KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
JANUARY 31, 2011
PROVIDENCE, R.I.
LIVE ON USA NETWORK

[Q1]

-The Raw opening theme aired. Then Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler introduced the show and announced a rematch of the Champion vs. Champion match from last week - Edge vs. The Miz.

-Alberto Del Rio drove to the ring in a new Mercedes that Cole said he just bought today for 150,000 dollars. "What a way to celebrate!" said Cole. It's a shame someone with his facial expressions was ever masked. He is top shelf when it comes to heel facial reactions. He had a mariachi band playing for him and balloons and streamers celebrating his Rumble win.

The crowd booed as Del Rio paused before introducing himself. He said the fans never listen to him, but he said it was his destiny to win the Rumble. He said tonight is about himself. He proclaimed he will be headlining WrestleMania. "Even though you don't deserve this because this is a blue collar town, I hired the best mariachi in Mexico," he said. He said they usually only play for the President of Mexico and himself.

He said he gets to choose whether he faces the WWE Champion or the World Hvt. Champion. He said he has made his decision and he will announce it right now. He then awkwardly paused for a while and then The Miz's music "interrupted." Miz and Alex Riley walked out. Cole stood to celebrate Miz's victory. He said he still has chills thinking about what Miz accomplished. "Will you please sit down and shut up," said Lawler. Miz congratulated him on his win. He said it's almost as impressive as what he did - winning Money in the Bank, cashing it in, and beating Randy Orton three times to become WWE Champion. "I just hope you choose to face me at WrestleMania," he said. Miz vowed he will be the WWE Champion by the time WrestleMania comes around.

Miz said Edge will lose his championship at the Elimination Chamber. He said Edge was telling anyone who would listen that he was going to embarrass him at WrestleMania. Miz claimed he mocked his accent and said people who win the Rumble don't wear cheap little Eddie Bauer scarves. He even claimed his cars are rentals. Riley said he heard Edge tell anyone who would listen that he has no respect for a "second-rate JBL meets Tito Santana knockoff."

Del Rio said he thinks this is a ploy to make him choose Edge over him. Miz said: "Me lying? Really? Really?" Miz said Edge doesn't like or respect him, and he has reason to not like him since he took out his little buddy Christian. Miz said he just wanted to tell him the truth of what Edge was saying behind his back. Again, the music came a second or two late, but Edge's music interrupted. Cole complained about Edge using the spear last night even though Vickie Guerrero banned it. Lawler said it was a stupid rule to begin with.

Edge entered the ring and told Del Rio that he's right, he doesn't like or respect him. However, he wouldn't say those things behind his back, he'd tell them to him to his face. He said if he chooses to face him, he will beat him. He went into a Spanish accent and said, "It's because I'm the Rated-R Superstar." Del Rio said what he knows is it's his destiny to be the greatest. He said at WrestleMania he will be the new World Heavyweight Champion. Lawler said Miz got off easy. Edge congratulated him, then said, "Take this with you." And he punched him.

Miz and Riley backed out of the ring. The band members also bailed out. Del Rio, though, kicked Edge and then bashed him across the back with an acoustic guitar.

[Q2] [c]

-They showed the exterior of the Providence arena. Then they replayed what just happened before the break. They showed Cole and Lawler on camera. Lawler said Miz was happy he wasn't chosen. The Anonymous G.M. chime sounded. Cole stood up and he announced a Raw Rumble match with seven Superstars. He said the winner would face the WWE Champion at the Elimination Chamber PPV and the remaining six would participate in the Chamber match itself. The seven are: Randy Orton, C.M. Punk, John Morrison, R-Truth, Sheamus, Jerry Lawler, and John Cena. Cole could barely say Lawler's name. Lawler stood and smiled and told Cole to read his name again. A pretty clever way to get Lawler vs. Miz on PPV, if Lawler wins.

1 -- VLADIMIR KOZLOV & SANTINO (w/Tamina) vs. HUSKY HARRIS & MICHAEL MCGILLICUTTY

Cole said he doesn't think Lawler has a chance against those other six guys. Cole hyped that a trailer for "The Chaperone" starring Triple H will air later on the show. Cole touted the faith and belief the other New Nexus members showed in C.M. Punk during the Rumble. At 3:00 with Santino knocked by McGill to the floor, they cut to a break. [c]

[Locally they're advertising a "Road to WrestleMania Tour" event in Minneapolis featuring The Miz vs. Randy Orton and John Cena vs. Wade Barrett.]

[Q3]

After the break McGill had Santino grounded. Santino pushed to his corner and got close to hot-tagging Vlad. Vlad head-butted McGill when he got close. That freed up Vlad to get the hot tag. He went to work on Husky with a flurry of offense, including several headbutts. Santino tagged back in and hit the Cobra for the win. Lawler said he thinks Cole should feel the Cobra so he can learn what's so effective about it.

WINNER: Santino & Vladimir in 7:00.

-Afterward Randy Orton charged to the ring and gave Husky and McGill RKOs. Cole said Orton feels the New Nexus cost him the title last night. Orton stared down Husky and appeared ready to punt kick him. After a long pause, C.M. Punk, Mason Ryan, and David Otunga walked onto the stage. Punk said he shouldn't do that. He said he won't beg, but for once in his life take some advice and don't do it. Punk said if he kicks Husky right now there will be serious repercussions. Orton stared at Husky, took a deep breath, and hung his head as if he was going to back down. Cole said his kick should be outlawed. Husky managed to have the strength to get into position to get kicked, but not roll out of the ring out of Orton's path. It did push credibility a bit given how long this was drawn out. Orton then broke into a smile and gave Husky the punt kick. The rest of Nexus ran to the ring and Orton fled through the crowd. He ran up to the concourse level and looked down at the ring behind the fans in the stands. His music played as Nexus checked on Harris. [c]

-They replayed what just happened during the break. Ted DiBiase and Maryse walked out next. DiBiase said his career is just started, whereas Lawler's career is over. He said he doesn't need any more opportunities. He said it's time for people like him to step aside for the future. He told him to do the right thing and give him his spot. Lawler took off his headset, and nobody takes their headset off better than Lawler. Cole stood up and said he wanted to handle this. He asked if he could possibly be more disrespectful. He said Lawler is a Hall of Famer and a legend. He said Lawler is the Scene-Stealer, just like Shawn Michaels was the Show-Stopper. "There's no way he's going to let his selfish-self-centered, narcissistic ego step aside." Lawler yanked the mic away from Cole and stood up. The crowd cheered.

Lawler said he's not giving his spot in the Royal Rumble up to anybody. Lawler said he's been in WWE for 18 years and his Road to WrestleMania has always been under construction. He said as far as he's concerned, his Road to WrestleMania begins tonight in the ring. He turned to Cole and said if it weren't for Cole, he'd probably be WWE Champion now. He said he knows he can beat the Miz. He said he's going to win the Raw Rumble later. DiBiase slapped and shoved Lawler into Cole, then ran. Lawler chased after him, but DiBiase used Maryse as a shield. DiBiase let off a wide smile. Lawler backed down. Maryse saw DiBiase smiling. She slapped him and walked away. That left Lawler free to nail DiBiase in the face with a (I'll say it) potato. That rocked DiBiase's jaw. Cole told Lawler to show some restraint. "What's wrong with you? Get ahold of yourself! You're supposed to be an announcer," Cole exclaimed. Cole, of course, was laying on the hypocrisy heavy considering what he did in the Lawler-Miz TLC match. Lawler threatened to shove his fist down Cole's throat. Cole reminded him that would cost him his chance at the WWE Title and WrestleMania.

[Q4] [c]

-A vignette aired that looked like a horror movie scene showing someone in a black robe and boots walking in the dark in the rain toward an abandoned house with the date 2-21-11.

2 -- DANIEL BRYAN (w/Gail Kim) vs. TYSON KIDD

The Bellas joined Cole and Lawler on commentary and they said they had a bet with each other like in the movie "Cruel Intentions." Cole wondered if they had no clue he was seeing Kim. Cole said he doesn't get why Bryan would lave them for Kim. One of the Bellas said every man agrees with Cole. Lawler asked if it occurred that maybe he liked Kim more than them. The Bellas said any man with a heartbeat would choose them over Kim. Bryan got Kidd to tap out to the Lebell Lock.

WINNER: Bryan in 2:00.

-Afterward the Bellas entered the ring and made a gesture toward Bryan. Kim shoved a Bella hard. A brawl broke out. Kim had one of the Bellas by her hair and was herking her around as Bryan and a ref tried to separate them. Another referee held the other Bella back. [c]

-A clip aired showing Miz and Riley costing John Cena the Royal Rumble.

3 -- EDGE vs. THE MIZ (w/Alex Riley)

Champion vs. Champion, and no ring entrances, just the tail end of Edge's song. I know they had already come out on the show once earlier, but a Champ vs. Champ match deserves full ring intros. Justin Roberts did formal ring announcements, so that made up for it somewhat. Cole said the G.M. said there must be a winner in this match.

[Q5]

In the opening minute of the match Cole talked about what happened in the Rumble and they also went to a split screen to show Del Rio hitting Edge earlier with a guitar. Miz worked over Edge's arm in the opening minutes. Lawler talked excitedly about the Raw Rumble later. Cole said, "So you really think you've got a shot?" This never had that Big Match feeling. Cole and Lawler just talked about Lawler's Rumble opportunity later. Cole said Lawler would just embarrass himself later. Miz methodically worked over Edge's arm for several minutes. Edge teased some comebacks, but they never took hold. Miz climbed to the top rope and Edge caught him flying off with a boot to the gut. Edge stood and set up the Spear. Miz side-stepped Edge and threw him into the corner. Cena showed up in a luxury box. He said there was a party going on. He told Miz not to mind him because everyone is cheering for him. "Miz is Awful!" Cena chanted. The crowd repeated it. Edge surprised a distracted Miz with a spear for the pin. Cole: "How in the world is that fair?" Cole walked up to Miz and consoled him. Lawler said Cole might give him a massage. Cole encouraged Riley to go up and get revenge on Cena.

WINNER: Miz in 9:00.

STAR RATING: *3/4 [c]

-Lawler and Cole announced that "Stone Cold" Steve Austin is returning to WWE to coach the new season of "Tough Enough." Cole called it "TVs original reality series." I think "Real World" can, among others, make a more credible claim at being first.

[Q6]

-Vickie Guerrero stepped out and said she has quite a surprise for Edge. She said on Smackdown, the World Title will be defended in a way it has never ever been defended before. She invited everyone to join her on Friday on SyFy to witness this historic Smackdown occasion. Lawler said, "Hey, Vickie, come back again when you can't stay quite so long."

4 -- EVE & NATALYA vs. LAYCOOL

During the LayCool ring entrance, they showed a clip from earlier in the day of McCool and Layla bickering a bit about who was at fault last night, but then they hugged and made up when they realized "it was the ref's fault." Lawler talked about how emotional Eve was about winning the Divas Title. She went on a flurry of offense at 2:00 after a hot-tag. She set Layla on the top rope, but with the ref distracted by Natayla, McCool kicked Eve in the face. Layla then gave Eve her flip neckbreaker off the ropes (that looked nasty) for the pin. Cole said that's called "The Face Lift." Cole said Lawler is screwing up so much because his head isn't the game. He said when Troy Aikman comments on an NFL game, he's not fantasizing about playing in the Super Bowl again.

WINNER: LayCool in 3:00. [c]

-The Great Khali and Mark Henry (w/Ranjin Singh) walked to the ring to face the Usos. Josh Matthews replaced Lawler on commentary. He told Cole with all due respect he can't wait for someone to hit him. He then said that the weight of Henry and Khali is nearly 1,000 pounds, "Either the weight of a Mini Cooper or that chick who played Precious." Not the best judgment. Besides the fact that the Mini is really super-heavy for its size so that it handles like a go-cart and doesn't tip over (but I'll save that correction for Matt Striker, who probably knows how much less a Honda Fit weighs), making a weight joke about Precious given the tone of the movie isn't really hilarious. The G.M. chime sounded. Cole stepped up to the podium. He said the Ugos don't have a chance, so to give them a more competitive edge, he said the two teams will compete in a dance-off instead. The Usos danced. Cole stood up and danced. Matthews said he's embarrassing himself. Cole said the Usos were pretty good. Cole said he normally likes what the G.M. says, "but this is brutal." The Ugos attacked Khali and Henry after they danced a little. They were easily beat up.

-Cole and Lawler hyped the main event Raw Rumble.

[Q7] [c]

-Another creepy rainy horror movie vignette aired.

-They went back to Cole and Matthews. Cole said he's heard this movie is called "The Funniest Field Trip of the Year." He then sprouted that paid-for-smile of his. Matthews said this movie hits theaters on Feb. 13. It closed with Triple H hugging someone and saying, "That better be your fanny pack." A little girl in the trailer said it best: "It's like a bad episode of 'Nanny 911.'" I know it's fashionable to crap on movie trailers staring wrestlers, but that really doesn't look like a movie many people would consider watching, and even for those who are in the market for that genre might feel they've now seen the whole thing based on that detailed trailer that basically walked through what seemed like the entire plot.

-During John Morrison's ring entrance, Matthews said Morrison's stunt to save himself from elimination at the Rumble has been trending on Twitter for 24 hours. [c]

[Q8]

-Cole and Matthews announced that Smackdown's main event will feature Edge & Kelly Kelly vs. Dolph Ziggler & LayCool in a 3-on-2 handicapped match with Edge's World Title on the line. Way to protect the integrity and prestige of the World Title with matches like that. Why not just put the title belt on the line in a cake walk next week?

5 -- RAW RUMBLE: JOHN CENA vs. R-TRUTH vs. C.M. PUNK vs. JERRY LAWLER vs. SHEAMUS vs. JOHN MORRISON vs. RANDY ORTON

John Morrison opened against Sheamus. Then John Cena came out next. Then C.M. Punk. Then R-Truth. Truth and Morrison almost both tumbled over the top rope, but they managed to safe themselves. Then Jerry Lawler came out. He threw punches at everyone who came at him as the crowd loudly chanted "Jerry! Jerry!" Cole said this will turn into a nightmare for Lawler. As Sheamus nearly eliminated Lawler, Matthews said Lawler knows what it takes to become WWE Champion. Cole said he's never been champion and so that's a stupid comment. When Orton came out, Punk hid under the ring. Orton immediately began looking for Punk under the ring. He asked the fans for help. Orton yanked Punk out by his leg and punched away at him. For a second there I thought WWE was going to keep Orton and Punk away from each other for the next eight weeks to really build up their WM match. Orton, though, quickly eliminated Punk once they battled in the ring. Truth then eliminated Orton. Orton was upset with Truth, but then turned toward Punk as he retreated up the ramp. They cut to a break at 9:00. [c]

Cena threw Morrison into Truth in the corner. He then lifted both of them at once and dumped them. Truth fell to the floor. Morrison held onto the ropes. Morrison then grabbed Cena by the head and yanked him over the top rope. As they fought on the ring apron, Sheamus charged at them. They ducked and Sheamus tumbled to the ring apron. With all three battling on the ring apron, the crowd could sense an opening for Lawler. Sheamus crawled back into the ring, then clotheslined Lawler.

[Q9]

Morrison found another creative way to save himself as he almost slipped backwards off the ring apron, but he hooked the bottom rope with his boots. Morrison returned to the ring and almost eliminated Sheamus, who thought Morrison was gone. Cena then put Sheamus in the STF. Sheamus tapped frantically. Morrison then hit a Starship Pain. He pretty much overshot everything, although Cole covered by saying he thinks the elbow caught Cena. Lawler then surprised Morrison by tossing him over the top rope. Morrison landed on his hands and then managed to maneuver back into the ring. He then kicked Cena. Cole said the rules should be changed to both hands hitting the floor counting as an elimination. Sheamus, though, kicked Morrison off the ring apron to the floor to eliminate him. Cena gave Sheamus the Attitude Adjustment at 17:00. Cena stood and called a spot to Lawler. Lawler dropkicked him, then tried to lift him and dump him over the top rope. Matthews said it was surreal. Sheamus charged as Lawler from behind. Sheamus threw Lawler into Cena, knocking Cena to the floor. It was then down to Sheamus and Lawler, but when Sheamus charged at Lawler, Lawler ducked and Cena pulled down the top rope, so Sheamus tumbled to the floor.

WINNER: Jerry Lawler in 19:00 to earn a WWE Title shot at the Elimination Chamber.

STAR RATING: ***

-Cole stood and complained at first, then celebrated that it means Miz will have a night off at the Chamber PPV. Cole yelled, "King, your Road to WrestleMania hits a dead end in three weeks. Enjoy your moment now!" Lawler stood on the second rope and accepted cheers from the crowd as the show ended and Cole ranted.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Fun episode of Raw. Good follow up on many fronts to the Royal Rumble. The Edge-Miz match was a bit flat, but it wasn't all that vital to the larger picture. The Lawler story moved to the next chapter. If Cole costs Lawler the match against Miz at the Chamber, does that set up Miz vs. Lawler at WrestleMania, and then Jim Ross returning for one night?

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