KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
JULY 23, 2010
TAPED TUESDAY IN LITTLE ROCK, ARK.
AIRED ON MY NETWORK TV

[Q1]

-After the Smackdown opening, Todd Grisham called Kane cashing in the Money in the Bank briefcase to win the WWE Title a huge shocker. A freeze-frame aired of Kane standing over Rey Mysterio with the title.

-Kane walked out to his music wearing the WWE Title around his waist. Matt Striker said it's been over a decade since he "tasted glory" (whatever that means) and many in the WWF Universe share his sense of victory. When his music stopped, Kane soaked up scattered cheers and no boos. Kane then said as a child he would hold his goldfish over his head and watch as it gasped for air, slowly dying. "That's how I felt for the past 13 years until last Sunday night," he said. "That's when seven bruised, battered, and lifeless souls were laid to rest, one piled on top of another as I won the Money in the Bank contract." He said then he did something unprecedented and made history. He said he cashed in the MITB contract that night to become the new World Hvt. Champion.

Kane said beating Rey Mysterio later that night was the most gratifying moment of his career. Kane talked about Jack Swagger tearing Rey's knee into millions of pieces of torn shrapnel. Kane said when he came out to help him, Rey appreciated it, but then it quickly turned to horror when he came back out to challenge him for the championship. He said as he towered over Rey and grabbed him by his throat, he could feel Rey's pulse throbbing in his throat and then he slammed him through the mat with all of his force. He said that would have been enough, but primal animal instincts prompted him to drop Rey on his head and became World Hvt. Champion. "And you all applauded again," Kane said. He said he only did what anyone in his position would have done, including Rey. He said he did it better. "I did it! I did it! I did it!" he exclaimed. "But I didn't do it for myself. I did it for my brother." Undertaker's image flashed on the big screen. Erie music played in the background throughout Kane's promo.

Kane said he went to his brother's bedside to share his victory. He said instead of an overwhelming feeling of pride and adulation, his soul was overcome with shame and sorrow. He said his once all-powerful brother just lay there unable to appreciate this momentous occasion. He said his body was limp and unresponsive. He said he vowed to him at that moment that nothing and no one would ever tear the holy grail (title belt) from his grasp. He said he will not rest until he finds the culprit who put his brother in the vegetative state. "Hell will reign supreme when the World Heavyweight Champion finally achieves his vengeance!" He threw his arms down and each corner post burst in red flames. Then he left the ring.

-Grisham said after hearing that, he's not sure anyone wants to face Kane. Grisham hyped a best of three falls match between Jack Swagger and Mysterio to earn a title shot against Kane at Summerslam. [c]

[Q2]

1 -- MATT HARDY & CHRISTIAN vs. DREW MCINTYRE & CODY RHODES

Grisham said he didn't think Kane's actions at the PPV were fair because of the size difference was fair. "Why would Kane need to take advantage of Rey Mysterio?" Striker said because the most prized title was at stake and added a third grade "duh!" at the end. Striker said Hardy's "lower extremities" are totally covered in tape and he's totally beaten up from the MITB match. Grisham asked if it's [cliche alert!] "back to the drawing board" for these four Superstars. Hardy blocked a Future Shock attempt by Drew and backdropped Drew over the top rope. Nice spot. Hardy also backdropped a charging Cody. Christian then leaped over the ropes onto both heels. They cut to a break. [c]

Striker talked again about Cody not wearing kneepads. Striker said it's a throwback look. Grisham said, "So if he played football, he wouldn't wear a helmet?" Striker said no, but he does think it makes Cody look weird. Hardy, who wore a tank top shirt, took it off, revealing taped ribs. Christian took a beating for several minutes, but hot-tagged Hardy at 12:00. Hardy conveyed he was sore all over, especially favoring his arms. Cody distracted the ref as Hardy overed Drew. Hardy took a swing at Cody, but Cody dropped off the apron. When Cody broke up another pin attempt, Christian entered. Hardy mistakenly hit Christian. Striker said it might have been intentional. As Hardy checked on Christian, Drew surprised him with the Future Shock for the win. Striker said Hardy may be frustrated with not winning the MITB match.

WINNERS: McIntyre & Rhodes in 12:00.

STAR RATING: **1/4

[Q3]

-Afterward Christian helped Hardy to his feet and offered a handshake. Hardy hesitated, then accepted. Christian's music played as they left the ring together.

-Josh Matthews (the little orange guy) interviewed Jack Swagger about losing his title at MITB. Swagger said Rey took a page out of the books of one of the dirtiest cheaters in WWE history - Eddie Guerrero. Swagger said he could taste the title on the top of his tongue, but Rey intentionally unlaced his boot and slipped out of it like the snake he is. He told Matthews that's unfair. Matthews said some may call it clever. Swagger said where he comes from it's called cheating. He said at the end of the night he was clever because he almost snapped Rey's ankle in two. He said Rey won't be able to walk tonight after the first fall. He said he's going to dominate him and shatter his ankle and then do the same thing to Kane at Summerslam. He said he'll put Kane in the same place he put his father - in the hospital. [c]

-Striker hyped the Swagger-Rey main event. Then he threw to an Alberto Del Rio vignette.

-Alberto walked in his house wearing a suit and smiled at a statue on display in his foyer. He talked about being a role model for millions who admire him for all of his virtuous traits. He said he is the bravest of the brave.

-Michelle McCool and Layla partied backstage surrounded by "Congratulations" balloons. Teddy Long congratulated Layla on her win on Sunday, but then told her she'll be defending later on the show against Tiffany.

-A trainer took a neck brace off of Kofi Kingston before his match. He was with Michael McGuillicutty. [c]

2 -- DOLPH ZIGGLER (w/Vickie Guerrero) vs. KOFI KINGSTON (w/Michael McGuillicutty)

At 3:00 McGuillicutty checked on Kofi at ringside after he was tossed to the floor. Vickie walked over and chewed him out and ordered him to the back. McGuillicutty said he wasn't doing anything wrong. They cut to a break. [c] Ziggler had Kofi in a chinlock after the break. He dominated for several minutes with mostly matwork.

[Q5]

At 11:00 Kofi began a comeback. He hit Ziggler with a flying clothesline, which Grisham called a Superman punch. He followed with his Boom Drop double legdrop and then signaled for his Trouble in Paradise. Ziggler stood, but the ducked the kick. He threw Kofi over the top rope. Kofi skinned the cat back into the ring. Striker must've had to bite his tongue not to mention Ricky Steamboat when Kofi did that, but until Steamboat's out of the hospital, WWE's probably not going to talk at all about him. Grabbed Kofi's boot. Ziggler then gave Kofi his Zig Zag followed by his sleeper for the win. Grisham said Kofi "bent over backwards literally" to try to break the hold. Grisham uses cliches, such as "bend over backwards," so much that when he breaks from that and actually speaks in clearly language without a cliche, he has to use "literally" to clarify he's not using yet another cliche figure of speech to convey his point.

WINNER: Ziggler in 13:00.

STAR RATING: *3/4 -- A little slow in the body of the match.

-Ring intros took place for a Luke Gallows vs. Big Show match.

3 -- THE BIG SHOW vs. MASKED MAN (w/C.M. Punk, Serena, Masked Man)

Before the match, Punk and Gallows conferenced and decided to have their mystery masked man wrestle instead. The ref allowed it. Grisham, unfazed by Punk switching out opponents for Show at the last second, said Punk looks like a Martian with his shaved head. He said he can't stop staring at him. Big Show and Gallows are also bald. Not sure why Grisham finds Punk's bald head so enthralling. I know, he's trying to sell that Punk is humiliated by being bald, but since he didn't put his mask back on after Show de-masked him last week, apparently he's not that ashamed. Show yanked off his mask a minute into the match. Striker said that's Joey Mercury. I wouldn't have recognized him as he was shaved bald. Show put on Mercury's mask and then KO'd him with his right hand.

WINNER: The Big Show in 2:00.

[Q6]

-A vignette aired with "Dashing" Cody Rhodes. The opening video showed close-ups of him shaving his face, flossing, and plucking his eye brows. Rhodes said there's nothing worse than nose hairs gone astray. He stood in a white towel and said he's going to give viewers grooming tips on how to aspire to be dashing. He used an electric nose hair clipper. He said it's important not to touch the mucus membrane. "I'm Dashing Cody Rhodes bringing you one step closer to being Dashing!" he said. He has a new "DC" logo coming to a t-shirt near you. I wonder if they have the, uh, balls to do a segment with Cody showing how to groom stray hair around the edges of one's wrestling trunks. [c]

-Highlights aired of the John Cena-Nexus angle at the end of Raw on Monday.

-Striker and Grisham on camera talked about Rey's chances against Swagger. Then they threw backstage to Rey tying his boots and putting on his gloves. Matthews asked Rey about facing Swagger next after all he's been through the past few weeks. He asked if his body can handle a two-out-of-three falls match. Rey said he was just getting used to being World Champion and it was taken away in a blink of an eye. "Would I do what Kane did? Probably not. But I'm not him," he said. He said he's got to move on and the only way to do that is beat Swagger twice tonight. He said next time he faces Kane i the ring, it'll be a completely different story - one with a happy ending. [c]

-Another vignette aired with Del Rio. He asked viewers if when they look in a mirror they are ashamed of what they are seeing. He said most people are weak in the body and the mind. He said people don't care of themselves because they don't love themselves. "I have no problem in saying I do love myself," he said. "Why? Because I have the one thing most of you will never have - pride." They cut to a shot of the arena of fans watching him on the big screen. They should have done that from the beginning. Nice production touch to establish the segment is part of Smackdown.

4 -- JACK SWAGGER vs. REY MYSTERIO -- Best of Three Falls No. 1 Contender Match

Rey limped to the ring. Swagger outpowered Swagger early, but then ducked a charging Swagger. Swagger tumbled to the floor. Rey slidekicked Swagger. They cut to an early break in a best of three falls match. Can't they just insert breaks between falls? [c] Swagger was back in control after the break. At 10:00 Rey made a comeback. Swagger kicked out of a near fall by Rey after a springboard bodyblock off the middle rope. Rey kicked Swagger in the head. The crowd chanted "619." Swagger countered a body scissor into an anklelock. Rey reached for the bottom rope, but Swagger yanked him back to center ring. Rey eventually hugged the bottom rope. Swagger didn't break it. The ref DQ'd Swagger after his count reached five.

WINNER FALL ONE: Rey via DQ in 12:00. [c]

Back from the break Rey crawled back into the ring for the second fall. Striker said Swagger knew exactly what he was doing when he got DQ'd. Rey avoided a charging Swagger and Swagger went shoulder-first into the ringpost. Rey then hit a top rope headscissors and then went for the 619. Swagger caught Rey, though, and applied the anklelock. Rey immediately tapped out.

WINNER FALL TWO: Swagger via tapout in 1:00.

As soon as the third fall began, Swagger kicked his ankle repeatedly. Swagger rolled Rey to the floor and slammed him on the ground. Striker said Swagger might be trying to win by countout. Swagger instead threw Rey back into the ring. Grisham said that wasn't smart. Striker said Swagger wants to erase any doubt. Swagger hit his swing splash in teh corner twice and made the cover, which was good for a two count. Swagger went for a third corner splash, but Rey caught him in the chin with extended boots. Rey climbed to the top rope and dove onto Swagger, but he favored his knees after the seated senton. Rey escaped a subsequet gut-wrench powerbomb attempt by Swagger, then leveraged Swagger's shoulders to the mat for the big upset win. Swagger sat in the corner, gasping in disbelief. Grisham said Rey was [cliche alert] "headed to the promised land." Grisham tried to sound like he was emotionally invested this week.

WINNER: Rey via pinfall in 2:00.

STAR RATING: *** -- Well told story.

-Swagger attaked Rey afterward. Grisham told Swagger to get over losing. Kane ran out and made the save, attacking Swagger with a chokeslam. Kane then helped Rey to his feet. Rey looked at him nervously. Kane snarled. Rey raised a fist while hobbling on one leg. Kane raised Rey's arm and the fans cheered. Rey's music played. As he began to leave the ring, Kane chased after him and threw him into the ring. He set up another chokeslam, but Rey escaped and head scissored Kane into 619 position and then nailed it. He bailed out of the ring and backed up the ramp as Kane regrouped in the ring, fuming mad.

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