By Bruce Mitchell, PWTorch columnist

We start with Smackdown General Manager Vickie Guerrero, Big Show, and poor Chavo Guerrero in front of a casket. Show is having a hard time talking because Undertaker crushed his larynx with an "illegal, banned" triangle choke at Cyber-Sunday. Vickie claims tonight's casket match will be UT's final one. Sure it will. She tells a spooky story about Taker gasping for breath in the coffin, and then announces Taker's opponent is...Chavo Guerrero.

He, like the rest of America, is confused. She cackles like a witch. The whole thing comes across cheesy, even for them.

It's Halloween, Jim Ross is a sailor boy from San Diego, and he's joined by GI Taz. If the idea was to embarrass Ross it succeeded.

Ross claims WWE Hall of Famer Pat Patterson asked him to the WWE Prom later this year because he looks like one of the Village People. Patterson comes out and busts him in the mouth.

Miz & Morrison get a win over SD tag champs Primo & Carlito Colon, so when DX squashes them flat Monday night the message is clear.

God, is Kobe Bryant embarrassing in that Rock Band commercial...

More cheese. Maria gets into one of those magician's boxes (some sort of cheap-ass My Network TV show while Jesse & her new romantic interest Festus look on goggle-eyed. I hate magic tricks.

Jimmy Wayne Yang is John Wayne Yang for Halloween. Man, you wouldn't believe what I read about John Wayne in the new Hollywood Babylon book. The local station runs a commercial for a pawnshop targeted at the high dollar WWE audience.

John Wayne faces The Brian Kendrick. It's a decent (lower) mid-card match. The Duke hits a moonsaults for the three count, but Ezekiel Jackson pulls Kendrick out for the blatant DQ. Jackson then urinages Wayne, squashing him flat. Two little guys, setting up the big guy...

The Great Khali BFG is interrupted by Kung Funaki's lowest common denominator ethnic act. He wants to learn the art of seduction from Khali, who tells him "size matters." Smackdown is a kiddie show written by childish adults.

Khali's Kiss Cam - The Trick or Treat edition. Women all over the world are falling for the BFG. A woman in a witch costume comes up to kiss Khali. The witch overacts, even for WWE pro wrestling. Khali gives her a quick peck on the lips, but the witch wants a French kiss. It turns out her warts are real. (Is that supposed to be funny?)

The crowd chants Khali! For the French kiss. He does it. The witch faints.

That was pointless.

Kane, Mark Henry (w/Tony Atlas) & Whatever Happened To MVP face The Hardyz & returning to his home Rey Mysterio. The crowd is into this, and it has the kiddie screams. The faces are clearly three of the most popular acts in the business. Jeff Hardy pins poor MVP clean with a swanton bomb. That Incentive Bonus loser gimmick is doing real damage to MVP.

Kizarny talking carny. I wonder how long that will last before cooler heads prevail.

Vladimir Koslov has the mic. Inset Harrison mocks him - right off the Disney Channel. Koslov demands next chance to be champion.

Triple H comes down and eyes Kozlov. They do the stare-down, and then Kozlov slowly backs away. This would be simple and effective if it was on a grown up's wrestling show.

Some Divas wrestle in their Halloween costumes. Actually Victoria's banana costume is a riot.

Chavo Guerrero comes out to watch the traditional long-ass Undertaker intro. Undertaker then whips his ass. Big Show watches from the ramp. Chavo begs Show to attack Taker. Chavo actually gets a slight advantage when he DDTs Taker coming into the ring. Big Show comes down but Taker does his sit up. He's about to put Chavo in the casket but Show closes the lid. Chavo hits Taker with but Taker is about to hit a chokeslam. Big Show finally attacks Taker, who knocks him on top of the casket. The casket is hot or something and Big Show acts like his big butt is on fire and backs off. Taker throws Chavo in the casket.

Backstage GM Vickie tells Kozlov if he beats Undertaker next week on Smackdown she'll see that gets a title shot with Triple H at Survivor Series.

Smackdown is turning into a kiddie wrestling show, like a mix between '80s Hulkamania and the Gorgeous Women of Wrestling, but as appealing as that sounds, it's not there yet. The only good part of this show was the six-man tag, which had the best of WWE's kid appeal acts in the Hardyz and little Rey

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