TNA Impact KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 12/30: Morgan & Mystery Partner vs. Anderson & Mystery Partner, Knockouts Brawls, Jarrett vs. Amazing Red's little brother
Dec 31, 2010 - 1:26:37 AM
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By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor
KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
DECEMBER 30, 2010
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV
-Clips aired of last week's segment with Mick Foley admitting he was part of the problem with concussions in wrestling but asking to be part of the solution.
-Foley walked out to the ring as Mike Tenay and Taz introduced the show. He called Mr. Anderson to the ring. He told Anderson that they crossed paths while visiting a soldier in the presence of Miss America. (Just cut and paste that sentence 10,000 times and you'll have Mick Foley's latest book - charity work, brush with fame, charity work, brush with fame, rinse repeat.) He then did some sexual innuendo and puns to a few chuckles. Foley said Anderson has a "beautiful little wife and sooner or later I know there's going to be a couple of little assholes running around." He asked if he wants to cross Matt Morgan. He said he's dangerous, but he's looking out for his best interests. He told him to think twice before wrestling because he doesn't look right to him.
Anderson thanked Foley and the fans. He told Foley he respects him and his opinion, but he finds it offensive that he's doubting him and calling him a liar. He said he's been tested and checked out and "mentally cleared" to compete in the ring. He meant "medically cleared." Foley said he knew what he was getting into when he dove off ring aprons in the late 1980s. He said he's been feeling better since stopping wrestling. He said there is no way to recover from brain trauma. Anderson said his motto is: "If you can't get along, get it on."
Matt Morgan's music played and he walked to the ring. Tenay wondered if Morgan was losing patience with Anderson. Taz said Anderson has no patience for anyone who doubts his condition and is very sensitive about it. The crowd chanted "Morgan! Morgan!" at him. Morgan asked if this another Anderson con game. He said one of the first things he learned in their business is you can't trust anyone. He said it's sad, but at the end of the day it's the truth. He said when the bell rings it's going to be on at Genesis whether he's 50 percent or 100 percent. He said at that point he has no choice but to go through him and then on to the World Hvt. Championship.
Anderson asked Morgan if he forgot who he's dealing with. He said he's an asshole and he'll do whatever it takes to get through him to get to Jeff Hardy. He said none of them are hearing him. He said they don't need to wait until Sunday. Foley asked them to calm down. Jeff Hardy's music then played.
Tenay said Hardy loves to stir the pot when it comes to Anderson and Morgan. Hardy said he could have injured him permanently, but he chose not to because he knows what he is doing. Hardy then said they've been booked in a tag team match against each other and he has chosen their partners. Tenay said that shows the power of Immortal and the World Champ Hardy. That's pushing it to have Hardy creating matches for his top contenders with even more explanation, but at least Tenay tried to cover that base.
-Backstage Eric Young was dressed up as Moses with the discarded World Title belt. Orlando Jordan was dressed in a diaper and a pageant ribbon. He said he is a new years baby. Young insisted he's Father Time. Jordan moved in close to Young and asked if that was a mistletoe above his head. Young said no. More of the same bit where Jordan is bi so he's of course into Eric Young, and he hints at it, but Young is oblivious to Jordan's sexuality as he focuses on his weird outfits.
1 -- ROBERT ROODE (w/James Storm) vs. CHRIS SABIN (w/Alex Shelley)
Tenay and Taz talked about Eric Bischoff's ultimatum to A.J. Styles. Storm interfered at 5:00 and then turned to mix with the fans at ringside and played dumb, which got some laughs. Taz said it was the "fourth quarter." It's sad when five minutes into a match, it's considered the fourth quarter. I suppose he knew the time allotted, though, because seconds later Roode avoided a springboard DDT and spinebuster for the clean win. Taz might as well have told viewers, "Pay attention, my script says the finish is coming up quickly." That was odd.
WINNER: Roode in 5:00.
STAR RATING: *3/4 -- Everything they did was good, but it felt like the first five minutes of a good 15 minute match with a finish that came too suddenly without enough offense by Roode leading up to it.
-The roving camera walked up to Rob Van Dam who was talking aloud to himself saying he won't be happy until he gets Hardy in the ring. [c]
-Backstage Young was sitting on Jordan's lap. Young said he made him do that five times today, but he's not sure how it makes them a better team. Shark Boy walked into the picture as the Steve Austin theme variation played. He said he wants to get on Impact more often, and he'd do almost anything other than get dressed up like an old man and sit on the lap of a grown man wearing a diaper. He asked Young to give Bischoff a call for him. Shark Boy ended up sitting on Jordan's knee anyway with only a little encouragement. Shark Boy walked away as Young said, "He's drunk already. He drinks like a fish." Get it?
-Rob Van Dam walked to the ring. He said it's clear to everyone Bischoff is the leader of TNA for the time-being. He said he's waiting to find out who his mystery opponent is. He said he will crush his next obstacle and every obstacle after that. He said there's no stopping him until the opponent he puts him in the ring against if Jeff Hardy.
2 -- ROB VAN DAM vs. ROBBIE E. (w/Cookie)
We got the obligatory opening minute rear chinlock from Robbie E. Less than a minute later RVD hit the Five-Star Frog Splash for the win.
WINNER: RVD in 2:00. The downside of this is that it totally demeans the X Division. The former champ loses to RVD in two minutes and it's no big deal. That communicates clearly and decisively that the X Title is a jobber title relative to the heavyweights. It's so needlessly thoughtless. There's just no reason to have an X Title if former champs are going to be squashed like that.
-Hardy appeared on the big screen and told RVD in due time he'll have a chance at revenge against him, but he must first beat someone at Genesis who has been carefully chosen by him. He said if he wins, he gets his match against him, "but only if you survive." Hardy looked remarkably like Raven the way he was lit and given the weight he's put on and his aging and make-up.
-They showed Kazarian and "his eye candy" heading toward the entrance stage. [c]
-Backstage Sarita said what she did to "her" (Velvet Sky) in the locker room is just a taste of what she's going to do to her in the ring. Tenay said she was talking about Velvet Sky. There's a reason Vince McMahon hates pronouns.
-Kazarian stepped into the ring and talked about becoming no. 1 contender for the X Division (Jobber) Title. He said Bischoff and Hulk Hogan have put a bounty on every title holder in TNA not in Immortal or Fortune. He said he plans to collect by beating Jay Lethal. He said the only thing lethal about Jay is the stink that comes off of those corn rows on his head. A video clip aired of Lethals' house in Elizabeth, N.J. He said they were so poor, they had to take the garbage in. He said the front and back doors were on the same hinge, the house was so small. He said there was a whole clan raised in that household. He said Lethal's mother is disgusting and rancid, so much so that she fits in with the fans in the Impact Zone. Lethal charged to the ring. Kazarian took him out with one shot with a retractable baton weapon. Then Kaz put a Rolex on Lethal's chest and walked out of the ring. Taz said Kaz intended to disrespect and humiliate Lethal and lure him to the ring for the cheap shot with the weapon. That weapon shot was so minor compared to all of the other stuff TNA wrestlers have barely sold in recent years, but it's a step in the right direction if they're consistent in selling things like that. [c]
-Backstage Mick Foley walked into the executive office, interrupting a conversation between Ric Flair and Bischoff. Flair complained he walked in without knocking. Foley said they're playing around with Anderson's mind and brain. He said Anderson and Morgan should know who the other two wrestlers are so they can prepare properly. Flair said he and Bischoff run the company and he should throw his ass in jail. Flair ordered Foley out of the office. Foley said he'll do what he has to do. He said he'll be at ringside with a real good view. Flair told him in a sinister way not to get hurt when he's at ringside.
3 -- VELVET SKY vs. SARITA -- Strap Match
Tenay told viewers to remember that the latest Jeff Jarrett MMA challenge was coming up later. Afterward Sarita whipped Sky with the strap afterward. Angelina Love made the save.
WINNER: Sarita in 3:00. A three minute strap match? Really? TNA continues to be the gimmick-match-killer, rendering every money-match ever created commonplace and impotent by blowing them off so quickly and inconsequentially on TV. They're so inefficient, needlessly so. And it's not that strap matches were ever the biggest drawing gimmick ever, but it was among the bag-o-tricks that changed things up in the midst of a feud every couple years, and here's a case where TNA fans who remember this strap match will never pay extra to see it again. The fact that they don't even know enough to leave their top drawing acts - the Knockouts - out there for longer than a 4-5 minute segment is just mind-boggling. What else is so important? Oh…
-Yep, another New Year's Party skit now with Brian Kendrick joining the circus. Young began doing some martial arts bow movements with his Moses staph and knocked over some food. Shark Boy complained that he poked him in the rear with his stick. Jordan said that's a rule he made very clear to him that he can't poke other men with his stick. Jordan then asked Young if he invited any women at all. Shark Boy asked if he needs to invite any mermaids. Young said like a circus they're all coming on one car. Young said, "I created this party! I'm Moses." I'm enjoying these skits, actually, perhaps in part because it's a break from inefficient short-sighted booking of wrestling. I'm not sure positioning this segment at the very top of the second hour right before a commercial is the formula for success, though. [c]
-They cut back to the ring where Sky was back on her feet and yelling for Sarita. It was taped during the break.
-Back to "live" happenings, Love had tracked down Sarita and was beating her up right behind the entrance stage. We had another brawl between women with no crowd heat or ring reverberations, which made it feel like some cheesy "Apartment House Wrestling" photo shoot. Sarita made a comeback after a few seconds, but Winter showed up and yanked her away by her hair, then checked on Love, who checked her nose for bleeding.
-Taz and Tenay reacted to the brawl, then plugged upcoming matches. Tenay then threw to a video package recapping 2010 to the song "Hey Superstar" by Madina Lake. The narrator said they brought the intoxicating experience of TNA wrestling to six continents and fans' back yards. They showed various wrestlers, including Tommy Dreamer (he's still around?), stating their aspirations for the new year.
-They showed Jarrett heading toward the entrance ramp for his latest MMA challenge. [c]
-Douglas Williams told the roving camera man that he's without a partner. In walked Brutus Magnus who said he's been there for him before, so if anyone has his back, it's him. Williams thanked him.
-Jarrett walked to the ring with Team Jarrett with him. Jarrett bragged about how he so easily beat Amazing Red las week and then asked him if he had a baby brother. Red said he did, and that's his opponent this week. Jarrett asked Red's brother to come on out. Red instead walked out alone. Jarrett called him a "little guy" and said he won't hurt him. He said he realizes he's the most feared fighter in the world today, and he understands his little brother having stage fright. "I know he's scared you-know-what." He vowed to let his baby brother take the first shot at him with his eyes closed. Out walked a red-headed muscular tall wrestler. He stood behind Jarrett and then tapped him on the shoulder. Jarrett got all wide-eyed when he turned around and saw it wasn't the same sized person as Red.
4 -- JEFF JARRETT vs. "BABY RED" (w/Amazing Red)
Jarrett had to scramble to the ropes twice in the first minute to break early submission attempts. Jarrett ended up on offense and went for an anklelock, but Baby Red turned it into an anklelock of his own. Jarrett, with the held of Gunner and Murphy, reached the bottom rope. Tenay pulled a word out of the 1980s and said that was "bogus." Nobody under the age of 60 has used that word in 25 years. Amazing Red beat up Murphy at ringside as Gunner tended to a stunned Jarrett. Jarrett then snuck into the ring with his gutter, but Red yanked it away and smashed it on the mat. Jarrett then bailed out of the ring and pretended to be held back by Team Jarrett, but didn't put up a real fight. Taz said Jarrett was very content being held back.
WINNER: No decision in 2:00. Good old-style segment. It's been done hundreds of times, but it was good basic stuff that works. [c]
-Backstage Jarrett talked to Bischoff about framing his battles as exhibitions only. Bischoff said that's like Thunderlips. Jarrett then suggested they all sign a waiver and they're clear and his undefeated streak keeps going. That seemed out of sequence.
5 -- "THE FREAK" ROB TERRY & A.J. STYLES vs. DOUGLAS WILLIAMS & BRUTUS MAGNUS
They opened with Magnus vs. Styles. Early on Williams tagged in, so Styles tagged out quickly to Terry. Tenay plugged a Year in Review edition of Reaction from Immortal's perspective. Terry got Williams down with a clubbing forearm that looked like a 1980s Atari videogame sequence - choppy and stuff and fake. Williams made a comeback against Styles. It's tough not to be glued to the ring when Terry is in there because for his short stints in the ring, he's just so green and awful it's hard to fathom. After some four-way has Styles knocked Williams to the floor. Magnus tried to suplex Styles, but Styles countered into Rolling Chaos for the win.
WINNERS: Styles & Terry in 4:00. That was enough tags and chapters of a match for 15 minutes packed into four. Watching them work around Terry's limitations is also quite fun. [c]
-Jordan said at the party that the rule is if you want to party, you have to take your shirts off. Generation Me happily complied. Jordan said he was talking about Tara. He pulled her into his arms and began to take off her shirt. GenMe got into a fight with Jordan. Kendrick demanded everyone stop because he was receiving a message. Everyone went silent. Kendrick said, "It was just gas. Move on." I think Vince McMahon is very jealous of what Spike TV and Dixie Carter get away with as fart jokes, sexual adventures and innuendo, cheesy party skits, and big-bobbed women - I mean, it's like is dream show tonight, although he would have added a couple hillbillies.
-Four tuxedo clad men carried Madison Rayne to the ring as she did the parade float wave. Tenay wondered if after Genesis she'd still be the TNA Knockouts Champion since Mickie James has something else in mind. Madison demanded silence from the fans, going into shrieks. I suppose of LayCool can be inspired by the Beautiful People, then Rayne can riff on Vickie. She said she owed it to her fans and little people just how beautiful she is. She said she knows the fans want a champion full of class and elegance and all things perfect. "And humble," added Tenay. She said the fans don't want "a backwoods, corn-fed, frumpy, flannel wearing hardcore country slut." Mickie James walked to the ring and slugged Rayne. Tenay said she's giving her a taste of hardcore country. Mickie ripped off Rayne's gown, leaving her in her black lingerie. [c]
-Backstage a hidden camera caught The Pope again trying to get a donation for unfortunate kids. The camera panned over and revealed it was a kennel. Pope said he wanted some pitbulls. The guy he was talking to said those aren't the best pets for kids. Pope said he doesn't know the kids in his neighborhood. They're going down the Michael Vick road here. I suppose why not. Taz noted that someone is keeping a really close eye on Pope, explaining the weekly hidden camera footage of his shenanigans.
-Mick Foley joined Tenay and Taz on commentary for the main event.
6 -- MR. ANDERSON & BULLY RAY vs. MATT MORGAN & BROTHER DEVON
After Anderson's self-ring-intro, Bully (Brother) Ray was revealed as his special mystery partner. Ray wasn't happy when it was revealed that Devon was Morgan's partner. Foley reiterated that over the years backstage Devon was well-liked and Ray wasn't.
[Q9 - OVERRUN]
Anderson asked Ray if he wanted to tag in and face Devon. Ray didn't want in and leaped off the ring apron to the floor. They cut to the stage where Bischoff sent Gunner and Murphy to the broadcast table where they ordered Foley to the back. Foley resisted at first, but agreed to go peacefully. Then he stood and attacked Gunner and Murphy. He put Socko on Murphy as they ended Impact and cut to Reaction.
In the ring Ray had the advantage on Devon in the ring, but that monumental moment wasn't even caught from the start and they kept cutting away to show Foley being dragged away in handcuffs by Gunner and Murphy. Finally back in the ring Ray dropped Devon with a measured punch and then a stomp. Ray beat down Devon and then yelled, "I told you he was weak." Anderson reluctantly tagged in. Devon gave him an immediate jaw-breaker. Anderson sold it oddly, selling the concussion angle. He tagged Ray back in. Ray tagged Anderson back in and threw him into the ring. Morgan swung at Anderson. Anderson ducked and gave Morgan a DDT. Morgan caught Anderson leaping off the top rope by the throat and chokeslammed him. Ray broke up the pin attempt. Devon charged at Ray to knock him out of the ring. Morgan then got up as Ray re-entered the ring. Morgan threw a discus clothesline as Ray, but Ray ducked and Morgan's arm took out Anderson from behind. The blow to the head finished Anderson. Taz and Tenay wondered if it was an accident. It was good for a three count. Morgan looked upset with the situation afterward and checked on Anderson.
WINNERS: Morgan & Devon in 8:00.
STAR RATING: *1/2 -- The athleticism wasn't anything special, but it forwarded some storylines effectively.
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