TNA Impact CALDWELL'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 5/26: Complete "virtual-time" coverage of "Impact Wrestling" - Angle vs. RVD, Street Fight, '90s Night
May 26, 2011 - 10:02:42 PM
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TNA Impact Wrestling Results
May 26, 2011
Taped 5/17 in Orlando, Fla.
Aired on Spike TV
Report by James Caldwell, PWTorch assistant editor
[Q1] This week's TNA Impact Wrestling show opened with a quick "In Memory" graphic for Randy Savage, using a photo of him during his very brief stint in TNA in 2004. The opening video package then focused on Sting and Mr. Anderson's feud leading to the next PPV.
Impact Zone: The show opened with Christy Hemme in the ring announcing the following "tag team competition" match. Mike Tenay talked about Eric Bischoff "single-handedly eliminating the X Division" last week before noting Angle vs. RVD tonight. Tommy Dreamer came out first for the tag match, followed by Bully Ray. Fortune's music hit to bring out A.J. Styles and Daniels to face Ray & Dreamer. Tenay noted Styles, wearing a neckbrace, was wrestling against doctor's orders tonight.
1 -- A.J. STYLES & DANIELS vs. TOMMY DREAMER & BULLY RAY -- No DQ Street Fight
The fight broke out ringside before Styles and Daniels could even make it to the ring. The fight went into the stands, where Styles flew off the grandstands onto Dreamer. In the ring, Daniels started throwing various weapons into the ring. Daniels landed a trashcan lid shot to the head. And again. And a third. And a fourth. And fifth. Ray then took a face-first Flair dive into the lid before begging off. Styles and Dreamer eventually made it into the ring to pick up the battle. Dreamer eventually cut off Styles and helped Ray target the neck. Styles then made a comeback with a kendo stick shot to the head. Styles and Daniels then dropped Dreamer with a spike piledriver for the pin and the win.
WINNERS: Styles & Daniels at 5:02. Really? Weapons and head shots? TNA does these matches so often that it feels like they're trying to squeeze whatever juice is left out of a Xerox of the '90s. Let it go. This would have meant a lot more if TNA didn't do this type of match so often. The end-result came across like Dreamer getting his comeuppance, which you would think would occur on the PPV, but we'll see where this goes.
Backstage: Hulk Hogan pulled up in a blue car. Hogan strolled into the building. Tenay also plugged Angle vs. RVD tonight. Coming up next: Scorpion Sit-down focused on Sting.
Impact Zone: Mr. Anderson came out dressed as old-school Sting as Tenay acted like everyone was fooled by Anderson's antics last week. Anderson, dressed in the pink & black old-school Sting look, introduced the Scorpion Sitdown. He said he'll do what every other wrestler does in the twilight of his career since he can't wrestle anymore: have an interview segment.
[Q2] For his first guest, Anderson brought out Disco Inferno, who was dressed in a suit. Disco made his way to the ring and danced in the Sting logo flashing in the ring. Tenay noted Sting and Disco were on the same roster in WCW back in the day. It's 1990s night. Anderson made fun of Disco, who laughed and shot back, "You really are an a-hole, aren't you?" Anderson said that is kind of his thing. Disco said he gets why Anderson flew him all the way out here now. He tried talking about working the Omni, but Anderson interrupted every few seconds with a Sting Shout or random outburst of "Showtime!" More re-living of the '90s as Disco said they all grew up as Sting fans.
After some jump cuts and random crowd cheers, Anderson said he had enough. He said this is his show. Anderson said he didn't bring Disco out here to swing from Sting's nuts, but to bury Sting. Casual viewer thought bubble: "He's going to kill him and use a shovel?" Disco said he's not going to bury Sting. Disco asked Anderson why he refers to himself as an a-hole when he's just a dick. Anderson looked Disco in the eyes and sternly asked, "Excuse me?" Disco stood up and did his Disco dance. The mic dropped from the ceiling and Disco quietly said, "Dick."
Anderson stood up and did a playful heel laugh, then popped Disco in the face with the mic. Tenay with another "burial" insider lingo reference. Anderson followed with another mic shot to the forehead, then Sting's music hit. The real Sting came to the ring and Anderson bailed from the ring, then over the guardrail to the floor. Disco was bleeding heavily from the forehead, which was focused on for one second before Sting rolled him over.
Backstage: They quickly cut backstage to show Velvet Sky pacing around. She has something to say up next.
Backstage: Eric Young was shown walking into the bathroom. Young plugged his nose and approached a stall door, which Gunner broke down when Young tried approaching him. Young said he wants five minutes to explain himself. He came up with some wild idea to make Gunner second-in-command in Immortal by the end of the night. He said he was at home watching 1999 WCW in the Georgia Dome. Remember the Finger Poke? Three-for-three segments re-living the 1990s. Gunner confirmed the plan and Young confirmed details, which Young said he already confirmed, which Gunner said he's re-confirming. Young re-re-confirmed and left.
[Q3] Impact Zone: Velvet Sky came to the ring and called out ODB after her sneak-attack last week. ODB went back to one year ago to explain some sort of grudge. She said Velvet got her fired, which Velvet denied. She said she always get blamed for everything and she's sick of it. Velvet said she's earned her "spot" and proved herself. Of course, this led to the usual women-hating promo battle TNA scripts on a regular basis, with ODB telling her she slept her way to the top. ODB then smashed Velvet with a punch and taunted her. Security eventually intervened to separate ODB and Velvet.
Still to come: A graphic randomly introduced Jeff Jarrett vs. Matt Morgan coming up tonight. Also still to come is the Angle vs. RVD match.
Video package: RVD said he was brought here to Impact Wrestling to do what he does. Angle said they have the very best wrestlers in the world here. For the first time ever, Angle vs. RVD. Angle said wrestling matters to him.
[Commercial Break including the greatest cat commercial ever.]
Last Thursday: They replayed Flair and Roode's in-ring confrontation leading to Immortal beating down Roode and trying to rip his shoulder apart.
Backstage: Storm, looking like Truth Martini, and Roode, in a sling, were in Eric Bischoff's office. Bischoff read something on his phone that Roode is kinda iffy tonight, but he has a match coming up at Slammiversary defending the Tag Titles. Bischoff said they have 30 days to figure out what to do about the Tag Titles. Storm said the doctor won't clear Roode. Well, Styles just "wrestled against doctor's orders." Bischoff told them to figure it out by next week since he has matches to put together. Bischoff sized up Storm and said he looks like a country minister. He said maybe he can find some mojo and heal Roode. Storm said he's not Jesus and he can't turn water into wine, but he can stick his foot up Bischoff's ass. Bischoff said if Storm did that, he wouldn't be working in TNA or anywhere else ever again. Bischoff said he's really...really sorry about their damn luck. Storm wiped some papers off Bischoff's desk and told him sorry about his damn paperwork. Bischoff acted amused. No word on who Beer Money will be defending the Tag Titles against yet.
Xplosion plug: The Pope recently tried to get close to Brother Devon's family until Devon made the save. They cut to Pope in a promo saying Devon's family just needs someone to look up to, but he's cool with Devon.
Backstage: Angle was shown talking to Matt Morgan about picking him to face Jarrett tonight because he knows he's the most dangerous force in TNA. Angle warned Morgan about Karen Jarrett's presence out there tonight.
[Commercial Break] [Q4] Impact Zone: Hemme noted the following "competition" is scheduled for one-fall. Jeff Jarrett's music hit to bring out Jeff and Karen, who was on crutches. Jeff helped Karen gingerly make it down to the ring as Taz noted Chyna and Kurt Angle did a number on Karen at the Sacrifice PPV. Morgan was out next as Tenay said it's a big complement to Morgan that Angle selected him to face Jarrett.
The Jarretts stalled for a while ringside as Jeff tried to get Karen situated. Ref Earl Hebner eventually interjected himself into the proceedings, but got knocked over. Infuriated, Hebner moved Karen's chair about ten feet away to the base of the entranceramp to keep her away from the ring. Jeff finally got on the ring apron to enter the ring and poked Morgan in the face, which led to Hebner calling for the bell.
2 -- JEFF JARRETT (w/Karen Jarrett) vs. MATT MORGAN
Morgan quickly used his size to bring an attack to Jeff as Karen wiped her forehead selling concern for her man. Morgan avoided a corner attack and smashed Jeff head-first into the turnbuckle. Morgan missed with a corner boot, though, and Jeff began working on the left leg. Jeff then tried a cross-body, but Morgan caught him in mid-air for an overhead slam. Karen hobbled to ringside during this as Morgan scored another nearfall. With ref Hebner occupied, Karen slipped the crutch to Jeff, who blasted Morgan with it. Jarrett hit The Stroke, but Morgan surprised everyone by kicking out of Jeff's finisher.
After the close nearfall, Morgan smashed Jeff with a big Carbon Footprint and had the pin, but Karen swiped at Earl with the crutch. Hebner occupied himself with Karen and Scott Steiner slipped into the ring to drop Morgan with a uranage. Scott draped Jeff on top of Morgan to score the pin when ref Hebner returned to the ring. Post-match: Jeff and Karen shared a smooch while Morgan collected himself in the ring.
WINNER: Jarrett at 3:05. Formula Jarrett/WCW TV match with some built-in protections for Morgan taking a loss in three minutes. It looks like they're setting up Morgan vs. Steiner again.
Backstage: Hogan was shown walking down the hallway. He's up next at the top of the hour.
Video package: They replayed the introduction of "Impact Wrestling" two weeks ago when Mick Foley was revealed as the Network rep. They went back to last week's Impact when Bischoff tried to take out the X Division.
[Q5 -- second hour] Impact Zone: Bischoff was in the ring doing his "I love each and every one of you" routine. Bischoff said he has a big smile on his face because last week, he said Hogan was busy in New York, and now he can reveal that Hogan pulled a fast one on Foley and The Network executives. Bischoff said there is only one man qualified to lead everyone and Impact Wrestling, Hulk Hogan.
Hogan eventually made his way to the ring sporting over-sized white sunglasses. Hogan said Eric's exactly right. All it took was a good old fashioned sit-down, brother. He said when he sat down with the execs, it was completely unanimous there's only one man to sail this ship, yours truly, Hulk Hogan. Hogan said what blew his mind is that after they picked his brain for hours, his genius for "this business" wiped out any concerns about the motives he might have. Hogan said they gave him a standing ovation with Foley in the room. Hogan said it's clear sailing now.
Now, he wants to talk to Bischoff, who made great strides last week by single-handedly wiping the X Division off the face of the planet. Hogan said the X Division just doesn't matter and he's the only one who would do something about it. Cue up Mick Foley's music for the interruption. Foley strolled to the ring and Hogan told him no one invited him out here. Foley thought things over and said he doesn't need an invitation because he's a Network rep. Foley said Hogan may have fooled a lot of people, but the only thing Hogan succeeded in at the meeting was pissing the Network off.
Foley said he took the Network through memory lane about the X Division being the backbone of the company. He said TNA couldn't have a company where wrestling matters without the X Division. Foley said he's going to span the globe looking for new talent and then in July have an X Division PPV. Bischoff took umbrage and said Foley is talking about PPV, which he has nothing to do with. Foley muttered something and said while it's true it will be a PPV extravaganza, the truth is The Network promotes the PPVs. So, unless Bischoff thinks he can put on a PPV without The Network, he'll see them at Destination...X.
Hogan had a good laugh and said if he thinks the X Division is so great, why not do something to really help the X Division. Hogan said since he's really running things around here, he's giving him the opportunity to fight for the X Division Title tonight. But, there's only one problem, brother. Foley has to beat the X-Rated Abyss. Hogan asked Foley if that Hardcore Legend is still alive or if he's dead and gone.
Cue up Brian Kendrick's music for an interruption. Kendrick said God is talking through him. He said in a trance-like-state that it's their destiny to eradicate Hogan and Bischoff. Hogan was wide-eyed as Kendrick stepped into the ring, flanked by GenMe and Amazing Red. Kendrick said his goal is to eliminate the power-hungry folks. Hogan told Kendrick to take himself and the other three "pimples" backstage. Kendrick shot back that he'll take the match tonight. Hogan had a good laugh and said, "Wait a minute. You're telling me you want to step in for Foley and fight Abyss?" Kendrick said it's his purpose and destiny. Hogan said this is going to be even better than he thought. Hogan said the blood is going to be on Foley's hands for this one. Hogan had a good laugh walking around the ring while Bischoff continued to laugh in the other corner. Tenay said Abyss is going to crush Kendrick.
Backstage: Winter was giving Angelina Love a back rub telling her the prophecy will soon come soon where the world will worship her for the queen she is. Winter asked her if she's ready. "It's almost time," she said. Winter said whatever happens tonight, she will be here forever.
Still to come: Angle vs. RVD. Up next: Mickie James vs. Winter.
[Q6] Impact Zone: Winter's music hit to bring out Winter and "Queen" Angelina Love for the next match. After they posed in the ring, Hardcore Country brought out KO champ Mickie James for a non-title match.
3 -- Knockouts champion MICKIE JAMES vs. WINTER (w/Angelina Love) -- non-title match
Winter quickly took control of the action, wearing down Mickie as Angelina stared into the ring in a trance-like state. Mickie made a comeback and kipped up to get a reaction from the crowd. She absorbed a last-ditch attack from Winter before hitting her signature DDT for the win. Angelina was unmoved. Post-match: Angelina checked on Winter, saw she was bleeding, and jumped Mickie ringside. After brutally attacking Mickie, Angelina re-checked on her master.
WINNER: Mickie at 2:22. Another short match, which was a means to set up Angelina challenging for the KO Title at Slammiversary.
Backstage: Abyss was talking to himself while locked inside a cage. Abyss said his goal is to systemically exterminate the X Division, starting with Kendrick tonight. Abyss left his cage, but was suddenly attacked by a mystery man. Actually, it was Kazarian, whose face was covered by his air. Kazarian grabbed Janice and walked off.
Impact Zone: Hemme introduced the following match for the X Division Title. Kendrick was out first, sans gi. So, with Abyss softened up, can Kendrick capitalize? Abyss's music played to bring out a limping Abyss.
4 -- X Division champion ABYSS vs. BRIAN KENDRICK -- X Division Title match
Abyss continued to sell ringside, so Kendrick came flying to the outside with a dropkick that grazed Abyss. The ref called for the bell to begin the match, which moved into the ring with Abyss limping around. Abyss quickly cut off Kendrick with a big back-elbow smash to begin wearing him down. Kendrick escaped a press-slam and mounted some offense, including a top-rope missile dropkick for a two count. Kendrick went up top again, but ref Jackson James "incidentally got in the way," allowing Abyss to crotch Kendrick. Abyss followed with the Black Hole Slam for the win. Abyss then repeated some Art of War lines into the camera, noting his defense tonight was a "human shield," which would be the ref.
WINNER: Abyss at 4:14 to retain the X Division Title. What you would expect - reinforcing that the "X Division," as it's presented in the form of WCW's Cruiserweight division, doesn't matter. Concerning Abyss, it seems like a gradual re-building of Abyss's character as a monster now with brains.
Still to come: Angle vs. RVD. They repeated the Angle-RVD video package from earlier in the night promoting the match.
Backstage: Angle was shown talking in his locker room about RVD being dangerous and one of the better wrestlers in TNA. He said it's good preparation for Jarrett at Slammiversary. He said it's like a pre-World Champion run.
Impact Zone: Television Title match. Hemme introduced the following "competition" for the TV Title. Out came Eric Young sporting the TV Title around his waist after he stole the belt two weeks ago during the battle royal. Gunner then came out as they replayed Gunner beating down Young last week during a photo-shoot.
5 -- TV champion GUNNER vs. ERIC YOUNG -- TV Title match
The bell sounded and Gunner re-visited the plan discussed earlier. Meanwhile, Tenay referenced Hogan and Nash's Finger Poke of Doom again to keep the '90s Night theme alive. Gunner did the finger poke, Young dropped to the mat, and Young suddenly small-packaged Gunner for the pin. Young strutted in Gunner's face as Gunner did his big, bug-eyed look. Gunner chased Young around the ring before Young ran to the back as the segment ended.
WINNER: Young at 0:30 to capture the TV Title. TNA playing hot potato with meaningless belts continues.
For all the hype for Angle-RVD, they're running short on time to give this match ample television time. Back on the show, Jarrett and Karen were shown approaching Tenay and Taz to handle color commentary on the main event. Taz and Jeff shared a moment while Tenay acted indignant. Cue up RVD's theme music to bring him out. RVD pointed to the Jarretts, then made his way to the ring. Jeff said he'll let everyone know why he selected RVD to face Angle during the match. Angle was out next and he stared down the Jarretts on the way to the ring. Tenay said the final chapter in Angle-Jarrett will be written at Slammiversary. Tenay said it's only appropriate the last match in the series is bragging rights for life and #1 contender for the TNA Title...and Jeff owns the Olympic Gold medals.
In the ring, Jeremy Borash handled the formal ring intros. Seven minutes until the top of the hour. Karen said she hopes Kurt will get some of his teeth knocked out by RVD tonight, like the Abyss match a few weeks ago. Angle was introduced next. Six minutes until the top of the hour.
6 -- KURT ANGLE vs. ROB VAN DAM
Jeff said he picked RVD to face Angle since it's the first time they've faced each other in TNA. He said something about Angle not having a mental advantage over his opponent. The match quickly accelerated with RVD landing signature offense. RVD came up with a busted lip as Angle recovered on the floor. Back in the ring, Angle walked into more offense from RVD. Angle made a comeback after RVD cockily played to the crowd. TNA production cut to a split-screen of the action in the ring and Jarrett cutting a promo on Tenay at the announce table. They stayed with this split-screen for a while. RVD then scored some offense before Angle landed an overhead release suplex for a nearfall.
[Q9 -- over-run] At the top of the hour, both men found themselves on the mat selling. Angle then popped up to his feet and landed a suplex for a nearfall. Angle dropped the straps and went for the Anklelock, but RVD kicked Angle in the head to escape. RVD followed with a kick to the head before hopping up top. RVD wanted the Five-Star, but Angle moved. Angle wanted the Olympic Slam and connected. Angle with the cover for the win.
Post-match: Karen gasped in frustration as the Jarretts stood up at the announce position. Jeff mockingly applauded Kurt. Meanwhile, Karen said Jeff won't be alone at Slammiversary. They signed off two minutes past the top of the hour with Jeff and Kurt staring back and forth at each other.
WINNER: Angle at 7:38. It was refreshing to see a clean finish in a featured TV match, but this wasn't given enough time to be a stand-out match, nor live up to expectations after being hyped throughout the show. The match never really moved out of first-gear and the continual focus on the announce position served as a distraction. Rounding this out, the focus on Jarrett-Angle for Slammiversary was solid. For a PPV that really doesn't have a hook - since Sting-Anderson is so off-the-wall nuts and presented as an afterthought - the Angle-Jarrett blow-off is as close as it comes to selling the PPV. (*3/4)
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