship Elimination Chamber near-miss last night, he's back wrestling Mike Knox.

Again.

Big 619 chant. He gets it, after a beating. He wins with a roll-up. If he goes on to better, not bigger, things, well, that would be smart.

Melina defends against former champ Beth Phoenix (w/Santino Morella & Rosa Mendez). Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, and Candice Michelle stop Santino and Mendez from interfering

Well, you can't have a pro wrestling Hall of Fame without Dory and Terry Funk. The video features great footage from Championship Wrestling from Florida, WWF, and ECW archives. That fat, egg-sucking dog Dusty Rhodes is making the induction. Perfect.

Stephanie calls in the calvary...

Here's a question: Would you rather see Steve Austin one last time in a real match at WrestleMania or Triple H finally stand revealed as a full-fledged McMahon Family member?

Shane McMahon looks ridiculous beating up a bigger, younger Randy Orton in this "unsanctioned" match. This isn't getting the big heat. Lord, god, stop punching already. After a short respite, Shane is back to kicking the future of the company's ass again. He goes for the "Coast to Coast" but Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase intercept him.

Uh oh.

Randy pulls the two away, measure Shane, and punts him. Some fans are upset.

Steph finally arrives. "Shane!" She screeches. Then she cries. The EMTs put the collar on Shane.

"Please, no more," Stephanie begs. Orton RKOs her, and is shocked at his own audacity.

The calvary arrives, and it ain't Stone Cold.

Triple H is furious, gritting his teeth like crazy, and shaking with rage at the site of his family devastated on the mat. Orton knows he messed up now, and for a moment is so afraid. Now, this, this gets the big heat.

Score (6.5): Roddy Piper was tremendous talking about "The Wrestler" tonight with Chris Jericho. Triple H's late arrival may have saved the McMahon Family vs. Randy Orton & Legacy feud. Until he arrived, they had gone at least one day too far with that Shane stuff. JBL did a nice job setting up the Shawn Micheals vs. Undertaker match, considering his program with Michaels could have lasted through WrestleMania easily. Steve Austin made the right decision in leaving people with the memories of him in his prime.

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