By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT WRESTLING REPORT
AUGUST 18, 2011
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

[Q1]

-Extended clips aired of last week's Kurt Angle promo explaining his new mission - which is to take out the young guns Dixie Carter throws at him one by one until no one is left.

-Sting walked out with the joker face paint on. Mike Tenay introduced the show. Sting went berserk on his way out and acted almost like he was being attacked. He stumbled to the ring and took some bumps and then struggled to his feet. Taz said he's acting bizarre, consistent with what they've seen Sting act like in recent weeks. He said that wasn't proof he lost his mind, but a reenactment of what happened to him last week. He said the only reason he remembered that was he watched it back on tape, because otherwise it's just a blur.

Sting asked the fans if they want to see Hulk Hogan, the greatest of all time, wrestle again. He challenged Hogan to a match on the show. Instead, out walked Ric Flair, making his surprise return to Impact. Taz said it's always great to see all-time-great Ric Flair in the ring. Flair asked Sting if he really called Hogan the greatest of all time. He then told Sting not to answer, they'd cover that later. He said being called an Icon makes him one of the few special stars in the sport. Flair said he has nothing left to prove. He said no matter how many times he wrestle, fans always chant "one more match."

Flair began acting kinda crazy and told Sting not to say "Let's do it!" yet. He said he's filling him full of love. He said he's the icon of the business in his eyes. He said he's heathy and as much of a man as he was 20 years ago. He said as much as he loves him, he's tired of hearing his name everywhere he goes. He said if he beats him, he retires, "not a phony retirement, you really go home." He said if he loses, he's gone, but if Sting beats him, "which is next to impossible because I am the Nature Boy," I will serve you Hogan on a silver plater, "with God as my witness, God talking to God." Flair told Sting to give him his answer. Sting walked up to Flair and said, "Let me just ask these people, 'What do you think?'" Sting said Flair smells like garlic, but he wants the match. He accepted his offer. Tenay said this is the definition of high stakes. [c]

-Backstage Flair walked into Hogan's office. Hogan was throwing stuff around. He yelled, "What in the hell is wrong with you, Flair. Where have you been." Hilariously, Flair walked out of the room like he had walked into the ladies room. He knocked and asked to come in, then asked, "Where is your love?" He said he's like 1,500 and 1 against Sting, maybe 1,500 and 2. Flair asked where is the love and hugged him. He said they're the two greatest wrestlers who ever lived. Hogan said Sting shouldn't be breathing tonight. Hogan said he unloaded on him and crucified him in the center of the ring and he should be dead. Flair said he has nine lives, but not ten. Flair said he had it taken care of because he owns Sting. He has his number. He asked Hogan where they're going to go out tonight. Hogan told him to shut up. Hogan said he's done with Sting. Hogan told Flair to round up all the troops and make sure he doesn't breath another breath after tonight. Flair said he's got a plan in the works. Hogan said he will never wrestle that man, so he better have a plan. Flair hugged him, said he loves him, and kissed his cheek. He let out a "wooo!" and then left Hogan's office.

[Q2]

-Taz narrated a Bound for Glory series update. A clip aired of Brother Ray pinning Devon with his feet on the ropes, then Ray claiming he beat him clean in the middle. Crimson still leads with 50 points, with Ray in second place with 42 points. Devon said he's in this to win it and go to Bound for Glory in Philadelphia.

1 -- SCOTT STEINER vs. DEVON -- Bound for Glory Series Match

Matt Morgan joined Tenay and Taz at ringside to analyze the match. Morgan noted that Devon has dropped 60 pounds. Morgan said everyone is stepping up because this the World Title at stake. Taz said if you don't want the holy grail, the World Title, you don't belong here. Devon hit a sideslip for a two count. Steiner caught a charging Devon with an elbow and then pinned him with his feet on the middle rope, just as Ray did over the weekend. The announcers didn't mention that because this TV match taped before that house show match took place.

WINNER: Steiner in 2:00.

-Samoa Joe came out and attacked Devo afterward. He put him in his new leglock. Devon's kids and his wife called for help from the back. Terrence and Tyrell ran into the ring and confronted Joe. D'Angelo Dinero ran out and got in Joe's face. Joe jumped out of the ring. Morgan said he used to have respect for Joe.

-Tenay said the "rebirth of the X Division" continued next when the top eight contenders will be determined. [c]

-Backstage Joe said to the roving camera not to act surprised because he's doing what he said he was going to do. He said he's done playing the game others want him to play. He said where he comes from, he has another way of playing the game. He said he collects knees, scalps, and arms and he won't stop until the BFG Series is over. "I am a problem you cannot solve," he said. He said don't poke the tiger in his cage "because none of you have the balls to fire me." He said, "I'm Samoa Joe and, by god, I'm just getting started." One of Joe's better promos. Yes, he's yelling at the top of his lungs, which he overdoes, but the swagger and bravado was back. He seems to have a sense of his character now and is embracing it or feeling it.

-X Division contenders walked out: Alex Shelley, Tony Nese, Kid Kash (who looks more muscular than Batista at his peak… almost), Robbie E. (w/Cookie), Zema Ion (shaking his head at the stupidity of Robbie E.), Jesse Sorensen (carrying a football and waring a letter jacket), Mark Haskins (from the U.K. strutting to the ring in a fur vest), and Austin Aries (in his hot-pink feather vest).

2 -- X DIVISION GAUNTLET MATCH

-Shelley vs. Haskins: Taz said friends of Haskins call him Skins. Tenay and Taz acted bewildered by the nickname. Haskins countered a Sliced Bread and then hit a lift-knee finisher for the win. I'll all for establishing new stars, but this was a bit much, having a new guy beat the established top tier X Division star in two minutes makes everything seem arbitrary unless they're pushing Haskins as the Goldberg of the division. Plus it's irritating when a match-up is booked to end quickly simply because it's a gauntlet match and they have to fit a bunch of falls into a one-match segment, even though there's no logical reason for the match-up to end any quicker than any other one-on-one match would.

[Q3]

-Haskins vs. Robbie: Haskins rolled up Robbie E. right away as Robbie was arguing with Cookie.

-Haskins vs. Zema Ion: Zema scored a near fall after a top rope dropkick at the start. Zema finished Haskins with a 450 off the top rope at 3:00 (overall).

-Zema vs. Jesse Sorensen: Sorensen won in 1:00. This is ridiculous. The action is crisp and athletic and entertaining, but the rapid pitfalls defy any logic and just make everyone look like losers.

-Sorensen vs. Tony Nese: By 6:00 Sorensen was eliminated.

-Kid Kash vs. Sorensen: They actually cut to a commercial. Wrestling matters, really. And in the three minutes they're away, there should be two pinfalls based on the pace of the early finishes. [c] Of course, the match was still in progress after the break. They just happened to pick the "marathon" match-up to cut away from. Right after the break Sorensen won with a roll-through leverage pin at 12:00 overall.

-Sorensen vs. Austin Aries: As Aries got ready to enter, Kash gave Sorensen a double-underhook piledriver. That looked reckless and dangerous. Aries put his foot on Sorensen's chest in a cocky manner, but Sorensen kicked out. Aries yelled at the ref, saying he should count faster. Sorensen scored a near fall with a roll-up. Aries came back with a spear dropkick in the corner followed by a brainbuster suplex for the win.

WINNER: Aries in 12:00.

-Christy Hemme interviewed Aries at ringside. Aries bragged about taking out seven X Division stars. He said that means he is the no. 1 contender. He quoted Eric Bischoff, calling Brian Kendrick "The Wizard of Odd." He said he will beat him and prove he is the greatest man who ever lived. Kendrick walked out and offered a handshake. Aries asked if he was gay and then pulled his hand away. Kendrick jumped Aries from behind as he walked up the ramp. Security tried to pry Kendrick off of Aries.

-Backstage Flair taped his wrists while mumbling to himself.

-The announcers hyped upcoming matches, but not Sting vs. Flair.

[Q4] [c]

-A clip aired of the Flair-Sting promo at the top of the hour.

-They went to Tenay and Taz at ringside, who talked about Immortal cutting ties with Mr. Anderson last week in a violent beatdown in the ring and later in the locker room. Tenay said both of Anderson's eardrums were ruptured and he's on the shelf indefinitely.

-A video package aired with wrestlers talking about Bound for Glory and the significance of it taking place in Philadelphia. TNA does a good job driving home BFG is a signature PPV.

-ODB talked to Jackie backstage about facing Mickie James for the first time ever next. ODB said once they sign that multi-year contract, it's on!

-Tenay asked if ODB could prove herself to Bischoff. [c]

-Traci Brooks approached Bischoff in his office. She flirted with him and he was a willing target. She asked for her job back being in charge of the "girls." She said it would take a burden off of him. He asked if he heard her right, and asked her to lean in because he's hard of hearing. He got a good close-up of her cleavage. He said he'd think about it and wanted to talk some more. She smiled and walked away.

[Q5]

3 -- ODB (w/Jackie) vs. MICKIE JAMES

Mickie hit a Thesz Press at 4:00 and then went for a leaping DDT. ODB pushed her off mid-air and then splashed her in the corner Stinger style. She followed up with a Rough Rider attempt, but Mickie moved. Mickie then gave ODB her leaping DDT for the win. Afterward a frustrated Jackie offered a handshake to Mickie, but then pulled it away once Mickie was about to accept.

WINNER: Mickie in 5:00.

-Tenay plugged A.J. Styles vs. RVD was up next. [c]

-Winter talked to Angelina Love how sensual and stimulating it is to touch the Knockouts Title belt. Then she said Love will be there for her when she faces Mickie again in two weeks, watching her back. Winter said Mickie is distracted by her music stuff. She said this isn't hardcore country or Hollywood, it's Winter's World. Then she drank her blood-like red wine and called it "orgasmic."

[Q6]

4 -- ROB VAN DAM vs. A.J. STYLES -- Bound for Glory Series

The announcers recapped the issue RVD has with Jerry Lynn and the situation between Styles and Daniels. They showed Lynn watching from ringside. How does he look the same as he looked 22 years ago when I first started watching his indy matches in Minneapolis on a regular basis? At 3:00 Lynn jumped out of his chair and yelled at the ref for counting too closely on an RVD cover on Styles. RVD shoved Styles off the top rope to the mat and then went for a splash, but Styles lifted his knees leading to a near fall at 4:00. Styles ducked an RVD spin wheel kick, then hit RVD with a Pele kick. When he went for the cover, as the ref began his count, Lynn yanked the ref out of the ring. The ref called for the bell.

WK REAX: That's nice if it made any sense, but why would the ref punish RVD for a fellow wrestlers jumping the railing and yanking on his leg? Tenay, of course, didn't question the stupidity, acting as if what just happened was totally reasonable. RVD yelled at Lynn afterward for costing him another 10 points. This is another case of Vince Russo wanting to get somewhere with the story he's telling, but not getting the details down so it makes sense along the way. And that lack of attention to detail distracts from the story they're trying to tell. Fans aren't focusing on Lynn-RVD, they're wondering why the ref is such a dolt and why Tenay and Tazz are just nodding along without questioning the obvious.

WINNER: Styles via DQ in 5:00. [c]

-RVD asked Lynn backstage how his actions helped him. Lynn said what was happening out there was wrong. He yelled, "I'm sorry, but I was just trying to help." RVD said, "Like I said before, I've got this, I don't need any help."

-Flair was roaming around backstage talking to himself when he heard a noise and assumed it was Sting. "You ain't the Joker, you're Sting." He said Sting has too much class than to hit him with a steel pipe or a baseball bat. He started to get jumpy. He said he had better things to do. He called out to him to show his face. Finally Sting showed his face. Flair asked what he was doing. Gunner attacked Sting from behind. Flair laughed. When Sting made a comeback, Flair yelled, "You're fired, Gunner. You're fired." Sting then broke a stick across Gunner's back.

-Eric Young was driving and talked about wanting to find Scott Baio. He asked people on the street where Baio was. He found some guy with a camera and wondered if he was with TMZ. The guy said Baio was golfing. Young thanked him for the info. They directed fans to ImpactWrestling.com for more, then teased a Young-Baio fight with gulf clubs next week.

-They showed Crimson limping into the arena with his knee in a brace.

[Q7] [c]

-Crimson walked to the ring. They showed a clip of Kurt Angle injuring him last week. Crimson said he used to respect Angle, but now they have something to discuss. He talks and sounds like Goldberg on the mic with the short stunted phrases and gravelly voice. Angle walked out with his World Title over his shoulder. Crimson told Angle if his mission was to take him out, "mission failed." He said he's still standing right there in front of him, and he's pissed off. Angle said he appreciates the respect he showed him by calling him Mr. Angle, but he said he can't return it. He said he's a nobody going nowhere. Angle said he's one of the nobodies on the roster who was built around him. "They brought me in to make you, because without me, you're nothing but an uncoordinated green-ass little bitch. It takes a star like me to make you. I've been making people my entire career, and they know who they are." (Who are they?) He said all it's gotten him is spit on, kicked in the balls, and disrespected.

Crimson said none of the young guys in the back disrespected him, and he's just listening Hulk Hogan's b.s. He said in the back the put Angle on a pedestal and it's their honor to compete with him. Angle said, "Damn right it's your honor. Guys like you can't even shine my gold medal." Angle said when he looks at him, he sees nothing and he's not going anywhere in this business. Crimson had just enough. He said that's where he begs to differ. "Not only will I be somebody, I already am," he said. He told him to meet him inside the ring next week and not only will he show him who he is, he will show him why he is undefeated. He said he'll show him why he is the future of Impact Wrestling and why he is "the here and the now." Crimson added, "By the way, Mr. Angle, I'm real, I'm damn real!" Tenay said you have to love the spirit of Crimson, but wondered what kind of shape he'd be in next week. Taz said Crimson might have bitten off more than he can chew.

-Backstage Mexican America cut a promo, mostly in Spanish. [c]

[Q8]

5 -- BEER MONEY vs. MEXICAN AMERICA (Hernandez & Anarquia w/Rosita & Sarita) - Impact Wrestling Tag Team Championships

They billed this as Mexican America's final shot at Beer Money. Jeff Jarrett and Karen joined Tenay and Taz at the Spanish announce table. Jarrett and Karen bragged about knowing the intricacies of the Spanish culture. They did a lousy job promoting this match, by the way. I'm all for the tag titles being featured in the main event, but they have to talk about it before it happens. Tenay got bleeped telling Jarrett he immortalized the AAA Title. I assume he said AAA. Borash added a plug for "5 Hour Energy" to his formal ring introduction. Tenay noted that Angle has accepted Crimson's challenge for next week. At 5:00 Rosita interfered to stop Beer Money's momentum. She spit at Storm. Karen ran to the ring to protect her "Mexican sister." Jarrett said she's just too good-hearted. Anarquia threw Storm out of the ring, but Roode gave him a spinebuster. Sarita distracted the ref as Hernandez KO'd Roode with the Jarrett's title belt for the win.

WINNERS: Mexican America in 6:00 to capture the Impact Wrestling Tag Team Titles.

FINAL THOUGHTS: So when is Flair vs. Sting, exactly?

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