KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
MARCH 1, 2010
LIVE FROM OKLAHOMA CITY, OKLA.
AIRED ON USA NETWORK

[Q1]

-Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler introduced the show. They hyped that Bret Hart took Vince McMahon up on his invitation to give a proper good bye to WWE. They also pushed the Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase main event.

-Shawn Michaels walked out to his music. A video package aired on the Undertaker-Michaels storyline. Michaels stood mid-ring and absorbed a loud chant of "HBK! HBK!" He said there's a buzz going around since last week that he's crazy for putting his career on the line against Undertaker at WrestleMania. Michaels said people aren't giving him a chance, and while Undertaker is 17-0 at WM, nobody has given him the challenge he has. He said he knows as an undeniable fact that "every man, woman, and child on the face of God's green earth knows that I am Mr. WrestleMania." He said he believes he can end Undertaker's undefeated WM streak. He asked any skeptic in the back to walk out and tell him to his face. Triple H's music played.

As Triple H walked out, Michaels wore his "hurt puppy dog" signature facial expression. Lawler said nobody knows Triple H better than Michaels. Michaels expressed disappointment with Triple H's doubting him. Triple H said, "I don't think you can beat Undertaker at WrestleMania... I know you can." Hunter said he's wrestled everyone for 15 years who is anyone in this business and he said he can tell him he's the best he's "the best I've ever been in the ring... with." He realized late he needed that "with" and it was kinda funny. Hunter said Michaels has no peers in the locker room and is in a class by himself. He said he truly is Mr. WrestleMania. He said the Road to WrestleMania always takes them down different paths. He said DX will never die, but it'll be a long time before fans see them in the ring again. He then suggested they turn "a long time" into a just few minutes since he invoked their rematch clause against The Miz & Big Show tonight. The crowd cheered and then chanted "DX! DX!"

Michaels said he appreciates everything he said and appreciates the opportunity for a tag team match, but they're going down separate paths. Hunter said it's not about tag team championships. He said if they win the tag titles they don't need to defend them for 30 days. He said 28 days from now will be the night after WrestleMania. He said that Monday night should be a "celebration like only DX can throw." He said he will be known on that day as the man who ended Undertaker's streak at WrestleMania. Some fans booed. He said he believes in him. He said he believes his career will be alive and well in 28 days after ending Taker's streak the night before. Triple H asked Michaels if he believes the same thing. Michaels soaked up another "HBK" chant and then said, "I believe we've got some tag team titles to win tonight." The DX music played to end the segment.

[Q2]

-They went backstage to the Bella Twins entertaining Cheech and Chong. The Bellas asked if they could see a tour stop of theirs. Cheech and Chong said they're not the real characters they've seen, just down home average guys. The Bellas offered them a tour. Chong settled onto a couch as Cheech went on tour. Hornswoggle walked in and sat next to Chong. Chong said he's seen enough Raw to know he's not hallucinating. Chong ate some Lucky Charms and then they went into corny psychedelic video special effects to convey Cheech was tripping. Stupid on a few levels.

-Cole plugged DiBiase vs. Orton was next. [c]

-A video recap aired of the Orton-DiBiase saga.

1 -- TED DIBIASE vs. RANDY ORTON

Lawler said this match reminds him of NXT in that it's a mentor fighting a protege, although for some reason nobody in WWE is using the word "protege." DiBiase got in some early offense with punches and kicks in the corner. Orton came back with some punches. DiBiase countered with a standing dropkick and then threw Orton to the floor. Orton blocked a ringpost shot and threw DiBiase into it instead. He followed with an uppercut. DiBiase fled up the ramp as they cut to a break. [c] DiBiase was in control after the break. DiBiase kicked Orton in the head and then made a cocky cover as if he were Hogan after legdropping Hercules on Saturday Night's Main Event. Orton kicked out.

[Q3]

Orton countered with a powerslam out of nowhere. He went into the Orton stomp, which Cole called "an unsettling attack." The crowd wasn't sure how to react to either of them. As he set up an RKO, Cody Rhodes came to ringside and distracted him. DiBiase rolled up Orton from behind. Orton rolled through and scored a near fall, broken up by Cody entering the ring. Orton tackled Cody. Cody and Ted double-teamed Orton. The crowd mostly booed. Lawler said they've been waiting for this moment. Orton made a comeback which the crowd cheered. He dropkicked DiBiase out of the ring and then gave Cody a backbreaker. DiBiase yanked Rhodes out of Orton's attempt at an RKO off the second rope.

WINNER: Orton via DQ in 8:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Basic solid stuff.

-They showed Bret Hart walking into the building with a cast on his left leg and a crutch to help him walk.

-They went back to Chong giving a Bella Twin a back rub. Cheech told him he shouldn't eat cereal with sugar because he's a diabetic and he'll go on "a sugar trip." The view changed from a Bella Twin to William Regal whom he was rubbing. Chris Masters walked up, but talked in Kelly Kelly's voice, and told him to stop staring at his chest. Hornswoggle then offered the Lucky Charms to Cheech. He said he was allergic to marshmallows. The screen blurred and spun. Cole called it a psychedelic Raw. They're working very hard to avoid overt pot references on this PG-13 show. If guest hosts don't appear in front of the crowd and don't have any actual hosting duties, the whole concept blows up and seems like wasted time.

-A video package aired on the John Cena-Batista-Vince McMahon saga. [c]

[Q4]

2 -- SANTINO MARELLA vs. JACK SWAGGER - MITB Qualifier

Swagger blocked Santino's only attempt at a move and then gave him his finisher for the clean quick win. Swagger nodded at the WrestleMania 26 sign in the rafters.

WINNER: Swagger in 30 seconds.

-Cole said Dolph Ziggler, Kane, Christian Cage, and Shelton Benjamin are also qualified for the MITB match.

-Backstage Batista walked out of the locker room and a group of six security guards followed him. Cole said a possible Batista-Cena confrontation was next. [c]

-WWE Fact: Last Monday, Raw was once again the no. 1 show on cable TV - beating out the Olympics on CNBC and College Basketball on ESPN.

-John Cena came out to a big ovation. He said Batista didn't steal the WWE Title from him. He said he's had time to think about it and it was about business. He said Batista was smart enough to cash in on a business agreement. He said it wasn't the first and won't be the last time that happens to him. He said the next night on Raw things got personal. He said Batista ambushed him and punished him until he couldn't move. He said he didn't get why. He said Batista is champion, so what more does he want? He said he's never had a problem with Batista and he's even considered him a friend in the past, but now Batista has a problem with him for some reason. A "Cena, Cena" chant broke out. He said the fans always see a silver lining, and his silver lining is he's going to WrestleMania to face Batista. He said he needs to pay Mr. Batista back, and he'd like to begin payback now. He called out Batista.

[Q5] Cena laughed when he saw Batista walk onto the stage surrounded by security. He asked him if the "big, bad animal now rolls with security." Batista said they're not to protect him, they're there to protect Cena. He said he doesn't have a problem hurting him again, but the security is under orders not to. Batista told him to thank him anytime. Cena asked him to come to the ring so he could thank him personally. "Or just stand up there behind your security like a six-foot-six, 300 pound pansy," he said. Batista paused, then said: "You're a funny guy. Ha ha ha. You amuse me." He said he did what he did last week because he wants to face him at WrestleMania. He said he lost last week so now everyone gets what they want.

Batista said they started and rose through the ranks in WWE together. He said they couldn't be more different. He said they are the two biggest stars "since the Attitude Era." He said they both won championships at WrestleMania 21 and never looked back. "For some insane reason, this company has decided to label you as The Man," he said. "John Cena, the name and face the WWE." The crowd cheered. "Somehow the torch was passed from 'Stone Cold' Steve Ausitn to you, but it should have been me!" Batista stopped, annoying with a very loud "Cena! Cena!" chant. He said he did what he did last week for two reasons. One, so he can beat Cena on the grand stage of WrestleMania and prove he's better than him. Two, "I just can't stand you." Not much of a pop. That line would have gotten a pop in any city three years ago. Cena then said: "That's what this is about? That's all that this is about? Some fictional Torch that very, very few people talk about and even fewer people have actually seen."

Cena said he is the first one to show up and the last one to leave. He said he works harder than he does for WWE. He said Batista can't be bothered to show up on time. He got emotional as he said he's given his life for the business and "you stand up there expecting the business to be given to you." He said Batista is selfish and always has been. "That's real talk," Cena said. Batista said he actually agrees with him because he doesn't care about the fans. He said he's there to make money and win titles. He should have added "and everyone knows those two go hand-in-hand," just to further put over the titles, but it's a great line nevertheless. "I am not here for them," Batista said about the fans. "You keep going on kissing babies and hugging fat girls and I'll be in the gym training and thinking about beating the hell out of you at WrestleMania." He said."It's a fact that every time they're in the ring together, bad things happen to you." Cena got agitated. When Cena asked if he wants to know what he thinks, Batista said what he thinks is irrelevant. He said he's good at barking, but that's not what he does. "You can't beat me, John, and deep down you know it." He dropped the mic and glared at Cena. Cena stared back, seeming a bit rattled. That was a WrestleMania-caliber money segment. Too bad they hot-shotted that Summerslam singles match a couple years back and can't hype this as a first-ever single match on PPV between those two.

-Cole hyped that Bret would make his final Raw appearance next. Lawler hyped the main event of Michaels & Triple H vs. Miz & Show. [c]

-Back with Cheech and Chong, Chavo Guerrero was dressed up and said he felt ridiculous. Carlito and Primo were also hanging out. Primo said they're brothers but they can't stand each other. Latie Lea Burchill and Yoshi Tatsu were also making jokes and wearing fake mustaches. A rooster then showed up. I really don't feel like even trying to set this scene any more or explaining its apparent meaning. It was just dumb and not funny, even in an intentionally campy way.

[Q6]

3 -- MVP vs. ZACK RYDER

Lawler and Cole were amazed as how Ryder's tights work, with one leg exposed and the other not. To understand this concept, they could have a project at home where they cut the leg off of one of their pairs of jeans and then put them on. That's how Zack's amazing outfit can be created. MVP won quickly.

WINNER: MVP in 1:00.

-They showed Kelly, Gail Kim, and Eve ("The New Maria") getting excited about the pillow fight. [c]

-Here they come. Cheech and Chong walked out. Cole and Lawler laughed uproariously as if something funny was happening. It wasn't, although they were pretending to be high and using the mic as bongs. They credited the sugar high for being 90 minutes late getting to the ring. Cheech introduced the Divas Pillow Fight.

4 -- EVE & KELLY KELLY & GAIL KIM vs. MARYSE & ALICIA FOX & JILLIAN HALL -- Pillow Fight Match

Eve pinned Alicia. Afterward, Hornswoggle gave them new boxes of Lucky Charms. They began throwing cereal at the crowd and stuffing their mouths. Cole stopped Lawler from eating some of the cereal, afraid he wouldn't be able to finish the show. He threw to the announcement that Mad Dog Vachon was being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame this year. Great choice. He is one of the reasons I begged my mom to take me to wrestling shows when I was a kid. It'd have been nice if someone noticed the narrator they hired got the pronunciation of Verne Gagne's last name wrong. I rewound and rewatched that video montage a few times. Great memories. He was great on the mic, and nobody raked a back or bit an ear better than he did. Pat Patterson inducts him.

-Cole and Lawler hyped again that Bret Hart was in the building and about to come out.

[Q7] [c]

-Cole and Lawler hyped the WrestleMania 26 line-up.

-Justin Roberts began to introduce Bret Hart, but Vince McMahon's music interrupted him. Vince said he wanted to introduce the WWE (or as he put it, "Double-Ya-Bee") Hall of Famer Bret Hart, whom he said he has the utmost personal respect for. He said he is the best there is, was, and ever will be and the Excellent of Execution. Bret's music played and he limped onto the stage with a cast and a crutch. A video package aired on Bret on Raw two weeks ago ending with the car incident.

Back in the ring live, Vince asked Bret to clear his name as having nothing to do with that accident in the parking garage. Bret said, "I don't know if that's true or not." He said he does know that since he's returned to WWE, Vince has treated him like garbage. "If you're sincere about allowing me a final farewell, you'll get the hell out of here right now." Vince said he's sorry he feels that way. As he was about to leave the ring, Vince said he did have something he wanted to say. Vince said Bret called him the World's Greatest Liar. He said he is right, and he's a World Champion Liar. He said, in fact, that he didn't invite him back to Raw for a nice farewell. Vince asked Bret if he challenged him to a match at WrestleMania. Bret said he's "currently a little incapacitated." Vince said "even a dried up old fossil like you can heal in six weeks." They went to a sweet camera angle of showing Vince's reflection in Bret's sunglasses.

Vince said Bret has wanted to get his hands on him every day for years. Bret said he's wanted to fight Vince for 13 years. Vince asked, "Then why not fight me, Bret? WrestleMania. Come on, Bret, it's your dream." You get a sense of how crazy Vince has become in real life watching him let loose on these promos. Vince bragged about sending him to "Double-Ya-C-Double-Ya!" He bragged about spitting on him. He bragged about yanking away his father Stu being inducted into the Hall of Fame.

[Q8] Bret said he's not stupid and he won't be goaded into a match with him. "I have a broken leg, you idiot!" exclaimed Bret. Vince paused and soaked in that insult. He said he hates to hear those words because his last name used to stand for something, but now he's got no heart. He said he's let everyone down and he's a coward. He then kicked the crutch out from under Bret. Bret collapsed. Vince left the ring. Bret stood back up. Vince kept calling him a coward as he walked to the back. "Yellow to the bone, rotten to the core, you've got nothing!" he said. Bret finally fired back: "You want a match at WrestleMania, you got it!" Cole said that whole thing was embarrassing.

When Vince got to the stage, Vince said Bret may not be 100 percent, but he is in 100 percent. He said next week he's going to show how fit he is next week by taking on his no. 1 fan - John Cena. Bret nodded and mouthed, "I'd like to see that." That's the first big match Raw is using to counter Impact. Otherwise, no sign of hot-shotting for next week yet.

-Backstage they showed ShowMiz headed toward the entrance tunnel. [c]

-Cole announced Chris Angel will guest host Raw next week. Lawler hyped Orton vs. DiBiase & Rhodes next week. This whole thing will be worn out before WrestleMania at this rate. Cole also hyped the McMahon-Cena match. Lawler called it "crazy."

-Ring intros took place for the main event. [c]

[Q9]

5 -- SHOWMIZ (Big Show & The Miz) vs. DX (Triple H & Shawn Michaels) -- Unified Tag Team Title match

Miz and Big Show dominated Michaels for a minute. Shortly after a hot-tag to Triple H, Miz intervened, giving Show a chance to chokeslam Triple H. Michaels then surprised Big Show with Sweet Chin Music. Both Hunter and Show were down and slow to get up. Show tagged in Miz first, but Hunter then tagged in Michaels. Michaels took Miz down with a flurry of offense and set up a superkick. As he stomped the mat, Undertaker's image appeared on the TitanTron. He just stared at Michaels, then rolled his eyes back. Miz surprised Michaels with a jackknife for the pin.

WINNERS: ShowMiz in 6:00 to retain the tag titles.

-Michaels was upset afterward, and pushed Hunter away when he approached him. "Don't touch me!" he said, then he stormed to the back. Sheamus (remember him?) then showed up in the ring and attacked Hunter. He knocked him to the floor and kicked him in the head. When Hunter got up after about 30 seconds, Sheamus kicked him in the head again, sending him over the announce table to the floor.

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