TNA Impact KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 1/13: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of post-Genesis fallout on Spike TV
Jan 13, 2011 - 10:08:27 PM
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By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor
KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
JANUARY 13, 2011
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV
-The show opened with Kurt Angle talking about Jeff Jarrett blinding him with ointment on his arm in their MMA exhibition. They even showed a couple seconds of the blood gushing out of Angle's forehead after the ref stopped the match. Among other PPV clips, highlights aired of Mr. Anderson beating Jeff Hardy for the TNA World Title, and then Anderson and Matt Morgan commenting on what happened. Anderson said he has to think about whether he gives Morgan the first title shot. Who decides that, by the way? The champion? Bischoff? Someone else? TNA should establish that and stick to it consistently because it makes situations like this mean way more if there's a precedent that is consistent. New backstage footage aired of Anderson saying the belt he won "isn't the TNA World Championship, this is a piece of sh-- that Jeff Hardy drew. I could probably stick a crayon on my ass, squat over a piece of paper, and draw a picture better than this." TNA, and especially Anderson, just take things 20 percent too far where instead of saying "I can't believe he said that," it crosses over into, "Ewww. I wish he hadn't said that."
-Show Title: "The One That Got Away."
-They showed Jeff Jarrett arriving with Mrs. Jarrett, formerly known as Karen Angle. Mike Tenay said, "This could get uncomfortable."
-Jeremy Borash introduced Mr. Anderson, the new champion, and he carried with him the Divas Title belt that Hulk Hogan presented to Jeff Hardy when he won. Where is Eric Young to give him the old belt he found in the trash? Taz said he believes Dixie Carter is "ess-static" (he meant ecstatic, I think) that Anderson won the title. Anderson said he busted his ass for 6.5 years eating PB&Js and Ramen noodles. He said he achieved his dream and got hired "over there" (cross boos) and at first he had "a rocket ship up his ass" and beat ten former champions. He said he was destined to be World Champion, "but then a little birdee got inside the boss's ear and said, "Hey, yeah, I think, uh, Kenny might be a little funny. I don't think he's ready for it." He imitated Triple H's voice. He said all of this stuff he has been doing he was told not to do. He said he was told how to walk, talk, and dress. He said he was even told not to chew gum on his way to the ring "because that was too hokey." But, he said, "this is me!" (He left out the part of sticking his foot in his mouth in various p.r. interviews while also getting injured a few times). He said Bischoff called him and said they'd let him be him. He said Bischoff, Dixie Carter, Hulk Hogan, and Vince Russo allow him to be the "asshole that I am today." The fans chanted, "Asshole! Asshole!" He said, "And, oh, by the way, this asshole just became the TNA World Heavyweight Champion." He said he won't say he couldn't have done it without the fans because he could have, but he'd like to thank them for their support anyway. He said he wanted to thank another person - "The Blueprint" Matt Morgan.
Morgan's music played and he walked to the ring. Anderson told Morgan that they haven't always seen eye to eye, but he stepped up when the chips were down so he thanks him for that. Morgan said the only reason that he's wearing that title is because he let himself down. He said for the last week he couldn't sleep or eat, worrying about the next opportunity for him to get a shot at the TNA Title. He said he respects him and gets he respects him back. He said that's the result of a grueling battle. He said he doesn't care whether he or Hardy have the title, he's not taking his eyes off the prize. He said he's worked the last nine years busting his ass and eating right to do whatever he could to be not just be a great pro wrestler, but to go down as the best giant in the business of all time. He said without that title he doesn't have that. He said he can't make that climb without that title, so he's coming for that title. He said twenty-eleven is the year of the blueprint. (That's going to make a lot of architects very happy.) Morgan congratulated him and said he earned every ounce of that title. They shook hands and then Morgan left.
As Anderson saluted the fans while standing on the second rope, Eric Bischoff strode to the ring wearing the slimming black shirt and loose leather jacket. He told Anderson he's revising history. "Nobody gives a damn about you backstory, Kenny Boy," he said. He said if it weren't for TNA, he'd be picking up trash in Green Bay just where he started. He said all he's done now is put a bullseye oh his back. He said he's out of his friction' mind if he thinks they're going to put up with him as the World Champion. He said Feb. 3, 2011 and two big things are going to happen on Impact. He said he will defend against former champ Jeff Hardy, and Hulk Hogan is going to get out from under "this legal bullsh--" that Dixie Carter and her family have buried him under, and all will be right with the world. "And then you can go back to being another wanna be," he said. Wow, is TNA announcing an Impact match three weeks ahead of time? Anderson asked if he had anything left to say to him.
Jeff Hardy appeared on the big screen and said in three weeks his belt will be back where it belong, "with the antichrist!" Rob Van Dam then attacked Hardy and threw him against the interview backdrop. He pounded on him. Taz said he's wanted to get his hands on Hardy for a long time. Matt Hardy leaped into the picture and attacked RVD. Anderson ran to the back to come to RVD's aid. Ric Flair, Abyss, Rob Terry, Kazarian, and Beer Money entered the picture and overwhelmed Anderson and RVD.
-Tenay said Karen Jarrett is in the building and Kurt Angle is on the way.
-A video recap aired of the backstage brawl from before the break.
-They went to Tenay and Taz on camera. They said tonight the Hardy Brother will team together for the first time in three years tonight against RVD & Anderson. Taz said there was a time when you could make the argument they were the best tag team bar none, but now they're burnouts and well past their peaks and not aging well at all. No, he didn't really say that last part.
-They went backstage to Jarrett asking Karen if she's ready for this. She said she's been sitting at home for two years and she's never been more ready. Sitting at home, not at acting class? Shoot. They walked into the Immortal locker room.
-Backstage a brief promo aired with the Machine Guns. They seemed to be in a mood.
1 -- BEER MONEY vs. THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS -- TNA Tag Team Titles
The Guns cleared the ring of Beer Money in the opening minute and then each dove onto Robert Roode and James Storm at ringside. Tenay hyped that the X Title would be on the line next week with Kazarian vs. Jay Lethal, and in two weeks Abyss vs. Douglas Williams for the TV Title, and in three weeks Anderson vs. Jeff Hardy for the World Title. It's great to see TNA setting the table like this several weeks ahead, really giving fans everywhere a chance to anticipate and speculate and look forward to title matches. Too bad this tag match was thrown out there without any hype earlier in the show or a main event slot. Just by virtue of being put out there without an announcement early in the show and being the opening match diminishes the perceived importance of the tag titles. All the focus, instead, has been on former WWE Tag Team the Hardys reuniting and Karen's arrival. It does send a certain message to viewers. Tenay then plugged the TNA Facebook page.
Beer Money went on the offensive once they returned to the ring. The Guns made a comeback and Shelley scored a very near fall after a double-foot-stomp off the top rope. Taz said he's surprised Roode didn't upchuck beer. Maybe if it had been Storm.
Storm bled from his forehead at 6:00. Shelley played to the crowd as Sabin set up Roode for their top rope splash/neckbreaker combo. Storm shoved Shelley hard into Sabin as he had Roode covered, stopping the count. Storm gave Sabin a spike DDT as Shelley positioned Roode on the top rope. Storm pulled Shelley off the top rope to block his superplex attempt and set him up for a Roode top rope splash for a two count. Beer Money set up Shelley for the DWI, but the Gunns countered and Sabin nailed Roode with a missile dropkick off the top rope. They then took turns kicking Roode. Shelley, though, mistakenly kicked Sabin when Storm ducked. Beer Money then gave Shelley the DWI for the win.
WINNERS: Beer Money in 8:00 to retain the TNA Tag Team Titles.
STAR RATING: **1/2 -- Good tag match. Not long enough to be a classic, but it wasn't designed or positioned for that. It was just there to affirm Beer Money as the top team and continue to tease a possible break-up of the Gunns.
-They showed Jarrett backstage pacing, nervous over Karen and Angle being in the same building. Then they cut to the parking garage where Angle. [c]
-RVD and Anderson expressed frustration with being attacked earlier. They selected various weapons to use as they headed out looking for the Immortals so they could gain some revenge.
-The Pope walked to the ring and said he forgives Samoa Joe for following him around on his own time. He asked Joe if he'd be as forgiving if he followed him around with him and his wife. He asked him to take a look at the "Dixie-Tron." A picture appeared on the big screen of two pigs having sex. Then he showed a picture of a mother pig with piglets nursing, saying it was a picture of his wife after birth. Pope asked if Joe can forgive him after this. Joe walked out and said he obviously has jokes, "but for a man who says he's always pippin', you sure run like a little bitch." He said, "I don't chase bitches. As a matter of fact, this lays credence to what I've always said about you - you're a phony, a fraud, a pretender." He said instead of chasing him around the arena and give him the beating he deserves, he'd leave with a promise instead: "At some point when you least expect, I will get my hands on you - and rest assured, Joe is going to kill you." Pope backed up the ramp. Taz said he looked a little scared. Good bad-ass no-worried promo from Joe. Normally death threats don't work and come off as desperate in pro wrestling; since fans chant "Joe's gonna kill you," though, it's different with Joe.
-RVD and Anderson walked into the Immortal locker room armed with weapons and beat them up. Viewers heard destruction and shouts of pain, but the camera didn't enter the room. RVD and Anderson left the room satisfied. RVD said, "Two down, let's find the Hardys."
-Tenay plugged the Hardy Brothers vs. RVD & Anderson and the Jarrett-Angle-Karen situation. [c]
-Backstage Bischoff told Flair and A.J. Styles that he just got off the phone with Hogan and he is pissed. Styles said he could soften him up. Flair told him they need him at 100 percent, so his assignment is to get well. They haven't even announced Styles's injury on TV yet to the vast vast majority of their viewers. Flair said they will come up with a plan they can deliver to Hogan. They walked into the Immortal locker room where Beer Money were lying around battered and bruised. Flair said, "If it's a war they want, they got it, Eric. It's on!"
-A video package aired on the Jarrett-Karen-Angle triangle. Backstage Jarrett, with Karen by his side, complained about Angle cinching on his holds a little too tight for an exhibition, so he decided to retaliate in round three and kurt him. "That didn't have to happen, but it did," he said. Jarrett said tonight he's going to go into the ring and hang up his MMA boots undefeated. He said he wouldn't do it any other way than with his bride with him. Jarrett asked Karen not to lose her temper. She said she's as cool as a cucumber. Jarrett rubbed his forehead and made a face that said that she definitely isn't usually a cool cucumber.
-Elsewhere Angle smiled and said they had some catching up to do. [c]
-Jarrett ring entrance took place as the first hour ended. Taz said this whole situation is just uncomfortable. They've implied the heck out of what happened with these three without ever just spelling it out.
-Jarrett, accompanied by Team Jarrett, he said he stands in the ring ready to celebrate the great career of an MMA fighter. He said he's never been taken down and was never close to submitting in one of his fights. He said he made an example out of Angle. He said he could have permanently injured Angle on Sunday, but he chose not to. He said he has nothing left to prove. He said behind every great warrior and fierce competitor and hell-bent mercenary and man of war, there is always a great woman. Jarrett introduced Karen, but instead Angle walked out. Angle took out one member of Team Jarrett after another on his way to the ring with punches. He suplexed a few in the ring. Then he cornered Jarrett. Karen walked out and screamed, "Stop! Stop!" She said she has sat at home for two years while Angle played games with their personal lives. She insisted Angle not turn his back on her. Jarrett joined Karen on the stage. She yelled that Kurt would not steal joy from their lives one more day. He said the entire world will hear what she has to say next week. "Make sure you're dressed for the occasion, because it'll be a night you never forget." That was pretty short, but it makes sense if you're going to do this, give people a week's notice.
-Tenay again plugged the main event tag match. [c]
-A replay aired of Karen's comments. Then they cut backstage to Angle throwing apparatus around in frustration and anger. He said he didn't need this and threw out a few swear words which were bleeped.
2 -- TARA & MADISON RAYNE vs. ANGELINA LOVE & VELVET SKY
Right before their ring intro, Sky was upset with Love over holding the tag titles with Winter instead of her. It was among the most ridiculous finishes ever as the ref allowed Winter to win the match even though she wasn't in it, and thus Love & Winter are the Knockouts Tag Titles. At 2:00 Mickie ran out and yanked Rayne out of the ring before she could use a loaded glove. She also hit Tara from ringside. Mickie chased Rayne to the back as the ref counted Tara and Love, who were both groggy and on the mat. Love got up and kicked Tara, then hot-tagged in Winter who dove off the top rope with a forearm to Tara's head. She pounded her head into the mat and then applied a chinlock with a back arch added. Tara was unconscious so the ref called for the bell. Love looked at Winter like she wasn't sure what to make of her. Taz said even Love thinks she's too intense and hard to figure out.
WINNERS: Love & Winter in 3:00.
-They showed Matt telling Jeff this business is about making money, stepping on people, and taking what you want. He said that's what they've done. Jeff said they're brothers and their opponents are nothing but a former champion and a thief with a belt that has his face on it. Matt said their bloodline is immortal. Matt sounded like he was an hour removed from getting novocaine at the dentists's office, like he was working hard to enunciate his words clearly.
3 -- ABYSS (w/Ric Flair) vs. MATT MORGAN
Morgan opened with aggressive offense including a barrage of back elbows in the corner. He then stomped on him. Taz said he's very amped up. As Morgan set up an early Carbon Footprint, Flair grabbed his leg. That gave Abyss an opening to hit Morgan from behind with a forearm. A minute later Morgan came back and hit the Carbon Footprint. Flair yanked the ref out of the ring, but the ref broke free and made the three count. Seems odd to give Morgan a clean win in under five minutes to a wrestler the level of Abyss. It's inefficient as they could have built this match up more and featured it and gotten more mileage out of it.
WINNER: Morgan in 3:00.
-Afterward Flair gave Morgan a thumb to an eye and a chop. Flair climbed to the top rope. Morgan grabbed him up there. Rob Terry ran out giving Flair an opening to give Morgan a low blow. Flair wagged his tongue at a fan at ringside in a provocative manner as Terry and Abyss celebrated the beatdown in the ring.
-Tenay plugged the main event again. They're doing a good job pushing this main event over and over so it'll be interesting if they're able to pop a rating.
-They went backstage to Amazing Red's "little brother" choking Abyss from behind. He said his name, but it was difficult to hear over Abyss's choking sounds. He said that on Feb. 3 "They are coming for each and every member of Immortal. Go tell them!"
-Tenay said Red's brother's name is Crimson. Taz said they now find themselves asking again, "Who is They?" Tenay said they'll find out like everybody else on Feb. 3.
-Abyss barged into a meeting Bischoff was having with Immortal. Bischoff said he's busy talking to the Hardys and he told him to step aside. Bischoff said Feb. 3 is the date Hardy will get his belt back, Hogan will be back, and Immortal is back in control. He told the Hardys to eat RVD & Anderson alive and take them apart and have their fun. Abyss then told Bischoff that someone choked him and told him They are coming on Feb. 3. Flair said, "They are here, Immortal." Bischoff said he's just having a flashback and to breath deeply.
-RVD and Mr. Anderson made their ring entrances. [c]
4 -- ROB VAN DAM & MR. ANDERSON vs. MATT & JEFF HARDY
The Hardys came out to Jeff's music. The two teams brawled on the rampway before the match. Anderson bled from the forehead in the opening seconds. RVD beat on Matt in the ring, with Matt still wearing his robe, while Anderson beat up Jeff at ringside. Tenay hyped the Hardy rematch against Anderson on Feb. 3.
The ref restored order and the match officially began with Matt against RVD. Taz said Matt told him he was punished when his brother left his former company and he's tired of always trying to "do the right thing" and is now going to look out for himself. Sounds like a good backstory for a babyface, and it's like Taz showed any skepticism toward Matt's claim that he was punished. Tenay said had the Hardys stayed together as the Dudleys did, they might be recognized as the greatest tag team ever by now. Taz said it's great that TNA fans get to see them reunite, but many of them aren't likely proud of the new demeanor of the Hardys. Matt went for a moonsault on RVD at 3:00, but RVD moved. RVD then flipped onto Matt as Jeff pulled Matt to ringside to mostly avoid impact. RVD then dove onto both at ringside. They cut to a break. [c]
Back from the break RVD was on the offensive against Matt. Taz said he wanted to catch viewers up on what happened on Sunday regarding Matt's debut at Genesis. It's a little late to break that news to Impact viewers; talk about burying a lead. At 10:00 RVD hot-tagged Anderson just as Matt hot-tagged Jeff. Anderson met Jeff with a clothesline and then a swinging neckbreaker for a two count. Matt broke up a subsequent pin attempt with a double forearm. Anderson escaped a Twist of Hate. Matt shoved Anderson, who knocked over the ref. Anderson hit Matt with a Mic Check and made the cover. RVD meanwhile pounded on Jeff. Beer Money ran out and attacked RVD and Anderson. Tenay said this was payback for what happened earlier. Taz said he doesn't blame Beer Money. They gave Anderson a catapult DDT, then Storm superkicked RVD at ringside. Matt flexed his biceps and then delivered a Twist of Hate on Anderson. He tagged in Jeff who hit a Swanton for the pin on Anderson.
WINNERS: Matt & Jeff Hardy in 13:00.
STAR RATING: ** -- Solid main event tag match.
-Afterward all of Immortal came out and attacked Anderson and RVD. Taz said they're pissed because they won all the titles at Genesis until losing the World Title in the end. They could have done a better job giving the babyfaces a chance to gloat and the fans a chance to celebrate that Bischoff got too cocky on Sunday and lost the most important title of the end in the end. That was the story of the PPV - or it seems it should have been - and they moved too quickly past that.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Overall, a lot was reset on this show and they promoted future matches. It was still cluttered, though, which is often a problem for TNA. They didn't need that Morgan-Abyss match, and instead they could have put some hype into next week's X Division Title match between Kaz and Lethal. It's one thing to announce a match ahead of time. It's another to ignore it entirely afterward while focusing on everything else, rendering it relatively pointless to even bring it up a week early. They could have also had Abyss vs. Morgan or the Gunns vs. Beer Money match headline, and saved the Hardys vs. Anderson & RVD for next week with a little more build up. Why do I sense they're going to give us six months of major angles in the next six weeks? I'm also not sure who's at all interested in the Jarrett-Karen-Angle situation as it just feels like we should all look away.
What do you think? If you saw this show, we invite you to send your thoughts. Send your name, hometown, a 0-10 score rating the quality of the show, your picks for best and worst segments, and then a brief paragraph of thoughts on the show that we can publish in the Reader Reax segment later tonight or tomorrow. Send to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thanks for reading this report and supporting PWTorch!
A big thanks to Daniel Wilkenfeld for his years of Virtual Time reports on Impact here at PWTorch.com. Check back later for new TNA Impact reporter for 2011, Matt Baxendell, filing his second report on Impact providing another perspective on this episode.
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