WWE Smackdown alt. perspective report
May 27, 2011
Taped in Spokane, Wash.
Report by James Tait, Torch int'l Smackdown correspondent

- Randy Orton came out belt in hand to a big pop. The announcers were shown at ringside with Michael Cole at the desk and the Cole Mine nowhere to be seen, Cole looked depressed. Booker T said that 'if you want some get some but you gotta be bad enough to take some' and that's exactly what Randy did on Sunday. A sneaky little Snoop Dogg reference, there, Booker.

A big 'Randy' chant started before Orton got on the mic. He said his name is Randy Orton and he is still the World Heavyweight Champion! Another big pop. Orton made to continue but was interrupted by Christian.

Captain Charisma came out to the ring. Josh Mathews said it had to be eating Christian up inside despite the former champ's wide smile. Christian said he didn't want to spoil Orton's moment but Sunday was one of the best matches of his career and he is sure it was for Orton as well. Christian thanked and congratulated Orton and the two shook hands.

Christian said Orton deserved to be World Heavyweight Champion. Christian said though that even Orton had to admit that their match could have gone either way. Christian said that Orton was the better man on Sunday but he knows he can beat him. A smattering of boos. Christian challenged Orton to one more match for the World Heavyweight Championship.

Sheamus interrupted mic in hand before Orton could reply. Orton laid down his belt and assumed a fighting stance. Sheamus told Christian that this was painful to watch. Sheamus asked Christian how many chances he needed. Sheamus said that Christian reminds him of a sad, pathetic gambling addict: he's bet his car, he doubled down with his house and he lost everything. Sheamus said now he's begging like his kid's college funds are on the line because he believes this time that it'll happen. Sheamus said it wouldn't. The Celtic Warrior reminded Christian that it took him 17 years to win his first World Heavyweight Championship and he'll have to wait 17 more because after Sunday he became a two time loser.

Sheamus got in the ring and said that he's a two-time WWE Champion. He said he was drafted to Smackdown to compete in epic matches like one with Randy Orton for the World Heavyweight Championship. Sheamus said that like it or not he's the star of the show, which drew heat from the crowd. He said if anybody is going to compete for the World Heavyweight Championship, it's him.

Mark Henry interrupted this time. Henry asked if he could interject some good sense in this conversation. Henry said right now Christian's buddy Edge was waiting on the retirement golf course and reminded Christian not to miss tee time. Cole giggled. Henry told Sheamus that being the World's Strongest Man means you don't wait in line, you butt in. Henry got in the ring and told Orton that he'd just butted his way in to the front of this line for the championship.

Theodore Long interrupted and said there seems to be a little bit of deja vu with these guys arguing about who should be number one contender. Long told Christian he agrees with Mark Henry and Sheamus: he's had his opportunity. Long said though that what we say only means so much. He said what really matters is what the people say. Crowd pop. Long said he was going to ask the live audience here tonight whether Christian deserved another chance at the title. Majority of cheers but there were some boos in there as well. Outrageous.

Long said the people had spoken but said Christian wasn't home free yet. Long said he has to earn his opportunity and announced the main event match tonight as a triple threat number one contender's match: Sheamus vs. Mark Henry vs. Christian. Holla.

The three participants smack talked in the ring before Smackdown went to its first commercial.

[Commercial Break]

- Sin Cara was out with pyro this time. Mathews told Sin Cara's back-story growing up in poorness in Mexico and representing those who can't represent themselves. Chavo Guerrero was out next. Cole said that Chavo had demanded this rematch after the controversial match at Over The Limit.

1 -- SIN CARA vs. CHAVO GUERRERO

Guerrero went for a hip toss early but Cara landed on his feet and hit an arm drag to take Chavo off his feet. Cara grabbed Chavo's arm and hit a springboard corkscrew flipping arm drag (yes, I just made that up) off the middle rope and Guerrero went rolling out of the ring. Cara went to dive out of the ring but Chavo moved out of the way so Cara was forced to stop himself with a handspring into the ropes.

Chavo kicked the barricade in frustration and tentatively made his way back into the ring. Cara hit a drop toehold but missed a Stinger splash in the corner. Guerrero connected with a running double knee lift in the corner to take control. Chavo bodyslammed Cara and beat down on him. Chavo hit a European uppercut and then a gutwrench suplex on Cara.

Chavo cinched in an armlock on Cara and the crowd started a 'Sin Cara' chant. Chavo went for a powerbomb but Cara countered into an arm drag that sent Chavo out of the ring. Cara hit a springboard moonsault on Chavo on the outside. Cara rolled Chavo back in the ring and hit a huracanrana off the top rope. Cara hit Chavo with a flurry of kicks and then a springboard back elbow.

Cara hit a running huracanrana to send Chavo into the corner and then a Pele kick from the apron. Cara hit a cross body off the top rope for two. Booker said Cara was a huge fan of his and that's where he got his moves. Cole loudly mocked this. 'Chavo Sucks' chant sounded as Chavo got the upper hand but Cara countered into a tilt-a-whirl headscissors facebuster that was good for the pin and the win.

WINNER: Sin Cara via pinfall in 5:00.

- After the match, Sin Cara celebrated in the ring. Replays of some of the high-flying spots were shown.

TAIT REAX: Enough with the hideous blue lighting already! After the good build-up to this feud, I was disappointed by the outcome at Over The Limit and this week on Smackdown, as well. Rather than have the exciting back and forth match contrasting Cara's agile offense with Chavo's technical proficiency, Chavo Guerrero played a punching bag for five minutes. Also, I liked Sin Cara's finisher when he added the Fujiwara armbar after the takedown. I'm not sure why he doesn't do it anymore. Not a terrible match, just a disappointment at what might have been if WWE actually cared about telling a story.

- Mathews hyped tonight's triple threat main event.

[Commercial Break]

- Cody Rhodes and his paper bag men were out when Smackdown returned. Rhodes got on the mic and said if he didn't know any better he'd be convinced there is no God. He said this is because every town he goes to he literally prays he will see a mildly attractive face and every time he is disappointed. Boos from the crowd. Cody said as a service to them and at great expense to him he is once again providing them with these paper bags. Cody told his 'baggers' to do their job.

Cole thanked Cody for giving the bags to these 'children of a lesser God.' The crowd booed so Cody told them to shut up and bag themselves. Quote. Of. The. Year. Cody said they all should be grateful that he is exposing their deficiency of desirability and announced that he was a hero.

Daniel Bryan interrupted and came out to the ring as Cody's opponent. Cole called Bryan a loser for working in a television-based industry and not owning a TV.

2 -- CODY RHODES vs. DANIEL BRYAN

Cody took control early with a shoulderblock. The pair went back and forth with counters until Bryan took Cody down and looked to set up for a surfboard submission hold. Instead of locking it in though Bryan locked Cody's legs in and stomped them, very innovative. Bryan went for a cover but only got one. More counters between the two with Cody eventually tossing Bryan out of the ring.

[Commercial Break]

Cody was firmly in control as Smackdown returned, ramming Bryan's head into the turnbuckle. Bryan fought back with some European uppercuts and ran at Cody in the corner but the Dashing One countered into a Hardcore Holly throwback kick to the midsection while Bryan was hung across the ropes. Cody beat down on Bryan and got a two-count.

Rhodes hit a pair of knees to Bryan's gut. Bryan fought out of an armlock, but Rhodes countered into a bodyscissors, bashing Bryan in the back of the head with his protective mask. Bryan fought back and hit a running fly kick to Rhodes. Bryan hit a flurry of kicks on Rhodes before hitting a running clothesline at high velocity.

Bryan fired up and hit a running dropkick on Rhodes in the corner. Bryan went to the top rope and hit a dropkick off the top that was only good for two. Rhodes ran Bryan into the turnbuckle and rolled him up for two on the rebound. Bryan rolled up Cody himself and also got two. Rhodes ran Bryan into the opposite corner but Bryan ran up the turnbuckles and backflipped off over Rhodes. Cody hit his Beautiful Disaster jumping kick off the turnbuckles without missing a beat. Awesome.

Both men struggled to their feet and the crowd was right into it. Rhodes went for Cross Rhodes but Bryan countered into the LeBell Lock and Cody tapped out immediately.

WINNER: Daniel Bryan via submission in 9:00.

- After the match Rhodes attacked Bryan from behind as he was celebrating. Booker called Rhodes a sore loser as Rhodes ran Bryan into the barricade. Cody rolled Bryan back in the ring and hit Cross Rhodes as a 'You Suck' chant broke out. Cody propped an unconscious Bryan up using the ropes and put a bag over his head. The crowd booed loudly as Cody made his way to the back.

TAIT REAX: A great match and awesome to see Daniel Bryan finally get a win over someone higher than him in ranking. A really good taste of what these two men are capable of. Cody Rhodes was gold on the mic before the match as usual. A lot of people are pointing out that his character almost feels like a super villain and it's definitely working for him. I was a little disappointed that he didn't cut a promo on Bryan when he interrupted him but hopefully this is only the beginning of a feud between the two. I would see that as a real starting point for Daniel Bryan to get his character over as the tough everyman in contrast with Rhodes's flashy yet unhinged perfectionist. A really exciting match to watch. No two Daniel Bryan matches are ever the same and he always adds little innovations to ensure this. The intensity with which he approaches all matches is a joy to watch and he can work a crowd like a pro. Rhodes is similarly delivering his best work in the ring. Here's to hoping we get a feud out of these two that demonstrates the ability of the WWE mid-card when it's given a chance.

- Mathews said that Rhodes capitalized on a distracted Bryan and speaking of capitals, WWE's next PPV, Capitol Punishment, is only a few weeks away. Great segue, Josh. Booker set up the Obama press conference video in a manner that would incite even the most wooden of infomercial hosts into a murderous rage.

- The Obama fake press conference video was shown.

- Booker T said Obama would make a fantastic WWE Superstar and Mathews said his entire cabinet was invited. Cole hyped tonight's triple threat main event some more.

[Commercial Break]

- Heath Slater was in the ring with the rest of The Corre absent as Smackdown returned. Looks like he's being fed to Ezekiel Jackson tonight, who was out next. Still shots of the Jackson and Barrett match from Over The Limit were shown before Jackson hit his most muscular pose in the ring.

3 -- HEATH SLATER vs. EZEKIEL JACKSON

Jackson dominated Slater early on, hitting a running clothesline and raining down blows on Slater in the corner. Jackson grabbed Slater by the throat and threw him across the ring. Slater fought back and hit some quick offense but was thrown off after a pin attempt.

Slater got Jackson in a rear chinlock but Jackson fought out and hit an arm drag. Slater beat down on Jackson in the corner. Slater went to hit a clothesline off the top rope but Jackson dodged it and returned with a pair of shoulderblocks. Jackson hit a massive running double arm clothesline on Slater in the corner and roared, drawing cheers from the crowd.

Jackson bodyslammed Slater twice before hoisting him up into the Torture Rack. Jackson had it in for about two seconds when Justin Gabriel and Wade Barrett crashed the party. The rest of The Corre hit the ring and Jackson clotheslined Barrett over the top rope, prompting the referee to call for the bell.

WINNER: Ezekiel Jackson via disqualification in 2:00.

- After the match, The Corre continued their attack on Jackson, who fought back and bodyslammed Gabriel and Slater. The Corre retreated up the ramp as Jackson posed in the ring

TAIT REAX: Seeing Heath Slater in the ring gives me no pleasure whatsoever. Jackson seems to be clearly defined as a babyface now but neither he nor any member of The Corre has enough stock in the eyes of the WWE Universe to make this feud big.

- Matt Striker was with Christian backstage. Striker said tonight may be Christian's last chance at the World Heavyweight Championship. Christian said when he was a little kid growing up in Canada he was always the last one picked for kickball but by the end of the game he'd kicked more home runs than anybody. Christian asked Striker if he knew what 'CKC' stood for. Christian said it stood for 'Canadian Kickball Champion' - boom - four years in a row.

- Christian said he was the last kid in his class to hit puberty. Striker snickered and Christian told him it wasn't funny, then admitted it was pretty funny. Christian said by the time it got to prom he had the prettiest girlfriend in school. He fast forwarded to today in the WWE and said that everyone said he was the last guy to make it to the top and yet he proved them all wrong and won the World Title. He said the odds might be stacked against him tonight but by the end Captain Charisma will have the last laugh. Christian walked off. Another great promo from Christian.

- Josh Mathews hyped a 'Monster's Brawl' match between Kane and The Great Khali tonight by comparing it to Lady Gaga's 'Monster's Ball.' I'd like to officially file an order to have all references to Lady Gaga within the context of professional wrestling officially outlawed and punishable by death. Good grief.

[Commercial Break]

- The Great Khali and Ranjin Singh were out dancing when Smackdown returned. A replay of Jinder Mahal slapping Khali mid-match last week was shown. Cole noted that Singh was back with Khali this week after being absent last week. Kane was out next and Mathews noted that Kane was in a foul mood after losing his WWE Tag Team Championship as well as his tag team partner The Big Show all in one week.

4 -- THE GREAT KHALI (w/Ranjin Singh) vs. KANE

The two locked up and Khali overpowered Kane. Khali threw his arms up in triumph. Khali pushed Kane into the corner and hit a huge chop to his chest. Kane hit a throat thrust but ran into a clothesline from Khali. Khali continued to work on Kane and locked in a shoulder claw. Kane fought back to his feet and ducked a Khali head chop.

Kane locked in a goozle, but Khali locked in his own and pushed Kane over the top rope and to the outside. Khali went to pull Kane in but the Big Red Monster hung him over the top rope. Kane went to the top rope and hit a diving clothesline on Khali and rolled him up for three.

WINNER: Kane via pinfall in 2:00.

- After the match, Ranjin Singh sold frustration as a replay was shown. Singh helped Khali to his feet when they were interrupted by some soft Hindu music that was apparently Jinder Mahal's entrance theme. Mahal came out to the ring talking in Hindi into the mic and berating Khali. Mahal slapped Khali across the face and Ranjin got in his face, yelling at him in Hindi.

- Mahal shoved Ranjin and Khali intervened, getting in-between the two. Mahal looked shocked as Ranjin continued to argue in Hindi. Khali stood behind Ranjin and spread his arms wide, then locked in a Vise Grip on Singh's head. Singh screamed in pain and Khali kept the hold on until he was knocked out. Mahal grinned evilly the entire time and the crowd booed surprisingly loudly. Cole called Khali a bully as Mathews wondered aloud what the relationship between Khali and Mahal was.

TAIT REAX: An utter train wreck of a match. The heel turn was to be expected and I guess it'll be good to see Khali cut the goofy aspects out of his character. It really doesn't matter, though, because Khali has all the mobility of a three-legged giraffe in the ring.

- Mathews hyped the triple threat main event some more.

[Commercial Break]

- A recap of Kane and The Big Show losing their tag titles and Big Show being run over by Ricardo Rodriguez on Raw was shown.

- Cole and Mathews were shown at ringside without Booker and Mathews reported that Big Show had a crushed knee and wouldn't be out of action for several weeks. Cole said it was a terrible accident.

- Booker's music hit and Tony Chimel welcomed Booker, who was in the ring. Booker asked the audience to bear with him, as there's something he needs to do. He said he wanted to invite someone to step into the ring and that someone is Michael Cole. The crowd booed loudly and Cole refused. Mathews asked him if he was afraid and Cole finally relented. Mathews said some people think Cole is a pompous ass.

- Booker said Cole lost the Kiss My Foot match to Jerry Lawler at Over The Limit. A still shot of a BBQ sauce covered Cole eating King's foot was shown. Booker laughed as Cole looked sad and Book asked him what the best way to get toe jam out was. Booker continued to laugh and Cole continued to look dejected. Booker said he was just playing and that he wouldn't let the fans mess with Cole. He said he definitely wouldn't let them say Kiss. My. Feet. A corresponding chant immediately started. Booker's music hit again and Cole stormed off. What was the point of that?

- Matt Striker was shown knocking on Sheamus's locker room door. Sheamus emerged and Striker tried to ask him something. Sheamus said he wasn't interested in his questions. He said he was sick and tired of hearing how Christian finally won the title after 17 years. He said Mark Henry has been here since the Clinton administration and had won nothing. Sheamus said that's one fluke championship win between two Superstars with a combined career of 33 years. He said that he won his first championship in his first few months. He said Christian and Henry may need bundles of opportunities but he only needs one, before departing.

[Commercial Break]

- Tamina and Alicia Fox were in the ring as Smackdown returned. Cole talked about Kharma having a breakdown on Raw this week and said we would hear from Kharma next week on Raw. Natalya's music hit and Nattie came out with Kaitlyn and... A.J.? Certainly an unexpected surprise but a welcome one, she was arguably the best from that season of NXT. A pre-taped vignette played as the trio made their way to the ring. Natalya was giving the two a pep talk and saying that she had been in the ring with Alicia and Tamina before and they were strong competitors. A.J. said she was excited to make her Smackdown debut with Kaitlyn and invited Natalya to come to ringside. Nattie said she'd love to see Alicia and Tamina lose.

5 -- ALICIA FOX & TAMINA vs. KAITLYN & A.J. (w/Natalya)

A.J. and Alicia started things off. A.J. hit a tilt-a-whirl headscissors takedown followed by a running dropkick to Alicia. A.J. made the quick tag to Kaitlyn, who clotheslined Alicia and slammed her head into the mat. The announcers went over the rookie team's history in NXT with Cole reminiscing about the relationship between Kaitlyn and Vickie.

Kaitlyn worked on Alicia in the corner and hit a sidewalk slam. Tamina broke up the subsequent pin cover, though. A.J. hit the ring and dragged Tamina out. Alicia hit a vicious-looking scissors kick on Kaitlyn that was good for the pin and win.

WINNERS: Alicia Fox and Tamina via pinfall in 2:00.

After the match, Booker expressed his surprise at Alicia using his signature move as the heel team celebrated in the ring and Cole mocked Natalya for backing the losing team.

TAIT REAX: Not a strong debut by A.J., but it's hard to make a strong debut into a division that's on life support. Good to see Kaitlyn get some ring time, even if it was in a complete filler match.

- The announcers hyped Christian-Sheamus-Henry for later tonight.

- Matt Striker was joined by Mark Henry backstage. Striker asked for Henry's response to Christian and Sheamus's comments earlier tonight. Henry told Striker to answer it himself. He said he knows Striker thinks Christian is going to win and asked him if that was the case. Henry yelled at Striker to answer him. Henry continued that he probably thought Sheamus was right too and he hadn't been relevant since Bill Clinton was president. Striker tried to correct Henry but Mizark took it as Striker implying that he doesn't listen well. Henry snarled that Striker thinks he doesn't listen well, he's an underachiever and he's stupid. Henry yelled at Striker to be a man and say something but Striker remained silent. Henry pushed past Striker and left.

- The announcers talked about the sad passing of Macho Man Randy Savage and Booker said that his WrestleMania 3 match against Ricky The Dragon Steamboat was the reason he got into this business. Mathews passed on his condolences to the family of Randy Savage.

- The tribute video that was shown on Raw this week was played. The world is a less kickass place without the Macho Man, an absolute tragedy.

[Commercial Break]

- Tony Chimel announced the triple threat number one contender's match was about to begin. Sheamus was out first. Mathews talked about him being isolated and angry from a young age. Mark Henry was out next. Booker said Sheamus had a point about Henry being around for so long and not getting the job done. Christian was out last and the match was underway.

6 -- SHEAMUS vs. MARK HENRY vs. CHRISTIAN -- Triple Threat match for the number one contender to the World Heavyweight Title

Christian landed blows to both Sheamus and Henry when the bell rang but the two heels made a quick alliance and beat down on Christian. Sheamus held Christian's arms while Henry hit him in the gut. Cole wondered how Christian could overcome this adversity as Sheamus and Henry Irish whipped him into the ropes only for Captain Charisma to baseball slide out of the ring.

Sheamus followed him out and Christian hit a drop toehold that sent him into the steel steps. Christian climbed onto the apron but Henry tossed him into the ring. Henry hit a big flapjack on Christian for a two-count. Henry stood on Christian using the ropes for added pressure. The ref couldn't count, as it's triple threat rules. Henry ran at Christian, who pulled the top rope down and sent Henry out of the ring.

Sheamus snuck up on Christian and rolled him up for a near fall. Sheamus hit a double arm clothesline for another two. Sheamus beat his chest and went for a Brogue Kick but Christian countered into a Killswitch. Henry threw Christian from the ring before he could make the pin. Randy Orton's music suddenly hit and the Viper walked slowly towards the ring. Mathews said, as J.R. used to say: 'business is about to pick up.' Cole berated Mathews for bringing J.R. up.

[Commercial Break]

Henry and Christian were in the ring with Henry in control when Smackdown returned. Orton was shown watching from ringside as Henry got a near fall. Henry lifted Christian into a big bear hug but wouldn't quit. Sheamus got up on the apron so Henry dropped Christian and went for the Celtic Warrior but Sheamus shoulderblocked him between the ropes. Sheamus climbed in the ring but Henry grabbed him by the throat and tossed him back over the top rope.

Christian hit a few slaps on Henry but ran into a clothesline from the World's Strongest Man that scored a two-count. Henry rammed Christian headfirst into the turnbuckle but missed a big splash and went crashing to the mat. Christian fired up and hit a dropkick off the second rope. Henry staggered but stayed up so Christian hit a second that took him off his feet but could only get two.

Christian went to the top rope but Sheamus attacked him and then went to work on Henry. Sheamus climbed onto the turnbuckle with Christian, who fought back with punches to the gut. Sheamus fell backwards and Christian went for a cross body on Henry. Henry countered into a World's Strongest Slam but the pin cover was broken up by Sheamus, who double arm clotheslined Henry from the ring and tried to steal the pin on Christian, only getting two.

Sheamus taunted Christian before going for a High Cross. Christian struggled free and hit a Pele kick between the ropes in the corner followed by a Tornado DDT for a near fall. The crowd was coming to life in this one as Henry pushed Randy Orton out of his chair. Christian ran Henry into Sheamus in the corner before dropkicking the knee of Henry and hitting a Spear on Sheamus.

Randy Orton hit the ring and RKO'd Mark Henry. The ref yelled at Orton to stay out of the match and was distracted as Christian went for the cover on Sheamus. Christian had him down for well over three but the ref didn't see and by the time he did Sheamus kicked out at two. Christian argued with the ref for not seeing the cover and Sheamus snuck up from behind and hit the Brogue Kick for a three-count.

WINNER: Sheamus via pinfall in 13:00.

After the match, Sheamus celebrated in the ring as the new number one contender. Mathews hyped Sheamus facing Randy Orton for the championship next week. Sheamus left the ring and Orton entered it. Christian looked frustrated in the ring as Orton and Sheamus stared each other down.

FINAL THOUGHTS: A Smackdown with a few standout moments amongst a whole lot of paint by numbers. These opening segments with multiple Superstars claiming to be the rightful number one contender with Teddy Long solving the issue by making an impromptu match have got to stop. It's hackneyed and cliched and just lazy booking. The main event was a decent, but not spectacular match and they're continuing to tease a Christian heel turn with his frustration at being cost opportunities by Orton maybe finally boiling over. Good to see Sheamus back in the main event picture after a lengthy absence from any top-tier titles. Not sure why they're going with Sheamus vs. Orton as soon as next week but it leads me to believe that Christian may play some sort of role that ends the match in a disqualification and sets up a PPV match at Capital Punishment.

The rest of Smackdown was just all right. Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan was the only match-up that really intrigued me and I'm hoping they get to work a match at Capitol Punishment after a few weeks of solid build up. I'm more than a little worried that nothing else on this show is standing out right now. Smackdown needs to get its act together, or else the ratings are going to keep on sliding.

SMACKDOWN BREAKDOWN:

Match Of The Night - Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan

Match To Forget- The Great Khali vs. Kane

Star Of The Show - Sheamus

Please Go Away - The Great Khali

Quote Of The Night - Cody Rhodes: "Shut up and bag yourselves!"

Quote Of 1000 Facepalms - Josh Mathews: "Lady Gaga has the 'Monster's Ball' but the WWE has the 'Monster's Brawl'"

Most Entertaining Move - Daniel Bryan's backflip into Cody Rhodes' Beautiful Disaster kick.

On The Next Episode Of Botchamania - The entire Great Khali-Kane match.

Best Moment - Sheamus becomes number one contender.

Worst Moment - Yet another multi-man argument over who should be the number one contender.

Overall Grade - B-

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