By Bruce Mitchell, Torch columnist

Michael Cole says "Armageddon left us all speechless."

If only.

We start with a Divas tag team match up. Double Kelly & Melina faces Beth Phoenix (w/Santino Marella) & Jillian Hall.

Kelly pins Phoenix out of nowhere, the bad girls beat her up, and Kane's flash pots go off. He saves Kelly, sort of.

Apparently Kane wants to ask Kelly out, but he doesn't know quite how to go about it. Poor girl, first Test, then Batista, and now this. Can't she meet any boys her own age?

Rey Mysterio faces Deuce. Cody Rhodes and Manu are watching at ringside. Deuce finally tells everyone he's the son of Jimmy Snuka and his real name is Sim Snuka. He still wrestles like Deuce, though.

Somewhere in Memphis Brian Christopher is grinding his teeth.

Rey goes through the ropes after Deuce, bumps into Cody Rhodes, so Rhodes and Manu jump him. Rey fights back but mike Knox flattens him from behind.

And Loki can't get a job.

DeGeneration X hawks their merchandise. I guess this is like when Vince McMahon appears on Tribute For The Troops when his Mr. McMahon

Kane got hot when Kelly Kelly presented with him at the Slammies last week. He says if she didn't feel anything, walk out the door. She starts to, but he slams it in her face.

Shouldn't the cameraman call security or something?

Randy Orton tells Todd Grisham backstage that Batista is a coward for not accepting a rematch (for once I'd like to see a guy, babyface or heel, go, "I beat you straight up last night, no controversy, so I'm the better man. Beat it.") Batista shows up, Orton slaps him, Batista chases him out to the ramp and…

Four Horseman Beatdown! Tully and Arn jump Lex, but that darn Sting, I mean, John Cena makes the save. This leads to our five-man handicap main event.

Chris Jericho doesn't want to wrestle Jim Duggan because, after all, if Lebron James missed the last shot in the game and the Cavs lose, they don't bench him.

Duggan works as hard here as he has in twenty years.

Kane is still harassing Kelly. You can see why this is a big show with kids. "Is there someone else?" Kane asks Kelly. Here's a helpful hint if you're a young, attractive Diva who one day finds herself in this circumstance: Tell Kane you're seeing the cameraman right over there, then when he beats the guy up, run for it.

William Regal (w/Layla) watches from his throne as C.M. Punk & Kofi Kingston try to regain the tag belts they lost to Miz & Morrison on that house show.

The Spirit movie promo provides me with opportunity to say I once met Will Eisner.

Actually, he was a good friend of John Hitchcock for many years.

Miz & Morrison retain. Oh, look, it was the Miz who Kelly was doing. Kane crushes him.

Poor Morrison. Two weeks ago he was going to work with Shawn Michaels. Now he's support for this ugly nonsense.

They re-run the Shawn Michaels Is Broke speech from the pay-per-view last night.

By the way, Joey Styles punched JBL on the WWE Iraq tour.

Shawn Michaels may have the best sad look in the history of wrestling (not including those "Tribute" shows,) Hell; he may have the only one,

JBL smirks on the ramp.

The Divas finally help Kelly. Miz? What about him?

That bitch.

Dolph Ziggler introduces himself in the ring.

Somewhere Mr. Kennedy is grinding his teeth.

Maybe not. Ziggler is wrestling Santa Haas. Bah humbug. I guess these two need ring-time, because this goes on awhile. Dolph wins.

Cryme Tyme take poor ol' Jim Duggan

Stephanie McMahon knows everything so all four former champions will meet in four matches next week and something or another, I lost track. She shuts down Chris Jericho, the best heel they've got.

Batista & John Cena face Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes & Manu. "Legacy" beat on Batista while everyone waits for Cenamania to tag in. This is a pay-per-view length match. Finally Orton directs Tully and Arn to keep Sting occupied while he kicks in Lex's skull, so Orton gets his heat back from last night.

Score 5.5

I thought they kind of backed off Cenamania tonight. Maybe just doing it two out of every three Raws is a good formula. That Son Of A Snuka was a tank. You get the feeling it was either that, or release him. William Regal is bringing something to the Intercontinental belt, just standing there. That Kane/Kelly stuff was pretty brutal, in the wrong way. Stephanie McMahon hurts the show every time she's on it.

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