WWE Smackdown Report PARKS' WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 3/16: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of the show, including the return of Christian's Peep Show
Mar 16, 2012 - 9:00:14 PM
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WWE Smackdown review
March 16, 2012
Taped 3/13/12 in Columbus, Ohio
Aired on SYFY
By Greg Parks, PWTorch Columnist (Twitter: @gregmparks)
- Smackdown Open.
- Colorful fireworks against the blue Smackdown backdrop of the Titan-Tron greeted viewers, as did the voice of Josh Mathews, welcoming fans to the show.
- Lilian Garcia introduced Christian, making his return to Smackdown. Pretty good pop for the heel too. Michael Cole, Booker T., and Mathews were shown on-camera discussing Christian’s disdain for Teddy Long during Christian’s entrance. Atop the turnbuckles were arrows and light-up Peep Show logos. That’s an aesthetic change from the last time he hosted this show. Christian plugged the “new” WWE.com when talking about the GM vs. GM match at Wrestlemania. He introduced his guests, John Laurinaitis and David Otunga. They entered the arena without theme music. Laurinaitis welcomed Christian back and said it was an honor to be on the Peep Show. Christian said he’s honored to have Mr. Excitement on the show. Then he introduced someone with, as he said, no honor: Teddy Long. Long and Aksana walked to the ring. A small child was shown dancing to Long’s theme. He might never live that one down.
Christian brought up the stakes of the Wrestlemania tag match and offered both men an opportunity to convince him to be on their team at Mania. Long had the floor first. He gave Christian and icy glare and Christian was offended by that. He reminded Long that he carried Smackdown on his back and said whichever team he’s on will win. Christian told Long to give him what he deserves. He insulted the crowd and said he deserves one more match for the World Heavyweight Championship. It looks like Swagger has the same hairdo as Christian now. Long said he respects what Christian has done in the ring, but he won’t beg him to be on his team. Long said that when Team Teddy wins at Mania, if any team wants a championship match, they’ll have to earn it. Laurinaitis asked Long what he knows about respect. Laurinaitis said he’d be honored if Christian was on his team and said if his team wins, Christian will get his one more match. Christian thanked Laurinaitis and said when that chance comes, he will not fail.
Christian claimed Long, however, is a failure and said tonight, the tide turns. He announced that he’s officially joining Team Johnny. Otunga then pulled a t-shirt out of…well, somewhere. It was Christian’s “hit the switch” t-shirt. Laurinaitis held it up proudly as if Christian was a big free-agent signing for a baseball or football team. Long told Christian since he’s back, he’ll be in action tonight. Laurinaitis interrupted and said because of Long, he’s still not medically cleared to wrestle. Long went to Plan B, which was to put Otunga in a match, against the newest member of Team Teddy: Kofi Kingston. Kingston came out seconded by fellow Team Teddy member Santino Marella. The match is next.
1 - DAVID OTUNGA vs. KOFI KINGSTON
Match was joined in progress out of break. Otunga was still wearing dress pants. As strange as it looks, I like that better than when wrestlers just happen to wear their gear to the ring and then just happen to be put in a match. Long and Laurinaitis were on commentary. Laurinaitis said Christian’s injury this week was an ingrown toenail. Otunga had the advantage and did some posing while sitting on Kingston’s back. Cole spent most of the match antagonizing Long. Kofi kicked Otunga in the chest, but dove into Otunga’s arms, only for Otunga to slam him. He looked a little out-of-control with that move. Otunga’s pants were ripped right down the crack of his butt. Otunga attempted a third corner clothesline, but Kofi fought it off and hit a springboard cross-body for two. He made his comeback, which included a high dropkick. Kofi hit the ropes, but Christian tripped him. The ref didn’t see it but clearly suspected something. Long talked to the ref, who then sent Christian back to the locker room. Laurinaitis and Long argued at ringside, and the ref was involved in the argument as well. Otunga tried to use his belt, but Santino grabbed it. Santino was knocked off the apron by Otunga, who turned around into Trouble in Paradise for the win.
WINNER: Kingston, 5:03 shown. Otunga is still clearly raw, but Kingston is a guy who can help make him look better than he is.
- Outside the Divas locker room was Daniel Bryan, waiting patiently. AJ finally came out of the locker room and, in the nicest way possible, told Bryan that she didn’t think the dress he bought her fit her right. Bryan told her to turn around, and after giving her the once-over, said the dress looked better on the mannequin. He assured AJ that they’re on their way to becoming the next power couple, like Macho Man and Elizabeth, Triple H and Stephanie, and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Bryan said he pulled some strings and got AJ a match tonight that, if she wins, could lead to a Divas Title shot. AJ was happy at this news, thanked Bryan by kissing him, and went back into the locker room, as the match is next. As she did so, Bryan wiped the kiss away from his lips.
2 - NIKKI BELLA vs. AJ
After AJ made her entrance, Bryan made a separate entrance to cheer on his girlfriend at ringside. She looked less-than-thrilled when he came out. Nikki got down on her knees to fight AJ, making fun of her opponent’s size. AJ responded with a running dropkick to the face. Nikki regrouped to hit a neckbreaker. She then stood on AJ’s hair and pulled on her arms. With Bryan shouting encouragement at ringside, Nikki kept AJ down with a chinlock, hooking the arm with her leg as well. AJ fought out and hit a spinning back kick on Nikki. To the top she went for a diving splash. Nikki switched with Brie, and Bryan alerted the ref. Nikki then ran over to yell at Bryan for ratting her out. Brie grabbed AJ by the hair and pulled her down with Bryan still on the ref’s case. Nikki went for the finish, but AJ rolled her up for the win.
WINNER: AJ, at 2:49. AJ predictably looked good in there, and Nikki actually didn’t look terrible either.
After the match, Daniel Bryan celebrated as only he can, as if he had just won the match.
- Tonight, for the first time ever, Chris Jericho vs. Sheamus. That seems like a big enough match to plug it ahead of time, on the website or at least from the start of the show.
- Next, highlights of Cena’s rap and Rock’s concert from Raw.
- Mathews thanked Flo Rida for “Wild Ones,” one of the official themes of Wrestlemania.
- The Raw Rebound aired. The non-musical parts had “Wild Ones” playing in the background. They showed some of Rock and some of Cena’s performances from Raw.
- The Rock’s concert is now available exclusively on iTunes.
- Booker and Cole disagreed over which man had the better performance. Cole plugged Mark Henry vs. Cena for Raw this week.
- Matt Striker was backstage with Cody Rhodes. Rhodes said his feud with Big Show is a chess match, not checkers. Rhodes said 364 days out of the year, Show might be the most dominant force in WWE history. But on one day, at Wrestlemania, Show is a choke artist. He said Show has never won a one-on-one match at Mania. To answer the question of how he’ll defeat a giant, he responded: “just watch.” He walked away, and Striker announced that Rhodes would be facing Great Khali next.
3 – THE GREAT KHALI vs. CODY RHODES
Did I just see two women in the crowd with powder blue long-sleeved shirts that had the old-school WCW logo on it? Khali caught a kick attempt by Rhodes, putting him on his back. Rhodes chopped Khali in the chest, and Khali responded with a chop to the head. In the corner, hard chop to the chest. Rhodes ran the ropes, but Khali hit him in the head. Another corner chop. Rhodes went after the legs and did a single-arm DDT (I think – tough to tell with Khali selling). Rhodes worked the arm of Khali. After Khali shoved him off, Rhodes went after the leg. Khali kicked Rhodes off of him, but Rhodes went to the top. Khali caught him on the way down with a chop to the chest. Clotheslines from Khali, but he missed an overhand chop. Rhodes brought Khali throat-first over the top rope, then dropkicked the leg. Disaster kick to the head finished Khali.
WINNER: Rhodes, at 3:14. Credibility booster for Rhodes heading into Wrestlemania against another giant, Big Show. Almost surprised they didn’t do this match on the go-home show.
- Randy Orton was shown walking backstage. He’s heading to the ring to address his situation with Kane. That’s next.
- Randy Orton was introduced to the live crowd. Randy introduced himself and said usually when he has a problem with someone, he hunts them down. But now, he’s being hunted by Kane. Orton said he’s fine with them destroying each other, but he wants to know why. He said unlike Cena, he does embrace hate, and in turn, hate embraces him. Out of sheer morbid curiosity, Orton called Kane out. He said when he puts Kane down, he wants to know why he had to do it. Kane walked out onto the stage with a mic. He asked Orton if it makes him uncomfortable, living in the unknown. He said he normally enjoys watching Orton twist in the wind. But since Orton asked politely, he figured he’d clue Orton in. He said Orton has forgotten about something he obsesses over. They showed highlights of a street fight between Orton and Kane last summer on Smackdown. And they showed what happened after the match, when Kane shook Orton’s hand and was full of emotion.
Back to the arena, Kane said that was July 22, 2011 and he watches that footage every day. He said he had become a “wretched, mangled wretch of humanity.” Kane said the man who shook Orton’s hand is gone, replaced by someone with no vestige of humanity inside him. He assured Orton that the journey is not yet complete and said WWE isn’t big enough for the both of them. He asked for closure and said he won’t be whole again until he decimates Orton. Orton called that “enlightening” and sincerely thanked Kane. Then the switched flipped and Orton demanded Kane come to the ring to finish what he started. Kane started to make the walk but said slaughtering Orton now would not satiate his craving. He said when he ends Orton, he wants it to happen at Wrestlemania. Kane’s fire went off and his music played to end the segment. Good call-back to last summer there and it makes sense that the current incarnation of Kane would be upset over what he had become last year.
- Still to come, Jericho vs. Sheamus.
- The David Otunga commercial from Raw aired.
- Drew McIntyre was all smiles coming to the ring for his match this week. They showed clips of him beating Hornswoggle last week to earn his job back. Teddy Long came on the Titan-Tron and said McIntyre signed a one-year, no-cut contract last week. Long said he’s excited McIntyre is back, so he can put him in a match with…Big Show.
4 – DREW MCINTYRE vs. THE BIG SHOW
Show almost ran over referee Rod Zapata in running McIntyre into the corners. McIntyre tried to comeback, but got speared. Chokeslam, followed by the WMD. The referee checked on McIntyre, then called the match.
WINNER: Show, via ref stoppage, at 1:49. So will Long punish McIntyre for the next year now, until his contract runs out?
During Show’s post-match celebration, Rhodes was shown watching on a television backstage.
5 – MARK HENRY vs. YOSHI TATSU
Tatsu was already in the ring. At the sound of the bell, Tatsu attacked with a dropkick. It got Henry off-balance, but that’s all. Chops had no effect, but a headbutt from Henry did. Hard forearm to the chest by Henry in the corner. Running powerslam, then some trash talk from the World’s Strongest Man. Henry waited for Tatsu to get to his feet, then gave him the World’s Strongest Slam for the win.
WINNER: Henry, at 1:38. So disappointed that Henry’s resurgence the past week on Raw and Smackdown (including last week’s show) will probably just lead to him being fed to Cena on Raw.
- The announcers discussed Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny. Mathews showed a clip of Z! True Long Island Story on YouTube where Ryder angled for a spot on Long’s team. Cole talked about Ryder forming some sort of rally in Philadelphia to get Long’s attention.
- Chris Jericho was walking backstage. He takes on Sheamus next.
- Chris Jericho came out for his match with Sheamus. He first wanted to address comments he made about CM Punk and his father on Raw. He could tell from hateful Tweets and e-mails that fans are not happy with what he said (how did fans get his e-mail?). He said you can’t go over the line if what you say is true. He basically called Punk a hypocrite and said he’s got the alcoholic gene. Jericho said he has figured out the real CM Punk and knows him better than he knows himself. He said Punk stayed up crying as a little child because of what his father did to him. And when he unleashes his famous pipe bombs, it’s really his family he wishes that were on the receiving end of them. He said the demons in Punk’s head will never go away. Punk wishes he’s the best in the world at what he does, but he’s not. He called Punk a “Chris Jericho wannabe,” just like all the fans. Jericho promised to walk out of Wrestlemania as champion, and at the Mania after-party, he’s going to make himself a stiff cocktail, take a nice big drink, hold it up to the sky, and toast himself as well as Punk and his pathetic father. He then mimed taking a drink and told fans to chant for Punk. They did, and under his breath, on the mic, Jericho chanted “CM drunk.” He then dropped the mic, saying “pipe bomb.” The match with Sheamus is after the break.
- This Monday night, Triple H, Undertaker and Shawn Michaels will all be in the ring at the same time, no doubt to discuss the End of an Era Wrestlemania match.
6 – CHRIS JERICHO vs. SHEAMUS
Cole recalled these two men being the final two men in the Royal Rumble match in January. Sheamus, still showing the bruise on his back from Monday night, gave Jericho a few knees to the mid-section. When he was on the apron, Jericho ran at him, but Sheamus propelled himself over the top and shoulder tackled Jericho. Jericho missed a corner dive and ended up outside the ring. Hard forearms to the chest by Sheamus. He suplexed Jericho back into the ring, but kept Jericho in the air for a spell during the vertical suplex. Jericho dodged a Sheamus attack, leading to the Rumble winner being sent to ringside. He kicked Sheamus to keep him outside the ring. Daniel Bryan and AJ walked to the ring as the show went to break, 3:26 into the match.
Back at 6:52 of the match. Jericho propelled Sheamus throat-first into the bottom rope as Bryan was shown sitting at ringside with AJ standing behind him. That’s a nice subtle visual there, Bryan taking the chair and making AJ stand. Sheamus attempted to get some momentum going, but Jericho stopped it with a knee-lift. Back suplex for only one at 8:34. Jericho slowed the match down with a rest-hold, but Sheamus stood up with Jericho on his back and backed him into the corner. Jericho went for a running bulldog, but Sheamus shoved him into the buckle. Sheamus went on the offensive and landed his Irish Curse back-breaker for two at 10:49. Mathews noted that Sheamus hasn’t seemed to notice Bryan’s presence at ringside. Forward roll by Sheamus for two. Jericho thumbed the eye of Sheamus without the ref seeing. Brogue Kick missed, catching Sheamus on the top rope. Springboard dropkick, then Lionsault for two at 11:56. Sheamus went to the top, but Jericho crotched him. “Y2J” chant from some of the males in the crowd. Sheamus fought off Jericho’s attempts at offense on the top rope and Sheamus took Jericho out with a diving shoulder tackle. Celtic Cross countered into the Walls of Jericho. Sheamus made the ropes at 13:54. Sheamus got back to his feet and went for the Cross, but Jericho got out and was clotheslined over the top and to the floor, in front of the announce table (and Bryan and AJ). Jericho was thrown in Bryan’s direction by Sheamus, but Bryan and AJ moved. Sheamus got on the apron and stared down Bryan, allowing Jericho to dropkick him back outside. Behind the ref’s back, Bryan dropkicked Sheamus as well. He couldn’t quite make it back before the 10-count.
WINNER: Jericho, via count-out, at 15:19.
Sheamus chased Bryan and AJ around ringside, but stopped when the heels reached the top of the stage. Sheamus stared at them from ringside as they replayed the finish of the match. Sheamus snuck back into the ring and gave an unsuspecting Jericho the Brogue Kick. Sheamus intensely stared at Bryan from the ring as the show finished.
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Greg Parks has been covering WWE Smackdown for PWTorch.com since January of 2007. Follow him on Twitter @gregmparks for live Tweeting during Raw, Impact, and PPVs, as well as other bits of wisdom. Comments, questions and feedback are welcome, and can be sent to email@example.com.
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